For those who are going thru a rough time..

D

denise_0704

New Member
Hi,

Decided to open this thread for those who are going thru a rough time in their marriage like me..

My hubby wants to annul the marriage.. and even before we sign the annulment papers, he's now seeing another gal.. We're married for only half a yr!.. Sigh..

For those who have been thru divorce and annulment.. How you gals cope with your emotions?...I'm like going in a stage of depression soon.. Sigh..
 


hi sian, it's better to know it now then later when u have his child. It's a blessing in disguise.

Don't let him ruin your future.
 
Hi,
I'll join this thread.

Hmm, I think I understand how u feel. Now going through a rough patch also. In the past is my hubby wanted out but I was e one trying to salvage e marriage. After I found out about his betrayal, now I am so determined to leave him n he is trying his means to hold me back and using our baby as a bait. Bastard!

Annulment is still better than Divorce. At least u are getting ur single status back. How I wish I annulled my marriage 2 yrs back than. At least I'm much happier now. And not to be suffering. The older folks are nt wrong in this. Short suffering is nothing comparable to long sufferings.
 
Ethel,

At least u have a baby to hold him back.. We're so newly wed.. and yet things happen so fast..

Is like a dream.. I'm telling myself to let go.. but seems hard...

But in the eyes of others I'm alr a divorcee.. the only different is not that I dun have to go thru e 3 yrs separation...

Somemore we have alr hold the traditional ceremony.. bastard...

Jus dun understand why guys cant resist temptation.. is jus a cycle..
 
Sian,
U mean to say u rather be stuck in a unhappy marriage like me?

Not only annulment is better, in e future if u meet another guy, and planning to get married, u dun necessary have to tell him ur past.

Men are weak and give in to visual temptations. Researches had proven tt.

Now u still have your youth, embrace it and make the best out of it. Don't be stuck in a unhappy marriage for years and eventually if one day things still come back to sq 1, U will want to kick urself for wasting time on a worthless person. And yes, I wanted to kick myself for wasting the past 3 yrs on such a person now...
 
Ethel,

No la.. no point keeping him by ur side and his heart not with u.. So wat u intend to do nw?

Ya but den i went thru traditional ceremony liao is not good to hide from my partner in future ba..

Guys are real jerks .. these days I heard so much stories abt guys having affair etc outside.. what they take marriage as? If cant commit why at the first pl still wanna get married.. damn...

But gals once married they will commit.. Guys are always finding "feeling" .. Once no feeling they will just dump u aside..
 
Sian,
He kept telling me he still loves me blah blah blah. Said he had given up this n tt for me. ANd now he already cut off ties with the girl. Why I dun wanna move on? Kaoz, he thinks so easy ah?

His relationship with tt gal lasted ard half a yr, he expects me to let go in less than a month. He crazy man...

I intend to wait n see loh. But now starting to find back my life as a single. Looking up for plans to go over to Aussie. He used to ask me to wait for him n guarantee him with my qualifications. Muahaha, now he lose a link to go over to Aussie liao...

Hmm, whether to tell ur future partner on this or not is still early. Who knows u might meet a divorcee also? Den he can't judge u also mah. Well, dun say it's not possible, cos I see it from ppl ard me. Divorcee with divorcee. And the reunion work out. So you never know. Now I guess the focus is to heal the hurt in ur heart. U like to read? Go and buy books to read. I recommend this book call Why Men Lie and Why Women Cry. Very interesting book. Probably u find ur strength from there. Cos after reading the book, I got more determined to leave him...

Well, I believe nt all guys are jerks. We are just the unlucky ones to marry a jerk. Of cos, mayb there is something missing in us tt lead them to seek elsewhere also. Dun hold on to this anger then u'll feel much better.
 
Ethel,

Ya! Guys always say "u must move on, can find better guys out there, u'll sure lead a better life in future.. wah lao.. say is easy la.. coz they not in our shoes ma..

So u planning to start life a new at Oz? i wanted to go thr to find a job also.. but aiya nt enuff savings sian...den now market so bad..

Oh maybe i shall go buy.. lately i keep reading bibles.. if nt the devotional books.. sigh.. hoping there is miracle.. i wonder if god still creates miracle ...or maybe god wants me to find a better person ba..

Ya, I'm also trying not to hold any anger.. telling myself maybe we're just not fated..if we're fated.. maybe next time we might be tog who knows.. But aiya.. say easy.. haha

Y i'm thinking of annulment or div coz. Annulment like too easy for him.. no nd to give alimony.. but is like waste of time to go for div which I might have alimony.. But i gt no child no property.. chances are low oso..

But den seriously, i;m not really keen in getting the money la.. jus maybe now angry, just wanna get back.. dun feel like letting him go so easily..
 
me too...separation coming to 3rd year...I keep telling myself must let go & move on but...we have not been in contact for the past 1yr,recently he msg me and told me he is having some difficulities. I extended my help to him. I do feel sad and keep thinking how is he now. I did something wrong and he ever said that he wont forgive me :-( Recently I asked him again,does he think that we will ended up together? He never give me an answer but I guess somehow in this life, we will be each other only soul-mate in this life...I told him too, even after annulment, if we are fated to be together, we will :-) My friends told me I am mad,hahaha...

I am not sure what I want from this marriage...I have a bf now, he is very nice to me...he does everythings which I did in the past for my ex-hubby...somehow, I feel that love got to be a 2 way traffic...Definitely he loves me more than I do, haiz...when you dont have it, you yearn for it :-) when you have it yet you dont appreciate it, isnt life funny???
 
Starry,

When he wanted e annulment he oso told me this.. if fated we will be tog again.. well i guess tis statement is just to make us feel better... I do believe and seen pple after separate and leading own life.. 10yrs later they're tog again., well tis is provided u still keep in touch with each other and is really only if u're fated..

Ya.. life is always like tat.. humans are never satisfied..we just take things for granted..

Since u have decided to move on and have a bf now.. u shd just let go and lead life afresh..

For my case, our annulment papers not settled yet and he's alr wi a gal..which i found out yday and confronted him and he admit.. he;s been confining in this gal when he's down or quarrel wi me.. so i guess is like a crush to him now.. but he's with the gal only after he said he wanna annul.. but i believe that he must have compared me with the gal and when come home.. he find me irritating or wat la.. that what trigger him to give me a cold shoulder and want to annul this marriage.. sigh...

why guys always cant resist temptation. seen so many cases with guys having another gal outside.. why cant they think that when they befriend wi the gal, on talking terms, confine in each other of coz the feeling is good, different from the feeling when toking to ur wife after marriage.. but once they're wi the gal commit into r/s again things will surely change.. why shd they be so impulsive?
 
Sian,
Can you guys annul the marriage just like that?
SO you guys are gonna say that you didn't consummate?
Well, i tink you r reali lucky...
@ least u've a 2nd chance in life...
if you wana divorce, you gotta file for sepration for 3-4yrs.
durin tis time, u can still claim for alimony.
bt truth is, y wana rank urself as divorcee wen you can be single?!
if ur hb earnin alot? if so, can consider la! HAHA! *kiddin...
im nt so lucky lik u...
i had a kid to hold on to & nw havin a rough time.
thou there's no 3rd party, bt my hb was violent, cast verbal abuse n humiliation @ me each n everytime...
i wanted to leave him so much cos im stayin w my PILs as well, tey r nasty ple.
bt nw havin a tough time cos tey refuse to let me off if i carry my daughter w me...
feel so frustrated nw...
im almost goin mad!
 
Why do people always think divorce must FIRST go through 3 years of separation....

You DONT NEED TO...if both parties file for amicable divorce, and can settle all the terms, then its immediate...

My sis went through that 4 years ago and got her decree nisi absolute a few months later...

So do consult a lawyer and get all the facts right- costs about S$50 for a consult session...
 
Sian,
Well, since they say you must move on, den show it to them that u will move on. One day if u turn out to be someone better, or meet someone better, he'll probably kick himself for losing u. Trust me. It happens. It happened to me and my ex bf. I moved on, he got with the other gal, ended up she dumped him and he regretted, den came back to me 2 yrs later. But by then I no more feelings liao.

Can always go OZ to study mah. I didnt do my masters becos of him. He gave me false hope tt we will do it together blah blah blah. All bullshit. So now I wanna do it without him. Still looking for ways.

Haiya, Bible speaks to u in a kind way, telling u to forgive, or give u some hope. Yes, tt's how bible works. No offence to christians but I read it before. It just makes me feel more vunerable. Praying n hoping for a miracle as wat u mentioned. Sometimes, we juz need to be stronger. Then we will be happier. Cos we are living for ourselves, not these worthless men.

Haiz, true lah, getting back money is better than nothing. But somehow sometimes I feel tt when we take something from them, it somehow makes them feel less guilty. Agree?
 
ethel,i'm nt sure abt wat u said,bt i tink ther mite b sum slight chgs?nt sure thou.i spoken to lawyer aswel,4 me cos its les than 3yrs,i can only file divorce upon 3yrs marriage on unreasonable behavior.if no basis its seperation.ur consultation's cheap man!i check ard's all abt 150 half hr.anyway,ya lucky if ur hb feels tt he b les guilty by payin u alimony.as 4 mine,he sure mk hell lotsa noise.sayin i purposely wan get married then divorce n mk his life suffer.bt truth's he's e 1 tt insist gettin married n he's e 1 tt drove me 2 e wal!sigh!my hb's penniless...im e unlucky 1 tt end up w nthin lo!lol...
 
"Guys are real jerks .. these days I heard so much stories abt guys having affair etc outside.. what they take marriage as? If cant commit why at the first pl still wanna get married.. damn...

But gals once married they will commit.. Guys are always finding "feeling" .. Once no feeling they will just dump u aside..

why guys always cant resist temptation. seen so many cases with guys having another gal outside.."


- wow.... din know your hubby represents all the guys.
and din know that you represent all the gals.
 
Fairyprincess,

u basing on facts or u basing on your sister?
was there extraordinary circumstance in her case?

lastly, ask your sister if both amicably made False Declarations to the court.

get those facts right first.
 
True guys are jerks. thumbs up for that. ahem.. then why u still stick with a JERK? forget him and find joy in other things.

life bigger then problem(s) loh.
 
mark78,

Because she belongs to the girls mah. Once married commit liao.

Should we even start the categorizing?

I wonder how's the case of the boss whois Married Secretary accidently injured his manhood when they were having a rendevous at ECP doing.
 
There is no SUCH thing as an instant divorce.

If you are married for less than 3 years and has not consummated your marriage, you can have it nullified - ie, you were never married.

If married for less than 3 years and already consummated your marriage, it is still possible to DIVORCE - but it has to be under exceptional circumstances. The court will grant the permission if you can prove that you have suffered "exceptional hardship" or that your spouse has behaved with "exceptional depravity" (i.e. behaved extraordinarily badly). In deciding whether to grant you the permission, the court will also consider whether there is any possibility of a reconciliation between you and your spouse, and the interest of any child of your marriage.

Otherwise, you have to be married for 3 years then you can file for divorce and it is not instant - it has to be based on one of the grounds;

(a) That your spouse has committed adultery (i.e. had consensual sexual relations with a person other than yourself), and that you find it intolerable to live with him/her; and/or

(b) That your spouse has behaved in such a way that you cannot reasonably be expected to live with him/her (for example, your spouse has committed family violence against you); and/or

(c) That your spouse has deserted you for a continuous period of at least 2 years just before you start your divorce proceedings; and/or

(d) That you and your spouse have lived apart for a continuous period of at least 3 years just before you start divorce proceedings, and your spouse agrees to the divorce; and/or

(e) That you and your spouse have lived apart for a continuous period of at least 4 years just before you start divorce proceedings. In this case, your spouse does not need to agree to the divorce.
 
why guys always cant resist temptation. seen so many cases with guys having another gal outside.."

- Human are constantly subjected to temptation leh...not only guys. must have some depth of Self discipline mah. No one knife point us, is your choice to marry....when things dont work out, there meant to be ways to either fix it or end it gracefully. my 2cents worth...
 
well sm,

and u wonder Why sometimes... even for something as concrete as divorce, some of them STILL would rather give conveniently-plucked answers based on hearsay/someone went thru it circumstances and make it rather concrete-sounding, short of swearing to it.

is there any wonder why u get HDB questions, Birth-name questions, and all sorts of questions asked over the internet, when that same amount of time to post is the same amount of time it takes to get the facts from relevant websites...

all these acts discredits the more informed women, and makes it easier for guys to dismiss ladies as a whole...
 
for gals like the threadstarter....

when things don't work out, they hold no punches to blame the male species and start to backup their claims with "many examples".

typical lah....
 
yet another finger pointing thread...

it takes both hands to clap.. then again, we have to look @ the main cause of the divorce..

If a lady has already given her all, & yet the guy choose to stray, then there is absolutely nothing a girl can do, except to blame it on sheer bad luck that she ended up with such a man..

But if the straying of guys is due to the wife 'not doing enough' to mantain this marriage, (i've got a friend who still clubbed till the wee hours of the morning after work) then the divorce would be a 'sooner or later' thing, coz obviously, she is not doing enough...

Of coz, i'm not saying that one cannot club after marriage.. What i meant is, try to keep it to a minimal coz now that we are married,of coz our expectations & needs would vary @ different phrase of life..

No point finger-pointing coz it'll get us, (guys or girls) nowhere..

Why don't we cool down & think whats the main cause of the marriage breakdown, work towards to get it resolved?

Even if things cannot be resolved or salvaged ultimately, you guys would be relieved, coz @ least you've tried..
 
please do not burn down the whole forest just becos of a few rotten trees....

Just becos we guys dun write in the what we face in our marriage life here as often as you gals did...

I am also going through rough time now... my wife has left me for better guy.. i dun say all gals are jerks....

To me i believe the time is not right for teh both of us... in the future who will know abt it... instead on blaming ... move on like me... work harder in job and play harder like traveling alone or with friends spend more time with family member....

This is just my tots.....
 
Hi Angel,
It is possible, on ground on unreasonable behaviour. This is broad. Important thing is both plaintiff and defendant do not want to contest the divorce, obviously, someone hv to be the fall guy. since divorce is what they want, then the reason for divorce is immaterial. Hope that helps.
 
powder,

yeah, people just based on the little of what they know.. sometimes they heard it from someone who heard it from another someone..

for divorce, the law is pretty clear..

I have almost posted divorce 101 above..
 
This is not hearsay, divorce 101 is the normal criteria that allows divorce to take place. Some kiasu lawyer might used this text book answer. However, some experienced matrimonial lawyer is able to advise that if 2 parties is agreeable to the divorce, the quickest way is to use "unreasonable behaviour" as the reasons. As I mentioned, it is very broad, experienced lawyer are able to craft the affidivits (both plantiff and defendant) to convinced the family court judge agree to the divorce without contest.

They might also bundle the consent order for ancillary matters to the court. The duration depends on the complexity of the case.
 
yes, "unreasonable behaviour" and "exceptional hardship" were mentioned in divorce 101.. as long as both parties agree to it..
 
tat's why i said "lastly, ask your sister if both amicably made False Declarations to the court."

not that it's wrong in the greater scheme of things, but it's rather important to actually specify conditions that are above and beyond the normal guides on divorce.
 
You dont need to make false declaration to the court, unreasonable behaviour is very wide, even simple things like not talking to each other and having your own life can be classified as unreasonable behaviour to the other party in a marriage.

Anyway, in the exchange of (statement of particulars) affidivits between plaintiff and defendant, you are no supposed to lie, most lawyer would not want you to lie in case it is being contested.

The point is you dont need to made false declaration to get the court to agree to the divorce.
 
semantics isn't it?

it's hardly being truthful when u need to make things seem worse than it actually is to get out... (i'm not opposing this by the way, i think it's the best way to get out of a bad marriage).

u need BOTH to agree not to contest the divorce, then u say "obviously, someone hv to be the fall guy. since divorce is what they want, then the reason for divorce is immaterial" - wouldn't that constitute towards the false declarations i was referring to?

then u need the advice of 'some experienced matrimonial lawyer is able to advise that if 2 parties is agreeable to the divorce, the quickest way is to use "unreasonable behaviour" as the reasons.'
- why place the word in open/closed inverted commas if it holds an absolute truth?

and then u say "experienced lawyer are able to craft the affidivits (both plantiff and defendant) to convinced the family court judge agree to the divorce without contest."
- if the truth holds weight, u hardly need to CRAFT the affadavits. would they contain exaggerated instances of "unreasonable behaviour"?

am sure u can use it in a wider context, but not sure that it's gonna be as innocent as it's sounding. u may not be outright lying, but there's some truth being withheld, some selective disclosures and some exaggeration required to Craft something that's gonna be convincing a judge to readily agree n accept.

let me change it then, the point is u Need to make a not-entirely-truthful declaration. But like i said, in the Bigger scheme of things it's not wrong to do that.

ps: Remember that we're talking abt Divorce, not Annulment. believe some backdating on dates, some blurring of facts might be effected for the purpose of shortening the whole process.
 
well let me shed some light of the shit i am going thru. in my wife affidavit, she request for around 7 hundred ++ thousand .

well i don know if its a typo or what the hell she is thinking. it almost cause me to have cardiac arrest. btw i am not warren buffet orh i guess i have to settle the differences in mediation court.

so shld i start to label ALL females as gold diggers?
 
dating the lawyer?

dun mind me, but tat's quite extraordinary... well if u're someone of standing n wealth in society, i guess the amount might look just abt rite. if u're not, then it does show another side which u might be better off living without...

cheers dude.
 
lol. my divorce case got represented by legal aid. what u think. it shld be typo. but i am speechless for such a serious error in this court document.
 
yeah, tat would mean u have quite a substantial amount... guess u're possibly looking at a technical bankruptcy should the figure remain unamended...
 
Even if it is not a typo it should be OK what.. the court will look at your financial situation and then just dismiss it
 
well, i tink men n women both hv the risk to stray n commit adultry... its not gonna b fair to just point finger to the man...
as for my case, no adultry, but my hb is seriously havin unreasonable behaviour...
he was violent, n started verbal n emotional abuse. i lost alot of wt n was even skinner than my pre pregnancy wt...
nw im less than 39Kg... im as good as bones...
 
ya is true women might be lead astray but e probability of it is quite low.. sigh... watever it is.. sometimes i feel why marry at the first pl??

In the past, is a sense of security.. but nw??
 
i feel probability less or high, there's still bad eggs ard.
lets face the truth, both man n woman have emotions.
men are tempted by lust, woman are tempted wen tey are neglected n rec'd attention fr other man.
isn't it true?
 
Sian, you have any statistics to back up your claim apart from hearsay?

You gives yourself security in life. No one can give you security in any sorts. If you put your security in other people's hand with the risk of screwing it up, do you blame the person when they really screw it up?
 
Sian, which era are you from to think that marriage should give you a sense of security? I thought that's what my mom and women of her time think because they did not enjoy the kind of standing in the society that modern women today do.

For example, it was a NO-NO to be single. You would be scorned and called a spinster or old maid. With not much an education and being the physically weaker gender, there were limited types of jobs you could take up to support yourself. Also, as a wife, you would be expected to cook, wash, look after children, and spend within the limits of the monthly allowance from your husband.

Also, what kind of security you are talking about with marriage?
 

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