Frustrations!!!

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How do you deal with a spouse who have a high tolerance for untidiness???
Eg. I feel it's important to at least mop the floor once a week or at least sweep it twice a week. But she can simply "bochup", and wait for me to get "irriated" and i will do the chores.

What would you do???

I tried talking to her nicely, planning a schedule. Whereby she will help sweep once mid-week, and i will sweep again and mop at the weekend.
But so far, she never manage to keep her side of the bargain, always inciting that she is tired.
I'm also tired from work too.

Our current situation doesn't allow us to hire a maid, neither do i want one. Doesn't make any sense.

My future concern will be, if we are so "dirty" now, when a baby comes along. How??? Wait till then to change??? I think it's gonna be even harder!

Please don't suggest that I also bochup as well and see who can hold out longer. I know very well, i can't. It's my house, and I don't want to live in a dump!!!!

I'm out of ideas on how to approach this "problem" with her. It's getting really frustrating...
 


hire a part-time cleaner.

it's kinda pointless to say this now but this is something you shud've found out before you married her.
 
aiyo, when must she be the one who has to sweep the house mid-week? BTW, is she expecting or is she working?
 
She is working, and no, she's not expecting.

i'm fine sweeping it at mid-week, if she dun mind mopping as well during the weekend..
But she feel that mopping is too "siong" for her. So i do it then.

Hiring a part-time cleaner is a good idea. But how much can a p/y cleaner do???
I'm lookin at long-term, cultivating decent habit in prep for a child in the future...

Anyway it's not about who mop or sweep...
it's just that there's no conscious effort to try to maintain the house clean.
 
it's simply a difference in threshold for untidiness, which is why i said you shud've found out and discussed/thought over this before marriage.

for me, i can live with a messy floor and leave things outside for one whole year without touching them. i know it's untidy and clean up when i have visitors, but other than that i prefer to spend my time doing other things and clean up only when I feel the need to, and absolutely dislike being told to.

have u told her nicely about ur concerns about having a baby? tap into her maternal instincts, but that is if she has also wants a baby else u'r gonna have another new problem.

try discussing about the part-time cleaner and see what she says. more likely than not, she'll be willing to fork out the money so it solves the prob without her having to do the work.
 
BBoy, let me just tell you that once you have children, you won't even have time to think of this .. i'm a mother of two small children (both under the age of 2) and before i gave birth to my 1st, my husband told me that he will never give up the tv room to her ie no toys there .. now there are toys, books, etc everywhere!!

also you can try to schedule house chores all you want but this will never work out to your plans ..

me and my husband are also not comfortable with having a live-in maid but with two kids, we just had to hire a part-time cleaner who does the major house cleaning like sweeping, mopping floors, cleaning surfaces, etc once a week.
 
bboy

I can understand your frustrations. I’m 1 person who is very into cleanliness.

I sweep & mop the floor daily even when I need to take care of my 2.5yrs old daughter. My ex-husband doesn’t help me with my housework but he will help in making the house dirty. He can walk around the whole house wearing his muddy or sandy shoes, throw everything on the floor, putting the plates & cup after eating/drinking in the room, basically he do anything to make it dirty instead of cleaning it.

If they grow up in this kind of environment it’s hard to change them.
 
Both of us are not really comfortable with another person in the house even it's on a P/T basis.

I understand the fact that once the baby comes along, there WON'T even be time for any of this discussion.

Which is precisely why i want to make it a habit, a norm, a self-motivated conscious effort to WANT to keep everything tidy n clean.

Once you are use to it, you will auto get it done and not feel like a chore.

But i can't do all this alone.

Wait till the baby comes??? Then, even more excuses not to clean the place up...

Sometime i'm so pissed....
She comes home, bathe n just sit in front of the PC, surfing the web. I did asked her whether do she finds the coffee table messy, with all the papers, mags, letters all over. She replied, "Okay ah!"
WTF

Yes it's something which we should have thought/discuss over before marriage. Which we did!!!! But she just doesn't keep her end of the deal. I hate to remind her, "Hey it's time to do the housework", "Hey it's your turn to sweep the floor" etc...

C'mon... we are all adults leh. It's your house too!!! DAMN..

Sorry.... just getting more frustrated as i type...

I just don't wanna get into a quarrel with her over all this AGAIN.
 
Hi Dodo,
Sorry to hear about your hubby's bad habits
HAving to do all the chores alone and still take care of your 2 1/2 year kid
Kudos to you!!!

If i could, i would prefer to sweep n mop everyday. But my Wife feel it's not necessary which i too AGREED, cause we are not IN the whole day. We also agree that once or twice a week is enough.
 
bboy, part-time cleaners only come in 1-2 hours a week leh... liddat also cannot?

ok let me offer you the other perspective then. if you find it messy, you tidy it. simple as that. you can say WTF for as many times as you like, but what is messy to you can be perfectly acceptable to someone else.

let me tell u why i hate to be told to clean up. it is precisely because i came from a family with someone who is obsessed with cleanliness, and causes so much unhappiness within the family cos she expects everyone to live up to her level of cleanliness and tidiness.

u think she pisses u off, but she is probably just as pissed off at ur constant nagging. just get external help if it solves the prob lah. saves u the frustration.
 
Maybe i should explore the option of P/T helpers.

"ok let me offer you the other perspective then. if you find it messy, you tidy it. simple as that. you can say WTF for as many times as you like, but what is messy to you can be perfectly acceptable to someone else"

I know what you mean, i can tidy it up... but for how long?

I too come from a family with someone obsessed with cleaniness... Which is why i feel that in my OWN house i just need a certain level of cleaniness for the kid or for own personal well-being.

I DO NOT nag at her. I repeat! I Do NOT nag at her.
 
bboy,

you chose such a wife.. so if talking to her is not working.. then too bad lor.

either you do the household chore or you get help - simple as that.

And if you really can't stand her - then what? Divorce her?

You should have known better when you were dating.. like if she is helping at her own house for housework - that is a clear indication.

As to having a maid (full-time or part-time) it is just a matter of getting used to it.

I am also one who guarded my privacy and resisted have a maid for the longest time - in the end no choice still get one.. And I have gotten used to it. Now I can't do without a maid.

't
 
ok i apologise for using the word 'nag'. no wonder u'r exploding here lah. cos everything's just been boiling inside u.
 
Couples do need to complement one another - if you are very particular about cleanliness - no choice you will be the one doing most of the housework.
 
Definitely, it is causing you a lot of unhappiness. Engage a P/T helper which is about $10/hr.

On the other hand, ask yourself if this is the only problem that bothers you. Otherwise, don't even think about having a baby as you will have more to quarrel about such who is going to feed/change the baby etc.
 
its hard to change a person. if u can tahan, i also for the idea of hiring a part time maid. evey week 3 to 4 hrs n d house is cleaned!
 
get irobot
courts selling at $399 for a basic model

auto vacuum, just press start button, you can let it vacuum everyday!

so nowsaday we only need to mop & do surface cleaning, can even do without our part time cleaner
 
Bboy... i ask myself that question all the time. How do u deal with a untidy, unhygenic partner?? grrrrrrr.... I just DEAL with it. I mop every other day, i have stopped asking him to pick up his socks which he conveniently stash under my sofa.....not to mention the seemingly endless production of "pee sai" he has all day long which he digs and conveniently drops it at his convenient... mind you...we're talking about GIANT BOOGER!! after almost 2 years... i've just learnt to lower my threshold for tidiness.
 
Bboy,
Hire a part-time cleaner or lower your expectation (like what Mozz is doing). Dun let the cleanliness issue affect your marriage leh.

My Bf is untidier than me. I'm getting married and moving in with him next month. I plan to do the cleaning-up chores more than him since it's my own expectation to have a cleaner room.

U need to understand that everyone has different preferences for different chores. My bf told me he didn't like mopping floor, so I asked him what kind of chores he like? He said that he didn't mind washing clothes. In the end we strike a deal
happy.gif
I shall help out with mopping, while he shall help out with hand-washing clothes. I'm quite happy cos I find hand-washing more tiring than mopping hehe. He had ever helped me to wash clothes at my rented place before.

Since your wife doesn't like mopping, you can consider asking her to use Magiclean (which is a piece of paper pasted onto a stick). It's easier than mopping and does a good job at cleaning up dirt and dust.
 
Love,
"Otherwise, don't even think about having a baby as you will have more to quarrel about such who is going to feed/change the baby etc."

It may happen lor hehe. I'm visualising the poor baby crying while the two parents argue about who to change diapers. :P
 
Green,

Congrats on your upcoming marriage.

Haha.. when two individuals decide to live together, "compromise & tolerance" are very important especially diff pple have diff stds & priorities.

For me & my dh, we wait until we hv more or less compromised before having a baby. It's amazing how much work and how much attention this little person demands from you but it's very fulfilling and happy experience!
happy.gif
 
Well, the fact that she doesn't even wanna use the Magiclean thingy...
What can i do???

I just can't accept this...

She do something, always need help...
When she sees me doing things, why can't she auto help??? Doesn't she have any ownership for the house???
Somehow all this equate to being irresponsible to me...
 
BBoy,

I think your wife is just like my husband...we argue a lot times becoz of housework. I guess this is due to the upbringing of their family. My husband used to have a mother who do everythin for him and now he expect the same. Clothes anyhow throw, even the floor is veri dirty and sticky, he also wldnt bother to mop...4d and cotton buds just throw around on the sofa, dinning table..everywhere. And i already give up...he do or not i oso cant be bother. Cause when i ask him to help out..he will show me a baysong face and scolded me.

Since me n u only know after marriage...is just our luck
 
umm .. but wouldn't you know all these 'habits' of your partner before you get married .. and why does it annoy you to bits now?
 
Cucl,
Maybe BBoy expect his wife to be a full-time housewife, must clean and cook everyday? He doesn't realise that humans get tired after their work on weekdays?
 
Just ignore the housework. Why make yourself unhappy when some people just don't practice personal hygiene?

In the past I also used to mind the state of the house a lot, until i woke up to the fact that i'm the only one cleaning up his mess.

I am sick of wiping his urine stain on the toilet seat everyday, and sweeping his peeled dead skin (from his heel) and dried mucus, etc.

And after a year of telling him, I got fed up and that's it.

Can you believe that such a dirty person actually exist????
 
Turtle,
I believe! There's all sort of ppl in this world. It's good that you adjust your expectation and close 1 eye.

I guess some habits are hard to change overnight. We have to slowly cyco/influence the other partner instead of scolding him/her.
 
i also believe ...

my husband (before we got married) was always the one to initiate weekend cleaning of the apartment - top to bottom - he even does the laundry etc. after marriage, we drew up a schedule for chores but rarely stick to it because we're either too tired, too lazy or doing something else (being too lazy!). now with the kids around, he's like the 3rd kid in the house - someone i have to pick up after. but we both learnt to let go because our kids come first - yes, we might intend on doing the dishes or the laundry but once the kids start acting up, all of our chores get chucked or tossed aside .. that's why we really love our cleaning auntie to bits lor - i look forward to her visit every week .. hahahah ..
 
Turtle, sorry to say that your husband is downright dirty. It's one thing not willing to do house chores, and another thing to dirty the house like nobody's business.
 
Doll, I just pm you leh, then the message said I cannot pm you blah blah blah......

Anyway I'll try again later.
 
Hi green,
Of cos, i understand that my wife need to work and will get tired. What about me? Dun i need to work? Won't i get tired too???
But i'm still do my part to keep the house clean.
Eg, vaccuming the sofa once a week, tidying up the messy coffee table etc etc
On top of that, the laundry...

C'mon...
That's is such an unfair statement to be making...

my pt is it's not how much she does that i want to see/judge on..
But rather the fact that she WOULD take the initative to get her butt off and help out.

Is that too much to ask????
 
bboy,

No point being angry here. You chose your own wife..

Either you can talk and educate her to change or you have to set your own expectations.

Or you employ help.

Or ultimately, you can divorce her.

Getting angry won't help anything..
 
alamak.. i salute u lar.. BBoy..
how i wish hb's lydat.. he norm just help to wash his uniforms, sumtimes do help me vacuum and mop..
but heng har.. he is very neat and tidy person!!!

And YES, i do all the housework, laundry, etc etc thats involves cleaniness and tidiness.

But lately ive to hire a Part Time Maid P/hr $10 norm they take it max 4hrs and i call her to do on Sat. OR Sun. They norm wash 2 toilets, clean everywhere that needs to wipe, vacuum, mop whole house, and ironing my hb and kid clothes..
 
bboy, your wife is probably not the only who dont do housework.

i am a classic example. i hate housekeeping. i will do the min, like wash and fold my laundry and any day just use magic clean to simply clean the dust and hair, and wash cups and plates after use. i can live with a dusty floor cos i am hardly home and i work long hours.

my family cannot tahan me. if my late mother is alive she will prob scream her head off...hahah well i am known in the family for being lazy... more like i am too tired to do anything after work.

to solve this, i engaged part-time help. she comes in every fortnight to clean my place. at least i hv a decent home to go back to..and i dont feel embarassed when i invite friends home...

part-time help is not exp... some charge $10-15 pr hour. just pay that amt and you dont get the headaches... you got what i mean??

your wife dont want to share the load, you engage someone to do the job then...
 
Part-time help is good. It relieves our housework duties. And I live in a dusty neighbourhood, thus I have never-ending dust in my home.

I used to have one part-time helper, but she is unable to commit to Saturdays so too bad
sad.gif
 
mine comes on tuesdays - i don't like being at home when she's around .. don't like feeling like supervisor lah .. hahahah .. but my 'auntie' is quite alright - she sometimes go above and beyond her duties lah, like buying cleaning stuff for us when we run out or when i had flooring problems, she looked out for cracks for me .. hahaha .. she even cut fruits for the husband because i think she see the fruits week after week just lying in the fruit bowl so she ask him if she can cut for him .. hahahah ..
 
Cuc, your helper sounds so much like the one I used to have leh. I also don't like to be home when the cleaning was being done.
 
cuclainne

wah, no bad leh. actually i need a helper to help me do a one-time spring cleaning.

your helper interested or not? and how much she charge?
 
doll: not so easy to find a helper that is really good yah .. i don't know if she'll want to continue after we move cos even we don't know where we're going next .. hahaha ..

turtle: 'auntie' is from a cleaning agency that we hire la .. but we like her so we didn't change .. she charges $10 an hour and she's only supposed to stay for 4 hours but sometimes she stays longer until her chores are done - i suppose it helps that i live near to her home.
 


So i guess P/T Helper is the way to go...

Any good ones to recommend???

Do you let them have a set of your house keys??
and they do it when ya not around..

Can trust???
 
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