Mixed feelings.. Anyone in similar situations?

Roxie88

Member
Hi all,

Browsing through the forum and just wondering if there is anyone out there struggling like me with similar situations.
To summarise, I discovered last year that my hubby of 9 years had an affair with a common friend and he cheated on me both physically and emotionally. Though i discovered early and he cut off all ties with her after making the decision to come back to me and the kids, he had sex with that woman for a couple of times! I know casual sex seems to be a commodity in this era, but couldn't help but still feel disgusted with his actions. Thoughts of the affair and his stupidity of hooking up with such woman still haunt me at times. Yet, on the other hand, everything seems to be back to normal on his end; he still made an effort to spend time with the kids and me, send me to work everyday, even when he have to wake up way earlier and even took extra effort to surprise me and all the usual things that he used to do before the affair. We can still talk about anything under the sun as before. In fact, our relationship seems to get stronger after that episode. The only taboo i believe is the mention of that affair, the blemish that he doesnt want to mention. That woman he doesnt want to even name.
Some times, it felt like the affair never happened. I wonder why the so called gaps in our relationship that he mentioned before are so quickly mend back. In fact, i actually felt genuinely happy with him, except of course those times i got reminded of those disgusting stuff he did with that woman. Cant get off the feeling of betrayal.. Both from hubby and that woman i once called my friend. Cannot understand why there are people who see nothing wrong with sleeping with married man, offering both her money and body. How can a woman stoop so low for that short satisfaction and even threaten suicide to give her best shot in breaking a family. And she did it 3 times! Three married man!! How can someone be so shameless? I struggled with such mixed feelings. Am i really on the road of recovery? Or i have not really forgiven my hubby.

Wonder how you guys cope with such extremities in thinking. I know on one hand i should treasure this relationship and what matters most is that we both decide to stay as a family. However, the other side of me cannot let go of the injustice. Especially when that woman did not have any karma upon her. I know its not for me to 'punish' her for her mistakes, nor do i have the right to make her pay for doing such things.. An evil side of me just wish i can slap her. Hai, how should i keep my mind away from such evil thoughts.
 


ing1

Active Member
U can't forget nor will forget. But time heals. I would think it's best to talk about it than to keep it inside you. The more you talk about it, the easier to let go and heal. Maybe you can talk to your gfs?
 

Roxie88

Member
Thanks for responding. Yes, i agree with both of you. Hard to forget, hard to let go of the hurt. I guessed i'm that kind that dwell on things and am a highly emotional person. Hope time and positive thinking help in the long run. Grateful for my group of friends who share the same moral values and who lend their listening ears. Though i know i sometimes irritate them by going in circles. Our common guy friendin the same group just told me to just let go. "It is over!" He said simply.

If only i can buck up and think like him Hope to give more time to discover what i really want for my own spirit and growth.

Perhaps, that woman has indeed gotten her karma by being the third party thice and being dumped thrice and.. She is nothing but a blemish, a taboo in my incomplete relationship .
 

ing1

Active Member
Every individual is different, so take your time. ignore your guy fren, man thinks differently from woman generally.

Eventually u will heal. In years to come, u will look back n talk abt it without feeling heartache. Jia you!
 

clem

Member
Thanks for responding. Yes, i agree with both of you. Hard to forget, hard to let go of the hurt. I guessed i'm that kind that dwell on things and am a highly emotional person. Hope time and positive thinking help in the long run. Grateful for my group of friends who share the same moral values and who lend their listening ears. Though i know i sometimes irritate them by going in circles. Our common guy friendin the same group just told me to just let go. "It is over!" He said simply.

If only i can buck up and think like him Hope to give more time to discover what i really want for my own spirit and growth.

Perhaps, that woman has indeed gotten her karma by being the third party thice and being dumped thrice and.. She is nothing but a blemish, a taboo in my incomplete relationship .

Hi all,

Browsing through the forum and just wondering if there is anyone out there struggling like me with similar situations.
To summarise, I discovered last year that my hubby of 9 years had an affair with a common friend and he cheated on me both physically and emotionally. Though i discovered early and he cut off all ties with her after making the decision to come back to me and the kids, he had sex with that woman for a couple of times! I know casual sex seems to be a commodity in this era, but couldn't help but still feel disgusted with his actions. Thoughts of the affair and his stupidity of hooking up with such woman still haunt me at times. Yet, on the other hand, everything seems to be back to normal on his end; he still made an effort to spend time with the kids and me, send me to work everyday, even when he have to wake up way earlier and even took extra effort to surprise me and all the usual things that he used to do before the affair. We can still talk about anything under the sun as before. In fact, our relationship seems to get stronger after that episode. The only taboo i believe is the mention of that affair, the blemish that he doesnt want to mention. That woman he doesnt want to even name.
Some times, it felt like the affair never happened. I wonder why the so called gaps in our relationship that he mentioned before are so quickly mend back. In fact, i actually felt genuinely happy with him, except of course those times i got reminded of those disgusting stuff he did with that woman. Cant get off the feeling of betrayal.. Both from hubby and that woman i once called my friend. Cannot understand why there are people who see nothing wrong with sleeping with married man, offering both her money and body. How can a woman stoop so low for that short satisfaction and even threaten suicide to give her best shot in breaking a family. And she did it 3 times! Three married man!! How can someone be so shameless? I struggled with such mixed feelings. Am i really on the road of recovery? Or i have not really forgiven my hubby.

Wonder how you guys cope with such extremities in thinking. I know on one hand i should treasure this relationship and what matters most is that we both decide to stay as a family. However, the other side of me cannot let go of the injustice. Especially when that woman did not have any karma upon her. I know its not for me to 'punish' her for her mistakes, nor do i have the right to make her pay for doing such things.. An evil side of me just wish i can slap her. Hai, how should i keep my mind away from such evil thoughts.

What you going through is perfectly normal... in fact I would think something is wrong if you feel nothing after all these drama.

Let time does it job, meanwhile continue to strengthen the family bonding. The affair was an alarm / lesson that both of you should not forget, learn from it instead.

Not everyone has second chance, so don't let the bad feeling turn worse and ruin yours.

All the best! :)
 

buddhabar

Active Member
Actually. I have always wanted to understand why would any women get themselves involve with a married man knowingly? Even if she emotionally cant help falling in love, physically it can be restraint isnt it? Are these due to past trauma or even a subconscience OCD behavior for what cant be righfully yours? Or simply being a free spirited soul.
 
Actually. I have always wanted to understand why would any women get themselves involve with a married man knowingly? Even if she emotionally cant help falling in love, physically it can be restraint isnt it? Are these due to past trauma or even a subconscience OCD behavior for what cant be righfully yours? Or simply being a free spirited soul.

well some of these women like the security that married men provide...erm in terms of cash or monetary benefits and more caring towards single ladies with the intention of bedding them.
there are also those who craves for other's property, the weird mentality that married men are married because of their social status or successful careers.
sometimes these women forget that some of these men did not get to their successful careers because there is a woman supporting them prior to their success.

in short, such women will never get the happy ending they deserve as they are not the one who spend time to build up their man career and are only wanting instant results in this pace driven society.
 

buddhabar

Active Member
well some of these women like the security that married men provide...erm in terms of cash or monetary benefits and more caring towards single ladies with the intention of bedding them.
there are also those who craves for other's property, the weird mentality that married men are married because of their social status or successful careers.
sometimes these women forget that some of these men did not get to their successful careers because there is a woman supporting them prior to their success.

in short, such women will never get the happy ending they deserve as they are not the one who spend time to build up their man career and are only wanting instant results in this pace driven society.

You make it sound its all about superficial material needs. Frankly i have a galfriend who was involved with married man 19 yrs older
She isnt one the type you are describing because she career driven (director in MNC) and absolutely no need of any financial support. She claimed it's an emotional needs. She needs someone very much learnt than her to make make feel like a little gal that needs to be protected. I always told her he wont be the one who to protect her because he will always be protecting his family first. Nothing gets throught her.
 
You make it sound its all about superficial material needs. Frankly i have a galfriend who was involved with married man 19 yrs older
She isnt one the type you are describing because she career driven (director in MNC) and absolutely no need of any financial support. She claimed it's an emotional needs. She needs someone very much learnt than her to make make feel like a little gal that needs to be protected. I always told her he wont be the one who to protect her because he will always be protecting his family first. Nothing gets throught her.

if she is financially well off then she can easily pay for emotional needs, in order for her to feel like a little girl, the married guy surely need to pour out some cash to get mutual benefits what.
no such thing as free lunch in this world, chances are your friend is emotionally withdrawn whenever her married bf is not around.
but what surprising is that she doesn't lose her mental state especially when her rs is somewhat like "cognitive distonance" where she gets to enjoy the intermittent honeymoons once a while.
 

Infernolord

Active Member
if she is financially well off then she can easily pay for emotional needs, in order for her to feel like a little girl, the married guy surely need to pour out some cash to get mutual benefits what.
no such thing as free lunch in this world, chances are your friend is emotionally withdrawn whenever her married bf is not around.
but what surprising is that she doesn't lose her mental state especially when her rs is somewhat like "cognitive distonance" where she gets to enjoy the intermittent honeymoons once a while.

I kinda of concurred but i think a careered woman tend be attracted to guy who are more mature and capable. Perhaps intellectually or monetary aspect i feel.
Because they are "very successful". Younger guys or guys who are non-management level might seem to be immature and cant engage conversation with them.
I do not think is because the guy is married, and more "attractive" Or the guy is "rich"
Is more like a comparable companianship that they can engage. If the guy is not smart and mature enough for her, most likely she just taking the guy for a ride.
Anyway this is off topic. lol
For TS case, all i can say is "it takes both hands to clap". Maybe at that point in time, your hubby is also looking for excitment but soon realise it was all wrong. To err is human . Since you forgive, you need to forget.
Not easy. Please dun bring it up too often to remind him, it will lead to another worst outcome.
 

cschris73

New Member
Hi Roxie,
I have the same encounter as yours. Last month, I accidentally discovered some loving selfie of my husband & his JB mistress in his new handphone. I pressed on the issue and gave him nightly nightmare until he confess the relationship. He has promised to end their relationship and focus back to me & our kids. He told me his relationship with her has just started for a year. He has no deep love for her. Only the initial excitement to took up challenge to win that single mum's heart ( She has previously failed relationship and told my husband that she will never love a man again ). Then my stupid hubby wanted to sympathy her and proof that he can win her heart which he did.

Anyway, back to my part, of course I'm so hurt of his adultary and I cried almost every night for the past one month. We had married for 17 years so it is a shock for me. I always feel he loves me and take care of our family so well so I forgive him and 'trust' his promise. I want to give him a second chance and I also cannot bear my kids to have a broken family due to his foolishness.

My problem is although I forgive but I cannot let go of the past. The fear feeling that he might fall into temptation again in the future, the fear of being cheated again, the fear of he still have the feeling for that lady .... make me paranoid. Every night I would wake up in the midnight to check his mobile, trying hard to trace the history chat, call and etc. I even read those websites on spy audio recorder , spy phone tracking system and etc. I wanted to fully trust him but on the other side of me I wanna get something to protect myself of being hurt again in the future.

I even wanted to engage counsellor because I am afraid I will fall into depression or have mental problem. Sigh ...

Hope to get some encouragements and advices from this forum. Thank you.
 

Roxie88

Member
Hi Roxie,
I have the same encounter as yours. Last month, I accidentally discovered some loving selfie of my husband & his JB mistress in his new handphone. I pressed on the issue and gave him nightly nightmare until he confess the relationship. He has promised to end their relationship and focus back to me & our kids. He told me his relationship with her has just started for a year. He has no deep love for her. Only the initial excitement to took up challenge to win that single mum's heart ( She has previously failed relationship and told my husband that she will never love a man again ). Then my stupid hubby wanted to sympathy her and proof that he can win her heart which he did.

Anyway, back to my part, of course I'm so hurt of his adultary and I cried almost every night for the past one month. We had married for 17 years so it is a shock for me. I always feel he loves me and take care of our family so well so I forgive him and 'trust' his promise. I want to give him a second chance and I also cannot bear my kids to have a broken family due to his foolishness.

My problem is although I forgive but I cannot let go of the past. The fear feeling that he might fall into temptation again in the future, the fear of being cheated again, the fear of he still have the feeling for that lady .... make me paranoid. Every night I would wake up in the midnight to check his mobile, trying hard to trace the history chat, call and etc. I even read those websites on spy audio recorder , spy phone tracking system and etc. I wanted to fully trust him but on the other side of me I wanna get something to protect myself of being hurt again in the future.

I even wanted to engage counsellor because I am afraid I will fall into depression or have mental problem. Sigh ...

Hope to get some encouragements and advices from this forum. Thank you.

Hi cschris and all,

Sorry, i didnt realised there were new notifications and didnt check the forum in weeks.

Thanks all for reading and replying to my post. It gave me the comfort of having an outlet and to hear different views.

Well, i can totally understand where u are coming from, cschris, those lousy feelings of insecurity and self doubt. I must admit i will still occasionally check my hubby's phone, not that i expect to find anything, it's just a manifestation of my unease, my mistrust. Though many others who meant well will tell us to let go, to forget since we have chosen to forgive- it takes us to truly know how tormenting those memories are.. How permeating they can get.. Right into the details of the stupid face of the other woman and those sordid details of sexual acts they did during the affair. My logical mind is in constant battle with this ugly side and i have to keep telling myself to focus on the good things, the kids and our new future. Is your hubby forthcoming with details of the affair? I always thought knowing all n coming to a clean slate is the key to recovery.. didn't realised it backfired on me.. such knowledge n sordid details haunted me instead and suck me deep into a viscous cycle. These days, im beginning to see intimacy with him as a chore, a duty that i have to fulfil. Im afraid he will compare me with the so called wild sex he had! The so called wild woman and those shameless and selfless things she offered! Im irked with the thought especially when we are still sleeping on that same bed he brought that woman home! Hai... How not to be reminded.

So, i know its not easy, but having experienced that first hand, perhaps you shouldn't dwell too much into details.

How old are your kids? Hope to hear more from you and let's share some ways to reboost our self confidence. :)
 

cschris73

New Member
Hi Roxie,
Nice to hear from you. My eldest one is 16 and youngest one is 8. Too late to hear of your advices. I already pushed him for the details of his affair. Same like your initial thought, i thought if he came clean & honest of all the questions that I asked then I can be healed faster but it seems that their shameless acts had hunted me every bed time. Sigh....
 

cschris73

New Member
He said since I have forgiven him & gave him 2nd chance, i should let go and move forward and shouldn't post him any questions on the affair anymore. Yes, i forgive but forgiven doesn't mean i will forget and forgiven doesn't mean of denial of nothing has happened. How can i let go of the hurt so fast? How to become be happy, right?
 

Roxie88

Member
He said since I have forgiven him & gave him 2nd chance, i should let go and move forward and shouldn't post him any questions on the affair anymore. Yes, i forgive but forgiven doesn't mean i will forget and forgiven doesn't mean of denial of nothing has happened. How can i let go of the hurt so fast? How to become be happy, right?


Hi cschris,

Yes! Those are the mixed feelings i was talking about. Seems like we 'won', the errand spouse made the choice to come clean and chose family over their affair , we chose to forgive and by right should move on. The men seem to have it easy and things just got back to normal, at least from their perspective. But it's just so difficult for us emotional ladies. Maybe it's our pride? Our self-righteousness? Though im far from perfect in terms of character, my upbringing teaches me to be down to earth, believe in the goodness of others and the workings of karma. I never thought such infidelity will haooen to me.. Struggling to find the peace in my heart as i hold on to the hurt n the anger n may i say, the sense of having a failed relationship, a flawed marriage.

Read the article about that xiaosan who openly talked about her lover and how the ex wife shouldn't use kids as a topic of discussion to 'talk' privately with her ex husband. What lousy man and irresponsible father! This triggered me back into the spiral and the scenario where i imagined what will happen then if my hubby chose that xiaosan and if she got pregnant by him, what will i do? Will i opt to leave? Crazy thoughts i know.. I have to get a grip of my thoughts and break out of this! Help!!!
 

cschris73

New Member
Hi Roxie,
I think man & woman handle emotions differently. Like my husband, I don't think he can recover so fast or have no emotion on my/mistress hurt. Just that man is very selfish creature and tends to bury his emotions and focus on other things like work/sport. Man doesn't like us to bring up the pasts because this will dig into his wound which he just want to 'forget' about it forever. By doing so, he will not feel guilty anymore because he has forgotten his mistakes.
But on the other hand, we woman tends to hold on to the past, hold on to his mistake, hold on to our hurts because this is our nature. We want to find out the root cause so that this thing will not happen again. We want to avoid or at least prevent any future potential affair that will hurt us again.
 

SGoutcast

New Member
Hi cschris73. Be assured that you are on very strong woman. It is easier to walk away from it all but you choose to stay. From your first entry, it sounds liked you both have put in lots of efforts to get back together. This is a significant improvement. Continue with your hard work. This is what marriage is, isn't it? Both working together towards the same goal. Fighting...
 
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Econavi

New Member
To all you wives out there who have discovered your husbands to be cheating on you. You need to be reminded of 3 things.

1 - A man is attracted always to pretty girls. (that's called a normal man, not a gay).
2 - If your guy strays (not habitual), give a stern warning, learn to forgive and forget (if possible), otherwise your relationship with him will collapse.
3 - The most important thing you MUST demand is his attention on the family and on you, any other thing is secondary and can be solved.

By being negative or allowing it to spiral down with your negativity never helps. Always think positive and look for that ray of hope. Having a faithful husband to the end is a gift, and not to be expected because temptations are everywhere and you need to work together with him. Some guys are more fortunate that they don't get 'tempted' often, some are not. This may sound 'irresponsible' but disbelieve at your own risk. Be aware however, that if at anytime you are on negative terms at extended lengths you risk allowing a 3rd party into the relationship. Once that happens, you must patch up, recover, clean up and move on. Don't let it drag you down. Look forward not backwards. Marriage is hard work.
 

insecure_me

New Member
Hi all,

Sorry to thread on this topic as I’ve just joined and they wouldn’t allow me to setup a new post.

First of all Roxie88, sorry to hear about your situation. I hope whatever decision you make, it will lead to a better life.

I need some guidance as well as I’m having mixed feelings.

Ever since my hub started on this new role, things have changed.

1) He stopped wearing his wedding ring claiming it is too tight - is that really possible? He didn’t put on alot

2) He started doing a lot exercise in abit to lose weight.

3) He started to mind his hair, his face, his clothings.

4) His job requires him to travel - always last min arrangements.

5) His job requires him to build rapport with vendors - sometimes also last min arrangements.

6) He responds to me in an irritable way.

7) He brings his phone into the toilet claiming he is responding to his boss

8) He buys extra set of breakfast claiming that is for his female boss as sometimes she also buy for him.

Although he still does his obligations to send me to work, other than that, I feel very neglected as his whole world now resolved around his job and entertainments.

Because of this, I became insecure and sometimes makes a fuss about his travel and entertainments which sometimes end around 3am and once during weekend.

Finally, he lost it and said he is sick and tired of me ringing him when he is outside (I rang only because he said he will be back at 11pm but 12am he is still not home) He said going forward, he will just inform me and if I am upset, he doesn’t care.

I asked him if he wants a seperation, he replied saying he is ok if I want it. I don’t want it but I will do it if he no longer loves me. I asked if there is 3rd party, he said no.

I’m really confused now. Ever since this incident, we only have minimal conversation but the vibe is normal not hostile. What does he actually wants?

The thought of seperation is playing on my head repeatedly now. I have 2 kids but I feel sorry for them to not be able to have a complete family.
 

Cath_rina

Member
Hi all,

Sorry to thread on this topic as I’ve just joined and they wouldn’t allow me to setup a new post.

First of all Roxie88, sorry to hear about your situation. I hope whatever decision you make, it will lead to a better life.

I need some guidance as well as I’m having mixed feelings.

Ever since my hub started on this new role, things have changed.

1) He stopped wearing his wedding ring claiming it is too tight - is that really possible? He didn’t put on alot

2) He started doing a lot exercise in abit to lose weight.

3) He started to mind his hair, his face, his clothings.

4) His job requires him to travel - always last min arrangements.

5) His job requires him to build rapport with vendors - sometimes also last min arrangements.

6) He responds to me in an irritable way.

7) He brings his phone into the toilet claiming he is responding to his boss

8) He buys extra set of breakfast claiming that is for his female boss as sometimes she also buy for him.

Although he still does his obligations to send me to work, other than that, I feel very neglected as his whole world now resolved around his job and entertainments.

Because of this, I became insecure and sometimes makes a fuss about his travel and entertainments which sometimes end around 3am and once during weekend.

Finally, he lost it and said he is sick and tired of me ringing him when he is outside (I rang only because he said he will be back at 11pm but 12am he is still not home) He said going forward, he will just inform me and if I am upset, he doesn’t care.

I asked him if he wants a seperation, he replied saying he is ok if I want it. I don’t want it but I will do it if he no longer loves me. I asked if there is 3rd party, he said no.

I’m really confused now. Ever since this incident, we only have minimal conversation but the vibe is normal not hostile. What does he actually wants?

The thought of seperation is playing on my head repeatedly now. I have 2 kids but I feel sorry for them to not be able to have a complete family.

Let me guess. So bad Your husband, he is a singaporean man.
 

Cath_rina

Member
This forum is Singaporebrides.com. Wow rocket science that many of the couples are married to a Singaporean man. Clap for you

Because singaporean men are inferior to caucasian men. You cannot even stop whining about ns. And want women to serve as well. If you can give birth to children then maybe women can serve. In this era singaporean men still want your wife to cook and do household chores? My useless ex husband even wanted me to help when i was unemployed, then what is the use of him doing ns. I'm not a filipino maid. And singaporean men cannot resist temptation. See those thai prostitute must fall into the trap. Singaporean men are losing local women to caucasians because we have seen through your qualities. Those who married caucasians will know. So the moment i see the post about useless men must be singaporean men. Understand?
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Because singaporean men are inferior to caucasian men. You cannot even stop whining about ns. And want women to serve as well. If you can give birth to children then maybe women can serve. In this era singaporean men still want your wife to cook and do household chores? My useless ex husband even wanted me to help when i was unemployed, then what is the use of him doing ns. I'm not a filipino maid. And singaporean men cannot resist temptation. See those thai prostitute must fall into the trap. Singaporean men are losing local women to caucasians because we have seen through your qualities. Those who married caucasians will know. So the moment i see the post about useless men must be singaporean men. Understand?
Obvious that you cannot stop whining about your ex. You declared for long time about your coming (and overdue) marriage with your new french bf, look forward not backwards. Stop wasting time harping on how useless your ex is. Selectively ignoring that your father is Singaporean.
 

Cath_rina

Member
Obvious that you cannot stop whining about your ex. You declared for long time about your coming (and overdue) marriage with your new french bf, look forward not backwards. Stop wasting time harping on how useless your ex is. Selectively ignoring that your father is Singaporean.

Whining? I already have a french bf. Why do i need to whine?
 

margret

Member
Because singaporean men are inferior to caucasian men. You cannot even stop whining about ns. And want women to serve as well. If you can give birth to children then maybe women can serve. In this era singaporean men still want your wife to cook and do household chores? My useless ex husband even wanted me to help when i was unemployed, then what is the use of him doing ns. I'm not a filipino maid. And singaporean men cannot resist temptation. See those thai prostitute must fall into the trap. Singaporean men are losing local women to caucasians because we have seen through your qualities. Those who married caucasians will know. So the moment i see the post about useless men must be singaporean men. Understand?
So your father is also inferior to have given birth to u.
How long u know your french bf, remember this, Caucasian men can change switch from one partner to another very fast, without any reason.
Look at your roots. Are u so experience with Caucasian guy
Hi all,

Browsing through the forum and just wondering if there is anyone out there struggling like me with similar situations.
To summarise, I discovered last year that my hubby of 9 years had an affair with a common friend and he cheated on me both physically and emotionally. Though i discovered early and he cut off all ties with her after making the decision to come back to me and the kids, he had sex with that woman for a couple of times! I know casual sex seems to be a commodity in this era, but couldn't help but still feel disgusted with his actions. Thoughts of the affair and his stupidity of hooking up with such woman still haunt me at times. Yet, on the other hand, everything seems to be back to normal on his end; he still made an effort to spend time with the kids and me, send me to work everyday, even when he have to wake up way earlier and even took extra effort to surprise me and all the usual things that he used to do before the affair. We can still talk about anything under the sun as before. In fact, our relationship seems to get stronger after that episode. The only taboo i believe is the mention of that affair, the blemish that he doesnt want to mention. That woman he doesnt want to even name.
Some times, it felt like the affair never happened. I wonder why the so called gaps in our relationship that he mentioned before are so quickly mend back. In fact, i actually felt genuinely happy with him, except of course those times i got reminded of those disgusting stuff he did with that woman. Cant get off the feeling of betrayal.. Both from hubby and that woman i once called my friend. Cannot understand why there are people who see nothing wrong with sleeping with married man, offering both her money and body. How can a woman stoop so low for that short satisfaction and even threaten suicide to give her best shot in breaking a family. And she did it 3 times! Three married man!! How can someone be so shameless? I struggled with such mixed feelings. Am i really on the road of recovery? Or i have not really forgiven my hubby.

Wonder how you guys cope with such extremities in thinking. I know on one hand i should treasure this relationship and what matters most is that we both decide to stay as a family. However, the other side of me cannot let go of the injustice. Especially when that woman did not have any karma upon her. I know its not for me to 'punish' her for her mistakes, nor do i have the right to make her pay for doing such things.. An evil side of me just wish i can slap her. Hai, how should i keep my mind away from such evil thoughts.
 

Cath_rina

Member
So your father is also inferior to have given birth to u.
How long u know your french bf, remember this, Caucasian men can change switch from one partner to another very fast, without any reason.
Look at your roots. Are u so experience with Caucasian guy

Haha so do you dare to say local men are better than caucasians?
 

insecure_me

New Member
Hi all,

Sorry to thread on this topic as I’ve just joined and they wouldn’t allow me to setup a new post.

First of all Roxie88, sorry to hear about your situation. I hope whatever decision you make, it will lead to a better life.

I need some guidance as well as I’m having mixed feelings.

Ever since my hub started on this new role, things have changed.

1) He stopped wearing his wedding ring claiming it is too tight - is that really possible? He didn’t put on alot

2) He started doing a lot exercise in abit to lose weight.

3) He started to mind his hair, his face, his clothings.

4) His job requires him to travel - always last min arrangements.

5) His job requires him to build rapport with vendors - sometimes also last min arrangements.

6) He responds to me in an irritable way.

7) He brings his phone into the toilet claiming he is responding to his boss

8) He buys extra set of breakfast claiming that is for his female boss as sometimes she also buy for him.

Although he still does his obligations to send me to work, other than that, I feel very neglected as his whole world now resolved around his job and entertainments.

Because of this, I became insecure and sometimes makes a fuss about his travel and entertainments which sometimes end around 3am and once during weekend.

Finally, he lost it and said he is sick and tired of me ringing him when he is outside (I rang only because he said he will be back at 11pm but 12am he is still not home) He said going forward, he will just inform me and if I am upset, he doesn’t care.

I asked him if he wants a seperation, he replied saying he is ok if I want it. I don’t want it but I will do it if he no longer loves me. I asked if there is 3rd party, he said no.

I’m really confused now. Ever since this incident, we only have minimal conversation but the vibe is normal not hostile. What does he actually wants?

The thought of seperation is playing on my head repeatedly now. I have 2 kids but I feel sorry for them to not be able to have a complete family.
Not sure if anyone saw my post. But latest update. We had a chat. He lied saying he is going overseas trip but I busted him so he end up not going.
I asked him if he still want this family. He say mixed feelings. I asked if there is 3rd party, he said no.

I’m damn sure there is cause 1) He lied going on a business trip but there was no booking. I managed to stop him from going. He said he was just going with a business counterpart. 2) I ask to see his phone to prove his innocence. He refused.

I didn’t want to make things worse so I just left it. Now trying to find PI to see how.

After all the chat, he promised to try again. I’m really devastated. He is a family man and nobody will ever think that he will do such things. I really don’t know what is going on in his mind. A part of me want to know the truth, another of me is in denial.

I don’t want to give up to the 3rd party so easily. She can continue to fight for his attention, give him the sexual pleasures but she will always miss spending festivals together. Let’s see who outlast who. Is that the right thinking?
 

margret

Member
Yes. There are many good Singapore men out there. But with your attitudes on them, no Singapore men will be nice or bother to look at u. U know what is sarong women?
Wat I can say it's a disgrace to be know together as Singapore women like u. Y not go n stay in french n don't come back.
 

Cath_rina

Member
Yes. There are many good Singapore men out there. But with your attitudes on them, no Singapore men will be nice or bother to look at u. U know what is sarong women?
Wat I can say it's a disgrace to be know together as Singapore women like u. Y not go n stay in french n don't come back.

You are wrong. We are the true singaporean girls. All my friends are like me prefer caucasians over singaporean men because we are better educated, more lady, more civilised, refined, only those ah lian will choose singaporean men because you belong to lower class of singaporean women. You should get yourself a real bf like a caucasian or korean.
 

margret

Member
yes, u high class women, go to serve your Ang Mo masters, there is anything here for you high class ladies. See how they are going to treat u when u in France. and see what class u will be in France.
 

Cath_rina

Member
yes, u high class women, go to serve your Ang Mo masters, there is anything here for you high class ladies. See how they are going to treat u when u in France. and see what class u will be in France.

They treated me very well when I was in France.
 
If you really have a french bf, you should be able to answer this, ‘why do french people makes fun of SNCF non stop and criticize their advertisement?’
 

margret

Member
Haha typical Singaporean man pretending to know france.

Sarong party pretend having a french boyfriend, hahaha.
only one side thinking, and after having fun dump u and still living in her dreams making sarcastic thinking france men are better then local men.
 

Cath_rina

Member
You are saying this because you have never had a real bf like mine. You will change your mind once you have a real bf like a caucasian and not some spare tyre singaporean man who whines like a mummy's boy over national service. I'm already getting married this year. So say whatever you like. All my friends who have caucasian bf or husband all agree they will rather be single than with a local guy. And we are all proudly singaporean women.
Do you want me to list down why singaporean men cmi
 
You are saying this because you have never had a real bf like mine. You will change your mind once you have a real bf like a caucasian and not some spare tyre singaporean man who whines like a mummy's boy over national service. I'm already getting married this year. So say whatever you like. All my friends who have caucasian bf or husband all agree they will rather be single than with a local guy. And we are all proudly singaporean women.
Do you want me to list down why singaporean men cmi

Please enlighten us.
 

Cath_rina

Member
Please enlighten us.
Singaporean men are so big man idea. They cannot accept it if their wife works or make more money. Singaporean men want their wife to do household chores and cook even in today era. Singaporean men behave like boys. Need mummy to make decisions and get things done. Singaporean men are not romantic or gentlemen cannot make women feel comfortable. Have to whine about national service. Singaporean men are unpresentable, cannot bring out to be shown to friends and relatives. Enough? So it is normal we prefer caucasians.
 

margret

Member
to cook for someone u love and do housework for you own house is not a disgusting things. its part of the things to build up the relationship.
are u telling me your imaginary french bf will employ a maid or do household for you?
u thinking bringing out a Ang Mo will make u feel superior than others. We are not living in the old ages, now Asian are better and richer than many Caucasians, so wake up from your dreams
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
My useless ex husband even wanted me to help when i was unemployed, then what is the use of him doing ns. I'm not a filipino maid. And singaporean men cannot resist temptation. See those thai prostitute must fall into the trap. Singaporean men are losing local women to caucasians because we have seen through your qualities. Those who married caucasians will know. So the moment i see the post about useless men must be singaporean men. Understand?

Oh.... that is not whining about your ex? Just like every other thread. Its always about your lousy husband and your over due marriage to french bf. Au revoir

Don't bullshit about the French, I have been working with the French for the last 15 years, on numerous trips there, travelling both the North and South.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
to cook for someone u love and do housework for you own house is not a disgusting things. its part of the things to build up the relationship.
are u telling me your imaginary french bf will employ a maid or do household for you?
u thinking bringing out a Ang Mo will make u feel superior than others. We are not living in the old ages, now Asian are better and richer than many Caucasians, so wake up from your dreams
The french do not have helpers. Public education is free but super expensive to get a nanny to care for the kids. So, they have strong flexi hours, working mothers can have 4 day work week. Everything at home have to be taken care by themselves. Many live hand to mouth as their tax is so high, pay progression is super low. What they have are welfare benefits, food vouchers. Strong union to make it very expensive to lay off. However, policies are changing. Companies are starting to retrench in France, with the latest changes that makes laying off expenses significantly lower.
 
Singaporean men are so big man idea. They cannot accept it if their wife works or make more money. Singaporean men want their wife to do household chores and cook even in today era. Singaporean men behave like boys. Need mummy to make decisions and get things done. Singaporean men are not romantic or gentlemen cannot make women feel comfortable. Have to whine about national service. Singaporean men are unpresentable, cannot bring out to be shown to friends and relatives. Enough? So it is normal we prefer caucasians.

I will not reduce myself to your level by insulting you. I do believe your audacity is fuelled by the fact that you have gotten yourself a French bf. This is a very common trait found amongst some local women. Otherwise you will not be going full steam to denounce Singaporean men. I think you are referring to chauvinism amongst Singaporean men. Pertaining to this, I am sure you are not right. Chauvinism exists in all nationalities. While it is indeed an issue with some men in Singapore, it also is a problem with men from other nationalities.

Household chores and cooking are basic life-skills which are applicable to all humans whatever the era is. So your argument is merely an excuse for your laziness and self entitlement. Men in nature behave like boys sometimes, and also like men whatever the nationality. You need to expand your social circle with the local community to see the bigger variety of Singaporean men. There are Singaporean men who died in service to the nation and there are men who got crippled during service but they didn't give up on themselves rather pressed on and fought for a fighting chance like a man more than a man (google Jason Chee)

Romantic or not depends on the individual requirements. What you perceive as romantic may not be what is perceived by the other women. Men will cater themselves to the woman they are pursuing so maybe you have been sending wrong signals to the men? My ex wife felt that I was not romantic at all but my wife feels that I have been romantic even though I haven't changed much.

Singaporean present-ability is a concept of respect the man has for the other party. It is the same as when you go for an interview/date if you dress up properly, turn up with the relevant certifications. Some men respects some don't regardless the nationality.

You really need to expand your social circle with Singaporean.
 

margret

Member
thats why i am asking her whether she knows what she is talking about. she think she go France she doesn't need to cook or do house work?
the situations is different from singapore.
 


The french do not have helpers. Public education is free but super expensive to get a nanny to care for the kids. So, they have strong flexi hours, working mothers can have 4 day work week. Everything at home have to be taken care by themselves. Many live hand to mouth as their tax is so high, pay progression is super low. What they have are welfare benefits, food vouchers. Strong union to make it very expensive to lay off. However, policies are changing. Companies are starting to retrench in France, with the latest changes that makes laying off expenses significantly lower.

Not really true. I’m married to a french man living in France. It’s not expensive to get a nanny to care for your kids. It cost about 10€/hr and it is very common for french parents to engage a nanny to send the kid to school and pick the kid up and care for the kid until the parents is back.

The french government la CAF, give monthly allowance to families with kids, you can use that feed your kids.

Mothers do not have a 4 day work week. All my french female friends works 35 hours a week or 5 days a week. But if you have a newly born kid, the mother or the father is able to get one year leave to look after their kid, provided that the other continues working.

The french tax is really high, but you get free healthcare, free education, pension when you are old, when you are working and earning low pay, you get assistance from the government, or if you are trying to find a job, the government pays you like about 400€ before you find a job. And most people qualify for a tax rebate. Majority of the french do not suffer like you said.

And many companies offers CDD (contract) instead of CDI (permanent). Hence. If your screw up, you get lay off.

The only bad part about France is the government organisation as it takes really long to process your paperwork and they have so many different organisations that deals with different stuffs, so you need to know which organisation to go to.
 

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