How to deal with a super busybee?

[tomasulu]

the idea that we have to neglect our loved ones in order to do well in our career is pure bs. if someone says that to me, i'd roll my eyes and mumble something about get-over-yourself-try-time-management under my breath. even if we buy into that horse crap, what does it say about a person who holds on to a relationship when he is unable and/or unwilling to fulfill his obligation to his partner? surely we'd think very little of a guy if he neglects his work due to his dalliance with his gf.

 

[simpleman]

"i have very little regard for someone who can't handle a job and a relationship at the same time."

You said you have little regard...

"sm, my opinion may or may not matter but it is not immaterial, if by that you meant irrelevant. TS is wondering if she should walk away, do i need to connect the dots for you?"

And precisely, it is irrelevant because you have little regard, not necessary TS has little regard.. if she has little regard.. she will walk away easily .. and don't have to wonder...

So what dots are you connecting??

 

[simpleman]

Yes, I believe that if you love someone enough, you will find time.. and you would balance..

the problem is if that someone is the time that you are willing to give may not be enough for someone who will want more than just quality time.

So I wouldn't say it is pure bs.. you still have to find someone who has the right expectation..

 

[tomasulu]

don't be dense. just because i base my advice on my assessment doesn't make it irrelevant. it is called an opinion... try it, you are entitled as well.

 

[tomasulu]

you said it, balance is key. i don't see it in TS' boy's approach to work and relationship.

 

[rainbow123]

Wow there were so many more comments coming in when I was gone. Anyway, my case is settled. I had a long discussion with him over the phone today and he agreed to make an effort to spend more time with me and also to cut down gym from 4x a week to 3x a week. He said if I want something from him, I should not demand but ask him nicely and stroke his arm. I shall be more conscientious about this tactic from now on then!

We also went for a RRRRRRRROMANTIC dinner at Lawry's just now cos today's our anniversary date. Plus I got a bouquet of roses too

I'm more than satisfied now and glad he could understand where I was coming from.

 

[rainbow123]

sm and Who? Me?

Thanks for your opinions. I know we all have different points of view and perspectives so please, stop debating already.

 

[cuclainne]

while i'm glad that your relationship is now back on track, please remember that a relationship is a 2-way thing .. so far i have only seen your expectations of him and how he's trying to meet it by compromising but what about you? are you able to accept him still going to the gym and working late hours? none of this was mentioned so i'm guessing that it won't be too long before you have another situation on your hands because it won't ever be enough for you ..

 

[miloice]

hi rainbow,

We are not professionals that have strict programs including careful diet and long rest in the day to speed up recovery.

it might be useful to provide him with bodybuilding information online. Most advise against overtraining. Its counterproductive.

Reducing one day of workout may do more good than bad for his bodybuilding efforts actually. i.e. 3 days of hard training is actually near max what our bodies can take without over-training. Depending on how intense his workouts are, the harder he trains, the more time he needs to fully recover to avoid long term injuries and falling into a plateau in his training regime.

 

[vios]

if u ask me about balancing work and love, i say it's pretty subjective.
to the bf, he might thought that he has balanced his life - work, gf(3x/week), gyms(4x/week)... plus, his ad-hoc meetups with gf and etc.
obviously to rainbow123, the balance does not live up to her expectations as she expects his gyms sessions to be reduced for her sake.

and cuc is spot-on in this aspect.... is the reduction of gym sessions (from 4x to 3x) a small relief aka temporary measure?

 

[rainbow123]

Well, I would rather look at it from the positive side than always be so pessimistic.

Milo, you're right. Actually before this he was gym training 5x a week. He also reads bodybuilding information online and bodybuilding magazines. In fact, he also has a book at home that provides information on every single muscle in the body and how to build it up. He does get carried away at times, I once had to push him in a wheelchair at TTSH cos he sprained his back while lifting weights at the gym.

 

[miloice]

rainbow,
the number one mistake most people make is to focus too much on the training. I did this for some yrs. Progress is really slow often getting sick and felt weak despite exercising almost everyday.

We grow when we rest. It is mandatory to rest to get the max gain from the workout. 5 days a week of resistence training is too straining for most people. On rest days, I do some low intensity cardio to minimize fat gain.

 

[muzik_luver]

Send in a resume to his company. Hopefully u get hired and also end up in the same dept as he is in. In that case, u'll get to see him at least 5 days a wk

 

[powder]

bad idea... most guys would quit, i know i would.

i hope the girls would understand that doing things like these - is NOT sweet...

 

[shirleypoise]

I totally agree with power that it's a bad idea.

Dun ever consider gg to work at where your partner is working unless he/she volunteer you the post. Even volunteered, do think twice cuz it can be a major nightmare!

 

[simpleman]

It depends..

For me, I don't care.. if gf or even wife is working in the same company.. but definitely not working with me..

But it would freak out most guys I suppose.. And definitely I would not recommend my gf or wife for any post in the company. If she is capable, she can try getting in herself..

 

[powder]

i'll definitely leave the company... it's an overkill.

the expectations of going to work together, going home together, having lunch, having dinner, catching a movie... and more! when going out is so bloody convenient, the expectations will be there nomatter wat u say.

-try telling her u dun feel like doing lunch with her and u simply wanna surf net during tat time.
-try tabao-ing on a whim without asking her or having her tabao-ing for u.
-try having director/upper management meetings which she isn't part of without her asking u wat the agenda was...
-try going out with the company guys for a guys' thingie.
-try having the company guys reveal wat went on On tat outing.
-try being close with colleagues without her askin u details abt them which could be tomoro's topic.
-try having her being told to leave and her expectations for u to fight her cause.
-try having her monitor your whereabouts everytime u're not at your desk, or u're in pantry talking to other lady colleagues...
-try having her wait in the office for u to finish work on most nites...

sori, but i have no faith in such relationships working, or if i may be blunt - i have no faith in ladies being able to segregate their boundaries very well. it won't do good for my gfren/wife if she's really capable but half the office thinks it's becos she's my partner... as much as i dun care wat others think, the morale of a company should never be compromised.

i won't stop my guys from having relationships but one of them will have to go sooner, and the tough part is tat the one who stays will not be hapi with u. so u end up losing both, they become a freakin ITEM in the company.

 

[ginasjm]

Hi Miloice,

Thanks for highlighting me the whole purpose of forum. Appreciate it. Cheerz matey!

Vios
Yes, you ought to be baffled.

Hi Rainbow

Your emotions sounds to be on a rollercoaster. One sweet dinner with his promises make you happy and if he don't do things right next time, you are going to have another go at him. Oh, as you mentioned, next time when you've got demands, remember to ask him nicely and stroke his arm ( pls dun forget to say 'please'), which is stroking his ego too.

All in all, compromise and communication are the vital keys to all relationship.

 

[tomasulu]

well avocado, you made a good point. call me a sourpuss whatever, but if a nice dinner is all it takes to resolve the problem, dang, what was stopping rainbow all these years??

 

[sgbabydoll]

"the expectations of going to work together, going home together, having lunch, having dinner, catching a movie... and more! when going out is so bloody convenient, the expectations will be there nomatter wat u say."

Such a life is too merged liao; more "married" than being married hehe

 

[powder]

like i said, it's an overkill. u'll feel trapped.

 

[simpleman]

Not necessary lah..

In my company, there are many married couples.. and no they are not like that.. they don't glue together.. don't even come to the office at the same time everyday..

they don't meet for lunch.. only occasionally.. and definitely as far as work is concern, it has to be no conflict.. But maybe I am talking about a big company with thousands of employee where it is not easy to meet each other.. in a small company or department.. it will awkward..

 

[powder]

alamak dun say those where the company got 5000 offices all over spore and 20000 depts spread across lah... but still it's very restrictive. let's say those with just 1 office... walau i pee abit longer also she'll know, i make phone call and talk nicer also she can hear... i can't even fart without her smelling... haha

anyway it's a bad idea if u're a director/upper management. WORSE if they try to recommend younger brother, younger cousin etc etc to work here and ask u to recommend.

 

[simpleman]

alamak, I know lah..

Working in the same office, same floor is a bit challenging..

For me, ha ha, I don't even go to office.. maybe like once a week.. and I have a few offices to choose to go..

I still think it is the mindset of the couple that is important.. if they can't separate work from their personal life.. then better not..

 

[powder]

well i won't even do having office in same building... or next to mine. i'll prob shift my office. guess it's just me lah... my spread for time spent with various aspects is uncommon, thank goodness my wife understands me, whilst her colleagues wonder why we dun lunch even when i park at her building when working close by.

good luck finding ladies who can understand... u need someone pretty workaholic and career-driven. else the expectations are commonplace... just co-ordinating the timings to leave office can often cause problems, particularly if the lady is always waiting n hungry whilst u're rushing reports in the office nearby.

i hate the pressure of pple waiting for me.

 

[vios]

yeah, of course im baffled with you.... in fact, still freaking baffled.
all along, it was obvious to me that u put up a form of blind support for the same gender without much thoughts to your pre-replies.

i had assumed (without much considerations) that you would actually give a review on lawry's and the different types of roses, but i'm glad i was off the mark for that.

 

[vios]

"i hate the pressure of pple waiting for me."

yeah... same here, and it would be an everyday thing for the bf/hubby, wouldn't it?

 

[toyisme]

becarefull when your bf/gf say when they are busy. they are really busy but not with work. maybe other private things.

when i say to my gf/ wife i am busy / tired. it means i have been trying to avoid them or see them. i am tired to see their face that's why i try to found many reason to avoid them.

i am bad, yeah. i am. but i am more than happy when these birds are not around me.

 

[powder]

exactly vios... an EVERYDAY THING... try valentine's day and having the rest of the colleagues get their flowers and she got nothing. try having her thing it's sweet to have matching cups, or sharing mugs... try having her expecting her photos splashed all over your workdesk...

relationships can be complicated enough as it is, having a gfren/wife in the same office is social SUICIDE.