Drama???

joann_chen

New Member
Television dramas are mostly fiction. But my life is almost the same as dramas, especially this year.

My parents ruined the meeting when my boyfriend brought his father over to discuss about our marriage in February this year.

20th June, my father fell down from his lorry during work, skull fractured from forehead until the back and there’s internal bleeding in the brain. 5 hours after he was warded into ICU, doctor told me emergency surgery is needed to save his life. My father’s company is pushing away the responsibility and spreading rumors that my father has tumor which is untrue. I am searching everywhere to find information and help on the compensation for my father. My mother refuses to eat and sleep since then and is giving me pressure on almost everything.

5th July, I was on MC. I couldn’t rest at home because of my mother’s behaviors thus I rest at my boyfriend’s house. His father was in Singapore that time. He talked to me when my boyfriend went out for work. He couldn’t accept my disabled sister in the first place, when my parents ruined the meeting; this gave him more reason to reject me. Additional now my father became this way, the more he reject me. He asked me to leave my boyfriend, he said his son – my boyfriend is not able to support my family. I am hurt but I must admit and accept that what he said is true. Nobody in the right mind will accept and allow his son to carry this burden.

My boyfriend’s father requested me to go for medical checkup before, fearing I will give birth to a disabled child, I did it but no matter what I do, nothing pleased him and makes him accept me.

16th July, my father was transferred to rehabilitation centre. He’s conscious now but his brain is definitely affected. He said he has no wife, no daughters. He’s staying in a 3 storey bungalow and got to take airplane to reach there, etc. Actually, I am contented already because his life is saved. Doctors and nurses told me is a miracle that my father survived.

Until today I didn’t tell my boyfriend of what his father said to me because I do not wish them to quarrel.

My father has to go for another surgery to put back his skull end of the year because doctors removed part of the skull to reduce the pressure to his brain.

I am mentally and physically tired at this point of time because everything falls on my shoulder. I got to rush to hospital after work everyday. I made mistake at work, I fell asleep at work… My health isn’t good in the first place but I know I cannot collapse.
 


Sorry to hear about that n what have u been going through. It is indeed v tired physically n emotionally.

What r the chances for your dad to recover fully?
 
Really a mess... Oh, you are pregnant also?

That means if your dad can't work, you'd have to support your family and a new child...

You already know your own situation, so why have you chosen this path...???

You have no choice but to marry, force your husband to share the burden with you, and fight your father-in-law... and try not to divorce.

Please seek legal advice from MPS regarding your Dad's condition, and once you are married, your maternal family will be alone and officially 0 income that will make you eligible for social grants. It's not big money, but it's still money.
 
Ting Yi : Doctor said only 5% of similar cases fully recover. My father will never be the same as before.

Scope : I'm not pregnant and I don't intend to get marry anymore, I won't force him to share the burden with me either. Is unfair to him... I know where I stand at current situation.
 
Thought I read you went for a checkup.

But you are like not bad a girl... you at least fly to the hospital for your dad.

Silly girl... someday you will still need to get married, someone will still need to share all sorts of burden with you... What if your husband ends up sick? What if your children end up sick? What if you end up sick?

Anything can happen, my dear.

If he does love you, he will accept the burden.

This is life. Piggyan, he could be a burden to you one day, you ain't going to desert him, right? Now you have a burden, don't decide for him.

Something can always happen... You must grow up to realise you'd need to find a partner to face it together.

There is... no such thing as fair or unfair. Listen to me... this world is not created to be fair. And most importantly, you are not the judge.
 
Scope: I done the checkup last year to prove I'm fertile or not. What I can do? I cannot choose my parents and is my duty to look after them given the fact that I'm the only one left 'normal'.

I'm trying hard to stay positive because being sad won't solve current situation. I just hope my mum can take good care of herself so I can focus on my father more. But she's not being co-operative by reacting like a mad woman.

I wouldn't blame him if he leave me one day. His father's words hurt, he even try to predict that we'll divorce if we marry.

To have someone sharing is of course a good thing but I always ask myself, will this kind of person even exist? My bf did ensure me nothing will change or affect our relationship but whenever I see him getting vexed over my problem, I'll feel bad, feel guilty.

I remembered you advising me to fight for myself, don't wait until I turn 40-50 years... I wanted to but I no longer have courage.

I'll seek help from MP for my father's compensation. Seems like going for common law is not advisable after some researches I done...
 
Very very sorry to hear about your dad. As he's hurt at work, u might like to check with MOM on the compensation scheme. The burden will be very heavy on your shoulder.

How long have u been with your bf? and what does he think about what his dad say?

What Scope say makes sense. Nobody can predict the future. Everybody will grow old with sickness. Moreover what happen to your dad is an accident. We don't forsake our family no matter what. My mum's health is not very good for a couple of years, we will take it in our stride to take care of her no matter what.

Now my granny in law was diagnosed with cancer as well and we took it upon our responsibility to care for her as well.
It will be the same to my in laws in the future.

If your bf can't understand that, it's better for u to see his true colours now.
 
Settle 1 thing at a time n focus on your dad's issue, shower concern to your mum.

Give both of you some time to think about the r/s too. Time will prove everything.

U have any good friends/relatives to confide to? Don't keep everything in your heart. Take care.
 
hey
"Seems like going for common law is not advisable after some researches I done.." - what do you mean?

Your father got injured during the course of work right? You can refer to MOM's Work Injury Compensation Act. Under that Act, they are eligible to pay up to 25K of your dad's medical expenses + compensation (which applies to your case, cos your dad suffered some kind of repercussion after the injury). This should solve your financial burden.. Alternative is to sue, which is why I asked the qn I did.

refer to more on Work Injury Compensation Act here:
http://www.mom.gov.sg/workplace-safety-health/work-injury-compensation/Pages/default.aspx

Hope this helps..
 
Piggyan,

It's not about courage, my dear. You are just young. If you are telling me he'd be vexed at your problems, fine, don't marry. That probably means he won't be able to at least mentally be supportive of you towards your family.

But if you are telling me because you feel guilty and such... you obviously don't understand the purpose of marriage. Marriage is based on love, love is about he accepting you for who you are, and accepting a life with you because he loves you. Both of you will brave through challenges together. There is NOTHING to be guilty about. Because if he got into shits, you WILL also stand by him.

Piggyan, yes... you need to learn to fight for your happiness, for your man, for love...

Indeed, menopause comes to ALL normal women by the age of 40~50... you expect to find a man when your hormones run out, your beauty gone, you can't have children, you don't even feel sexual urges...?

Darling, this is life. And I am telling you this... if he does love you, if he is prepared to brave this with you, don't ever judge. You are not the one to judge. And yes, you'd need a good partner to share the burden.

Ting Yi's granny is diagnosed with cancer, suddenly somebody can get crippled, get cancer, get anything...

You can't decide on what will happen, you don't judge anything.

All I know is you are not a bad girl, and... I hope that guy loves you truly. I hope he's the One.

When you go to MPS, set the record, and make sure you tried to meet the MP and tell him or her your situation after you see the lawyer there. Thereafter, during your negotiation or fight with the company, you will likely go back to MPS again... to get legal aid, and other grants.

Don't be afraid. If you are really depressed, come to my blog to drop me a note, I'd chat with you and cool you down.

Welll, take this challenging time as an opportunity to mature. And when others need help, help them.

Ting Yi,

Her boyfriend's true color may be he is still young... Which is, let them sort things out themselves, let Piggyan shows him the real situation and let him decide.

Don't be so kpo. LOL~
 
Simi kpo.. I say time will prove everything mah but u sound really nice here, it is the most stressful n dreadful period when something happened to our family. I can feel it at my side too, bringing them to the doctors n shuffling to n fro the hospital several times daily.

She need to destress n what we can do is only to lend a listening ear n to encourage her but she is definitely somebody admirable n strong,

Wishing her all the best.
 
Galgal: Thanks...

Ting Yi: Yes, I have checked with MOM and realized the company didn’t report this case so I reported. I have also received a letter from MOM stating the compensation scheme, etc… But is not going to be any sooner because they have to wait for hospital to write the report when my father’s condition is stabilized – meaning he won’t be improving any further. And the insurance lady insisted my father to sign on the form personally which is almost impossible because his brain is affected. And the lady told me is okay to wait because is valid for one year from the date of accident.

My boyfriend doesn’t know his father talked to me. His father told me not to tell my boyfriend about this conversation. What his father said hurts but is all truth and facts so I never feel angry over this matter before.

I am sorry to hear about your granny. Yes, what Scope said makes sense. But my boyfriend and his family are very practical to the extent that sometimes they are selfish. His father told me, he doesn’t need us to take care of him because he’s healthy and he’s covered with insurance, etc. Problems are all from my side. Well, what’s more can I say?

I did quarrel with my boyfriend once – a fierce one. I was really stressed and tired, I couldn’t control my temper anymore so I talked back when my boyfriend said harsh words to me (Normally I’ll endure his bad temper).

I am settling 1 thing at a time, everyone is pushing me, everyone is blaming me. I try to ignore all because I cannot please everyone and meet their so-called expectation as a filial daughter. I just know, I am staying at the Bukit Batok, my father was at KTPH because the accident took place at Yew Tee Point so Civil Defense sent him to KTPH. My working place is at Upper Paya Lebar so I am “flying†all over Singapore everyday. My crazy mother is pushing me, rushing me as well. I know she’s scare, she’s upset but she’s not eating, not sleeping. I got to purposely go home to get her dinner, make sure she eats then I rush back to hospital for my father. I can see her as the next potential one to get sick.

I don’t have good friends/relatives to confide to. Everything just goes into my stomach thus I am getting fatter, haha…

Mx: Thank you for the information. Common law is not advisable because we need to prove that the accident is due to work which is a little bit difficult for my father’s case because he’s a lorry driver, delivering rice to NTUC. The accident took place outside so the company can use 101 excuses to push the responsibility away which they are doing it now. Common law will takes a long time – many years and the lawyer fees is not going to be cheap. I managed to find out about the recent 1 million compensation’s details from an uncle so I am going to opt for the MOM compensation.

Scope: You are right; my boyfriend is not mentally prepared yet. He loves me, he ensure me our relationship won’t get affected even his family disapproved. But he also said harsh words to me before. I have written letter to the MP and they will arrange a house visit someday to see what they can help. The MP even wrote letter to MOM requesting to expedite this case.

Everyone is telling me to be strong and telling me almost everyday that I need to 扛起这个家. I know but to hear this everyday is adding pressure to me. My relatives are giving me extra problems instead of helping me.
 
Piggyan,

Well, don't be pressurized... How?

Let MPS or your MP help you deal with your Dad's case.

Let those social workers help your family.

Now you only focus on your love life...

Remember this, even a guy needs to grow. If he is not mentally prepared, if you do love him then you mentally prepare him. If he does love you, he'd be prepared.

Say... if you do love him, you'd be prepared to aid him as well, won't you? It goes both ways.

As for his father... if your boy does love you, he will have to deal with him. Not you.

So tell me, I only need to know this...

Do you love the boy? Does he love you? Period.

Lemme tell you this... when you are facing difficulties, when you are down, you can face more problems from relatives and such... instead of help. This is the reality of life.

My Dad was very poor before he becomes a millionaire... So poor he had to ask for money to marry my mom, so poor my mom had to work to make spare money... He was poor and 36yo when my mom married him... My mom was very pretty, but she chose him. That's why I want someone like my mom, but... LOL~

Anyway, the point is, when he was poor, everybody looked down on him... laughed at him, and... eventually those people who did so, some begged him for money, they borrowed, they never returned, but my father didn't care... because he had so much money.

There are ups, they downs... I won't say I'd be as lucky as my Dad... to have met someone like my mom.

Look at the forums... most of these people are naive, judgemental, they never gone through ups and downs the way many did, many girls are stupid flamers, smartalecs, materialistic, insecured...

But you... you are now facing challenges, it's a good time to remake you, to grow. To look beyond social norms. That's how an angel is born... If there is love, you'd have a life partner to fight through these with you.

You are already quite strong. So... now you concentrate on your life decision: Marriage. So tell me, have you found the guy? This is the ONLY issue you can decide. You can't decide on your Dad's health, or what will be bestowed to your family. But you can decide if he is indeed your soul mate.

If you seriously think he isn't ready... Do test him, wait, be patient...

Ting Yi,

I am not nice here. I am Mr Nice. LOL~ If she is a moron, I'd call her a moron as well. That's my personal policy.

I am only concern that you don't pass judgement on her boy; you know he's not your problem, you don't know him or his true colors. So dun be kpo.

Obviously, she now looks like having alot of things to deal with, but she is only facing one issue: Her relationship with the guy. I have already pointed this out for her.

And it's something we cannot decide for her.

She must make the decision. And only she can make the decision. If he is not the One, then she'd bear the consequence. Not you. LOL~
 
Piggyan,

Strang you don't even know my blog...
Oops, you ain't a stupid flaming machine.

Google 'Scopettg wordpress'. It's a Ministry of Love and Justice. You are not the only one who comes looking to cool down. You won't be the last.

Whenever you need help and I am not around here, just drop a message there. You can... if you are observant, derive my MSN and use MSN to contact me.

Women usually consulted me via email or MSN. It's free, and it works... at least for them.

That's also why I know so much about women... and their fragile souls...
 
Stupid flaming machine is a machine that is not smart and flames and flames and flames... saved that it is a naughty creations by God.

Look around the forums, you should spot alot of such machines. LOL~

If you ain't observant, you ain't destined to reach my email or MSN... So be it. But my blog is still there. Drop a comment and I'd try to come here.
 
Hi piggyan,

i want to let u know, while u are going thru all this, look at ur bf and see how he supports u during this entire episode to see before u decide if he is the one for u.

please dont think u are a burden. i would like to share my story with u. maybe give u a look at it from ur bf side.


my family is exactly like ur bf family. they dont need us to provide for them, they got insurance etc etc.. but for him, his family is the completely opposite. his parents are old. his father is a stroke patient and his mother is cleaner, who has alot of health problems as well. he is the only son/child.

If one day, should his parents fall become very old and fall sick, like most old ppl do, it will become my responsibility to shoulder this with my bf. and i am prepared to do it.

i have been thru thick and thin with my bf this 4 yrs, a emotional rollar coaster ride because of things that has happened. yet, ive stuck by him and supported him. because i love him. (sounds so childish dream right?) I accept him for who he is and i love him for who he tries to be.

many times in the past, he push me away. telling me the same thing tt u are feeling. that he is a burden. he is not good enough because he is not educated (PSLE holder only) and just a lowly driver in the company. he feels he cannot provide me the kind of life that i have now and i will be better off with someone else. He feels that im marrying down and tt i will be trapped with his problems.

i feel so hurt when he says this kind of thing.. i belive ur bf will too when he hears tt u feel that way. because when we see the person we love suffering, our hearts break as well.

Like your bf, sometimes when i stress about the medical bills of his father and how to pay even before we get married, he gets upset. he say he feels pain when he see me stress over something tt i shouldnt be stressing about. but u know what? im happy to do it. his family will soon become my family too. and family must take care of each other.

so, pls, sometimes what u think u are, may not be what we see u as. maybe u can tell ur bf that u need some space. explain to him what u are FEELing. because everyone can SEE what u are going thru, but no one can feel what u feel.

if really at the end of the day, he cannot take it and packs up and leave, then.. too bad lor. find someone else who can. world so big. haha. he is 1 person in overcrowded singapore. sure got plenty others.

btw.. as long as ur father was driving to or from work, or got injured in the course of work, the org is vicarious liable for the actions or well-being of your father. in common law, you only have to prove either if he is an employee or an independent contractor.

if the org has failed to provide your father with workman com and the adequte insurance for his job, the company can be held liable.

good luck!!
 
I have a lot of problems to in the family shit, but most of the time i ignore it. There is 6 Billion people on the planet. why i need to be suffer just because of bad comment ?

the world is big, not only your family circle. why bother.

life sucks and we move on.

don't' let yourself STUCK in the unfinished emotion or hatred. you will not move forward.

just like Jews vs. christian and Muslim. look at them 1000 years hatred still on until now. now look at their life. war and death.
 

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