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Love but cant work...
- Thread starter yongqin
- Start date
alcifertoh
New Member
That is, if it is for the good of the both of you'll falling in the category of self improvement. Remaining at being "natural" per claim when one knows the problem is a damaging factor is just pure stubborness.
When you do know that you have a half with the similar traits as you which both finds it disturbing, it's either you have the capacity to take it, or leave it.
Anyway side track, I somehow sense this constant angst in your posts.
When you do know that you have a half with the similar traits as you which both finds it disturbing, it's either you have the capacity to take it, or leave it.
Anyway side track, I somehow sense this constant angst in your posts.
sory im a bit slow. so even if i met other guys i might have the same issue agn... sometime i do realise i am at fault on certain things but he say wats the use of doing aldy then saying sorry. yet sometime i duno y i just repeat the same thing as i couldnt control.
U know the last time when he inititated breakup and i actually dont want we talked over it. He mentioned he nvr thought that we be lasting so dont talk about marriage. I said if thats the case y do he always inititate to bring me here & there, to his house. To diner aft wk etc...
Then aft i heard that i was heartbroken and my turn to pack and wanted to break, but he dont wish. I think he feel sympathy for me not to break, or rather ur think is he himself couldnt bear to break aft all..
U know the last time when he inititated breakup and i actually dont want we talked over it. He mentioned he nvr thought that we be lasting so dont talk about marriage. I said if thats the case y do he always inititate to bring me here & there, to his house. To diner aft wk etc...
Then aft i heard that i was heartbroken and my turn to pack and wanted to break, but he dont wish. I think he feel sympathy for me not to break, or rather ur think is he himself couldnt bear to break aft all..
alcifertoh
New Member
"sory im a bit slow. so even if i met other guys i might have the same issue agn... sometime i do realise i am at fault on certain things but he say wats the use of doing aldy then saying sorry. yet sometime i duno y i just repeat the same thing as i couldnt control."
This is the self realisation that we are talking about. Probably you can pre-empt him that you are trying and it takes time to improve. And vice versa for your seeking of improvement in him. But end of the day if you feel that it's really going no where, do make plans for yourself and focus on yourself first. This relationship does provide you with great experience in growth too.
Perhaps, a cool off period to rethink everything through will be good.
This is the self realisation that we are talking about. Probably you can pre-empt him that you are trying and it takes time to improve. And vice versa for your seeking of improvement in him. But end of the day if you feel that it's really going no where, do make plans for yourself and focus on yourself first. This relationship does provide you with great experience in growth too.
Perhaps, a cool off period to rethink everything through will be good.
alcifertoh
New Member
Vios,
Exactly like I feel that the guy stills love her but is trying to convince himself in staying. Knowing that time will wear him out hence he's refraining from thinking too much of the future. Probably still pinning on to some hope on his side.
TS I have to be frank that from browsing through only, I feel it can quite tiring and draining to take your beating seriously.
Exactly like I feel that the guy stills love her but is trying to convince himself in staying. Knowing that time will wear him out hence he's refraining from thinking too much of the future. Probably still pinning on to some hope on his side.
TS I have to be frank that from browsing through only, I feel it can quite tiring and draining to take your beating seriously.
Gal, given his age, it is not surprising that he didn't want to settle down or even think of settling down at this time. I guess both of you are sorta of stuck at the crossroads but it realli take 2 hands to clap and make things work. Efforts have to be made but be prepared, at times, chemistry is also needed to mantain the r/s.
not sympathy, cos there's still love albeit diminishing fast....
however with things still remain as it is (your temper, your constant picking on him, your stubborn-ness, the constant senseless arguments), he def will get burnt out and call it quits eventually... i suspect, could be pretty soon.
however with things still remain as it is (your temper, your constant picking on him, your stubborn-ness, the constant senseless arguments), he def will get burnt out and call it quits eventually... i suspect, could be pretty soon.
yongqin,
learn Not to be reactive... u dun have to react... u dun have to be quick to answer... can sense some reactive defense...
i do suggest u read more and build on your general knowledge... it will benefit u in the long run. Vios - toyota vios? the car tat's very common on our roads? launched by britney spears a couple years back?
learn Not to be reactive... u dun have to react... u dun have to be quick to answer... can sense some reactive defense...
i do suggest u read more and build on your general knowledge... it will benefit u in the long run. Vios - toyota vios? the car tat's very common on our roads? launched by britney spears a couple years back?
alcifertoh
New Member
The last person called you TOYOTA VIOS!
Btw Yongqin,
Another thing I would like to note is you and your guy see things at different level. Something that you have to realise.
A same issue appeal to you both differently and you have to apply some understanding to that. From your mentioning, I do feel that your guy had been doing much of the compromising to your recognition of issues. Ur guy seem to be more of a "relac and go lucky" kind of person while you being particular on approaching matters.
These are character differences which you have to notice and come to understand that happens for all couples. The same pair of socks you wear does not fit him. Unless the both of you know the right sizes for each other and walk together in it, it'll be tough for you'll to reach your destination.
Btw Yongqin,
Another thing I would like to note is you and your guy see things at different level. Something that you have to realise.
A same issue appeal to you both differently and you have to apply some understanding to that. From your mentioning, I do feel that your guy had been doing much of the compromising to your recognition of issues. Ur guy seem to be more of a "relac and go lucky" kind of person while you being particular on approaching matters.
These are character differences which you have to notice and come to understand that happens for all couples. The same pair of socks you wear does not fit him. Unless the both of you know the right sizes for each other and walk together in it, it'll be tough for you'll to reach your destination.
i'm saying u're reactive... u react fast, and often the faster we React - the more emotions there will be behind it. it's like when a couple quarrel and both are saying their things... nobody is listening, both just wanna say their piece...
i could be wrong abt it, but this is my observation.... my suggestion is to read wat pple say, then check if it's true with yourself, then think abit... before u reply... Becos when u do that, your Mind is INVOLVED. otherwise your emotions will be in charge before your mind has a chance...
u know those pple who always say the wrong things or regret things they say Even if they are good and dun mean things that way? well it's more due to being reactive... they feel a need to answer immediately.
i feel perhaps, if u just take a 5-10seconds pause to run the words over your mind... it would make a huge difference in your relationship. instead of answering out of emotions first...
i could be wrong abt it, but this is my observation.... my suggestion is to read wat pple say, then check if it's true with yourself, then think abit... before u reply... Becos when u do that, your Mind is INVOLVED. otherwise your emotions will be in charge before your mind has a chance...
u know those pple who always say the wrong things or regret things they say Even if they are good and dun mean things that way? well it's more due to being reactive... they feel a need to answer immediately.
i feel perhaps, if u just take a 5-10seconds pause to run the words over your mind... it would make a huge difference in your relationship. instead of answering out of emotions first...
Hi yongqin,
I am in the same position as you. My bf is 4 years younger and initially while we got together, we were not thinking about marriage, we just like each other. before we started, I just ended with my ex (5 years with him) abt 6 mths back, and so, I was not ready but things just happened.
after being with each other for some time, the irrational side of us faded away (the attraction that got us together), and we have to deal with many issues, real issues, like the age gap, the income gap, etc...my bf always feel he is not good enuff for me...
It doesn't help that I was like u, always throwing temper, partly cos being older, I LIKE to be in control.. I am like u, changed alot for him, till recently, I questioned myself, am I still me? or I have lost myself in this r/s? I told my bf my plans to get married in 1-2 year's time as well..but let's face it, they are still very young (for guys), and unless they really love u, and are ready to commit to ur TIMELINE, then marriage will not happen...
I'm sure ur bf has his own timeline, its a matter if his timeline includes u..ask him, what does he want 3, 5 ,10 years down the road, and are u included in his plan??
I am blessed that my bf told me that when he was planning his timeline, I am in HIS picture..I am included in his planning, and he will try to accomodate what I want and infuse into his planning..very very touched...
We, being older women who date younger guys, are ALWAYS at a disadvantage. Your bf has NOTHING to lose being with u, so what if its 2.5 years?? he can still start afresh at age 25...
but what about us? we may not have the time and the energy to do so...we definitely are the ones at risk...if u let this drag on, the one suffering is you!!
yongqin, talk to him, ask him about his timeline, and if it doesn't include u, break up with him. Its hard but at least u still have time at 28 to find another guys willing to settle down with u...
As for me, I still have many issues to settle with my bf before we settle down, but at least, we have a clear goal in mind! we both are working towards the same direction, to have a family in 1-2 year's time. That is the most impt, having the same goal to work towards, then solving the issues along the way...
yongqin, get a common direction first, then the issues will solve along the way...dun just look at the issues in ur r/s and forget the big picture...it is impt that both of u are moving together! all the best gal! do work out the timeline with him, and if he doesn't wanna include u, dun waste any more time!!!
I am in the same position as you. My bf is 4 years younger and initially while we got together, we were not thinking about marriage, we just like each other. before we started, I just ended with my ex (5 years with him) abt 6 mths back, and so, I was not ready but things just happened.
after being with each other for some time, the irrational side of us faded away (the attraction that got us together), and we have to deal with many issues, real issues, like the age gap, the income gap, etc...my bf always feel he is not good enuff for me...
It doesn't help that I was like u, always throwing temper, partly cos being older, I LIKE to be in control.. I am like u, changed alot for him, till recently, I questioned myself, am I still me? or I have lost myself in this r/s? I told my bf my plans to get married in 1-2 year's time as well..but let's face it, they are still very young (for guys), and unless they really love u, and are ready to commit to ur TIMELINE, then marriage will not happen...
I'm sure ur bf has his own timeline, its a matter if his timeline includes u..ask him, what does he want 3, 5 ,10 years down the road, and are u included in his plan??
I am blessed that my bf told me that when he was planning his timeline, I am in HIS picture..I am included in his planning, and he will try to accomodate what I want and infuse into his planning..very very touched...
We, being older women who date younger guys, are ALWAYS at a disadvantage. Your bf has NOTHING to lose being with u, so what if its 2.5 years?? he can still start afresh at age 25...
but what about us? we may not have the time and the energy to do so...we definitely are the ones at risk...if u let this drag on, the one suffering is you!!
yongqin, talk to him, ask him about his timeline, and if it doesn't include u, break up with him. Its hard but at least u still have time at 28 to find another guys willing to settle down with u...
As for me, I still have many issues to settle with my bf before we settle down, but at least, we have a clear goal in mind! we both are working towards the same direction, to have a family in 1-2 year's time. That is the most impt, having the same goal to work towards, then solving the issues along the way...
yongqin, get a common direction first, then the issues will solve along the way...dun just look at the issues in ur r/s and forget the big picture...it is impt that both of u are moving together! all the best gal! do work out the timeline with him, and if he doesn't wanna include u, dun waste any more time!!!
alcifertoh
New Member
While I do agree that having a common goal is important, I feel that there are other issues to be reflected through first as mentioned above.
I would say that these are the more impending problems that the guy would consider even before the timeline.
I would say that these are the more impending problems that the guy would consider even before the timeline.
alcifertoh
New Member
Not due to guys never think about marriage. Because, guys also think about the reality and responsibilities that come with marriage. In fact this applies to both guys and girls when either party is not ready.
They just want to be more ready to be able to deal with the requirements that come thereafter.
They just want to be more ready to be able to deal with the requirements that come thereafter.
Gal, it is not a definite policy or point that a guy mus have career before talking about marriage. But you mus understand, a guy w/o a career will not be ready to think of marriage, esp when your guy is still so young and you are facing so many hurdles and problems while still in a 2.5 yrs, what's more about marriage? We are talking about marriage, something that lasts for yrs and for some, ended only when one person passed on. You feel that he doesn't spare a thot for you, but will you be happy if both of you jump into a marriage now and ended up nowhere due to all the problems and his stress of not having a good career as what he deems it as? Marriage is not a security for love, if the r/s between the couple isn't healthy.
The clear pt here is that he is seeing at the bigger pix - career while it is very clear that u only hv 1 thing in mind - marriage.
hv u spoken to him before to ask if he has included u in his family planning for the future?
is he not willing to be settled down now due to the fact of money / work etc or is it due to u?
hv u spoken to him before to ask if he has included u in his family planning for the future?
is he not willing to be settled down now due to the fact of money / work etc or is it due to u?
alcifertoh
New Member
I would foresee the "age" justification gonna come up.
Ladies, you would rather take the risk due to age or be more careful on your take to marriage?
Ladies, you would rather take the risk due to age or be more careful on your take to marriage?
i think what skylar says is true
does he include u in his family planning?
is it really cos of money or is becos of u?
i think this whole "must settle career" thing b4 marriage is quite BS, cos we chinese have a saying "xian cheng jia, zai li ye"
meaning, we start a family first, then career will come...
most guys work hard once they have a family..its true..they have a focus and goal in mind...ask the majority of guys, their turning point in life is when they have a family or they become daddies...
judging from a 25 year old, prime career will be in 3-5 years' time (age 30), are u willing to wait so long?
by giving u guys a time to get married, its also something he can work towards...at the same time, u have some assurance...its a sure fact we are at a risk!!
of course, both of u must be sure u guys wanna spend the rest of ur lives together...
maybe he's not too sure, that's why he's giving excuses...then maybe u're not the one? not the tree he wanna give up for the whole forest?
previously, when i was with my ex, he proposed (after 5 years of r/s) and i told him i still wanna focus on my career. he says" not asking u to marry now, but 2 year's time", but i told him, let things be natural, i dun wanna be bonded by a timeline.. eventually he broke up with me cos he says our r/s is gg nowhere.
I think he really feels I am not willing to settle down with him, cos i dun love him enuff.
truely, now that I am with my current bf, I feel so much happier, he is closer to what I want in a life partner and I really love him alot, so I am willing to settle down with him. Not cos of age, but really , when u find the right person, u will automatically want to spend the rest of ur life with him...
does he include u in his family planning?
is it really cos of money or is becos of u?
i think this whole "must settle career" thing b4 marriage is quite BS, cos we chinese have a saying "xian cheng jia, zai li ye"
meaning, we start a family first, then career will come...
most guys work hard once they have a family..its true..they have a focus and goal in mind...ask the majority of guys, their turning point in life is when they have a family or they become daddies...
judging from a 25 year old, prime career will be in 3-5 years' time (age 30), are u willing to wait so long?
by giving u guys a time to get married, its also something he can work towards...at the same time, u have some assurance...its a sure fact we are at a risk!!
of course, both of u must be sure u guys wanna spend the rest of ur lives together...
maybe he's not too sure, that's why he's giving excuses...then maybe u're not the one? not the tree he wanna give up for the whole forest?
previously, when i was with my ex, he proposed (after 5 years of r/s) and i told him i still wanna focus on my career. he says" not asking u to marry now, but 2 year's time", but i told him, let things be natural, i dun wanna be bonded by a timeline.. eventually he broke up with me cos he says our r/s is gg nowhere.
I think he really feels I am not willing to settle down with him, cos i dun love him enuff.
truely, now that I am with my current bf, I feel so much happier, he is closer to what I want in a life partner and I really love him alot, so I am willing to settle down with him. Not cos of age, but really , when u find the right person, u will automatically want to spend the rest of ur life with him...
alcifertoh
New Member
"i think this whole "must settle career" thing b4 marriage is quite BS, cos we chinese have a saying "xian cheng jia, zai li ye""
You would not think that it's bullshit still if the guy is unable to financially support the family after marriage. Marriage reaffirms the thoughts of having a good career and preparation I made in order to provide for my family.
And to adhere to your claim of turning point for guys in life, it would be better for all guys to be married young to ensure maturity. I would say 16 is a good age what do you think?
You would not think that it's bullshit still if the guy is unable to financially support the family after marriage. Marriage reaffirms the thoughts of having a good career and preparation I made in order to provide for my family.
And to adhere to your claim of turning point for guys in life, it would be better for all guys to be married young to ensure maturity. I would say 16 is a good age what do you think?
Hi hei bee hiam
turning point in their lives means they dun live for themselves anymore, they live for their family, their family becomes a priority in their lives, and not themselves...
anyway, when would u know if a guy has "settled his career"?? career is never ending...and i know of many guys who have great careers and they dun plan to marry even though they are with their gfs for many years...is it fair??
what i'm saying is, this couple need a goal to work towards...and by making a commitment to start a family, it might make the route easier...rather than drifting along...
turning point in their lives means they dun live for themselves anymore, they live for their family, their family becomes a priority in their lives, and not themselves...
anyway, when would u know if a guy has "settled his career"?? career is never ending...and i know of many guys who have great careers and they dun plan to marry even though they are with their gfs for many years...is it fair??
what i'm saying is, this couple need a goal to work towards...and by making a commitment to start a family, it might make the route easier...rather than drifting along...
are we really sure it's better to setup home, then career...
as it is already so many complaints abt not spending enough time, or too much time + long hours at work... The chinese saying came from manmy years ago when even without work, u can pluck fruits from trees and plant your own vege.
maybe it's just a nice thought for both to build careers... to me, building a family first is BS. until u know the costs of everything, the time u require... u probably dun know wat u're talking abt and u might not be keen to build a much better quality of life.
dun wanna marry doesn't mean dun love u enough... that's another BS. and marriage IS NOT a goal... it's just the start of a journey...
but what i think doesn't matter. pple need to fcuk up their lives to build wisdom...
as it is already so many complaints abt not spending enough time, or too much time + long hours at work... The chinese saying came from manmy years ago when even without work, u can pluck fruits from trees and plant your own vege.
maybe it's just a nice thought for both to build careers... to me, building a family first is BS. until u know the costs of everything, the time u require... u probably dun know wat u're talking abt and u might not be keen to build a much better quality of life.
dun wanna marry doesn't mean dun love u enough... that's another BS. and marriage IS NOT a goal... it's just the start of a journey...
but what i think doesn't matter. pple need to fcuk up their lives to build wisdom...
having a savings acc does not necessarily means alot.. different scenarios..
1) can be due to the gf keep pressuring the guy to start up a joint acc so he just follow suit..
2) can be really due to the fact that guy also want to save up for both ur future ahead..
then again it all depends on how much did he put into ur joint acct?
there is no hard & fast rule that if he say he wants to marry u now.. in 3 yrs down the road, he die die must marry you..
the same goes to married couples.. even though they are already married, so?? do they then make a pact like we must stay together forever.. then die die cannot be seperated? there is no such thing as 100% confirmed stamped chope!
1) can be due to the gf keep pressuring the guy to start up a joint acc so he just follow suit..
2) can be really due to the fact that guy also want to save up for both ur future ahead..
then again it all depends on how much did he put into ur joint acct?
there is no hard & fast rule that if he say he wants to marry u now.. in 3 yrs down the road, he die die must marry you..
the same goes to married couples.. even though they are already married, so?? do they then make a pact like we must stay together forever.. then die die cannot be seperated? there is no such thing as 100% confirmed stamped chope!
alcifertoh
New Member
zbabe,
Because as you had put it, guys seems not to be working "hard" in your terms and having the need to have a "family" in order to wake them up their idea. Correct me if I am wrong but that is how I interprete it from your post. Marriage seems to be the "trap" to tie the guys down and make family their "priority"
"turning point in their lives means they dun live for themselves anymore, they live for their family, their family becomes a priority in their lives, and not themselves... "
Alarming sign guys. Don't even get married. U will owe your life to your family.
The guy is at 25 with priority of how to work towards a better life for future and likely for his future family too and right now he is shoved with the topic of marriage when he feel that he is not earning enough.
Once marriage happens, family kicks in and along with it there are responsibilities that comes along. We put in housing and all the various costs that comes along. The guy just wanted to be more prepared about it. Marriage, is not as simple as qualifying to be just a "goal for both parties to work towards to"
I would appreciate you telling me how would it make the route easier for the scenario of TS here? Okie, TS and BF get married. Then what's next? The issues they are facing is still there isn't it?
Or have a baby to divert it? Then what's next? The term marriage seems to glorify everything made worth it and solve all the problems in the world when it can be as simple as just signing a piece of paper. What about the impeding issues?
And by going by the reason that having a family makes a guy work harder, can you justify if the guy remains as who he is if he's juz a bump and not moving along? A popular saying to counter this thinking is "Girls marrying guys hoping them to change, while guys married girls hoping they would not change."
Or rather, can the guy blame it on marriage if he did not succeed in his career goals?
And on the part with the guy being unable to give you a marriage, tough luck. Look for someone who is able to provide you with that if marriage is what you are only looking for. That's how it is. Say live happily with someone who gives you the happiness or married and suffer. Which you choose?
Because as you had put it, guys seems not to be working "hard" in your terms and having the need to have a "family" in order to wake them up their idea. Correct me if I am wrong but that is how I interprete it from your post. Marriage seems to be the "trap" to tie the guys down and make family their "priority"
"turning point in their lives means they dun live for themselves anymore, they live for their family, their family becomes a priority in their lives, and not themselves... "
Alarming sign guys. Don't even get married. U will owe your life to your family.
The guy is at 25 with priority of how to work towards a better life for future and likely for his future family too and right now he is shoved with the topic of marriage when he feel that he is not earning enough.
Once marriage happens, family kicks in and along with it there are responsibilities that comes along. We put in housing and all the various costs that comes along. The guy just wanted to be more prepared about it. Marriage, is not as simple as qualifying to be just a "goal for both parties to work towards to"
I would appreciate you telling me how would it make the route easier for the scenario of TS here? Okie, TS and BF get married. Then what's next? The issues they are facing is still there isn't it?
Or have a baby to divert it? Then what's next? The term marriage seems to glorify everything made worth it and solve all the problems in the world when it can be as simple as just signing a piece of paper. What about the impeding issues?
And by going by the reason that having a family makes a guy work harder, can you justify if the guy remains as who he is if he's juz a bump and not moving along? A popular saying to counter this thinking is "Girls marrying guys hoping them to change, while guys married girls hoping they would not change."
Or rather, can the guy blame it on marriage if he did not succeed in his career goals?
And on the part with the guy being unable to give you a marriage, tough luck. Look for someone who is able to provide you with that if marriage is what you are only looking for. That's how it is. Say live happily with someone who gives you the happiness or married and suffer. Which you choose?
rubbishcow
New Member
yongqin, seriously it depends on the couple for the meaning of a joint account. I had never ever even think of a joint account with my fiance until he suggested that we save together. No other meaning, not really for the wedding, this is just to stop me from my monthly over-spending habit. My meaning of joint account is to deduct money for our expenses when we moved in together.
i don't have a joint account with the husband .. but we both keep two accounts individually, one for savings and the other for expenses. it's up to me to allocate monthly savings for the children and if i run out of money early, since i do the shopping for the home, pay kids' school fees and allowance for my family, the husband will give me extra from his account .. he doesn't want me to use from my savings and he doesn't want to know how much i have but he gives me access to his savings account because he trusts me not to use it unless it's an emergency .. and i've never taken money out from that account unless he approves it first.
Yongqin, people changes over time. Like what some of us mentioned here, a verbal promise might / might not be fulfilled eventually. Why not both you and your bf discuss abt this issues; ask him what exactly he has in mind.. Is he fearing for something or did he realli wish to establish his career before taking off another major commitment? Marriage to him might have different meaning: being able to provide for wife/family, the ability to take care of the family financially etc etc. This is what most of the guys might feel and this is what we term it as "responsibility" in one way or another. By guessing what goes on in his mind won't work.. As for joint accounts, it all depends if both parties want it. Else, it might cause pressure to your bf indirectly.
TS, It seems that there are quite some issues you have with your bf. Shouldn't you be focusing on those issue, instead of kept harping about marriage?
Marriage is just signing a piece of paper. Its over 'glorified' by the dramas and show. Just imagine this... what if your current bf is now your husband? Does it make any difference to the current situation? No. Those issues still lies in your face. Signing the paper does not vapourise all the issues and like many others have mentioned before... never expect a guy to change for you especially after marriage. You get exactly what you see before marriage. Guys don't automatically transformed into a MR Nice-husband after signing that piece of paper.
Do resolve those issues that are right in your face before thinking about getting your bf's commitment/ promise/ agreement about any marriage timeline and diving into having a joint account. Lets' be realistic... a promise of marriange timeline or having a joint account means nothing if he changes his mind down the road. You think you can tie him down with those? I seriously doubt so.
What's important now is to work on the relationship and resolve those current issues. A strong foundation / relationship beats all kind of promises / joint account.
Wish you best of luck.
Marriage is just signing a piece of paper. Its over 'glorified' by the dramas and show. Just imagine this... what if your current bf is now your husband? Does it make any difference to the current situation? No. Those issues still lies in your face. Signing the paper does not vapourise all the issues and like many others have mentioned before... never expect a guy to change for you especially after marriage. You get exactly what you see before marriage. Guys don't automatically transformed into a MR Nice-husband after signing that piece of paper.
Do resolve those issues that are right in your face before thinking about getting your bf's commitment/ promise/ agreement about any marriage timeline and diving into having a joint account. Lets' be realistic... a promise of marriange timeline or having a joint account means nothing if he changes his mind down the road. You think you can tie him down with those? I seriously doubt so.
What's important now is to work on the relationship and resolve those current issues. A strong foundation / relationship beats all kind of promises / joint account.
Wish you best of luck.
ya i also have no idea with the mention of marriage and joint accounts... i'm starting to wonder if pple see marriage as the passing of A-levles, where a joint account is seen as an A in a particular subject.
there's very very little reasoning on why things are being soughted, but just a herd mentality on wanting certain things...
joint accounts are like this little account where pple contribute to take money out of... if whatever u want, i can buy, whatever u need, i will pay... what's the need for a joint account? Fairness???
if it's just for that, then if contribution is $500 per month, i think i'll just put in $500 x 120 months to shut u up for u up for 10yrs... u catchup then we talk. that's why i dun understand why pple wanna build marriage first... YET have the kinds of character that demands ALOT in a marriage which AFFECTS any constructive career-building...
yeah i sound kinda arrogant, but that's the whole reason behind building a career first... so that i dun have to listen to pple tell me how to run my life, what to wear and where i can go... and i can afford to buy u an LV/Chanel bag every month so that u dun have to try to change me to keep up with the frens at work who seem to have much better husbands.
yeah, the next argument is that materials cannot give u happiness, mean nothing blah blah... ya rite, i buy u a convertible Merc SLK to go meet your frens for High-Tea. u guys can compare all u want... your frens will wish they had me as a husband even if they tell u how much their husband loves their cooking...
time to wake up abit to reality.
there's very very little reasoning on why things are being soughted, but just a herd mentality on wanting certain things...
joint accounts are like this little account where pple contribute to take money out of... if whatever u want, i can buy, whatever u need, i will pay... what's the need for a joint account? Fairness???
if it's just for that, then if contribution is $500 per month, i think i'll just put in $500 x 120 months to shut u up for u up for 10yrs... u catchup then we talk. that's why i dun understand why pple wanna build marriage first... YET have the kinds of character that demands ALOT in a marriage which AFFECTS any constructive career-building...
yeah i sound kinda arrogant, but that's the whole reason behind building a career first... so that i dun have to listen to pple tell me how to run my life, what to wear and where i can go... and i can afford to buy u an LV/Chanel bag every month so that u dun have to try to change me to keep up with the frens at work who seem to have much better husbands.
yeah, the next argument is that materials cannot give u happiness, mean nothing blah blah... ya rite, i buy u a convertible Merc SLK to go meet your frens for High-Tea. u guys can compare all u want... your frens will wish they had me as a husband even if they tell u how much their husband loves their cooking...
time to wake up abit to reality.
the roots are in the mindset isn't it? there's this need to change and mould the partners when the whole idea was to find a partner with the character u wanted - in the first place... so do u seek character or do u seek physical? if u seek physical, your success rate is lower... end of the day u dun wanna lose the physicals...
u cannot Want a pink Chanel Bag, buy a Brown LV bag instead, and then change the colour, change the label, and look for a Chanel warranty card. in the first place just wait patiently for the Chanel or look for it...
or let's talk charm bracelets? u dun put Bvlgari charms on a Tiffany bracelet... ok maybe u can put 1 piece or something, but u better decide wat u want in the first place... if u dun know wat u want, then how can u just grab anything and keep trying to change it?
u can talk all u want to your brown LV and polish it daily, but u expecting your bag to change to a pink chanel???
u need a magician.
u cannot Want a pink Chanel Bag, buy a Brown LV bag instead, and then change the colour, change the label, and look for a Chanel warranty card. in the first place just wait patiently for the Chanel or look for it...
or let's talk charm bracelets? u dun put Bvlgari charms on a Tiffany bracelet... ok maybe u can put 1 piece or something, but u better decide wat u want in the first place... if u dun know wat u want, then how can u just grab anything and keep trying to change it?
u can talk all u want to your brown LV and polish it daily, but u expecting your bag to change to a pink chanel???
u need a magician.
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