How to meet a suitable partner?

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sylar

New Member
I've been out of the market for 10+ years, late 30s, divorced with 2 children.

I'm reserved, have a large group of guy friends and only a handful of girl friends who are mostly married. Even then, I seldom contact them after getting married out of respect (and avoid trouble) for my then wife. Being in the technology industry did not help.

Age is another issue. Have a couple of SYTs (sweet young things :P) in the office but my wavelength is not attuned to theirs. Seldom mix with them. Older girls are married.

Trawl the pubs? I don't drink and I'd rather spend the time and money on my children.

I wonder what other avenues are available to me. I come with baggage. Don't get me wrong, I have great friends, great children and family support. When free, we'll go out for dinners and stuffs. It's just that sometimes feel lonely by myself, nobody to talk to on personal stuffs, problems at work, or share happy moments.

Longing for companionship... Any ideas?
 


Internet dating
decent matchmaking wedsite like Meetic

or match making agency. U can easily find them online. they are desperate for biz.
eg like just lunch or something....

One of my reservice campmate who is single, he sign up for a few of these agencies.
And they keep alling n pestering him to sign up package ect...
can get to meet potential opp sex. But then gotta pay $$$$$$

Go check it out 1st. dont commit too fast.

GOod luck to u!
 
hmmm, I think I can understand how Sylar feels.

I feel the suggestions hunky made are great options to broaden one's circle. Just go without any expectations.

However, personally I would feel out of place as I doubt I would channel all my energies into meeting numerous people.
 
another option is to engage in more group activities..

i have several friends that met their other half in some group activities

well, u never know when cupid strike , usually when u least expected it.

its all fate la
 
forums .. even the net held genuine ppl around ..

actually these are all just choices ..

fate will bring the one to you in all sorts of circumstances, places and timings.

i have friends who knew each other just by waiting at the same bus stop at the same timing to work.
 
sure have all types of meeting opportunity..

but not at home and waiting for someone to drop from the sky into your house..
 
sigh I guess that is probably the only choice I have... to wait for someone to drop from the sky..

I don't enjoy meeting strangers, it really is a chore, to think of topics to talk. Probably that's why I've been straight as an arrow all these years in marriage.

Even now, although I am a free man, I have a lot more restrictions than before. Out of 5 weeknights, 1-2 nights with my close friends for dinners, 1 night for Ting Xie, another night for Spelling, left over nights for homework/revision... weekends are spent at my parents' place or I bring the children out for brunches and dinners or we simply pig out at home watching cartoons or playing console games...

I wouldn't feel good leaving my children at home while I'm out.
 
sylar,

you can really try internet dating lah..cos of time wise and your commitments..i was working in a all female environment and i seldom have any chance to meet guys + i dun party .. so i turned to the internet..there of which i met my hb. And i have also met some other friends thru the internet. But of course lah, must practice caution cos not all pple u meet online truely for friendship purposes..

take it easy 1st as in try to talk lots online 1st and when you both are ready then tel or face to face
happy.gif
You can also try to search for 'single mum/dad dating' websites..you'll never know what you could find..good luck!
 
belle, do u have any chat forum to recommend?

long time ago, i used to chat on mIRC. seems that mIRC is dead, and yahoo chatrooms are full of sh*t.

thanks in advace
 
Belle, maybe you can share which sites or forums you visited.

megalost, IRC is not dead... After more than 10 years of not using it, I recently ventured there. It is different, there are people still chatting but they seem to have their own cliques, outsiders are usually ignored. The other irritating thing are the bots that'll post adverts once every few seconds.
 
sylar,

You should join more activities and meet more people.

Give some nights for yourself for such activities when you can engage some help to look after your children.
 
i think joining activities outside really helps alot.. for example..i've tried to widen my social circle by joining activity groups and stuff.. though i still havent found a partner yet, but i've managed to meet quite a few people.. including those from the opposite gender.. i'm not sure how everything will turn out in the end, but at least i know i tried..
 
INternet dating, or matching agency.
For guys, no to do any precaution check at all!!!

This is because u are meeting a girl.(Most of them smaller size than u. And also they more careful than guys)

U are not meeting a king kong or gorilla.
So no need practise caution. GO out and have fun.
It's exciting! ;-)
 
How abt SDU? Try to go for more activities esp those organised by CCs...u will widen ur social circle there and maybe have some luck?

Good luck Sylar
happy.gif
 
I think SDU members comprise of single graduates regardless of age. It's just that over time, the member ratio will tend to tilt towards fresh graduates as the older graduates get married and are out of SDU. But I am not sure if SDU is still in existence cos I thought I read somewhere in the past about "subcontracting" out SDU functions to private companies.
 
Oh.. so SDU has merged with SDS... finally they are abolishing the elitism attitude in encouraging graduates to date and marry graduates. Or is it a measure taken to attempt the arrest the declining birth rates? I wonder.
 
Wah, my thread still alive! Thanks for all the suggestions. I'm still adjusting to my newfound freedom...

I might try SDU and I recently came across this website that has some tie-up with SDU. www.gomoviedate.com I thought that's a fantastic idea as I like to go to movies... 1 stone kills 2 birds... likely signing up for this. Anybody has any experience with this site to share?
 
how abt forums where you can chat with ppl with same/similar interests as you do? can slowly expand your social circle...
 
Doll,

Oh... so finally they are focussing on helping singles above 35 years old. Btw, just out of curiosity, is there any restrictions on whether divorcees or widowers can join? If there are such restrictions, the pool of "pure singles" will be much smaller.
 
Pro, I like your "pure single".....sounds like purebred in canine world haha. And, yes, divorcees and widows/widowers are able to be part of SDU now, but it is out of bound to those who are in the state of separation.

SDU has finally evolved lol
 
Doll,

Haha... you thirst for meat is making your imagination run wild...but canine is dog, not ox...keke...

Exclusion of those in the state of separation makes sense as the intention of having a separation period is for both parties to reconsider the relationship. Yes, finally SDU has evolved after decades...haha...

I heard from my galfren that in the past, the more matured male SDU members will be going for the mid 20s female SDU members and those late 20s - 30s female members will be sitting on "cold benches". Now with this evolution, I wonder how it is gonna be different unless the mindset of the participants have undergone a massive change too.
 
Pro, haha, how does thoroughbred sound to you then?

Too bad, when I think of ox, it only reminds me of Black Angus beef steak done medium rare! OK, I shall satisfy my longing for beef steak next week.....

Hey, I think it's normal for most men to be more interested in women between mid and late 20s, that is the perfect childbearing age for women, in medical understanding. If I were a man and wanted to get married eventually and have children, I might do the same?

When I first got divorced I was in mid 30s, I had hoped to meet someone with whom I could settle down and have a kid. This was almost like an act of compensation for not having a kid myself from previous marriage. Naturally, I became more drawn to single men, and most of them were younger than me.

Now, I am happy meeting new friends and if there is a relationship, I feel it's not important if it leads to marriage. Just like what Brad Pitt has said, "I don't think that two persons have to merge into one. They should remain always strong, independent individuals....."

So, most important is that there must be compatibility in important aspects and the ability to communicate freely and openly. I think it's a torture to be with someone with whom you have to say a lot in order to explain yourself or get your message across.
 
Doll,

Looks like we are equating the "pure singles" to dogs and horses here...haha...you are making me hungry with all this talk about steak...keke..

But according to my gf, the men are flocking to the early to mid 20s gals. Those gals in their late 20s - 30s are not so "popular" with the men. I guess that's where guys and gals are different. I may react the same way if I am a male. But as a female, my criteria would be more on ability to communicate rather than ability to procreate...keke...
 
Pro, are you also a beef lover? Hehe

I know what you mean there about how men seem to flock to the early to mid-20s.....we were once sweet young things ourselves lol. But I believe not all men behave the same way. There would surely be some who are different.
 
Doll,

Yep. Me beef lover though my mum forbids me to eat due to religion reasons. But I will eat beef outside but not at home. Those were the days when we were sweet young things... now we are promoted to sweet mature ladies...haha...
 
Haha, Pro, but sweet isn't the word to describe me hehe

No sour grape here but I enjoy and appreciate life so much better in my 30s than when I was in my 20s. How about you?
 
Doll,

I guess for me, I have different experiences at different stages of my life. When I was in my 20s, my life was excited as I have started working and making lotsa friends then. Now that I am in my 30s, my excitement in life comes from my career achievements as well as expanding my horizon. Wonder how it is gonna be like when I am in my 40s.
 
Pro, ditto for me
happy.gif
But it's not only about career achievements now, I am also more focused in family and friends, my health, quality of life, etc. So, I feel I have achieved so much more in my 30s.
 
hans,

What is the purpose of your question?

It is like asking people if they want to get married?

Yes, some after divorced will get married and setup a new family. and yet others will remain single - either with children or without.

So your question is quite redundant.
 
SM,

U r here so early today. If the questions posed by any forummers are redundant, the rest can choose to ignore and the "questioner" would get the drift. You can't stop people from asking nonsensical, redundant, idiotic questions anyway.
 
ha ha i know lah.. bo liao today.. normally I would ignore it.

hans did not seem to be that kind of forummers.. that is why i tried to reply to him.

Maybe he is just asking for the sake of asking.. just a casual remark to see how many divorcee setting up family and how many remain as single
 
From my group of friends, generally most of them - at least > 70% do settle down.. and find much better partners than their first .. the ones with slight complication are those with children..
 

Harlo...you still living in stone age is it?

How can you equate being separated or divorced with NOT BEING PURE!

What an insult...geez
 
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