In LOVE with a married man
- Thread starter sad_gal82
- Start date
sgbabydoll
Active Member
I think even if that bus guy had any romantic interest in Grey, he shouldn't be penalised since he didn't have prior knowledge that she's already hitched. It's only human nature to want to spend more time with and get to know the person you are interested in, isn't it? Haven't we done that at some point in our life when being single? So, why are we even surprised when that happens and call it "ulterior motive"?
I really don't think we need to be overly concerned with initial interest somebody has in us because it's quite harmless and does not immediately point to an interest in relationship with us. If you do not have any interest in the person who's shown interest in you, just hang out with him/her less often or not at all. As long as you do not respond to his/her interest, that interest will have no place to grow. There is nothing to clarify when interest is at such a level because at this stage you don't talk about feelings with each other.
I really don't think we need to be overly concerned with initial interest somebody has in us because it's quite harmless and does not immediately point to an interest in relationship with us. If you do not have any interest in the person who's shown interest in you, just hang out with him/her less often or not at all. As long as you do not respond to his/her interest, that interest will have no place to grow. There is nothing to clarify when interest is at such a level because at this stage you don't talk about feelings with each other.
powder,
sorry, wrong choice of words..i should be saying all the best...hehe.. anyway, i do believe luck plays a big part though it must come hand in hand with hard work lah..
doll,
you mean by rejecting his request to go out with him is penalising him.. i just dun want to give him an idea that i'm interested in him by going out with him. i dun want him to build his hope high... i dun feel good abt wasting people's effort and time in me when i know this person stands no chance in me.. but if he only interested to be my friend, i welcome that...and he was starting treating me differently once he knows he has no chance in me..so, i think he genuinely not interested in being just my friend..
sorry, wrong choice of words..i should be saying all the best...hehe.. anyway, i do believe luck plays a big part though it must come hand in hand with hard work lah..
doll,
you mean by rejecting his request to go out with him is penalising him.. i just dun want to give him an idea that i'm interested in him by going out with him. i dun want him to build his hope high... i dun feel good abt wasting people's effort and time in me when i know this person stands no chance in me.. but if he only interested to be my friend, i welcome that...and he was starting treating me differently once he knows he has no chance in me..so, i think he genuinely not interested in being just my friend..
not really... but i guess this boils down to personal beliefs... i dun wanna take away credit from pple who made the right decisions by thinking it's becos they are lucky... neither do i wanna believe in this element and place my hope on good luck. i find it detrimental to actually believe in this element... so i'm better off not believing in it.
every decision n point leads us to something good or bad... a series of good decisions will bring us pretty far... to make these good decisions require a mental focus, logic & common sense.
every decision n point leads us to something good or bad... a series of good decisions will bring us pretty far... to make these good decisions require a mental focus, logic & common sense.
not really? so, the element of luck is still very important right? there are people who are so capable but just does not have the luck of good bosses and good apportunity and keep getting lousy jobs and responsibilities..haha..
and i'm not talking abt people thinking they are just lucky because of right decision made..may be these people are just being humble.. it's common humble people dismiss their fortune with being lucky rather than hard work but deep down they actually feel very proud of themselves and just dun want to admit it.. actually I rather dislike people who on the other hand insist it’s their pure hard work that bring them where they are instead of luck and support that they got along the way from people around them..it’s sad they forgot all these and only think it’s their hard work that plays the trick..just too full of themselves..
ok, I’m not referring this to everyone who make it there but some people just in case you think I think you’re one of these people..of course I genuinely believe there are successful people out there who went through a lot of failures to reach where they are…
and i'm not talking abt people thinking they are just lucky because of right decision made..may be these people are just being humble.. it's common humble people dismiss their fortune with being lucky rather than hard work but deep down they actually feel very proud of themselves and just dun want to admit it.. actually I rather dislike people who on the other hand insist it’s their pure hard work that bring them where they are instead of luck and support that they got along the way from people around them..it’s sad they forgot all these and only think it’s their hard work that plays the trick..just too full of themselves..
ok, I’m not referring this to everyone who make it there but some people just in case you think I think you’re one of these people..of course I genuinely believe there are successful people out there who went through a lot of failures to reach where they are…
i dun agree with u, to be honest...
"there are people who are so capable but just does not have the luck of good bosses and good apportunity and keep getting lousy jobs and responsibilities.."
- What makes them capable? alot of pple whom pple think are capable - we would not really know UNLESS we've actually worked with them. i know alot of pple who seem capable, but to be honest are Not. also... WHO chose the jobs? who chose to stay? if boss no good why stay on? if opportunity no good why stay on? if job lousy why not change? IF answer is becos of 'no choice' then it has nothing to do with Luck, it has everything to do with BALLS.
i guess it's all down to personal belief. if u believe in luck and it works for u, by all means... it's my observation that pple who believe in luck normally have the least 'luck'. becos they are simply waiting for it, and doing nothing abt it.
"there are people who are so capable but just does not have the luck of good bosses and good apportunity and keep getting lousy jobs and responsibilities.."
- What makes them capable? alot of pple whom pple think are capable - we would not really know UNLESS we've actually worked with them. i know alot of pple who seem capable, but to be honest are Not. also... WHO chose the jobs? who chose to stay? if boss no good why stay on? if opportunity no good why stay on? if job lousy why not change? IF answer is becos of 'no choice' then it has nothing to do with Luck, it has everything to do with BALLS.
i guess it's all down to personal belief. if u believe in luck and it works for u, by all means... it's my observation that pple who believe in luck normally have the least 'luck'. becos they are simply waiting for it, and doing nothing abt it.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
"you mean by rejecting his request to go out with him is penalising him"
Doll: No, Grey. What I was trying to say is that he shouldn't be penalised for not knowing that you are already hitched and for showing interest. And you called that "ulterior motive"? Don't you think that's an overstatement?
"i just dun want to give him an idea that i'm interested in him by going out with him"
Doll: By going out with him or anyone doesn't necessarily make you interested in them.
"if he only interested to be my friend, i welcome that ...and he was starting treating me differently once he knows he has no chance in me..so, i think he genuinely not interested in being just my friend"
Doll: Perhaps he's like me who would switch off automatically with people who draw lines so clearly, especially when he hasn't even done anything overboard but already gets nailed down hehe
Doll: No, Grey. What I was trying to say is that he shouldn't be penalised for not knowing that you are already hitched and for showing interest. And you called that "ulterior motive"? Don't you think that's an overstatement?
"i just dun want to give him an idea that i'm interested in him by going out with him"
Doll: By going out with him or anyone doesn't necessarily make you interested in them.
"if he only interested to be my friend, i welcome that ...and he was starting treating me differently once he knows he has no chance in me..so, i think he genuinely not interested in being just my friend"
Doll: Perhaps he's like me who would switch off automatically with people who draw lines so clearly, especially when he hasn't even done anything overboard but already gets nailed down hehe
powder,
ha...i knew you're going to argue "WHO chose the jobs? who chose to stay? if boss no good why stay on? if opportunity no good why stay on?" cos i was thinking the same thing too..sometimes it boils down to attitude. but i personally feel that with even with good attitude but no luck is tough.. that's my belief..
i think if a person just belief on luck and does nothing (wrong attitude), it will not bring them far..i'm saying that you cannot ignore the fact that at some point in a person's career, luck does help and more so with the right attitude, it will then further propel them to even greater heights.
ha...i knew you're going to argue "WHO chose the jobs? who chose to stay? if boss no good why stay on? if opportunity no good why stay on?" cos i was thinking the same thing too..sometimes it boils down to attitude. but i personally feel that with even with good attitude but no luck is tough.. that's my belief..
i think if a person just belief on luck and does nothing (wrong attitude), it will not bring them far..i'm saying that you cannot ignore the fact that at some point in a person's career, luck does help and more so with the right attitude, it will then further propel them to even greater heights.
doll,
ulterior motive does not mean this guy is bad and i'm not penalising him... so what should be a better choice of word to use? mm..ok, romantic interest?
Doll: By going out with him or anyone doesn't necessarily make you interested in them.
grey: If you know this guy clearly has romantic interest in you (ok, will not use ulterior motive as it give a bad light to that poor guy), you still go ahead and have dinner and movie dates with him? Ok, let's say i'm perfectly clear minded that i'm not interested in him and so I chose to go out with him but what if he think otherwise and built his own hope. This is what I’m trying to avoid.
Doll: Perhaps he's like me who would switch off automatically with people who draw lines so clearly, especially when he hasn't even done anything overboard but already gets nailed down hehe
Grey: Perhaps you didn’t read my posting clearly. I didn’t tell him off directly but rather somehow along the way, I manage to “highlight” to him that I’m attached….haha..and then slowly I can feel his interaction with me differently liao.
ulterior motive does not mean this guy is bad and i'm not penalising him... so what should be a better choice of word to use? mm..ok, romantic interest?
Doll: By going out with him or anyone doesn't necessarily make you interested in them.
grey: If you know this guy clearly has romantic interest in you (ok, will not use ulterior motive as it give a bad light to that poor guy), you still go ahead and have dinner and movie dates with him? Ok, let's say i'm perfectly clear minded that i'm not interested in him and so I chose to go out with him but what if he think otherwise and built his own hope. This is what I’m trying to avoid.
Doll: Perhaps he's like me who would switch off automatically with people who draw lines so clearly, especially when he hasn't even done anything overboard but already gets nailed down hehe
Grey: Perhaps you didn’t read my posting clearly. I didn’t tell him off directly but rather somehow along the way, I manage to “highlight” to him that I’m attached….haha..and then slowly I can feel his interaction with me differently liao.
u can read me well... it's not an argument though, it's a line of Questioning which determines the decisions/actions/pro-activeness of a person in Fighting for his life and future... if he even believes that he is better than what he is Accepting.
if u accept lesser, it's not to do with luck, it's to do with u Accepting what u're getting.
Good attitude? u see pple getting financially-rewarded for good atttitude or for good performance (raking in money)? we should not assume good pple deserve to make good money. and bad pple do not deserve any money.
good attitude is what u expect of employees... u dun need to pay for it. good performance is what u need to pay for... which means an asshole will be paid 1million in bonus becos his performance commands it, NOT his attitude.
the cleaner has good attitude, the mrt station officer has good attitude, the banking officer has good attitude, the army sergeant has good attitude, the insurance agent has good attidue... SO??? they are in an job where that is already expected of them... also - in an environment where the ceiling is Low, good attitude gets u NOWHERE. if u're better than the pay, why stay and hope for the impossible?
dun u think CHOICE is damnnnnnnnn impt? in fact it's very crucial. i worked at burger king when i was younger for $1.85 an hour... i have a very good attitude, but there's only that far i can go with a good attitude. i can move on to the hotels with my good attitude too, i can do MANY jobs with an excellent attitude.
if we wanna talk attitude, it's our attitude to our futures... not our attitude in our jobs. it's our attidue towards life, not our attitude towards jobs...
i can stay on in my past jobs and have lotsa luck, but i will never break the 10k salary barrier if i CHOOSE industries which doesn't pay such salary in the first place. using a good attitude and having lotsa luck in such environments will see me hitting my head against the ceiling but never crossing them...
what makes me get out of these places? CHOICE. not luck. not attitude. Sim Wong Hoo isn't gonna pass by and like the way i take his Whopper orders whilst suggesting fries to go along... and offer me a job in Creative. if i wanted to be at Creative, i HAVE TO BE creative. u cannot be Lucky by choice... so u cannot choose to be lucky...
CHOICE... it's the one thing that pple in spore often feel they dun have... so 'no choice'. and if telling yourself 'no choice' is not enough, u can tell yourself u have no 'luck'. and further cement it by saying that other pple are lucky.
yeah, everyone else is to blame except ourselves... we're just so perfect and deserving of a better life that we CHOOSE to WAIT for things to happen. Riiiiiight....
if u accept lesser, it's not to do with luck, it's to do with u Accepting what u're getting.
Good attitude? u see pple getting financially-rewarded for good atttitude or for good performance (raking in money)? we should not assume good pple deserve to make good money. and bad pple do not deserve any money.
good attitude is what u expect of employees... u dun need to pay for it. good performance is what u need to pay for... which means an asshole will be paid 1million in bonus becos his performance commands it, NOT his attitude.
the cleaner has good attitude, the mrt station officer has good attitude, the banking officer has good attitude, the army sergeant has good attitude, the insurance agent has good attidue... SO??? they are in an job where that is already expected of them... also - in an environment where the ceiling is Low, good attitude gets u NOWHERE. if u're better than the pay, why stay and hope for the impossible?
dun u think CHOICE is damnnnnnnnn impt? in fact it's very crucial. i worked at burger king when i was younger for $1.85 an hour... i have a very good attitude, but there's only that far i can go with a good attitude. i can move on to the hotels with my good attitude too, i can do MANY jobs with an excellent attitude.
if we wanna talk attitude, it's our attitude to our futures... not our attitude in our jobs. it's our attidue towards life, not our attitude towards jobs...
i can stay on in my past jobs and have lotsa luck, but i will never break the 10k salary barrier if i CHOOSE industries which doesn't pay such salary in the first place. using a good attitude and having lotsa luck in such environments will see me hitting my head against the ceiling but never crossing them...
what makes me get out of these places? CHOICE. not luck. not attitude. Sim Wong Hoo isn't gonna pass by and like the way i take his Whopper orders whilst suggesting fries to go along... and offer me a job in Creative. if i wanted to be at Creative, i HAVE TO BE creative. u cannot be Lucky by choice... so u cannot choose to be lucky...
CHOICE... it's the one thing that pple in spore often feel they dun have... so 'no choice'. and if telling yourself 'no choice' is not enough, u can tell yourself u have no 'luck'. and further cement it by saying that other pple are lucky.
yeah, everyone else is to blame except ourselves... we're just so perfect and deserving of a better life that we CHOOSE to WAIT for things to happen. Riiiiiight....
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Grey, you may disagree but I would use "initial interest" to describe the bus guy's feelings toward you?
You asked if I would go ahead and have dinner or movie dates with him if I were you. I would be OK as I don't think doing dinner or catching a movie together is anything special. I do these with any friend (whose company I don't detest) if and when I am free.
You also asked what if he thinks otherwise. There are 1001 what ifs, so how? Well, I think as long as you do not have the intent to mislead nor have you misled, why would you care so much how he feels? You can't control how people feel. Some people just fall in love or lust easily, what can you do? There are those who won't just stop at the lines that you draw. How do you handle them?
You asked if I would go ahead and have dinner or movie dates with him if I were you. I would be OK as I don't think doing dinner or catching a movie together is anything special. I do these with any friend (whose company I don't detest) if and when I am free.
You also asked what if he thinks otherwise. There are 1001 what ifs, so how? Well, I think as long as you do not have the intent to mislead nor have you misled, why would you care so much how he feels? You can't control how people feel. Some people just fall in love or lust easily, what can you do? There are those who won't just stop at the lines that you draw. How do you handle them?
Powder,
but some people just dun have the luck to get into the dream choice of work that will propel them.. they send hundreds of resumes but no interviews or have interviews but dun get the job.. some people just send 1 resume and get the job..sometimes it’s not merely on qualification, if the interviewee like you, you’ll stand more chances.. may be you’re better looking, you look smarter, you have better body language that the other applicants etc.. nobody knows…somehow you just nail it!
Yes, choice is extremely important… you need choice, fate and luck.. anyway, I guess you’ll never believe the significance of the other 2 elements especially luck…
Ok lah, let’s stop here.. we can never see eye to eye on this..
but some people just dun have the luck to get into the dream choice of work that will propel them.. they send hundreds of resumes but no interviews or have interviews but dun get the job.. some people just send 1 resume and get the job..sometimes it’s not merely on qualification, if the interviewee like you, you’ll stand more chances.. may be you’re better looking, you look smarter, you have better body language that the other applicants etc.. nobody knows…somehow you just nail it!
Yes, choice is extremely important… you need choice, fate and luck.. anyway, I guess you’ll never believe the significance of the other 2 elements especially luck…
Ok lah, let’s stop here.. we can never see eye to eye on this..
Doll,
You also asked what if he thinks otherwise. There are 1001 what ifs, so how? Well, I think as long as you do not have the intent to mislead nor have you misled, why would you care so much how he feels? You can't control how people feel. Some people just fall in love or lust easily, what can you do? There are those who won't just stop at the lines that you draw. How do you handle them
-->You know, before this, I was thinking just like you. But in the end, it doesn't work for me because I feel bad anyway. You know, I know what it's like being rejected. So it's better for a person to know he stand no chance from the beginning than to unknowingly lead him to chase me. Yes, I can't control how he feel but I can control things from developing further..
And for those who does not get my hint or purposely choose to ignore them, I will start to avoid him.. This is the last resort I will do because this action means I might lose a friend..
You also asked what if he thinks otherwise. There are 1001 what ifs, so how? Well, I think as long as you do not have the intent to mislead nor have you misled, why would you care so much how he feels? You can't control how people feel. Some people just fall in love or lust easily, what can you do? There are those who won't just stop at the lines that you draw. How do you handle them
-->You know, before this, I was thinking just like you. But in the end, it doesn't work for me because I feel bad anyway. You know, I know what it's like being rejected. So it's better for a person to know he stand no chance from the beginning than to unknowingly lead him to chase me. Yes, I can't control how he feel but I can control things from developing further..
And for those who does not get my hint or purposely choose to ignore them, I will start to avoid him.. This is the last resort I will do because this action means I might lose a friend..
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Grey, I don't hide my status, neither do I announce it indiscriminately. When I was still married I almost always had my wedding band on. Post-divorce, when I have a bf I will disclose if enquired. I don't beat around the bush to hint or give the cold shoulder. If any guy were to distance from me because of my status, so be it. There are also guys that do not "respect" my married or in-relationship status. I can't be bothered to take offence. If I have no romantic interest in a man it's because he simply does not interest me. That is independent of my own status. I don't need to prove my faithfulness to my partner by telling the guy that I will stay faithful and not be interested in him. Not interested is not interested. Period. I don't need to give reason or excuse to make people feel better, because in the first place they should not feel offended since I did not mislead them.
grey,
hard to stop at this point. cos i wanna correct u on this part... "some people just dun have the luck to get into the dream choice of work that will propel them.. they send hundreds of resumes but no interviews or have interviews but dun get the job.. some people just send 1 resume and get the job.."
- sending resumes is lazy, un-imaginative, un-initiated, and shows an absolute lack of creativity. Oh, if u logically know that they wil receive thousands of resume... can't u go one step ahead and DO SOMETHING ELSE?
yes the whole world sends resume, and if u wanna send resume like the whole world, then u have as much a chance as the whole world and u're as average as the next resume sender.
i'm a freakin diploma-holder. i will not get the first look, in fact i dun even get a look when i try to apply for a degree-requisite jobs... What do i, Powder do? if i want that job??? give up cos i dun have a degree? write in and hope for some luck?
i use every resource i can to find out who the hiring person is, and i call up to make an appointment. u know that by doing that, i am already AHEAD of the thousands of degree holders/mba holders etc. u may think it's not fair, but i have the BALLS & Audacity to do just that on more than 1 occasion. in doing so i display my Proactiveness, Resourcefulness and a Whole lot of very solid qualities... if i can do that with an interview, think of what i can do for my company. u can argue all u want, i'm already ahead with that move.
all the average resume-senders will say i'm desperate and try to dismiss me, but actually, they are simply lazy and just want to save-face, hold on to pride, and be Contacted for an interview.
think deep into this... this makes the difference between a success and failure in many aspects of life.
---------------------------------------
"sometimes it’s not merely on qualification, if the interviewee like you, you’ll stand more chances.. may be you’re better looking, you look smarter, you have better body language that the other applicants etc.. nobody knows…somehow you just nail it!"
- this is the common perception of pple who DIDN'T GET THAT JOB. it's a self-consoling mode... it's the same reason why u use the word Luck to justify just abt every failure in your life. But have u ever proven to anyone or Yourself, that u are capable? all u have is that silly piece of paper that said u scored well for this subject and that subject.
by just sending a resume, u depend on a freakin resume that is gonna be read by possibly a freakin newbie HR, or a freakin cheeky hiring manager, or a freakin unbothered boss. u dun even know who's reading your resume or if it's in the dustbin. it's YOUR CHOICE to go by this method of plain LUCK, dun u think?
by doing what i do, i cut away the possibillity of a useless HR, a stupid secretary that will throw away my resume upon seeing "diploma", a lously hiring manager who just wants a pretty girl... i cut away all these possibilities and INCREASE my chances drastically. i dun understand how many pple can stay home, sulk and insist they're Unlucky. my goodness, if we can't even be honest with our absolute lack of pro-activeness, how are we even gonna move forward in life???
"Yes, choice is extremely important… you need choice, fate and luck.. anyway, I guess you’ll never believe the significance of the other 2 elements especially luck…"
- i dun have to believe. becos i proved time and again to myself that 'luck' is simply the best way to excuse ourselves for being absolutely lazy and just placing all our hopes on hopes.
I hope u get my point. I hope u can search yourself honestly and disagree with me... becos i have yet to meet anyone who can argue with me on this whole job/resume thing and convince me that just sending out thousands of resumes is the way to go...
hard to stop at this point. cos i wanna correct u on this part... "some people just dun have the luck to get into the dream choice of work that will propel them.. they send hundreds of resumes but no interviews or have interviews but dun get the job.. some people just send 1 resume and get the job.."
- sending resumes is lazy, un-imaginative, un-initiated, and shows an absolute lack of creativity. Oh, if u logically know that they wil receive thousands of resume... can't u go one step ahead and DO SOMETHING ELSE?
yes the whole world sends resume, and if u wanna send resume like the whole world, then u have as much a chance as the whole world and u're as average as the next resume sender.
i'm a freakin diploma-holder. i will not get the first look, in fact i dun even get a look when i try to apply for a degree-requisite jobs... What do i, Powder do? if i want that job??? give up cos i dun have a degree? write in and hope for some luck?
i use every resource i can to find out who the hiring person is, and i call up to make an appointment. u know that by doing that, i am already AHEAD of the thousands of degree holders/mba holders etc. u may think it's not fair, but i have the BALLS & Audacity to do just that on more than 1 occasion. in doing so i display my Proactiveness, Resourcefulness and a Whole lot of very solid qualities... if i can do that with an interview, think of what i can do for my company. u can argue all u want, i'm already ahead with that move.
all the average resume-senders will say i'm desperate and try to dismiss me, but actually, they are simply lazy and just want to save-face, hold on to pride, and be Contacted for an interview.
think deep into this... this makes the difference between a success and failure in many aspects of life.
---------------------------------------
"sometimes it’s not merely on qualification, if the interviewee like you, you’ll stand more chances.. may be you’re better looking, you look smarter, you have better body language that the other applicants etc.. nobody knows…somehow you just nail it!"
- this is the common perception of pple who DIDN'T GET THAT JOB. it's a self-consoling mode... it's the same reason why u use the word Luck to justify just abt every failure in your life. But have u ever proven to anyone or Yourself, that u are capable? all u have is that silly piece of paper that said u scored well for this subject and that subject.
by just sending a resume, u depend on a freakin resume that is gonna be read by possibly a freakin newbie HR, or a freakin cheeky hiring manager, or a freakin unbothered boss. u dun even know who's reading your resume or if it's in the dustbin. it's YOUR CHOICE to go by this method of plain LUCK, dun u think?
by doing what i do, i cut away the possibillity of a useless HR, a stupid secretary that will throw away my resume upon seeing "diploma", a lously hiring manager who just wants a pretty girl... i cut away all these possibilities and INCREASE my chances drastically. i dun understand how many pple can stay home, sulk and insist they're Unlucky. my goodness, if we can't even be honest with our absolute lack of pro-activeness, how are we even gonna move forward in life???
"Yes, choice is extremely important… you need choice, fate and luck.. anyway, I guess you’ll never believe the significance of the other 2 elements especially luck…"
- i dun have to believe. becos i proved time and again to myself that 'luck' is simply the best way to excuse ourselves for being absolutely lazy and just placing all our hopes on hopes.
I hope u get my point. I hope u can search yourself honestly and disagree with me... becos i have yet to meet anyone who can argue with me on this whole job/resume thing and convince me that just sending out thousands of resumes is the way to go...
ps: now that i revealed some of the secrets behind getting ahead of the average resume-waiter and methods in securing jobs u Simply Must Have... i hope those who happen to read this... can pick up something and buck up on their courage, zest, proactiveness and LOVE for your own lives... your life is in your hands and u have every ability to steer the way u go.
that first part is ONLY in getting a job... then how do u EXCEL in a job, how to get noticed positively by your bosses, competitors, clients... how do u continually break norms and come up with new ideas... how do u stay ahead of the competition... All these will come into play.
it's not luck that's gonna get u to the top.
and i bet u, 30% of pple who get the job... they will rejoice n think they've gotten a result liao... they may stop trying hard...
end of the day it's the mentality.
that first part is ONLY in getting a job... then how do u EXCEL in a job, how to get noticed positively by your bosses, competitors, clients... how do u continually break norms and come up with new ideas... how do u stay ahead of the competition... All these will come into play.
it's not luck that's gonna get u to the top.
and i bet u, 30% of pple who get the job... they will rejoice n think they've gotten a result liao... they may stop trying hard...
end of the day it's the mentality.
Powder,
hahaha..you're right.. think no one can fight you on job searching advice.. that's an interesting approach of looking for a job.. but i doubt there are many people as aggressive and proactive as that.. mmm..i shall remember this in case i'm desperate to nail that particular job i'm eyeing
aiyoh....as i said it's not solely on luck lor (luck plays apart one way or another) if you want to achieve something but attitude is extremely important.. may be i'm being too generalise with my term.. having the right attitude/mentality means courage, zest, proactivess, hard working, creativeness, never say die attitude, etc...
hahaha..you're right.. think no one can fight you on job searching advice.. that's an interesting approach of looking for a job.. but i doubt there are many people as aggressive and proactive as that.. mmm..i shall remember this in case i'm desperate to nail that particular job i'm eyeing
aiyoh....as i said it's not solely on luck lor (luck plays apart one way or another) if you want to achieve something but attitude is extremely important.. may be i'm being too generalise with my term.. having the right attitude/mentality means courage, zest, proactivess, hard working, creativeness, never say die attitude, etc...
hi grey,
tat's the thing... pple tell me it's 'interesting', say they cannot be as aggressive or pro-active, and i agree - not many pple will do that... but i will also be very honest to say that unless u go to the extent of going beyond the norms, what make anyone think they Deserve to qualify for any job simply by sending out resumes and Expecting to be rewarded for doing just that?
isit really so difficult to print out resumes and send them to different addresses? and then pple lament like WAH - they did a big thing and put in ALOT of effort... then they reward themselves heading out for a day of fun, movies and pubbing for that Insignificant effort.
i see all these lamenting all the time. most pple will just agree and then and sit around the coffee table talking abt how unlucky they are... seriously - was it alot of effort??? who are we kidding?-Ourselves. who suffer?-Ourselves.
yeah i must admit i'm very passionate abt such matters... especially when i see pple just letting their lives be dictated by their smookescreen. most times, it's one's own misplaced sense of pride & ego. pple seem to think they Already have a reputation before they embark on building it.
i dun entertain pple who tell me they put in alot of effort when all they did was read papers, post or email resumes. a Norm performed by thousands should not be made out to be an act of great sacrifice. If we agree with them, we're in the same big sense of Denial. it's the biggest lie in the world and nobody is exposing becos everyone's basically as guilty... it's one of those things, by the way.
tat's the thing... pple tell me it's 'interesting', say they cannot be as aggressive or pro-active, and i agree - not many pple will do that... but i will also be very honest to say that unless u go to the extent of going beyond the norms, what make anyone think they Deserve to qualify for any job simply by sending out resumes and Expecting to be rewarded for doing just that?
isit really so difficult to print out resumes and send them to different addresses? and then pple lament like WAH - they did a big thing and put in ALOT of effort... then they reward themselves heading out for a day of fun, movies and pubbing for that Insignificant effort.
i see all these lamenting all the time. most pple will just agree and then and sit around the coffee table talking abt how unlucky they are... seriously - was it alot of effort??? who are we kidding?-Ourselves. who suffer?-Ourselves.
yeah i must admit i'm very passionate abt such matters... especially when i see pple just letting their lives be dictated by their smookescreen. most times, it's one's own misplaced sense of pride & ego. pple seem to think they Already have a reputation before they embark on building it.
i dun entertain pple who tell me they put in alot of effort when all they did was read papers, post or email resumes. a Norm performed by thousands should not be made out to be an act of great sacrifice. If we agree with them, we're in the same big sense of Denial. it's the biggest lie in the world and nobody is exposing becos everyone's basically as guilty... it's one of those things, by the way.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
"what if these guys don't ask abt your status and blindly just continue to treat you nicely? i mean they also didn't explicitly tell you that they hoping for something more but just subtlely woo you? will you hint to them or disclose your status or just don't bother?"
Grey, let's just say that I don't look at guys the way you do. In fact, I treat male and female friends/colleagues the same; their gender doesn't make much a difference to me. So, I don't think that guys by being friendly or treating me nicely is indication of romantic interest. Perhaps I don't look out for any signs of interest like some ladies do. Yes, I am unaffected or indifferent because I don't pay special attention, unless of course the attraction is mutual.
I don't use my status to drop hints. I disclose my status if I am asked or that it is within the topic. If I don't disclose, it is because I am not asked, or it is not within the topic.
Grey, let's just say that I don't look at guys the way you do. In fact, I treat male and female friends/colleagues the same; their gender doesn't make much a difference to me. So, I don't think that guys by being friendly or treating me nicely is indication of romantic interest. Perhaps I don't look out for any signs of interest like some ladies do. Yes, I am unaffected or indifferent because I don't pay special attention, unless of course the attraction is mutual.
I don't use my status to drop hints. I disclose my status if I am asked or that it is within the topic. If I don't disclose, it is because I am not asked, or it is not within the topic.
miloice
Well-Known Member
wah.... u guys are still in this discussion?
Doll, guys or gals, actually, we don't really treat everyone the same. We adapt to the right level basing our personal experience to achieve what we perceive as the most appropriate manner. When younger, yah, I used to think its simple as treating everyone the same.
But realistically, it doesn't work that way. Not everyone appreciates us treating them all the same. No man is an island, we need to interact and naturally, need to find the most effective ways for us.
Especially at work, we all learn to adapt and work with pple of all walks. We are in situations that needs our professionalism in handling people differently. So, its not possible to really treat all the same. Everything makes the diff, the gender is just one of the factor too. To say, it doesn't make a diff. I wonder how practical can this really be.
Doll, guys or gals, actually, we don't really treat everyone the same. We adapt to the right level basing our personal experience to achieve what we perceive as the most appropriate manner. When younger, yah, I used to think its simple as treating everyone the same.
But realistically, it doesn't work that way. Not everyone appreciates us treating them all the same. No man is an island, we need to interact and naturally, need to find the most effective ways for us.
Especially at work, we all learn to adapt and work with pple of all walks. We are in situations that needs our professionalism in handling people differently. So, its not possible to really treat all the same. Everything makes the diff, the gender is just one of the factor too. To say, it doesn't make a diff. I wonder how practical can this really be.
of cos still at it lah... concerned mah...
ever heard the term 'act virgin', 'act tight'? hehe... if u see your frens acting this way u also sianz-half. or u see pple having the "oh lookie here i'm married! dun flirt with me" attitude u also sianz lah...
seeing the number of lonely women with no frens, whole life hubby-inspired... i'd take the same approach actually. some pple are just weird, trying to prove points which are childish n needs no proving...
i love my wife, i dun need to show her how unavailable i act at work to prove my love. i dun need to act tight to the world to prove my love. it's so shallow n childish... only kids adopt such ways of proving things...
let's put it this way... would u wanna know n interact with a colleague/fren who 1) reminds u how married she is, 2) how unavailable she is, 3) acts tight and avoids u... WHEN all u're doing is interacting as colleague. they dun have to rub their freakin marital status in your face when u're obviously talking to her abt work right?
it's painful adpting to such pple... i dun think it's abt them adpting to us. u might as well wear a t-shirt that shows u+wifey printed front&back to work, else join a company that hires only married pple.
else u should stop rubbing your status in my face. it's fcuking irritating.
ever heard the term 'act virgin', 'act tight'? hehe... if u see your frens acting this way u also sianz-half. or u see pple having the "oh lookie here i'm married! dun flirt with me" attitude u also sianz lah...
seeing the number of lonely women with no frens, whole life hubby-inspired... i'd take the same approach actually. some pple are just weird, trying to prove points which are childish n needs no proving...
i love my wife, i dun need to show her how unavailable i act at work to prove my love. i dun need to act tight to the world to prove my love. it's so shallow n childish... only kids adopt such ways of proving things...
let's put it this way... would u wanna know n interact with a colleague/fren who 1) reminds u how married she is, 2) how unavailable she is, 3) acts tight and avoids u... WHEN all u're doing is interacting as colleague. they dun have to rub their freakin marital status in your face when u're obviously talking to her abt work right?
it's painful adpting to such pple... i dun think it's abt them adpting to us. u might as well wear a t-shirt that shows u+wifey printed front&back to work, else join a company that hires only married pple.
else u should stop rubbing your status in my face. it's fcuking irritating.
miloice
Well-Known Member
hi bro,
yah.... agree with people that act tight. damm irritating. But... everyone has a different personal space. Learning to respect everyone's space is part of EQ and social behavior.
Some people can be more overly sensitive. But to say we completely bo chup and blind would be just the other extreme. Exercising common sense for the most appropriate reaction and behavior is needed.
yah.... agree with people that act tight. damm irritating. But... everyone has a different personal space. Learning to respect everyone's space is part of EQ and social behavior.
Some people can be more overly sensitive. But to say we completely bo chup and blind would be just the other extreme. Exercising common sense for the most appropriate reaction and behavior is needed.
yeah i'm very respectful, i just cut these pple out of my life... no point.
same with pple who are start n end every sentence with 'God', the overzealous religionaires...
it's a choice definitely. just dun be surprised if pple's choice is to totally shun u and avoid u... and then years later u wonder why u have no close frens...
A: hi i'm john, and u are...?
B: married.
A: hi i'm john, and u are...?
B: christian
A: hi i'm john, and u are...?
B: heterosexual
A: hi i'm john, and u are...?
B: rich
it's just an intorduction, why make things painful... some answers may not be direct, but the undertones are very in-your-face.
same with pple who are start n end every sentence with 'God', the overzealous religionaires...
it's a choice definitely. just dun be surprised if pple's choice is to totally shun u and avoid u... and then years later u wonder why u have no close frens...
A: hi i'm john, and u are...?
B: married.
A: hi i'm john, and u are...?
B: christian
A: hi i'm john, and u are...?
B: heterosexual
A: hi i'm john, and u are...?
B: rich
it's just an intorduction, why make things painful... some answers may not be direct, but the undertones are very in-your-face.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Milo, I would be so damn lacking in IQ, EQ and social intelligence if I treat all friends/colleagues the same, well, at least not in the way you had misunderstood of course.
What I meant was if you are someone I can get along with, you being of the opposite gender doesn't bother me, nor would your marital status, because I see you as a person I can talk to. I won't be more guarded toward you just because you are a man and married. Likewise, if you are a woman it doesn't mean I will let down my guard. It all depends what you are as a person. But of course if you are bothered by our gender difference or by your married status or my single status, I'll leave you alone to that.
Our gender and marital status are part of what we are but not everything that we are. Some people just play these two factors up too much, till this cannot, that also cannot.
What I meant was if you are someone I can get along with, you being of the opposite gender doesn't bother me, nor would your marital status, because I see you as a person I can talk to. I won't be more guarded toward you just because you are a man and married. Likewise, if you are a woman it doesn't mean I will let down my guard. It all depends what you are as a person. But of course if you are bothered by our gender difference or by your married status or my single status, I'll leave you alone to that.
Our gender and marital status are part of what we are but not everything that we are. Some people just play these two factors up too much, till this cannot, that also cannot.
