no la - we don't work in the same office .. he just didn't tell anyone about the wedding plans, unlike me - hahaha. when they went out to celebrate end of training (cos the trainees were going back to their home offices), he brought me along .. it was only last year that i was formally introduced as his wife at company cny function .. hahahah ..
[HELP] Getting to know a girl better?
- Thread starter wondering_steve
- Start date
tomasulu
Member
most people are all right with office romance if the couple keeps a low profile. however, it gets tricky when the relationship goes pear shaped and people feel they have to take sides. it gets worse if the break up was brought about by something untoward. nothing polarizes an office like gossips over who did what wrong.
u know if the couple has a tiff... they can flirt with others in the office to spite the partner... then got more chance to give each other the cold shoulder in the same environment etc...
not sure if pple are going on the assumption of perpetual sweet sweet existence in the same company. and whether the guy can handle if the lady becomes his superior/team leader/manager etc...
not sure if pple are going on the assumption of perpetual sweet sweet existence in the same company. and whether the guy can handle if the lady becomes his superior/team leader/manager etc...
wondering_steve
New Member
okok.. here's an update.. i managed to get her phone number and msn.. but was wondering what else i can talk to her about besides office stuff? By the way, I'm not too sure if she has a bf or not cuz i've never heard her talking about her bf to her friends..but then again, she could be keeping it private.. so how can i sound her out? advice anyone? many thanks in advance!!
green_tranquility
New Member
Steve,
After building a certain level of rapport with her (maybe after a week of chatting via msn), you can check her out by casually asking "How you usually spend your weekends? Paktor with bf?" Good luck hehe.
I'm against the idea of developing love relationships in the office environment. But that's just me. You decide for yourself.
After building a certain level of rapport with her (maybe after a week of chatting via msn), you can check her out by casually asking "How you usually spend your weekends? Paktor with bf?" Good luck hehe.
I'm against the idea of developing love relationships in the office environment. But that's just me. You decide for yourself.
rubbishcow
New Member
hmm... why don't you just start a chat with her and ask her if she is free for movie during weekends then follow by supper or drink.
That's how i started with my fiance.. BUAHAHAHAHA! through the "date" you will be able to ask if she is attached..
That's how i started with my fiance.. BUAHAHAHAHA! through the "date" you will be able to ask if she is attached..
wondering_steve
New Member
Hi guys.. thanks for the advice.. but somehow, our conversations have been rather cordial..i've already tried my best to be as jovial and casual as possible.. but she still remains cordial to me.. oh well..
by the way.. asking her outright if she has a bf would be too direct and obvious wouldnt it? I would think so if i was the one being asked.. but then again, it could just be me only.. =S
by the way.. asking her outright if she has a bf would be too direct and obvious wouldnt it? I would think so if i was the one being asked.. but then again, it could just be me only.. =S
To be honest Steve, I think she probably already knows what you're trying to do, especially if you are sending out a desperate vibe (are you??).
From personal experience, I can assure you that a girl can smell a shy/needy/awkward guy's intentions from a mile away, and it is most certainly not a turn-on.
As for what else to talk to her about, go for neutral topics. Movies are always a safe bet, and from there you can find out what she likes. Good luck!
From personal experience, I can assure you that a girl can smell a shy/needy/awkward guy's intentions from a mile away, and it is most certainly not a turn-on.
As for what else to talk to her about, go for neutral topics. Movies are always a safe bet, and from there you can find out what she likes. Good luck!
miloice
Well-Known Member
Steve, for me, I would just find the opportunity alone to ask her casually if she is seeing someone. If she asks why, tell her the truth.
That you find her very interesting and attractive. And hope to know her more. Whatever the answer, just keep atmosphere relax... Even if she says she is attached, just smile and say something not mushy.
That you find her very interesting and attractive. And hope to know her more. Whatever the answer, just keep atmosphere relax... Even if she says she is attached, just smile and say something not mushy.
rubbishcow
New Member
Steve, i agree with miloice. Some women may like straight forward man who will just ask them out directly without beating about the bush.
Maybe you wanna try this approach as to ask her out for movie or stuff like that? Be more confident. Usually if a girl is single and available they wouldn't mind trying a date with different guys to see if the guy is suitable to further the relationship.
Maybe you wanna try this approach as to ask her out for movie or stuff like that? Be more confident. Usually if a girl is single and available they wouldn't mind trying a date with different guys to see if the guy is suitable to further the relationship.
wondering_steve
New Member
Nono.. i dont think she has sensed my admiration for her as i usually talk to her about work-related stuff and nothing else.. i'd think it be too 'instrusive' to probe into her personal life when i've barely known her for a month .. oh, what i mean by jovial and casual is putting on a smile (instead of a dead-serious look) and using a mash of chinese/english/singlish (cuz ours is an english-speaking office environment)..
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Need to find common topics to talk sounds quite painful. If you have chemistry with the girl, topics should spring out naturally.
steve,
another 4-5yrs down the road when u might give yourself a hard kick in the balls (if u can kick it)...
thing is, the 'methods' u employ works if u're like ultra-young... as u go older, it doesn't work as much. the ladies might have more balls than u (figure of speech)... the reason why nice guys finish last is becos nice guys tend to have too much respect that turns into fear, and not enough balls that makes u hesitate.
as the saying goes... "he who hesitates... masturbates..." (copyrighted from my secondary school days). it simply means u'll be left high and dry whilst others are having the time of their life Actually dating... whilst all u do is stay home, wonder 'What If"... "Should I"... "Maybe"...
u see those older folks who are lonely, and those whose career are not going anywhere? 10-15yrs ago, they were nice and thoughtful like u... and fearful too.
i would rather be rejected and lose face for a week, than to lose an Entire Lifetime of happiness. when u think abt it, it's a no-brainer... just gather your courage and ask her if she's free tomorrow for coffee and if she has more time - a movie perhaps, or shoot some pool.
else just stay home, surf net and masturbate...
another 4-5yrs down the road when u might give yourself a hard kick in the balls (if u can kick it)...
thing is, the 'methods' u employ works if u're like ultra-young... as u go older, it doesn't work as much. the ladies might have more balls than u (figure of speech)... the reason why nice guys finish last is becos nice guys tend to have too much respect that turns into fear, and not enough balls that makes u hesitate.
as the saying goes... "he who hesitates... masturbates..." (copyrighted from my secondary school days). it simply means u'll be left high and dry whilst others are having the time of their life Actually dating... whilst all u do is stay home, wonder 'What If"... "Should I"... "Maybe"...
u see those older folks who are lonely, and those whose career are not going anywhere? 10-15yrs ago, they were nice and thoughtful like u... and fearful too.
i would rather be rejected and lose face for a week, than to lose an Entire Lifetime of happiness. when u think abt it, it's a no-brainer... just gather your courage and ask her if she's free tomorrow for coffee and if she has more time - a movie perhaps, or shoot some pool.
else just stay home, surf net and masturbate...
sheesh powder, i'm trying to pretend to work here! my cubicle buddy just frowned at me for snorting and giggling at my monitor... LOL
agree that the secondary school methods don't work in the real world. by the time you carefully plan your approach and come up with a strategy, your dream girl has already been whisked away
agree that the secondary school methods don't work in the real world. by the time you carefully plan your approach and come up with a strategy, your dream girl has already been whisked away
laundry_woes
New Member
*makes mental note of highly usable saying*
& the female equivalent is "she who's a wuss plays wif the puss"?
& the female equivalent is "she who's a wuss plays wif the puss"?
miloice
Well-Known Member
doll....
not everyone is a natural. The main thing is breaking the ice and getting to know the person better. If after that, they found nothing in common to talk about, then its a different story mah.
Powder,
agree with you. One needs to walk the talk, pick up the lessons. Experience don't pop out of the rock or something. No one found success without failures in life.
btw, good patent!
not everyone is a natural. The main thing is breaking the ice and getting to know the person better. If after that, they found nothing in common to talk about, then its a different story mah.
Powder,
agree with you. One needs to walk the talk, pick up the lessons. Experience don't pop out of the rock or something. No one found success without failures in life.
btw, good patent!
dude, another thing...
u hide here hide there and skip around the peripherals... just talk work and those stuff... and flash her your best smile... she's not gonna suddenly develop interest in u lah... u can keep dreaming.
the laws of nature may have shifted, but it has never changed... as guys, we still gotta do the hunting and not hope the sheep will come to us and say "eat me eat me". hmm... if u ever get to eat her using your current method, tell me, i'll come and personally kowtow to u.
there's a button to press, a method to use in ANY scenario to get to the result u want. u're just admiring the buttons but not pressing them... u're not pressing anything at all to be honest. it's no different from admiring the girl u see on the bus/mrt everyday, or from the other class...
but that's life lah... some pple win, some pple lose. not everyone can win although everyone Hopes to win. most times, those who lose are those who took no action.
u hide here hide there and skip around the peripherals... just talk work and those stuff... and flash her your best smile... she's not gonna suddenly develop interest in u lah... u can keep dreaming.
the laws of nature may have shifted, but it has never changed... as guys, we still gotta do the hunting and not hope the sheep will come to us and say "eat me eat me". hmm... if u ever get to eat her using your current method, tell me, i'll come and personally kowtow to u.
there's a button to press, a method to use in ANY scenario to get to the result u want. u're just admiring the buttons but not pressing them... u're not pressing anything at all to be honest. it's no different from admiring the girl u see on the bus/mrt everyday, or from the other class...
but that's life lah... some pple win, some pple lose. not everyone can win although everyone Hopes to win. most times, those who lose are those who took no action.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Reminds me of this guy who told me that he is straight-laced and proud of it, thinking that women would be impressed? It's a turn-off.
laundry_woes
New Member
I juz coined tat. No chance to use liao. Sec school was many many moons ago.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
"not everyone is a natural. The main thing is breaking the ice and getting to know the person better. If after that, they found nothing in common to talk about, then its a different story mah."
Milo, the reason why Steve is splitting hair over common topic is the desire to get it right the first time with the girl. No need. Just start talking about anything casually and he'll be able to suss out some topics of interest to both? If he doesn't start, nothing will happen.
Milo, the reason why Steve is splitting hair over common topic is the desire to get it right the first time with the girl. No need. Just start talking about anything casually and he'll be able to suss out some topics of interest to both? If he doesn't start, nothing will happen.
miloice
Well-Known Member
Doll, yes, I understand about TS situation.
I was more addressing your statement "Need to find common topics to talk sounds quite painful. If you have chemistry with the girl, topics should spring out naturally."
Not everyone will find it so natural to talk about anything under the sun. Getting tongue tight is pretty common for inexperienced guys. The more they like the gal, the tighter the tongue.
I was more addressing your statement "Need to find common topics to talk sounds quite painful. If you have chemistry with the girl, topics should spring out naturally."
Not everyone will find it so natural to talk about anything under the sun. Getting tongue tight is pretty common for inexperienced guys. The more they like the gal, the tighter the tongue.
I have a colleague who is 39yo and has never had a gf. Yes, the guys call him the "40yo virgin" heehee
he is the nicest guy you could ever find.. rushes ahead to open doors for us, opens car doors, "chope" the food court table while everyone go off to buy food, rushes to queue up for drinks for us...
but he is also shy, reserved, indecisive, scared this scared that. when he is in charge of something, he's so worried about stepping on ppls toes and dun dare to make any decision. when he want to chase girls, he goes up to their cubicle and talks about work. then he stands there hovering, undecided as to what is the next step.
He's the guy I would call if i was stranded in singapore with no money and nowhere to go. but if he was the last guy on earth and the mankind depended on us to re-populate, i would rather kill myself.
does he sound familiar to you steve?
he is the nicest guy you could ever find.. rushes ahead to open doors for us, opens car doors, "chope" the food court table while everyone go off to buy food, rushes to queue up for drinks for us...
but he is also shy, reserved, indecisive, scared this scared that. when he is in charge of something, he's so worried about stepping on ppls toes and dun dare to make any decision. when he want to chase girls, he goes up to their cubicle and talks about work. then he stands there hovering, undecided as to what is the next step.
He's the guy I would call if i was stranded in singapore with no money and nowhere to go. but if he was the last guy on earth and the mankind depended on us to re-populate, i would rather kill myself.
does he sound familiar to you steve?
sgbabydoll
Active Member
"Not everyone will find it so natural to talk about anything under the sun. Getting tongue tight is pretty common for inexperienced guys. The more they like the gal, the tighter the tongue."
You can justify why this behaviour but it's not going to change the fact that this won't get him girls.
You can justify why this behaviour but it's not going to change the fact that this won't get him girls.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
AB, your colleague reminds me of this guy who hesitated big time to drop me the first text message. When he did, he asked if I was surprised. So duh! If I hadn't given him my mobile number I would then be surprised to to hear from him mah. Since I have given him the number, getting a text message is no big deal at all.
Then on a particular we were texting each other about a trade event and exchanged maybe 10-20 messages. He told me later that his colleagues teasing him that his mobile phone has never been so busy and he was beaming when relating this to me.
I find this behaviour rather annoying. What is the big deal?
Then on a particular we were texting each other about a trade event and exchanged maybe 10-20 messages. He told me later that his colleagues teasing him that his mobile phone has never been so busy and he was beaming when relating this to me.
I find this behaviour rather annoying. What is the big deal?
miloice
Well-Known Member
hi doll,
its not about justifying the behaviour. Its simply a disagreement with your statement that its natural. It simply isn't. It gets natural only with practice and people gets confident in it.
And so, do you agree that your statement isn't generically true. And especially in the case of steve that is obviously a green horn. It is clearly not natural.
its not about justifying the behaviour. Its simply a disagreement with your statement that its natural. It simply isn't. It gets natural only with practice and people gets confident in it.
And so, do you agree that your statement isn't generically true. And especially in the case of steve that is obviously a green horn. It is clearly not natural.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Milo, if Steve is a greenhorn and behaves like a greenhorn all the time, he is going to end up with no girls.
wondering_steve
New Member
wow.. so many replies in 4 hours !! thanks !!
"he is the nicest guy you could ever find.. rushes ahead to open doors for us, opens car doors, "chope" the food court table while everyone go off to buy food, rushes to queue up for drinks for us...
but he is also shy, reserved, indecisive, scared this scared that. when he is in charge of something, he's so worried about stepping on ppls toes and dun dare to make any decision. when he want to chase girls, he goes up to their cubicle and talks about work. then he stands there hovering, undecided as to what is the next step.
He's the guy I would call if i was stranded in singapore with no money and nowhere to go. but if he was the last guy on earth and the mankind depended on us to re-populate, i would rather kill myself.
does he sound familiar to you steve??"
AB: Yes, he does sound familiar. In fact he sounds like me !! You couldnt have been more right.. i'm always the one who chopes the table and buys drinks for the rest. .. so i suppose i'm the type of nice guy who always finishes last?
Anyway, i'm not the type who always gets tongue-tied around gals.. in fact, i have a few female friends whom i can talk to for hours at a go..it's just that this gal i like is somebody new whom i've met..and i suppose with my inexperience, i'm having problems approaching her..
okok, the next time i see her (be it in the office or msn) i'll ask her something that's not work-related..and hopefully, something gd might come out of it !!
"he is the nicest guy you could ever find.. rushes ahead to open doors for us, opens car doors, "chope" the food court table while everyone go off to buy food, rushes to queue up for drinks for us...
but he is also shy, reserved, indecisive, scared this scared that. when he is in charge of something, he's so worried about stepping on ppls toes and dun dare to make any decision. when he want to chase girls, he goes up to their cubicle and talks about work. then he stands there hovering, undecided as to what is the next step.
He's the guy I would call if i was stranded in singapore with no money and nowhere to go. but if he was the last guy on earth and the mankind depended on us to re-populate, i would rather kill myself.
does he sound familiar to you steve??"
AB: Yes, he does sound familiar. In fact he sounds like me !! You couldnt have been more right.. i'm always the one who chopes the table and buys drinks for the rest. .. so i suppose i'm the type of nice guy who always finishes last?
Anyway, i'm not the type who always gets tongue-tied around gals.. in fact, i have a few female friends whom i can talk to for hours at a go..it's just that this gal i like is somebody new whom i've met..and i suppose with my inexperience, i'm having problems approaching her..
okok, the next time i see her (be it in the office or msn) i'll ask her something that's not work-related..and hopefully, something gd might come out of it !!
milo,
as much as practise can improve things... the strongest agent for change isn't practice, and it certainly isn't something we assume that will be improved with time and practice...
the strongest agent for change is Fear. Fear of regret, Fear of loss, Fear that forces u to change your mindset with some urgency. - Good Fear, not bad ones that are more to do with what pple think of u (ie Steve).
i can be a nice, non-intrusive, gentleman AND STILL get the girl... so where's the difference? the fact that i realise Life isn't gonna keep giving us opportunities for us to handle badly, interesting girls for us to practise and perhaps when we've perfected - we might have lost out a large portion of youth to truly enjoy the Joys of Courtship.
pple assume they're gonna wake up the next morning.
trust me, if Steve was given a week to live, he would have approached the girl totally differently.. he would have CHANGED... due to Good Fear.
our fren thinks he has alot of time, well... tomoro another guy could initiaite holding her hand after initiating asking her out yesterday. come monday she could be attached, and our good fren is gonna change the topic to something non-work-related. well good luck...
the failures in Life are not those who are lousy, it's those who are lazy and think they have alot of time.
as much as practise can improve things... the strongest agent for change isn't practice, and it certainly isn't something we assume that will be improved with time and practice...
the strongest agent for change is Fear. Fear of regret, Fear of loss, Fear that forces u to change your mindset with some urgency. - Good Fear, not bad ones that are more to do with what pple think of u (ie Steve).
i can be a nice, non-intrusive, gentleman AND STILL get the girl... so where's the difference? the fact that i realise Life isn't gonna keep giving us opportunities for us to handle badly, interesting girls for us to practise and perhaps when we've perfected - we might have lost out a large portion of youth to truly enjoy the Joys of Courtship.
pple assume they're gonna wake up the next morning.
trust me, if Steve was given a week to live, he would have approached the girl totally differently.. he would have CHANGED... due to Good Fear.
our fren thinks he has alot of time, well... tomoro another guy could initiaite holding her hand after initiating asking her out yesterday. come monday she could be attached, and our good fren is gonna change the topic to something non-work-related. well good luck...
the failures in Life are not those who are lousy, it's those who are lazy and think they have alot of time.
steve,
i'll be absolutely honest here and break things up for your benefit...
1) the girl is not as important to u as u think she is.
2) your pride takes precedence over most things in your life. and your pride comes from how pple see u, which means u live by other pple's rules.
3) when u are polite and nice and helpful - it's not becos u really are, but becos deep inside u Need pple to like u (refer to 2).
4) becos many pple have liked u due to the way u've been, u think it'll be the same formula for Girls to Love u. well dude, if she loves u, u'll still get a heartbreak becos she'll tell u that she treats u like a fren. yoru formula is proof of getting frens, wat makes u think suddenly - it can get u a girlfren?
5. in your replies and posts to the forummers here on what u're gonna do next... u're Doing It AGAIN - u're trying to Please the forummers MORE than u're interested in getting the girl.
6. the forummers here can like u, but they're not gonna be the one to hold your hand and walk with u for the rest of your life. So u're giving importance to the wrong things, and it all comes back to your Own Need to be liked. so it's u again.
7. Pple like me are not well-liked by pple who are Unimportant, but i'm loved by pple who matter. u might be heading in the opposite direction... Notice how u won't like me nor my posts, BUT me and my posts are gonna be more useful to u for your Entire life, than your nice-approach itself.
8. if u dun like me but Many pple like me, u will automatically like me too.
9. if u dun like me, i simply dun care, i'll just continue to tell u what's good for u. i exercise no favourtism nor do i speak like everyone... i can tell u that everyone here is talking crap and i couldn't care less if pple hate me.
10. All the excuses and reasons in the world can justify u Deserving a girl, and Excuse u from failure... it does not change the fact that u will not have a girl by your side any sooner. it does not change the fact that u wish u had. it does not change the fact that u won't.
11. a good fren would want an update of how u're progressing.
12. a true fren would ask u what the hell u're doing.
i dun expect any significant improvements from u for awhile. in the meantime i'd love to have a discussion abt your 'non-approach' which u think is 'an approach'.
will have a BONUS post for u shortly....
i'll be absolutely honest here and break things up for your benefit...
1) the girl is not as important to u as u think she is.
2) your pride takes precedence over most things in your life. and your pride comes from how pple see u, which means u live by other pple's rules.
3) when u are polite and nice and helpful - it's not becos u really are, but becos deep inside u Need pple to like u (refer to 2).
4) becos many pple have liked u due to the way u've been, u think it'll be the same formula for Girls to Love u. well dude, if she loves u, u'll still get a heartbreak becos she'll tell u that she treats u like a fren. yoru formula is proof of getting frens, wat makes u think suddenly - it can get u a girlfren?
5. in your replies and posts to the forummers here on what u're gonna do next... u're Doing It AGAIN - u're trying to Please the forummers MORE than u're interested in getting the girl.
6. the forummers here can like u, but they're not gonna be the one to hold your hand and walk with u for the rest of your life. So u're giving importance to the wrong things, and it all comes back to your Own Need to be liked. so it's u again.
7. Pple like me are not well-liked by pple who are Unimportant, but i'm loved by pple who matter. u might be heading in the opposite direction... Notice how u won't like me nor my posts, BUT me and my posts are gonna be more useful to u for your Entire life, than your nice-approach itself.
8. if u dun like me but Many pple like me, u will automatically like me too.
9. if u dun like me, i simply dun care, i'll just continue to tell u what's good for u. i exercise no favourtism nor do i speak like everyone... i can tell u that everyone here is talking crap and i couldn't care less if pple hate me.
10. All the excuses and reasons in the world can justify u Deserving a girl, and Excuse u from failure... it does not change the fact that u will not have a girl by your side any sooner. it does not change the fact that u wish u had. it does not change the fact that u won't.
11. a good fren would want an update of how u're progressing.
12. a true fren would ask u what the hell u're doing.
i dun expect any significant improvements from u for awhile. in the meantime i'd love to have a discussion abt your 'non-approach' which u think is 'an approach'.
will have a BONUS post for u shortly....
u know, if u want to fasten things...
u could just give her this thread-link, or print-out the whole thread and show/give it to her AND SAY THE RIGHT THINGS WITH IT...
but here's something i hope u can find some inspiration from, it's nothing to do with your story, but it does wake some of us up from our slumber that there's no such thing as Practise when u meet the right person... u either Do It Right, or u lose your chance. the next girl who comes will never be the same...
an article about leaf, tree & wind....
===Tree===
The reason I'm called tree is because I'm good at painting trees.
Overtime I start to use a tree on the right hand corner as a trademark
for all my watercolors painting. I have dated 5 gals when I was in Pre-U.
There's one gal who I love a lot but never dare go after her. She doesn't
have a pretty face, doesn't have a good figure, doesn't have outstanding
charm. She is just a very ordinary gal. I like her. I really like her.
Like her innocent, like her frankness. Like her cuteness, like her
intelligence and her fragility.
Reason for not going after her is because I felt somebody so ordinary
like her is not a good match for me. I'm also afraid that after we are
together all the good feelings will vanish. I'm also afraid other's
gossips will hurt her. I felt that if she's my gal, she will be mine
ultimately & I don't have to give up everything just for her. The last
reason, made her accompany me for 3 years.
She watch me chase after gals, and I have made her heart cry for 3 years.
She wants to be a good actress and I'm a very demanding director. When
I kissed my 2nd girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but
smile & say "Go on!" before running off. The next day, her eyes was
swollen like a walnut. I purposely didn't want to think about what
causes her to cry but laugh at her the whole day. When everybody went
back home, she was alone crying in the classroom. She didn't know that
I returned from soccer training to get something. I watched her cry for
an hour or so.
My 4th girlfriend didn't like her. There was once when both of them
quarreled. I know that based on her character she's not the type that
will start off the quarrel. But I still sided with my girlfriend. I
shouted at her and her eyes was filled with shock. I didn't care about
her feelings and walked off with my girlfriend.
The next day, she still laugh & joke with me like nothing has ever
happened.
I know that she's very hurt but she didn't know that my heart ached
is as bad as hers.
When I broke up with my 5th girlfriend, I asked her out. After going
out for a day, I told her that I have something to tell her. She told
me that coincidentally, she has something to tell me too. I told her
about my break up and she told me about her getting together. I know
who's the guy. He had been going after her for quite a while. A very
cute guy full of energy, lively and interesting. His pursuit for her
has been the talk of the school.
I can't show her my heartache but could only smile & congratulate her.
When I reached home, the heartache is so strong that I can't stand it.
It's like a heavy weighted stone on my chest. I couldn't breath.
Wanted to shout but can't. Tears rolled down & I broke down & cried.
How many times have I seen her cry for the man that doesn't acknowledge
her presence too.
During graduation, I read a sms on my hp. It was send 10 days ago when
I broke down and cry. I haven't read it since then. It says.....
"Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit? Or because Tree didn't
ask her to stay?"
==== Leaf =====
During Pre-U days, I like to collect leaves. Why? Because I felt
that for a leaf to leave the tree she has been relying on for so
long it takes alot of courage.
During the 3 years of Pre-U I was on very close terms with a guy.
Not BGR kind but as buddy kind. But when he had his 1st girlfriend,
I learnt a feeling I never should have learnt - Jealousy.
The sourness in the heart can't be describe by using a lemon. It's
like 100 rotten sour lemon. Sourness to the extreme limit. They were
only together for 2 mths. When they broke up, I hide my strong sense
of happiness. But after a mth, he got together with another gal.
I like him & I know he like me. But why won't he pursue me?
Since he love me why he doesn't want to make the first move?
Whenever he had a new girlfriend, my heart would hurt.
Time after time, my heart was hurt. I begin to suspect that this
is a one sided love.
But, If he don't like me, why does he treat me so well. It's
beyond what you will normally do for a friend. Liking a person
is very heart wrenching. I can know his likes, his habits. But his
feelings towards me I can never figure out. You can't expect me a
gal to ask him right?
Despite that, I still want to be by his side. Care for him, accompany
him, dote on him. Hoping that one fine day, he will come & love me.
It's like waiting for his phone call every night, wanting him to send
me sms. I know that no matter how busy he is, he will make time for me.
Because of this, I waited for him. The 3 years were the hardest to go
through & I really want to give up. Sometimes, I wonder should I
continue waiting. The pain and hurt, the dilemma accompany me for
3 years.
Till the end of my 3rd year, a 2nd year junior begins to go after me.
Everyday he pursues me relentlessly. From outright rejection to a
point in time when I felt that I'm willing to let him have a small
footing in my heart.
He's like a warm & gentle wind, trying to blow a leaf away from the
tree. In the end, I realized that I didn't want to give this wind a
small footing in my heart. I know this wind will bring this badly
battered leave far away & better land. Finally I left tree, but the
tree only smile & didn't ask me to stay.
"Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit? Or because Tree didn't
ask her to stay?"
==== Wind ======
I like a gal called leaf. Because she's so dependent on tree so I
have to be a gust wind. A wind that will blow her away. When I first
met her, it was 1 mth after I transferred to the new school. I saw a
petite person looking at my seniors & me playing soccer. During ECA
time, she will always be sitting there. Be it alone or with her
friends looking at him.
When he talks with gals there's jealousy in her eyes. When he looked
at her, there's a smile in her eyes. Looking at her became my habit.
Just like she likes to look at him.
One day, she didn't appear. I felt something amissed. I can't explain
the feeling except it's a kind of uneasiness. The senior was also not
there as well. I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my senior
scolding her. Tears were in her eyes while he left. The next day, I saw
her at her usual place, looking at him. I walked over and smiled to her.
Took out a note & gave to her. She was surprised. She looked at me,
smiled & accept the note.
The next day, she appeared & pass me a note and left.
"Leaf's heart is too heavy and wind couldn't blow her away. "
"It's not that leaf's heart is too heavy. It's because leaf never want
to leave tree" - I replied her note with this statement and slowly she
started to talk to me & accept my presents & phone calls. I know that
the person she loves is not me. But I have this perseverance that one
day I will make her like me.
Within 4 mths, I have declared my love for her no less than 20 times.
Every time, she will divert away from the topic. But I never gave up.
If I decide I want her to be mine, I will definitely use all means to win
her over. I can't remember how many times I have declared my love to her.
Although I know she will try to divert but I still bear a small ray of
hope.
Hoping that she will agree to be my girlfriend. I didn't hear any
reply from her over the phone. I asked "what are you doing? How come
you didn't want to reply?"
She said, "I'm nodding my head".
"Ah?" I couldn't believe my ears.
"I'm nodding my head" She replied loudly.
I hung up the phone, quickly changed and took a taxi and rush to her
place & press her door bell.
During the moment when she opens the door. I hugged her tightly.
"Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit? Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay?"
---------------------------------------
all the best steve...
u could just give her this thread-link, or print-out the whole thread and show/give it to her AND SAY THE RIGHT THINGS WITH IT...
but here's something i hope u can find some inspiration from, it's nothing to do with your story, but it does wake some of us up from our slumber that there's no such thing as Practise when u meet the right person... u either Do It Right, or u lose your chance. the next girl who comes will never be the same...
an article about leaf, tree & wind....
===Tree===
The reason I'm called tree is because I'm good at painting trees.
Overtime I start to use a tree on the right hand corner as a trademark
for all my watercolors painting. I have dated 5 gals when I was in Pre-U.
There's one gal who I love a lot but never dare go after her. She doesn't
have a pretty face, doesn't have a good figure, doesn't have outstanding
charm. She is just a very ordinary gal. I like her. I really like her.
Like her innocent, like her frankness. Like her cuteness, like her
intelligence and her fragility.
Reason for not going after her is because I felt somebody so ordinary
like her is not a good match for me. I'm also afraid that after we are
together all the good feelings will vanish. I'm also afraid other's
gossips will hurt her. I felt that if she's my gal, she will be mine
ultimately & I don't have to give up everything just for her. The last
reason, made her accompany me for 3 years.
She watch me chase after gals, and I have made her heart cry for 3 years.
She wants to be a good actress and I'm a very demanding director. When
I kissed my 2nd girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but
smile & say "Go on!" before running off. The next day, her eyes was
swollen like a walnut. I purposely didn't want to think about what
causes her to cry but laugh at her the whole day. When everybody went
back home, she was alone crying in the classroom. She didn't know that
I returned from soccer training to get something. I watched her cry for
an hour or so.
My 4th girlfriend didn't like her. There was once when both of them
quarreled. I know that based on her character she's not the type that
will start off the quarrel. But I still sided with my girlfriend. I
shouted at her and her eyes was filled with shock. I didn't care about
her feelings and walked off with my girlfriend.
The next day, she still laugh & joke with me like nothing has ever
happened.
I know that she's very hurt but she didn't know that my heart ached
is as bad as hers.
When I broke up with my 5th girlfriend, I asked her out. After going
out for a day, I told her that I have something to tell her. She told
me that coincidentally, she has something to tell me too. I told her
about my break up and she told me about her getting together. I know
who's the guy. He had been going after her for quite a while. A very
cute guy full of energy, lively and interesting. His pursuit for her
has been the talk of the school.
I can't show her my heartache but could only smile & congratulate her.
When I reached home, the heartache is so strong that I can't stand it.
It's like a heavy weighted stone on my chest. I couldn't breath.
Wanted to shout but can't. Tears rolled down & I broke down & cried.
How many times have I seen her cry for the man that doesn't acknowledge
her presence too.
During graduation, I read a sms on my hp. It was send 10 days ago when
I broke down and cry. I haven't read it since then. It says.....
"Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit? Or because Tree didn't
ask her to stay?"
==== Leaf =====
During Pre-U days, I like to collect leaves. Why? Because I felt
that for a leaf to leave the tree she has been relying on for so
long it takes alot of courage.
During the 3 years of Pre-U I was on very close terms with a guy.
Not BGR kind but as buddy kind. But when he had his 1st girlfriend,
I learnt a feeling I never should have learnt - Jealousy.
The sourness in the heart can't be describe by using a lemon. It's
like 100 rotten sour lemon. Sourness to the extreme limit. They were
only together for 2 mths. When they broke up, I hide my strong sense
of happiness. But after a mth, he got together with another gal.
I like him & I know he like me. But why won't he pursue me?
Since he love me why he doesn't want to make the first move?
Whenever he had a new girlfriend, my heart would hurt.
Time after time, my heart was hurt. I begin to suspect that this
is a one sided love.
But, If he don't like me, why does he treat me so well. It's
beyond what you will normally do for a friend. Liking a person
is very heart wrenching. I can know his likes, his habits. But his
feelings towards me I can never figure out. You can't expect me a
gal to ask him right?
Despite that, I still want to be by his side. Care for him, accompany
him, dote on him. Hoping that one fine day, he will come & love me.
It's like waiting for his phone call every night, wanting him to send
me sms. I know that no matter how busy he is, he will make time for me.
Because of this, I waited for him. The 3 years were the hardest to go
through & I really want to give up. Sometimes, I wonder should I
continue waiting. The pain and hurt, the dilemma accompany me for
3 years.
Till the end of my 3rd year, a 2nd year junior begins to go after me.
Everyday he pursues me relentlessly. From outright rejection to a
point in time when I felt that I'm willing to let him have a small
footing in my heart.
He's like a warm & gentle wind, trying to blow a leaf away from the
tree. In the end, I realized that I didn't want to give this wind a
small footing in my heart. I know this wind will bring this badly
battered leave far away & better land. Finally I left tree, but the
tree only smile & didn't ask me to stay.
"Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit? Or because Tree didn't
ask her to stay?"
==== Wind ======
I like a gal called leaf. Because she's so dependent on tree so I
have to be a gust wind. A wind that will blow her away. When I first
met her, it was 1 mth after I transferred to the new school. I saw a
petite person looking at my seniors & me playing soccer. During ECA
time, she will always be sitting there. Be it alone or with her
friends looking at him.
When he talks with gals there's jealousy in her eyes. When he looked
at her, there's a smile in her eyes. Looking at her became my habit.
Just like she likes to look at him.
One day, she didn't appear. I felt something amissed. I can't explain
the feeling except it's a kind of uneasiness. The senior was also not
there as well. I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my senior
scolding her. Tears were in her eyes while he left. The next day, I saw
her at her usual place, looking at him. I walked over and smiled to her.
Took out a note & gave to her. She was surprised. She looked at me,
smiled & accept the note.
The next day, she appeared & pass me a note and left.
"Leaf's heart is too heavy and wind couldn't blow her away. "
"It's not that leaf's heart is too heavy. It's because leaf never want
to leave tree" - I replied her note with this statement and slowly she
started to talk to me & accept my presents & phone calls. I know that
the person she loves is not me. But I have this perseverance that one
day I will make her like me.
Within 4 mths, I have declared my love for her no less than 20 times.
Every time, she will divert away from the topic. But I never gave up.
If I decide I want her to be mine, I will definitely use all means to win
her over. I can't remember how many times I have declared my love to her.
Although I know she will try to divert but I still bear a small ray of
hope.
Hoping that she will agree to be my girlfriend. I didn't hear any
reply from her over the phone. I asked "what are you doing? How come
you didn't want to reply?"
She said, "I'm nodding my head".
"Ah?" I couldn't believe my ears.
"I'm nodding my head" She replied loudly.
I hung up the phone, quickly changed and took a taxi and rush to her
place & press her door bell.
During the moment when she opens the door. I hugged her tightly.
"Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit? Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay?"
---------------------------------------
all the best steve...
miloice
Well-Known Member
Doll,
"if Steve is a greenhorn and behaves like a greenhorn all the time, he is going to end up with no girls."
So? I completely agree with this. But I'm refuting your statement about it being natural simply because of chemistry. That statement isn't true. Get it?
Steve gotta realize he is not in some super unique and difficult situation. Instead, its very common. Most guys go thr this phase, just some later than the rest. Early starters in primary or sec and for the rest mostly, NS or uni or work. Until he get pass this, he will always be this green horn. It doesn't matter how confident he can be in any other aspect.
Powder,
in any practice, its not just about repeating the same thing. But the eagerness to improve and reflect. In fact, what he is doing by asking around is good references. But, useless unless he put them to practise to convert external reference into experience.
Steve : "Anyway, i'm not the type who always gets tongue-tied around gals.. in fact, i have a few female friends whom i can talk to for hours at a go..it's just that this gal i like is somebody new whom i've met..and i suppose with my inexperience, i'm having problems approaching her.."
This is exactly the green horn scenario I'm talking about. U gotta walk the talk. Muster the courage and just do it. Whatever the result, it will contribute to your success in getting the gal u want someday. The more you talk and plan but do no action, the more you are letting opportunities slip by. Just do it.
"if Steve is a greenhorn and behaves like a greenhorn all the time, he is going to end up with no girls."
So? I completely agree with this. But I'm refuting your statement about it being natural simply because of chemistry. That statement isn't true. Get it?
Steve gotta realize he is not in some super unique and difficult situation. Instead, its very common. Most guys go thr this phase, just some later than the rest. Early starters in primary or sec and for the rest mostly, NS or uni or work. Until he get pass this, he will always be this green horn. It doesn't matter how confident he can be in any other aspect.
Powder,
in any practice, its not just about repeating the same thing. But the eagerness to improve and reflect. In fact, what he is doing by asking around is good references. But, useless unless he put them to practise to convert external reference into experience.
Steve : "Anyway, i'm not the type who always gets tongue-tied around gals.. in fact, i have a few female friends whom i can talk to for hours at a go..it's just that this gal i like is somebody new whom i've met..and i suppose with my inexperience, i'm having problems approaching her.."
This is exactly the green horn scenario I'm talking about. U gotta walk the talk. Muster the courage and just do it. Whatever the result, it will contribute to your success in getting the gal u want someday. The more you talk and plan but do no action, the more you are letting opportunities slip by. Just do it.
wondering_steve
New Member
Thanks everyone for helping out.. i tried talking to her on msn.. but for almost the entire conversation, it was me who was asking questions, while she remained indifferent and cordial to me.. i suppose this is some sort of a hint right?
sgbabydoll
Active Member
"So? I completely agree with this. But I'm refuting your statement about it being natural simply because of chemistry. That statement isn't true. Get it?"
Alamak, you need not agree with everything I say. You know hor?
Steve: I don't blame the girl for being disinterested in the chat since you may sound like interrogating her with your question after question. Some girls do not like to answer questions.
Alamak, you need not agree with everything I say. You know hor?
Steve: I don't blame the girl for being disinterested in the chat since you may sound like interrogating her with your question after question. Some girls do not like to answer questions.
miloice
Well-Known Member
Steve, don't ask so many questions. Its a chat and not some interrogation as Doll said. Instead, tell her things that might interest her more. Make her ask u questions. Don't focus on talking about yourself. And please don't talk big. This is the number turn off but guys tend to love to blow their trumpets. Its an instinctive thing trying to 'impress' but it really works the opposite.
It is only impressive if the gal is head over heels for u. Then, whatever u say will be impressive anyway.
Furthermore, once she is interested in the chat, its will be easy to lead the topics towards questions for you to know her more better. This is more natural than the Q&A style of chat. Talk about food, fine dinning, hobbies, music, sports, cooking, traveling, friends, family, jokes, even shopping and really anything that would trig her interests.
It is only impressive if the gal is head over heels for u. Then, whatever u say will be impressive anyway.
Furthermore, once she is interested in the chat, its will be easy to lead the topics towards questions for you to know her more better. This is more natural than the Q&A style of chat. Talk about food, fine dinning, hobbies, music, sports, cooking, traveling, friends, family, jokes, even shopping and really anything that would trig her interests.