Divorce is a Painfully Decision for me

[kk_kids_mum]

Hi
I may need some help & advice from there as its a past & long sad story abt me but I think I just need to be cut & clear.

I'm married 10yrs back, 31yrs now, wif 2 kids age 4 & 6yrs.

2yrs ago, I had a happy family wif a good husband,sharing family expenses together wif his low income, doing housework wif me, accompany me & kids, always endure wif me of my bad temper, althought we did have some big quarrel but he still give in to me.

Yrs 2006 when we had a big quarrel again, he happend to know is TOW, a SPR (Msia)who is still married wif a 10yrs ger. She is a beautician, she always give my HB $ when he needs, $50-$100 w/out asking back, nvr give him stress, tell him dont work for ppl & to be his own boss instead & willing to share partnership together but she got no $. So frm this yrs I been borrow $ to help my HB as he promise me that he will return to me & earn more $ to give us a better life.

Soon nightmare began.......my husband changed, he always lie to me, always stick wif this Bit** in the coffeshop frm night till dawn drinking beer, go m'sia wif her nvr come back home, gambling in Genting, always sms wif her, listen to what she say & nvr return me the $ they own me. He quarrel wif me saying I give him presure & always asking for family expensens $$$$, kids very noisy, I very ugly & nagging. Instead this Bit** dont give him any stress, she is gentle & nice. (btw this Bit** is always wif thick makeup & w/out it she a beri ugly & I am more younger & pretty juz temper is bad) Their bussiness all wind up less than a yr & she tell him to borrow alots of $ frm outside & open another business again & again but their business always wind up. Btw she had been telling everyone she is his wife......!

I been confronting her b4, go her house, scold her,confronting family member, making such a fuss also no use lor. She say she dont love her HB & I had a good HB dont koe how to tresure him, a nice looking HB, can do housework....etc.!
(BTW my HB had been telling her all abt me when he is angry.) She say she will not let go as she is jealous why I had a Good HB .....She say my HB love her now & she will snatch frm me by all means.

They always together. About 2yrs my HB nvr share wif me any family expenses. She been telling my HB how bad I am, say I always telling lie to him that I got no $. This Bit** tell my HB dont give a single cents to me & kids.
Yrs 2007 when once my HB quarrel wif her & did not meet her for many days after their last bussiness wind-up again, she always call me & my inlaw house. She even brought a man to my house during midnight to beg my HB go back to her & say cannot live w/out him, I LUV U.....! BTW I had call the police as my HB is not in & she had scare me & my kids....

Soon when my HB confronted her & dont koe what happen.. they are back again....... & many many things happened.....

My HB really changed alots. I'm very tired after some many yrs of 'battles' wif her.

1/2 YRS already my HB had been 'MISSING' & I nvr see him again or listen to his voice. I dont 1 2 call of look for that Bit** again. He might be staying wif her.

I been crying everydays, thinking back why I dont tresure such a good husband & always showing my very bad temper to him, he really treat me nice & love me. I seen struggling very painful wif my kids wif my low income, wif my painfully heart. I want to give them all the best, I been eating pill to save $ for them & hunger myself....looking after them myself after my work.....torture myself......crying......etc.

Due to my kids, my love, my regret, my happy family dream. I been trying to save this married, I heard & see many things abt 'black magic' & I really belive my husband 'kenna' it by this M'sia women, he listen & control by her, treat her as wife, want to die wif her.... As I BELIVE MY HB,I know his charater & he will not control by her & leave us...& his kids he love most.

But been trying to save him & was cheated by many ppl who cannot save him. Many ppl telling me different story, many say he was 'kena black magic' & some say no!
My inlaw even dream my HB shouting for help & telling them he is very painfully & he need help...

What to do, I cannot help him, I got no $, I dont know any high Master! But things if still going like this, I will go mad....maybe ppl will taking advantage of me again & cheat my $$.

I need to make this 'VERY PAINFULLY' decision which I really forcing myself to do it wif my 'rainning & flowing tear by all days'.
I really Love him very much & I had been changed & been always waiting for 'MIRACLE'...

DIVORCE... (BUT HB MIA)

1)Life for me is hard. My job is not stable. I need $ for my 2 Kids, family expensens is very high. I been forcing myself on pill for 2 mth. (juz $1 a day for a pill & can save my meals $ for my kids)

2)I been to family court asking for mantainese fee but they also cannot find him..

3)He sometimes call his mum & saying he is working 24hrs a day but no $. My MIL had been updating me abt him. My MIL tell him abt our hard life with no $ but he juz very angry & dont bother. He dont want to let us know where is him. He say he want to come back but he cannot come back home? He himself dont know where is him? Few days later he will forget what he had say b4.

3)Dont know whether he is working or not, staying wif that Bit** or not, giving her all his $$ or not, paying gambling debt or not, 'kenna black magic" or not, 'on drug' or not....
***I JUST NEED $ to move on***

I must force him up to face me & talk.. Anyone can advice me what to do as he is 'Missing'?

How can I go for divorce? I dont want to give him anythings, kids & house & mantainese all I want!!!

I dont want to take Reveange, I just want to let him know the 'bomb' which he throw to me is very painfully & Heartless!
B'cose of his MIA for this 1/2 yrs, my life turn upside down. I want him take the responsible to give family mantainese even he leave us, even he really got no $, I also prepare to sent him to jail rather than I benifit this Bit***.

I am very painfully,I'm forcing myself to go on my life, I cannot forget him.....

**God where is my Miracle???---When is my Rainbow coming back to my life***

I am not greedy, I juz want a Simple life, I juz 1 my HB back to hold my hand till I die & take care of his darling kids.

 

[alcifertoh]

Tried to sort your passage out abit.... tough. Some reccomendations on how to improve your current situation now.

1) Do not pin anymore hope on your husband. As for his memory loss part, Black magic I doubt so. Drugs more likely. You mentioned that he's missing? You are able to file a police report on that. The documentation of your filing can come in handy for various situation that I will be mentioning later.

2) Try to seek for study bursaries for your childrens. That will aid the family expenses abit the documentation you received from the filing of report could come in handy here.

3) Seek help from social services. There's plenty around to assist like NCSS and such. I do not know what pills you are taking to skip meals but it definitely ain't gonna be a solution to your situation. Furthermore it can make you ill without proper nutrition and what's coming up next will be the hefty medical bills.

4)What's your parent's or in-law's stance on this? if they are willing to help, probably you are able to move over and stay with them, subsidising them on the household expenses and rent out your current unit to generate some income also. Or probably rent out one or two of the rooms to subsidise the household income.

5) It's time to pick yourself up and move on. Personally I don't think that you are able to depend on this guy anymore or pinned any hope on him. Right now, what you should focus on is how to get your life back on track and tackle all the hurdles that you are facing now.

Though I seriously wonder why would you go around borrowing money for them and condoning the relationship of your husband and the woman in the begining, I feel that is the past and not worth raking up now as it will not change anything. What you need now is a solution to get out of this mess and not to look back anymore.

Believe in yourself that you can do it. There's no dead end but paths for you to choose to set things right. All the best.

 

[depressed_guy]

The pills may do you harm in path ahead. You need to stay healthy else if you fall ill.....who can help the kids? Always remember the lives of your 2 kids is in your hands now.....you're down....they're down too.

Have any friends around you to give the mental support? I know life can be very weary at times but friends are around to brighten us up.

Its only after 2years then you can file your hubby for desertion.....but picture if he comes back 1.5yrs later it won't be valid.

Try to upgrade yourself in order to get better finance. Your kids are 4 & 6 now. Picture em going secondary and expenses will shoot up.

Have you tried going to your zone's MP for the "meet the people session"?
I heard the MP can step in to help with all the aids for the family.
Check out your neighbourhood CSC to have the Meeting sessions timing.

Meanwhile pls take care of yourself. Find joy from your kids while planning for this difficult moment.

 

[green_tranquility]

Stressbee,
"I been forcing myself on pill for 2 mth. (juz $1 a day for a pill & can save my meals $ for my kids) "

Why not buy a loaf of bread instead of pills? 10 slices of bread for your 5 meals cost only $1.50! The bread is cheaper and healthier than your pills.

Hope your pills are not weight-loss pills like Panbesy, Duromile etc? These pills curb your appetite but cause depression and other side effects. They will make u more depressed ... If you end up in hospital, you will end up spending more $$.

Take care. Your kids need u.

 

[miloice]

when u ruin your health, it will cost u a bomb. Don't be so short-sighted.

 

[my_desired_happiness]

so sorry to hear bout ur plight.

but even if u find ur husband, he will not be able to help u financially. if he is really still w tt woman, so be it. u r not benefiting her becos he is not a saint.

maybe u can try to do another part-time job while leaving ur kids w ur in-laws or family?

 

[kk_kids_mum]

Hi
To all Ladies out there who is thinking divorce & wif Kids....

I think some of u may had ever give advice to me about my Sad & Painfull Story in s'pore bride or 'stomp talk back"...

Juz to let u all know <font size="+2">I HAD WIN THE BATTLES</font>

Finally GOD HAD ANSWERS TO MY PRAYER!
They sees &amp; knows that I'm suffering. My 3yrs of Waiting &amp; Suffering FINALLY OVER! I had also climb up from the Grave Yard!
My Kid's father is back...my Husband is back...The "Bad's Devil" had left him &amp; the "Good Angel" is back.
Now the 'World' had changed..so messy &amp; wif many 'Weird Things' happend recently!
But I chose to believe myself, been married wif my Husband for so many year, I believe this is not 'himself'!

<font size="+2">HAPPY ENDING WIF HAPPY FAMILY </font>

My Kids is very happy, lucky I did not make a wrong decision to Divorce him but I learn to forgive him instead.....
(Maybe some of u think that I may be stupid to forgive this kind of man who betray me &amp; make me suffer &amp; hurt my so DEEP! But I think I'm NOT Stupid!! Because If I chose to Hate him forever &amp; take Revenage of him, I think I maybe regret in future &amp; after I get all the revenage frm him, I will not be happy also because my mind &amp; body is full of HATE!!)

So my advice to all of u is..(1) Learn to 'Let go yourself,dont STRESS urself',(2) Don't too depends on ur partner &amp; learn to be more Independent,(3) FORGIVNESS,(4) Don't be HOT TEMPER or Stuborrn person &amp; learn to say SORRY even is not ur fault,(5) Learn to Walk out of the Sufferring by urseif, MOVE ON,(6) Don't be Selfish person,(7) Kids are Important &amp; tell the Kids u will give them a Happy Family,(8) NO Revenage &amp; No Hate,(9) Relax &amp; think back what wrong, why must Divorce?? Tell urself that even without ur partner ur life will still be Good even they are back, (10) Tell urself nothing is Impossible, u can do it! Never think of 'DIE' !!
(In chinese we say "Nothing will Happened to urself even Sky fallen, juz treat it as a Blanket to cover urself )
Don't Die so easy, let ur partner see u are a 'Strong person"!

God can see who is 'Good' &amp; who is 'Bad'! Be happy &amp; let ur partner regret what they doing now.

Anyone who want listning ear or advice, u can PM me to talk wif me!!

<font size="+2">A BIG THANK YOU TO ALL OF U</font>

 

[kk_kids_mum]

LOVE... is kind, patient, understanding, never speak of evil
... does not keep a record of wrong
... means never having to say you're sorry
... chooses to forgive and forget
... is a deep feeling we can not just hide or ignore
... still shows you care even though the other person didn't care about you
... lastly love never dies, grows even stronger as the days go by and it will only stop at the last breath of life