I got upset over this,am i too silly?

[chole]

The story begins like this, few months back, there was a mis-understanding between me and 2 colleagues. Initially I was suspecting colleague A leaking out some info (related to me) to colleage B,so i clarify with her and I didnt expect her to got angry and throw into a rage ( when i ask her was amicable manner) and she send an email to colleague B to ask her tell me she is not the one who leak out the info.I was shocked! (of cos i have some suspecting points thats why i ask her cos its of too much coincidence).This made me and colleague B abit unhappy because we already have some "heart-problem". After i realise i made a mistake, i made an apologise to colleague A as i had misunderstand her and i trusted she is not the one who leak out. So she accepted and i thought the case was closed because after that she treat me like nothing happen, same for colleague B.

1 month down the road during a casual conversation with my big boss about my strength and weakness. He unintentionally mentioned about this incident which made me realise he also knew about this incident. However, the way he said it was like i had made a confrontation to some pple, which in fact i didnt, because I only casually ask colleague A whether is she who leak out (this info is related to me and i told her because she is quite on close term with me). At that moment, i was too surprise how my boss know and i was too shock to clarify the facts with him on the spot.I just keep quiet.

After that i got really upset, i am not sure should i clarfiy the incident with him, cos i am afraid that he may listen to 1 sided story. And i also feel curious this incident happens between colleague A, B and me, 3 person and how come case closed and still my big boss know about this.
Although he did mentioned it will not affect my appraisal, but somehow i think it had tarnish the image of me in one way or another.

Also, i mentioned to colleague A about big boss knowing this incident and she say she already forgets this matter since i apologise and she had never mentioned to anyone.Therefore, it is clear that either colleague B has "backstabbed" me to her boss who inturn tell my big boss...or another possibility is my big boss has read our emails (not sure how high this chance is..)

Anyway, I just felt the moral of this story is not to gossip in office (even though is about own info), and anyone u trust may turn his/her back on you.

Now i am hesitating whether to clarify with my big boss as from the way he told me, i felt the info he got is not the true fact that has happen..it has been bothering me and i got so upset and cried for 1 day, because i do not know why the case is already closed and still surface few mths later. Or shall i just let it go?

 

[miloice]

I pity your manager. Like that also cry.

it is so ironic that you are so worried that your reputation will be ruin by that incident but not on how you are reacting now over what your boss told u during the appraisal. Crying for 1 day. Goodness!

I will think twice of placing any deeper responsibilities to you if I'm your manager. Show more composure and tact in managing conflicts and disputes and your manager will recognize your professionalism.

If I would to cry like you, I would have killed myself. My bosses does not hesitate to shout or scold me but I learn a great deal from him. Don't take things personally. Its your career, be profession over it.

 

[chole]

Sorry , not cry for 1 day, i mean upset for 1 day. But girls are usually more emotional...is girl's nature. It is something given by god...haha!

Upset because u only mind when something is important to you, if you are one who doesnt bother, then means you dont even care about that.

By the way, i think i never say i didnt react over what my boss told me during the appraisal.

Ok, then can u advise on how to deal with such office politics, is it everyday go work never treat colleagues as friends?

 

[chole]

ya lah, u are rite in someway, wats the big deal rite? so should dont care and just move on with life.

 

[miloice]

on your deduction on 'back-stabbing'. Could it be really an honest feedback instead? If my boss is to ask for my objective feedback on my colleagues with incidents to back it, I would also have mentioned the strengths and weakness this way. And I have no issues if my colleague gave my boss feedback about me too.

What is important is they are not making false allegations of you. If its serious, you should clarify objectively to your boss. Chair a meeting and have a post motern if needed.

 

[sharyn_koh]

having the benefit of foresight, do u think u will handle the matter in another manner? how?

 

[chole]

well...sometimes is not as simple as what u think by just reading the story of this incident. i have worked in this company for more than 10years, and sooo many instances, jealousy has happen and i still managed to survive, wat do u think?

By the way, i think boss who just shouted and scold staff like mad dog has no professionalism at all too, just becos he is the boss. Heng my boss not like this.

 

[chole]

milo, maybe i shouldnt say is backstabbing...but rather i mean the matter alreasy closed and is personal matter, what i mean is the info is not related to work, so since is among the colleagues, why the need to report to boss?i ever witness colleague B so called "feedback" to her boss about another colleague and definitely by saying it the way like she did, is more of getting that colleague into trouble rather than feedback. As u know, sometimes staff level conversation there are things that we just remark at our level without letting boss know, u get what u mean?

 

[miloice]

of cos, when boss scold us, we need to see what is it for. And most importantly, if I can develop and grow under him.

Everyone have moods and we may not understand the seriousness or biz importance of what our bosses are emphasizing on. If he is just abusing me for nothing and no prospects, then only idiot will stay. right?

Mostly, I try to understand why he is so ken cheong. Sometimes, when he calms down, he would explain the biz priorities and reveal confidential information to me to help me see the big picture. I like that. It helps to understand the rationale and direction of the management.

In the long run, I would be more inline with the biz priorities and contribute usefully with sound biz proposals.

 

[chole]

sometimes boss who explain a lot are those who want to brainwash us..hahaha...my boss is one of this type..he will talk "good reason" with you...maybe thats why i can stay so long...only just 1 or 2 colleague, but sometimes they appear ok, just didnt know they take things so hard and want to make a woo-ha over some trivial things...like this case...

Milo, may i know how old are u? cos i had a feeling you are the type who will brainwash pple...wahaha!just joking...

 

[miloice]

Chole, it depends. To you, its closed. But objectively, your colleague might see that as a weakness in the way you handle conflicts.

When u see emails are getting out of hand, go on the personal level. Meet the person face to face to clarify and resolve. And then follow-up with only final email with only what you both agreed on. Main thing is, even if you suspect someone leaked info, no point to confront. it makes things worser.

 

[miloice]

Chole, brainwash? we have analytical minds what. I would challenge if his reasoning isn't logical or consistent.

 

[chole]

ya, u are rite, maybe to me is closed.but to them is not...woman are funny creatures... Anything happen in office, sure anyone also has the right to bring up to bossess. I grow up a inch again...

and i totally ageed with you that confronting is super duper wrong, shall never made this mistake again...

 

[wjchiang]

Chole
u've worked in the company for more than 10 years, after so many things happened and u survived, what then, are u worried about?

i think u shud just leave it and let it pass, personally i feel it's rather annoying when people try to "explain" every little thing. If your boss has been in a position with authority for enough time, u shud give him the benefit of doubt that he's not so shallow, until proven otherwise.

 

[clipperjunk]

there wasn't a need to even find out who leaked whatever in the first place...of course no one will admit to being a snitch and naturally get defensive at the thought of being accused, even if you asked nicely...

 

[lovingyou]

Chloe: same sentiments; since your boss and you have been working together for 10 yrs, why worried over such incident? Can understand the frustrations that you faced over the whole issue but why not try clarifying with your boss on the spot at that moment? I mean your boss will not be brainwashed that easily over one incident ya? He or she shld have know if you are or aren't capable over the yrs? Appraisal depends on capability most of the times..

 

[germicide]

Chloe,

Whatever situations and comments here are based on individuals' experience at work, which could be or could be not applicable to your case.

But does it matter? I truly think, don sweat the small stuffs.

A job is just a job. If you are fortunate, to be passionate about your job, good. But at the end of the day, it is still.. a job.

If you go to your boss now, being male (I assume he is a male), he wouldnt be able to stand the nitty gritty office politics, cos he needs to make sure most staffs play happy family and earn money.

On the other hand, maybe you might think, don say, like you are at the losing end. To this I say, your productivity and effectiveness is the best proof you need.

Last note, you cant get everyone to like you at work. If there are people who dislike their bosses (who are their pay master), why is it not possible that they dislike you, who is just their colleague? STILL, does it matter? I think, no.

Colleagues are just colleagues.

If they are friends, when in doubt, they will ask. If they don bother to ask, it means they are not your friends. Then, my question is, why bother about them???

Smile, say cheese, TGIF!!!

 

[powder]

True!

i dislike quite a number of my colleagues, or rather i'm neutral and slightly irritated from time to time... it's nothing personal, just tat in a working environment where productivity is Key to our company's survival, i seriously think some pple are Damnnnnnn free, running here and there and trying to be best frens with everyone... and they get offended if they are nice to u and u are not as nice back...

seriously, Most of these pple are clueless on how the company makes money and What their contribution is... alot of pple seem to think that the company makes money simply becos it is a company... they assume money will come in and cashflow is always strong...

as a major contributor to the salaries of my colleagues, u can imagine why i'm irritated. i'm making money to support your position and afford u a salary, and u're trying to be frenly and want me to like u... when time comes, i normally recommend to terminate the employment of such pple. in office still wanna have feelings, and relationship, and all these... If u bring in the money and contribute in other ways... the company will not sack u. even the nicest person will not be kept... we dun need 'Nice' in the company, we need contributors to the company's finances to ride thru this period...

i'm really sick of employees who are so concerned with who likes who, who dun like them, who misunderstand them, who this who that. it's so fcuking ME, ME, ME. and they wonder why they are the first to go...

learn the function of a company, and how a company survives this environment... learn to contribute to the company's survival and profits... THEN u talk abt You You You. else u are NOTHING, just another wasted 2k.

ps: there are also individuals who spend alot of time with their gangs talking abt work whenever the boss is around... and act like they are 'doing something'. Honestly, i think alot of employees think they are smarter than the boss... and the boss is somehow this stupid person who can't see thru their bull. when actually the boss is just being kind...

 

[jinnous]

Haha....milo....think I'm tat idiot...cuz I'm still in my horrible job wif a tempermental and abusive boss for more than 2 yrs...

I'm throwing my white towel soon.... I need to find myself back.... I recently met my ex-boss and he told me that I have changed....tat I have lost my wittiness.... and at e moment I was shocked... being unhappy in a job has changed my character. And tis is unhealthy...esp when I'm trying to conceive too....

It's not worth it....

 

[powder]

if job is that bad, do seek for something more suitable... life's too short to be stuck in office unhappy for 8hrs a day... that said, during job interviews - Always ask questions abt the company too, request to meet pple u're gonna be working with If there's a 2nd interview... i would consider this as an integral part of interviews but for our local culture, pple seldom ask questions...

yup, find yourself. u can never go wrong that way...