I recently met this man who is shy and quiet. Our first meet up was good, we talk alot about each other. However after going out on few occasions, I realised that both of us are quiet persons and share the same lifestyle. Both of us have friends who dont have time for us and we are the only child at home who are still single. It also seem like we didnt talk as much as we used to. Both of us can just keep quiet in the car during our journey from one place to another. This is not healthy for our relationship even though we have not started dating each other. I wonder how couples keep their communication alive. Can someone please share some tips.
Going out with a quiet man
- Thread starter otelle
- Start date
Just wonder how some couples can have alot to talk? If we have little to talk in the beginning of a relationship, then its difficult to maintain the relationship. Yes being comfortable is important but communication is equally important. Talking to your partner is different from talking to your siblings or parent?
infojunkie
Active Member
"I recently met this man who is shy and quiet. Our first meet up was good"
"Good" is not gd enuff. to make progress, u need sparks...
stage 1 of a relationship - Attraction
"Good" is not gd enuff. to make progress, u need sparks...
stage 1 of a relationship - Attraction
miloice
Well-Known Member
actually, it isn't too different. In the initial courtship, its pretty much the discovery. And alot of the communication that keeps us interested is really getting to know each other.
But, with a family, its different. We are in a much different stage of communication. With a lifetime partner, its pretty much the same, you will reach a point where most of the discovery is already done. If you find a soul mate in your spouse, the communication is natural. You cannot really focus on the talking. Its about being comfortable enough to relate, share and be yourself. IF the both of you are not expressive and don't talk much normally, being yourself isn't going to change that much. You probably will not need or appreciate that kind of 'non-stop' talking needs of another couple. Also, communication isn't only in the form of physically engaging in a conversation. A lot of communication are actually non verbal. The disagreement, anxious, resentful, flirting, fun, cheeky, loving signals are all sent mostly through our actions than the talking. We focus a lot on the verbal without realizing how much the non verbal body language actually impacts the context and mood of it all.
Lastly, I agree with Junkie, work on the sparks to sustain the relationship. u need to keep the attraction and romance going. Somehow, that is lacking right now. Many times, I don't need to say much. I just look at my wife with admiration and attraction. A simple silly grin at her or stroke of her hair or a hug. It speaks a lot between the both of us.
But, with a family, its different. We are in a much different stage of communication. With a lifetime partner, its pretty much the same, you will reach a point where most of the discovery is already done. If you find a soul mate in your spouse, the communication is natural. You cannot really focus on the talking. Its about being comfortable enough to relate, share and be yourself. IF the both of you are not expressive and don't talk much normally, being yourself isn't going to change that much. You probably will not need or appreciate that kind of 'non-stop' talking needs of another couple. Also, communication isn't only in the form of physically engaging in a conversation. A lot of communication are actually non verbal. The disagreement, anxious, resentful, flirting, fun, cheeky, loving signals are all sent mostly through our actions than the talking. We focus a lot on the verbal without realizing how much the non verbal body language actually impacts the context and mood of it all.
Lastly, I agree with Junkie, work on the sparks to sustain the relationship. u need to keep the attraction and romance going. Somehow, that is lacking right now. Many times, I don't need to say much. I just look at my wife with admiration and attraction. A simple silly grin at her or stroke of her hair or a hug. It speaks a lot between the both of us.
agree with milo .. there are a number of occasions where you don't need words to communicate eg sometimes in the car, instead of talking, the husband just reaches over to grab my hand and place it on his lap .. we don't have to speak but just that action makes us both happy ..
miloice
Well-Known Member
Communication are basic tools for us to share our affections & emotions. Don't focus on the tools. If you are able to build a great relationship with little verbal communication, why not? There isn't one common and universal level of words required to be exchanged between couples to maintain the relationship.
If you are clueless and using these things to try to measure the progress and healthiness of your relationship, probably, it aren't working in the 1st place.
When I 1st dated my wife, she was so reserved and basically answered everything in 1 or 2 words / sentence. Really COLD and emotionless! Break the ice and work on the comfort level. When u guys get comfortable, then build on the communication channels naturally.
If you are clueless and using these things to try to measure the progress and healthiness of your relationship, probably, it aren't working in the 1st place.
When I 1st dated my wife, she was so reserved and basically answered everything in 1 or 2 words / sentence. Really COLD and emotionless! Break the ice and work on the comfort level. When u guys get comfortable, then build on the communication channels naturally.
The guy must be willing to talk in the first place. If not, how to talk to him?
Go and do some couple thing like watching a movie, doing some activity or plan a trip etc. From there you should have something to talk about.
Try to find out if he has nothing to talk to YOU or if he simply is plain lazy to talk. Try yo go easy on this freindship first....don't expect so much just because you both are single.
Go and do some couple thing like watching a movie, doing some activity or plan a trip etc. From there you should have something to talk about.
Try to find out if he has nothing to talk to YOU or if he simply is plain lazy to talk. Try yo go easy on this freindship first....don't expect so much just because you both are single.
mr_homelook_er
New Member
things will develop slowly. everything will be fine if u give it time
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Is there mutual attraction in the first place? Is chemistry present?
Touch and passion are more important than mindless drivel
Or, just put on some good music and ROCK... I LIKE TA MOVE IT MOVE IT! But since you guys are quiet folks maybe take the beat down a notch and try jazz instead...
I used to take dancing classes with my SO. It certainly gave us loads to talk and fight about heh heh
Or, just put on some good music and ROCK... I LIKE TA MOVE IT MOVE IT! But since you guys are quiet folks maybe take the beat down a notch and try jazz instead...
I used to take dancing classes with my SO. It certainly gave us loads to talk and fight about heh heh
hi otelle, maybe i can share my experience with you. My husband is also a very quiet and shy man. When we were dating, i would be the one who talks the most. he would just listen and add in when he has a point to add. I like his quietness and shyness because i had dated men who talked most of the time. It helped that we have common interest - traveling, eating, watching movies, listening to music and going for long walks (long quiet walks..haha).
I am quite comfortable to keep quiet and have silence filled the gap so it was fine with me that my then boyfriend was/is quiet and shy. Now that we are married, we can eat an entire meal in silence. Sometimes we can sit in the car and not talk throughout the entire journey especially in the morning when i'm not a morning person.
Like you mentioned that you have common lifestyle, maybe you can start your conversation from there. Do the things that you both have a common interest and you may find the conversation flowing as you have shared common experiences.
Hope my sharing helps.
I am quite comfortable to keep quiet and have silence filled the gap so it was fine with me that my then boyfriend was/is quiet and shy. Now that we are married, we can eat an entire meal in silence. Sometimes we can sit in the car and not talk throughout the entire journey especially in the morning when i'm not a morning person.
Like you mentioned that you have common lifestyle, maybe you can start your conversation from there. Do the things that you both have a common interest and you may find the conversation flowing as you have shared common experiences.
Hope my sharing helps.
Otelle
now (not yet dating) already nothing to talk, next time if married, will be worse .. I'm now practically having daily silence dinners with my hubby and i really feel sad about it .. i've tried many times, but now gave up liao .. ren(4)-min(4) already .. feedback to him also no use ..
now (not yet dating) already nothing to talk, next time if married, will be worse .. I'm now practically having daily silence dinners with my hubby and i really feel sad about it .. i've tried many times, but now gave up liao .. ren(4)-min(4) already .. feedback to him also no use ..
