Frustrations!!!

BBoy: i do have some friends who willingly pass a set of their house keys to their cleaners but i had mine put back the set in the letterbox when she's on her way out.

i'm staying at an apartment with a private lift lobby and one needs the access card to get up to the apartment floor - i give her a key to one of the doors. to me, even if she duplicates, serves no purpose because she cannot get into my house - won't be able to get the lift moving without a card.

depends on your comfort level - my colleague advised me not to leave any confidential things around (her previous cleaner went through her documents and asked about her divorce) so i just keep these kind of documents like bank statements, etc away. i have a safe for more valuable things and we have things like laptops, cameras, etc lying around and no problems .. perhaps it's safer to get a helper from an agency because in this way, you still know that in case of any situations, you know how to get in touch with them la - cannot run away. plus all these is really from word-of-mouth, if the helper is good and people request for him/her, then he/she gets more money right ..
 


i don't have a private lift lobby, and i am not comfortable with giving the cleaner a set of my house keys. So i rather be around when she's doing the cleaning.

i will also do some cleaning while the cleaner is doing her work. Eg. I wipe the table while she scrub the kitchen top.
 
If you are worried about trusting the helper.

Wait for her to come.. open door for her..

Then you go watch movie or go window shopping..

Then come back just in time..

Not too difficult to manage this way.

Of course the best is to get someone you can trust. Still confidential or expensive stuff should be locked or put away.
 
some people have different padlocks for their doors la - when the cleaning lady is around, use a different set and on days when she's not around, use another lock ..

of course if you're not comfortable leaving her on her own, it's ok to stay around .. mine is ok, esp. since my mom and my brother have a tendency to just pop by to drop something off, or in my brother's case, to laze around and play PS3 all day but now he cannot do this anymore because he's in NS ..
 
Turtle!!! I TOTALLY BELIEVE!!!!
At least yours pee in toilet bowl.... my man used to pee on floor while bathing. I was so horrified. I had to TOILET train him. I also cannot believe got such DIRTY people in this world.
 
Bboy,
My sentences are ended with question marks leh. Those are the questions I have in my head. I'm not making accusations at u yet. Cool down ok
happy.gif


Hope the part-time cleaner can solve your woes.
 
Turtle,
My dad also likes to shoot urine at the toilet seat. Poor aiming right haha? So we gals in the family have the habit of lifting up the toilet seat after use.
 
green, i lift up the seat cover and guess what? He will stain the seat. End up I am still the one who has to wipe for him, seat cover and the seat.
 
BBoy,

Welcome to marriage life. You have to learn to accept one another's living habits. We are all brought up differently, so don't expect either party to change for the other. If she doesn't like to clean, can she help out in other areas? Getting a part-time help is the best solution. You'd have to learn to get used to having a stranger come and clean your house.

Wait till you're in my situation. It is my MIL whom I have to clean up after. And I've been doing this for the last 16 years and still counting.
 
Mozz... "my man used to pee on floor while bathing. I was so horrified"

is that supposed to be horrifying? We swim in public pool with lots of people urinating in it. It is not as if he is peeing in the tub while soaking with you.
 
Hi green,
Wasn't trying to rebuke you or anything.
Just felt that the statement you made wasn't fair (at least to me lah)
Cause i also work hard and still try to do my part in keeping the house as clean n tidy as possible.

I'm just trying to see if anybody face similar issue as me...
And how do you approach the topic and resolved it with your spouse.
Guess this topic sure open up a can of worm in every household.

I just want to try and talk to my spouse again on this topic, but don't want to end up quarrelling over it.
 
wahahahahaahah turtle......can't imagine you wiping your man seah!!! roflmao

Bboy, while i face similar issue with you fyi ( we're not married even) he dirties MY place not OUR place. I just don't find it such a big issue that i would need to sought for advice.

You've made your choice and picked your wife, you should know her pattern. If cleanliness is v important to you, you should have put that first priority when choosing your wife. Don't tell me you went into marriage in the hope to change her? I don't think we can really change anyone. So maybe sacrifice abit and do the housework loh. My bf doesn't do any cleaning up at all, as long as he doesn't mess up I'm happy leow. I am fine with do ing the rest of the cleaning. If he mess up i'll scold him loh.
 
Milo,
I laughed when I read your example given.

" It is not as if he is peeing in the tub while soaking with you."

One won't know lor if the tub is filled with foams and warm water!
 
aiyah...if she dun do, then you just do lor...must be so picky to the extent that the work must be divided equally meh....my wife also like that...she dun do, then i do lah...no big deal mah...rather than face a black-faced god, just pick up the mop and broom and do it lor...save all quarrels and unhappiness
 
wah crashburner...i wish my bf had that kind of mentality... but i got a feeling he can live in a junk yard sort. If i don't do we'll just sleep in dirt and dust, soak in his pee and the smell of his poo.
 
Omg.. I am not sure to say that i am happy to see so many of u facing the same problem as me~ I was just totally fustrated, very very fustrated,angry , sad,feeling unappreciated sitting alone in the other room now.. I really think I'm going Crazy soon.. I have no one to talk to.... I was so angry that I actually lock myself up in the other room early in the morning without any sleep. It's 5.25am now.. saw that the post everyone had posted is about a year ago . Guess how I actually found this website and link to this topic in the forum? I feel so lost ... staring at my laptop.....~fuming and I just hope to vent my fustration out by just typing " why are man so Dirty" why doesn t man understand the word Cleaniness and I'm so surprise to be link to this website and read what everyone of u facing the same "shit" like me~ What Mozz is facing .. I'm facing it too........ but I admit I totally didn t have such tolerance like Mozz.. We have so much quarrel... Quarrel about stuffs like that.. I don t even dare to tell my friends.. I feel so ashame.................. I totally can understand Mozzerella and BBoy's situation~ I think I'm doubting myself now.... Why do I fall in love with him in the first place..... It's tearing our relationship so much... I don t know how long I can still tolerate all this "shitty things"~!
 
I think u hv to think twice to have a bb with such kind of person.
If the bb comes probably, most probably u hv to wake up to feed, bath, change the diaper and take care of the bb + doing the hsework.
One of my frd who is very "xiaojie" was also like that, her hb do every single hsework! and her own mum will bring her own maid to helpout with the household every weekend.
During a gathering, I seen her mum and the maid helping her to fold moutainous clothes for her!
SHE NEVER DID A SINGLE HOUSEWORK AT ALL.

Now when their bb comes along, she hire a maid to look after 24/7 while she go chiong every weekend. She told me she never wake up a single night to feed her bb be4.

However luckily her hb doesn't mind, he's v willing to accommodate all her short comings and till now they still appeared to be v loving lah..so i guess is luv tat person, luv their shortcomings..wahaha..
 
I agree with crash burner.

There is really no need to be so calculative about U sweep how many times than she also must do the same. You both are husband and wife (not house mate) and there is no need to be so jing jing ji xiao. WHy cant u treat it that doing housework for her is one way of showing your unconditional love ?

While it may be a bonus she helps but it is not such a "trauma" u do her part for her. If such small thing u also mind, i guess there will be more things to be "calculative" later one when u have a baby.

Honestly, I have 2 guys friends whom their wife dun do housework. But these guy friends are the one who willingly do the work without complaints cos they love their wife.

I have another gf, whom husband dun even do a bit of housework. And this gf has to sweep/mop every day cos she likes the house clean. I ever asked her b4, will she not mind her husband not do at all ? i remembered she told me " as husband and wife, cannot "ji xiao" so much". SHe told me she feel happy doing the housework cos is one way of showing love to her husband.

Take it positively BBoy, is not a big deal. Furthermore, if she is pregnant next time, do u know how much pain/discomfort she has to go thru during 9 months ?? are u then going to be supportive/caring during this 9 months ? OR are u going to make sure she do her part when she is already having a hard time ? LET GO OF SMALL THINGS, THERE ARE BIGGER THING IN LIFE THAN JUST BROOM/MOP.
 
Yes i agree that there are bigger things in life to think about. Getting a part time maid is the best idea i think. I had 1 part time maid every sat morning for 4 hrs and i paid S$50. She do the ironing, cleaning toilet/windows, mopping, etc. My hb dont like the idea initially but after few weeks, he felt its a good idea that i wont get tired after housework and both of us can spend more time together.
 
Make no sense though, why not separate yr territory? you clean yr own room and she manages her own room,. you clean up yr own cups, clothings etc. May sound stupid, but since you cannot compromise on the current situation, just have to divide territory, like room mate like that.. hope i dont get bombard
happy.gif
)
 
eh...hw abt common room like living room, kitchen and toilet?
Moreove both of them share the same room, izzit..
 
Both parties will need to do their part in maintaining the house, it doesnt solely depends on one side effort only. Was ur wife like that before marriage?

If she doesnt like cleaning, talk to her nicely in other areas she prefer to help out. Like shopping for groceries, cooking meal, buying meals, putting clothes in washing machine (if u are using this types of washing method) etc etc.

It will be harder for u if u have a bb coming along in future and ur doing all the housekeeping issues as ur time will be less manageable.

Should try to let her undstd. Hiring a maid/cleaner isnt necessarily if ur can work it out among yourselves currently, as feeling uncomfortable.

Can work during wkends, or as & when not feeling that tired after work. Can be flexible...

Glad to know there are still man who are so hardworking in maintaining their houses. Like i know my bf doesnt keep his area clean and refuse to wash/keep his items/utensils on time, i still offer but didnt say much usually as this is his habit. Just tell it to him in a proper way
 
common area no choice lor, see who cant tahan first lor,toilet can still use separately, master room and kitchen mah , others no choice , if really need to be so calculative, then meaningless leh... btw, how long were the two of you together before getting married?
 
Be more flexible except your wife as she is show unconditional love esp on this part

if she doesnt like doing it then do it for her else hire a part time maid after all u do love your wife thats why u married her.. u didnt marry her so that u have some1 to share the household chores with u or did u ? ..

thats why some ppl prefer cohabitating first to see if they can live side by side with that person. but o well since u r already married do try to be more flexible and close 1 eye
 
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