[HELP] Getting to know a girl better?

W

wondering_steve

New Member
Hi people. I know this might be a stupid qns, but may I know how can a guy get to know a girl better? I'm kinda shy when it comes to speaking to girls and would like to know if there are 'subtle' ways that I can go about in approaching a girl and knowing more about her? (Asking her outright for a dinner date or something like that would be considered too 'direct' for me)..

Anyway, this person is someone whom I just knew in office and there are no common office topics to talk about cuz we have different jobscopes.. so may I know how can I take it from here?

Also, may I know if girls like guys to be polite and reserved or would they prefer somebody who's outgoing and the 'ra-ra' type? Many thanks in advance !!
 


"hi rachel, would u be FREE to catch a play with me? i would like to tell u that my fren played me out at the last minute but to be honest i bought the tickets hoping u'd say yes"

ps: get those saturday matinees at esplanade or something... like tim sum dolly types. not very imposing and doesn't shout "Date!"
 
forget subtle... it's confusing, shows a lack of confidence, shows u want face, and makes u look like a loser who will not climb mountain or swim thru oceans for the girl.

the reason why girls love the Proposal stuff when asked for their hand... is becos they wanna know tat u're willing to make a fool of yourself for them. it makes it romantic...

no point being subtle now and later u end up with the HDB, pretend-pretend to buy ring process... waste time.

oh by the way, be ready to quit your job if the girl u're trying to date has a big mouth and goes round the office telling everyone wat u just did.
 
Start dropping post cards in her mail slots (office)
then after some time, ask her via (msn) or thru watever channel if she like those post cards then ask her for a lunch date.
 
or why not. i just won a 2 day stay @ this hotel . care to join me there.
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haha, how abt "i just won a 2 day stay @ this hotel and since i dun have a partner, u can have it to go with your bf or husband".

u can get lots of answer from there...

"oh u're not attached? hmm... sounds weird but neither am i, wanna play couple for a day?" (throw in your killer smile)
 
practice makes perfect. Be thick skin and go ahead and talk to her to know her better. Even if u flop, u will learn from the experience.

Same usual corny ideas, tell her she looks familiar etc. Ask if she was from the same sch. Then break the ice and go with the flow. Somemore in the office, should be easy to find reasons lah. Instead of asking her for a date, just join the lunch group or something. Then, u can start emailing her jokes etc. Let one thing lead to another.

Also, u can be the 'on the ball' chap to organize some lunch kaki outings after knowing the group.
 
haha.. glad to see so many replies here.. actually, she did invite me to join her lunch group for lunch several times already.. but because i'm new in the office and am not accquainted with her kakis, i always declined her offer and join the rest of the guys in my section .. looking back, i think i should have jumped at the chance.. *banging head against the wall now*

so supposing she invites me to lunch again next week *crosses fingers*, what do i say to her? Ask her about the schools she attended and stuff? (Would it sound too cordial and boring?) Or do i straight away jump into something more personal like what she did during the weekend? (Would it sound too intrusive since we barely know each other?)

Anyway, i can be quite chirpy and jovial around people whom i know well.. but the thing is.. i need to overcome that initial apprehension of getting to know someone better.. and this is what troubles me the most..sigh
 
by the way, i really appreciate all the suggestions given thus far.. but i think that asking her out straight away when i barely know her for 2-3 weeks would be too 'outright'.. so are there any other ways that are more 'gradual'? cuz if i were a girl, i'd feel freaked out if a guy had been so direct ..
 
dude,

one thing pple dun often think abt... Dun Assume she's gonna be always available. anything can happen in the few weeks u hesitate... the day u dun ask her and someone else does... u might just lose it forever...
 
steve,

dude.. don't have to wait for her to invite..

next week, during lunch time just try to stand around her and then just say..

"today, can i join you people for lunch?"
 
wah leow..... u r still waiting for her to invite u???
Take the initiative lah. No one is asking u to be so direct till its making it arward. Its only a lunch with colleagues. Just join in the next lunch ok?
 
actually alot of ways, u can also employ the 'hard-to-get' method which as a guy, will take patience and lotsa good timing... ofcos she can also end up feeling that u kns.

all these require good tactics and planning. but then as a guy i dun believe in playing games...

pls also consider if your company is ok that u shite in your own backyard.
 
Just join the lunch group! Through their chats during lunch time, you can easily find out if she's still unattached etc and understand her better. If she's already married or planning for a wedding, you can give up on her.
 
nono..please dont get me wrong.. i'm not the type who plays games or acts hard to get.. i was just not comfortable going out with lunch with a whole group of people whom i dont know and are not from my department.. anyway, thank you all for the replies.. will try to lunch with her tml and see how it goes.. will update u all after that..

(btw, i'm just an intern for 2 months.. so i suppose the 'dont sh** in your own backyard' theory doesnt apply right?)
 
steve...sometimes it may be easier to lunch with a big grp rather with her alone....more pple, more topics...and you will not be tat nervous.

if u are really interested in her, just drop her an email to ask if she has a MSN acct etc etc...and start chatting from there. Then can 'shun bian' jio her for coffee after work..go movies...
 
"i was just not comfortable going out with lunch with a whole group of people whom i dont know and are not from my department."

Don't you need to network with people outside the department? What if you lunch with her and bump into her colleagues? You may end up having lunch with that bunch of people. Keep an open mind I would say.
 
exactly... i normally issue a warning to those who crossover and mingle too much with the ladies from other depts... if doesn't change i will ask them to leave. come to think of it, i discourage my guys from lunching with other depts... i may be extreme but i see such things affect work in the company, particularly if u have more than a guy interested in the girl... the only rivalry we need is with our competitiors, not internally. as for interns, no need to think twice, just call up their school to terminate the arrangement.
 
same here. no kick chasing someone u get a chance to see everyday without any effort. they are always there and u hardly need to polish any skills asking them out... sometimes it's just out of plain convenience. and u screw up the office harmony, cos sure got pple in office who will have good impressions of certain pple etc... it's human nature.
 
"no kick chasing someone u get a chance to see everyday without any effort"

If they do become a couple, bet they won't know how it feels like to be missing each other since they get to see each other every day by default. I hope they don't meet for lunchie and knock off together every day. Too close for comfort.
 
not forgetting having to go work together, go back together, expectations to lunch together, sometimes if u're in a higher postion n some company thing happen - having to be blackmailed by the 'no secrets between couples' in a relationship thingie... getting grilled if talk to another colleague for too long, or chatting/joking etc whereby the gfren feels left out... not forgetting company pple might not trust u with issues they dun want u to divulge to gfren... etc etc.

and if u are happy being together all the time, u get cut out from the real world... definitely not my cup of tea. imprisonment might be a better proposition...
 
Happily together still OK but if and when they break up, they will be under a lot of scrutiny by the office people. There is no privacy unless you go underground.
 
it depends alot in the culture.
In my company, there are many married couples. Its like a big family.
 
ultra-big company/mncs possibly... or if u're colleagues post-marriage. it's not a balnaket right/wrong thingie... just that if u look deeper into a couple working in the same company, there's more negatives FOR a company and for oneself, than positives. the positives are more tangible, the negatives are more intangible.
 
Not very wise for a married couple to be working in the same company, on the practical side of things. If the company is down, both could be out at the same time.
 
the practical part is the savings in transport/food etc? but than i'd rather have higher expense than a 24/7 exposure... ok ok i value my freedom too much.
 
Well... I personally don't prefer too.

But, its just the culture here in my company is pretty acceptable and accustomed to couples within the corporate. Not just sgp office but globally. There is even one case, her european bf relocate to sgp to accompany her. Both in the same team!

There is another part of it... i.e. we take in lots of freshies. Working long hours together and naturally romance within the office happens. Being in a proprietary technology, we keep the good people for long time within the corporate although job rotations and internal transfers are common.
 
this may sound irrelevant but i feel the location of the office and surroundings matter too. end of the day it's exposure.
 
yes. of cos... fully agree on that. All these are factors that would influence. But one's experience and exposure is largely dependent on the individual too.
 
i was more referring to 'enclosed selection'... like how if u have a a group of OCS cadets and the closest gril for affection is the gift-shop owner's daughter... or that female officer.
 
Yah.... but, the cadets can look beyond the camp.
Also, there is "Golf" company cadets and instructors. No need to only target gift shop.
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That's why I say its up to the individual to increase one's scope and selection.
 
I've been hearing alot from friends working in Jurong Island/Tuas. Especially those on irregular shifts and long hours. All around them are banglas... uncles... and more sweaty man.

Hence normally their reaction when seeing a new young female colleague probably is like those recruits in tekkong spotting the NTUC insurance ladies coming to give talk on the insurance
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They would like to make time to meet those outside of work, but then again when they are free, others are working. Job nature plays a part.
 
yup..hub works in j.island with alot of banglas & uncles...so one day...i overheard his colleague toking abt tis 'cai'...so i asked him...wah got chio bu join ur co ah...his replied was...'ya...BUI cai....*roll eyes*' hahahaha
 
if u make an observation, the 'enclosed selection' theory holds some weight. it happens from young in classrooms, to schools n lecture halls or hostels... to offices...
 
yo, with bosses like powder, make sure you get stealthy. talk to the girl using im or add her in your facebook and go from there... a chick is worth getting fired for. but most chicks don't go for dudes with no jobs and therefore no money to take them out on nice dates. yeah, be stealthy my young one... like a ninja.
 
yeah tat might be a better alternative than to walk around office and openly chatting them up... if my guys can chase the girl without the office knowing, marry her without the office knowing Then have kids without us all knowing... he'll definitely be given a raise and promotion instead...
 
hahahah .. OTT but when me and the husband got married, no one in his office knew! cos our ROM was on a saturday and since he was undergoing training, he didn't even take any leave .. we and some other trainees went out for drinks to celebrate the end of training and they asked how long we've been married - only then did the husband explained to them that we've only been married for several days .. hahahah ..
 


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