I thought she was the one, until I fell for someone else...

[powder]

actually dude, u're the on who Dun get it.

it won't take much to make u stray in future... u have no idea wat u want, u're going by textbook thinking u can't be wrong, well... u're not very right either.

but since choice made then i hope things will go well... since hope is free.

 

[andee]

sorry if i may, "I can and I WILL provide security for my gf since I have decided to marry her. She loves me and is very happy when she is with me. Isn't that enough reason for me to stay with her? Why should I spoil the current equilibrium in our relationship? "

imHo, you are staying out of obligatory duty n guilt n u r using her for your own repentance... but, perhaps, we will not know, you might really still love your gf.

Everyone is hurt in this relationship, all 3 parties and whatever steps you take next, i wish you luck and happiness...

 

[green_tranquility]

The other gal is not wrong to want you solely for herself! How many people are willing to share their bf/gf with others? Are you willing to share your gf with another guy?

Hehe you haven't comprehend my previous post. I was asking you to be true to your own feelings. If your gf cannot fill up the spiritual void in your heart, then you should just end the relationship with her. You can find another more suitable gf, she can find another more suitable bf.

I'll be direct here. Are you choosing your gf as wife because she is stupider and easier to be manipulated? Then you can forever be the one in control of the relationship?

I agree with Powder. There's a chance that you will stray after marriage when you meet another gal that can connect better with you emotionally.

Anyway, the final decision is up to you. We are just giving our views, as you have posted your problem in a forum.

 

[miloice]

hi, u asked :

"Why does the other girl have to keep thinking about how unfair it is that I get the best of both worlds by not breaking up with my gf and at the same time keeping her as a confidante? Why is she so bothered about the way I view marriage and the relationship between my gf and I when she was the one who said she didn't want me to leave my gf and would just enjoy it while it lasted? Why can't she just, as she said, enjoy the care and attention that I give her since we are really happy when we are together? "

Answer: Why do you make it sound like rocket science?? Go figure that out. The reason is obvious. Do you like to share your gf or wife with someone else? Initially, u might think its acceptable but the jealousy and negativity will creep in. You couldn't control your emotions and somehow u expect her to be so rationale and control of her emotions??

Wah leow... wake up man.

 

[green_tranquility]

Milo,
Hehe he cannot even figure out what he wants in life, do u think he understand what other people want?

 

[macam]

Dont be selfish and let her know what kind of person you are.Your wife deserves to know the truth.

I knew of an asshole who's married and went around getting emotionally attached to different women, i pity the wife.

these kind of assholes should be shot.

Grow up and be mature ffs. Because Karma will bite you in the ass one fine day.

 

[cantcope]

I believe your gf has the right to know the truth too. I was like you. But I made the choice to come forth with my lies and deception.

Living with maximum penalty, but at least the other 2 parties can have a choice. I'm at peace now.

 

[tomasulu]

dude, you are trying to compare the girls but what you are really doing is contrasting your relationship with the new love. that is unfair in so many ways.

they don't call it the honeymoon period for nothing. and we have all gone through the heady rush of a new love to understand what you are experiencing. let me make it simple for ya: if you are convinced that you will feel the same about the new girl after 4 years with her, you should immediately go with her. one other thing, memories have no chance against actual experiences so don't compare the intensities of both honeymoons. if you know what i mean.

for my farm, and based on your description of the chicks, i'd bet on the current girl. there are girls who make better wives than gfs and vice versa. i think you have on your hands a choice of both kinds.

PS: whatever you do, don't listen to cowcow. she writes more bad advice than sentences.

 

[rubbishcow]

Milo, I agree fully to what you had said. Been through that previously as well.

Snowstorm, initially when a girl said that she don't mind, there are 2 kinda explanation. 1) she really don't mind staying as a 3rd party forever. 2) She said that just to make you feel guilty and secretly hope taht 1 day you will leave your gf. Base on how well you know her, you should know which kinda "don't mind" she meant when she said that.

By the way, Who? Me? here thinks that my advices are bad. you can don't take it to heart since my analysis are bad enough from an ex-3rd party point of view.

 

[lovingyou]

snowstorm: What you are hoping initally is you are hoping to have a stable wife and yet someone who is always there as a "special friend". In cases like yours, time is needed for the feelings of both parties to be faded away before there is any chance to resuming back friendship. I am glad that the gal took the 1st move to break contacts. Since the 1st step had already been done, you have to be a little "harsh" to move on and not looking back anymore. Since you wanted to make up to your gf, pls show via your actions by doing cherishing her more and cutting off contacts with the gal.. If there is realli fate for you and her to be friends, it will be so eventually when things realli came to a standstill, perhaps few years down the road?

 

[newbiejuuu]

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't 'find' LASTING love. You have to 'make' it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression ''the labor of love''. Because it takes time, effort, and energy . And most importantly, it takes WISDOM . You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

 

[miloice]

Both are important. Finding a compatible mate is very important. But it will not automatically work.

In any relationship, we need to learn to love the person for who they are and not mould them to what we like.

Its like saying key to survival is water. But u will still die from starvation without food. There are many important factors. You need them all. Love isn't everything about the marriage. Perfectly in love people can be incompatible. If the marriage is a mistake, why continue?

How often we hear of couples proclaiming how much they love each other but fight everyday in a tiring painful vicious cycle. Why not take a step back to evaluate if they should be together in the 1st place.

 

[lovingyou]

Love is a factor in a courtship and marriage but it take more other factors such as characters, mutual understanding, sparks etc to make a marriage works.

 

[miloice]

learn to love the person you found. Sounds nice. For sure, it has many truths in it. But, things are not always so generic. As much as we cannot change our partners, we cannot change ourselves too. If goals and needs cannot be aligned, no amount of love will change unhappiness to happiness. By insisting to remain unhappily together, it could just ruin whatever love there is left.

 

[lovingyou]

I guess, that's why at times some couples choose to part and remain as friends instead.

 

[pink_sapphire]

put yourself in your gf and 3rd party gf shoes and u will understand the situation better

no one would wanna share their partner with some1 else esp when the love develops deeper and deeper

 

[denise_0704]

ya agree with pink sapphire.. Put urself in their shoes and I'm sure u wont wanna get hurt too..

Give each other some time to think about what you both really want..

 

[movingonlife]

snowstorm.. only one quote came across my mind when i see this thread...Until you make peace with who you are, you'll never be content with what you have.

 

[lovingyou]

I agree with jaycomposer; i believe in the other party having the right to know about everything.. but of course at times looking at the other side of the coin, the truth hurts..

 

[star_dust]

Please remember this,

The truth will hurt but the pain will eventually fade. Lies will cause scars that may never be removed.

 

[miloice]

in theory, 'right to know' is the way to do it.

In truth, there are many situations where the truth is better left fully or partially untold. What is important is stop doing things that will hurt people he claims to love. Sometimes, we need to lie to protect those we love too. Things are not so generic.

This is not a defense for the TS. Rather, I don't agree that revealing the truth is always the best way. If he cannot give the gals happiness, wouldn't it be better to end it in the least hurting way? And if he straighten out his thoughts, must he reveal everything? Not so simple, call it selfish or anything. If he knows she cannot handle the truth, then why hurt her with it. One should be looking at the future and not past for the consideration. Past mistakes cannot be undone. Don't do more hurtful mistakes to ease his own guilt.

 

[joytan]

I know this topic is stale... but when I read "Le gros ours (giantemu)" post, I nearly fell off my chair laughing !

Gosh... you're very comical. Thanks for making my day with your humorous analogy.

 

[juergen]

Snowstorm's story is exactly the same as mine. Haiz. So sad. I really hope he go back to his gf and marry her, unlike my ex-fiancee who choose to go with the new guy.