Long one, sorry, but advice please

lifeforces27

New Member
Dear all,

I have some questions that I know some that should perhaps collectively be answered by lawyers, HDB agents and perhaps a psychiatrist or two! However I have been lurking on this board and impressed with the answers drawn from personal experiences, along with some of the emotions that come with that. So I'd like to hear from anyone with some thought on my questions.

I have been married or 6 years, and finally had the courage to ask for divorce this year. The reasons are many and need not be gone into here, but suffice it to say I take responsibility for many of the reasons the marriage failed, my wife is a very good person except for certain irreconciliabilities, and that she was all for doing whatever it took for us to stay married. We've tried counselling for 3 years and that didn't help except to strengthen my belief that going our separate ways was what would be best.

The Scene
1. We talked about it after our last counselling session and confirmed that divorce was what would be next.

2. We agreed that we didn't want to do-it-yourself because we are both extremely busy people. She said she'd get her lawyer to put through the paperwork. In the meantime, she wanted me out of the house in two months, to which I agreed I would try. This was in April.

3. She told me she'd seen the lawyers, and they told her by end April they'd have something prepared.

4. End of April nothing. At this point I realised that I would not be able to afford rent at $500 per month, so I told her that I'd definitely need to get the divorce going, get divorced, do transfer of ownership of flat, then get my own place.

5. Mid of May nothing. At this point my support system and I were thinking that she wasn't interested in a divorce at all and nothing had really been done all this while. Meanwhile I can't get my own house hunting going because no one will talk to me if I'm not qualified to purchase.

6. End of May I finally asked her about it, offering to get my lawyers to handle it, talk to her lawyers, etc.

She told me
a) she was too busy with work (this is true; I know for a fact there were at least 2 crises at work she had to handle), and that the initial draft from the lawyers was probably sitting in one of her email boxes. She didn't want to check it because she would be distracted from her duties

b) she wanted me out of the house as agreed at the 2 month mark. She didn't care that I'd have to bleed rent and when I told her I couldn't afford it, she said it was my problem. I had agreed to moving out so I should move out no matter what.

I realised after that conversation the anger, disgust, contempt and utter lack of consideration for me that there was no question she was actually trying to hang on to the marriage by doing nothing. However because of these negative feelings, I can no longer trust that even after I move out, bleed rental at $500 per month, she will get things started with the divorce, then transfer of HDB ownership, return of CPF monies to me, and hence let me get my own place. Conceivably, she could change all the locks, do nothing with the lawyers, stay married, me still paying half of the mortgage, and continuing to bleed money for the rest of my Life. She knows I am paid sh!t money and can't afford to sue.



The Questions

Here's where I seek the wisdom of you gurus:

1. What actually is the expected process from filing of divorce? If I file for divorce, will the lawyers really send a draft to my email box for me to respond to, sign on it, before my spouse gets that letter telling me proceedings were underway? My friends told me that it seems bizarre that I've received absolutely nothing.

2. Are lawyers really possibly busy to the extent that it takes 6 months to get a divorce done if all that's being done is just paperwork? (That's why some of my friends worry that something dirty is afoot)

3. If this drags on, what do you think I should do? My friends are saying I should spend the money on my own lawyers, and get things underway, but what if she did in fact get things started, with TWO proceedings filed by TWO lawyers now?

4. Do I need to be divorced completely before applying for transfer of ownership? What if I filed for separation? I understand that filing for separation can be a unilateral thing, without needing to trouble her for anything, make trips, sign papers, etc?

5. Assuming that 4) above is a go, after having the separation papers filled, do I now qualify for applying of HDB flat?

I'd really appreciate some thoughts, and any other suggestions you might have about how I could make things work. I am constantly aware and under pressure to move but I just can't afford to move out and rent a place.I do know I've been making her life uncomfortable by my continued presence, and what a blow it must be to believe that in two months this eyesore will be out of the house, only to have that promise broken.

Thanks all!
 


sgbabydoll

Active Member
If she had filed a divorce application, you would have gotten a copy of it too. So, it's unlikely that it has been filed officially with the court.

If you have her lawyer's contact details, you can try to contact her lawyer and find out the status of things?
 

clipperjunk

New Member
you are apparently a well educated person and she too....she's just pulling a fast one...just have her know that you will initiate the proceedings given a dateline she is unable to meet...the house is as much yours as hers and you too have the right to live in it....
 

lifeforces27

New Member
Thanks for the responses guys.
Anyone have any idea regarding my query of
Separation --> transfer of HDB ownership --> eligibility to get my own place question?
 

kittysan

New Member
go file the divorce yourself

she is probably sitting on it happily, since she has nothing to move forward to .

dont move out till you got it all set up.
 

kittysan

New Member
For the flat, sorry wait till Divorce is over - maybe another 1 yr for you, since you have not even started.
 

canbear

New Member
There is no such thing as being busy to the point that there is no time to check emails involving something as important as a divorce, or that she leaves the lawyers waiting like that. And no such thing as lawyers too busy they need 6 months to prepare it.

Since you are still on talking terms with her, remind her firmly that the divorce proceedings are long over due.

She could be just procrastinating, uncertain/fearful of the divorce, or making you the monkey to leave home while your status is still considered married.

When all else fails, you have to initiate the divorce yourself by getting your own lawyer. You have to find the money. Divorce is something that involves a lot of "emotional energy" as well as money.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Lifeforces

Is your wife filing for divorce based on unreasonable behaviour or three-year separation?

1. What actually is the expected process from filing of divorce? If I file for divorce, will the lawyers really send a draft to my email box for me to respond to, sign on it, before my spouse gets that letter telling me proceedings were underway? My friends told me that it seems bizarre that I've received absolutely nothing.
Ans: If she has filed the papers, you should have received a hard copy by mail or be contacted by her lawyer to collect it at the law firm.

2. Are lawyers really possibly busy to the extent that it takes 6 months to get a divorce done if all that's being done is just paperwork? (That's why some of my friends worry that something dirty is afoot)
Ans: There is not much an incentive for a lawyer to drag divorce proceedings. The fastest he/she gets things done, the earlier he/she receives payment for the service rendered.

3. If this drags on, what do you think I should do? My friends are saying I should spend the money on my own lawyers, and get things underway, but what if she did in fact get things started, with TWO proceedings filed by TWO lawyers now?
Ans: I am in agreement with your friends. Please also refer to my reply to Q1.

4. Do I need to be divorced completely before applying for transfer of ownership? What if I filed for separation? I understand that filing for separation can be a unilateral thing, without needing to trouble her for anything, make trips, sign papers, etc?
Ans: The transfer of flat ownership should be penned down in the divorce paper. That means, both parties must agree to such an arrangement. There is no need to do up a deed of separation which is not a legal document, if you just want proof of separation. Simply update your address in your NRIC is one way to prove it.

5. Assuming that 4) above is a go, after having the separation papers filled, do I now qualify for applying of HDB flat?
Ans: Refer to reply to Q4.
 

simpleman

Active Member
Obviously your wife is trying to screw you lah.. get you out of the house while she can take own sweet time for the divorce or not even want to file it.. if she is not in a hurry..

I just went to the lawyers 2 weeks ago.. a week later I went down to sign some documents.. then this week I received all the documents in my mail box.. and also a email/call to notify me that my divorce filed in court and to ask my wife to go and sign the "consent order"

I did not need to spend much time or effort. I just need to sign...

Once my wife sign the "consent order" - then I should get the interim judgement quite fast.. then 3 months later for the absolute..

Ha ha never know divorce is so easy leh..
 

kie

New Member
u r lucky. your other side agree to Divorce.
i thought mine was easy till he starts refusing to divorce in talking and action.
now i stuck wif the super long process to divorce.
 

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