I'm not sure how true it applies to many. One of my ex boss ever told me that most ppl do not ended up marrying the one the love most in life due to circumstances. Even for him in his case. He shared with me that he married his wife becos the wife is a wife material, but the other gal is a gf material. I argued tt it is very unfair for his wife. But he told me that is life and it is usually how we learn to love our husband and wife eventually.
Dilemma between true love and current love
- Thread starter jane85
- Start date
Joanne,
whilst i would feel lost without a car, i dun think that i'm gonna declare that my car is for life.
your title says "true love and current love"... to be honest, the current isn't love at all, i'm surprised u were blind to that. it's just like the pajamas u've been wearing to sleep for the last 2 years... the reason why u wear it may not be becos u really love it... it could simply be that u're lazy to shop for a new one, u're comfortable with it for the moment, or there's simply no better pajamas tat u happen to come across... it's not love.
as for the old one... i won't call it true love either... u dun have the capacity to fully comprehende what u want Yet. u made have made a good decision to end things, but that does not make u a good decision maker.
u're not upset with the right things in the first place... your concerns in ending it is more on the cpf issues, relatives, dream wedding, amongst other things... read your post and tell me if it's considered Love.
u wanted something, in order to have this something, B just happen to be there to help u fulfil these things. at the ned of the day, he is nothing but a stepping stone to your Wants...
whilst i would feel lost without a car, i dun think that i'm gonna declare that my car is for life.
your title says "true love and current love"... to be honest, the current isn't love at all, i'm surprised u were blind to that. it's just like the pajamas u've been wearing to sleep for the last 2 years... the reason why u wear it may not be becos u really love it... it could simply be that u're lazy to shop for a new one, u're comfortable with it for the moment, or there's simply no better pajamas tat u happen to come across... it's not love.
as for the old one... i won't call it true love either... u dun have the capacity to fully comprehende what u want Yet. u made have made a good decision to end things, but that does not make u a good decision maker.
u're not upset with the right things in the first place... your concerns in ending it is more on the cpf issues, relatives, dream wedding, amongst other things... read your post and tell me if it's considered Love.
u wanted something, in order to have this something, B just happen to be there to help u fulfil these things. at the ned of the day, he is nothing but a stepping stone to your Wants...
miloice
Well-Known Member
"It's been three yrs since i got together with B. So i feel guilty just leaving him like tt and wasting 3 yrs of his youth."
Joanne, u r talking about a lifetime. In comparison, what's 3 yrs? As a guy, its one of the greatest insult to be accepted as 2nd best. I'm pretty sure its the same for a gal if he takes u as 2nd best. Don't marry for the wrong reasons. Do we just go through with life by going through the motion? You live only once.
I find it strange that you are limiting your options to only A & B. The whole is full of options, in the ideal world, everything fits nicely to our wants and hopes. But in truth, you need to reflect what you really need and want to be happy. Is this the future that you want and can find happiness with?
Ask yourself. SEARCH WITHIN.
Joanne, u r talking about a lifetime. In comparison, what's 3 yrs? As a guy, its one of the greatest insult to be accepted as 2nd best. I'm pretty sure its the same for a gal if he takes u as 2nd best. Don't marry for the wrong reasons. Do we just go through with life by going through the motion? You live only once.
I find it strange that you are limiting your options to only A & B. The whole is full of options, in the ideal world, everything fits nicely to our wants and hopes. But in truth, you need to reflect what you really need and want to be happy. Is this the future that you want and can find happiness with?
Ask yourself. SEARCH WITHIN.
Hi all,
I've reflecting and actually ended things with B and sticking with that decision, despite him hounding me. I'm much happier now. Have this light feeling in my heart and feel very free. B is really trying his best to win me back. Though we'd a few good times, I really dun feel like going back n starting afresh with him. Sooner or later things will revert to the old ways again.
I've reflecting and actually ended things with B and sticking with that decision, despite him hounding me. I'm much happier now. Have this light feeling in my heart and feel very free. B is really trying his best to win me back. Though we'd a few good times, I really dun feel like going back n starting afresh with him. Sooner or later things will revert to the old ways again.
B is turning very abusive in his calls and emails to me. I'm dreading the day he comes back to sg. I'm already freaking out whenever I think of what he might do. He keeps calling n calling till it reaches 30 missed called at one go. N he just keeps begging me to return.. I feel terrible doing this but I just can't return to him just coz I pity him or I'm scared of him thought I'm very tempted to to avoid all this.. Pls advise..
sillywoman
New Member
Give him some time, he need time to get over u! Besides ignore him there is nothing u can do! Stay focus dnt give in to him stick with ur decision! I rather u suffer now than later!
Worst come to worst u change ur HP but I doubt it will work as he still hve ur home & office number! Just get urself ready for his return, i guess it will get worst when he come back. He may wait for u outside ur office & ur hse! Do u hve another place u can stay for a while just to escape from him while he is in SG?
Anyway u r doing great so keep up the gd work! All the best to you!
Worst come to worst u change ur HP but I doubt it will work as he still hve ur home & office number! Just get urself ready for his return, i guess it will get worst when he come back. He may wait for u outside ur office & ur hse! Do u hve another place u can stay for a while just to escape from him while he is in SG?
Anyway u r doing great so keep up the gd work! All the best to you!
pink_sapphire
New Member
Marry only the person u really love, u have the answer deep within u just got to think abt it . 1st love is always the most unforgetable but u got to ask yourself if he is really the one u really wan to be with and if u r able to forget the past to start totally afresh. its not easy and a lot of ppl is not able to do that. starting afresh includes letting go and never mentioning the unhappy past that both of u went through. B sounds to me like the life buoy that u tried holding on to when were sinking (bad breakup with A). And A sounds like the first love that u can not forget. But there r really so many gd ppl out there to choose from not only A and B ya !
pink_sapphire
New Member
from past experience, the guys dated after a bad breakup or after a bad quarrel with one's partner usually never turn out to be the right ones. take a break spend time with platonic friends and try not to get into another relationship so soon
missmona11
New Member
The prob nw is... B's male ego has been hurt... it will take time for him to over come the break up... ignore him n keep doin it... sooon he will realize his mistakes n move away completely from u. dunt wry too much be brave... i thing u have grown to be brave person frm tis experience rite... be strong.. everything will work out the way u want... As for A givin him a 2nd chance is neva a harm.. 
... al the best in life!!!
... al the best in life!!!Thanks everyone for your advice and support. I feel happier and less worried/stressed now. B is still hounding me on the phone. Managed to block his emails now contemplating to get a prepaid SIM card temporarily to avoid his calls.. He's doing the same cycle again begging n crying on the phone. Tried making him understand but it got worse he was completely in denial mode.. So I realised tt the harsh way is the only way out.. I'm just waiting for him to give up and accept my decision. As for A, I'm thinking of giving him a second chance. I just wanna follow my heart. Bt am taking it slow for now and hope watever decision i make will turn out good for me. Am still worried what B mite do when he returns..
blueberrytea
New Member
to your relatives, tell them that you're still too young for marriage. Simple as that.
Caring and nice relatives will not poke their nose into others' business.
If they do, well, it goes to show how shallow they are.
Towards B, better to waste 3 years of youth, be it yours or his, rather than the whole life.
Just tell him nicely, that there's someone out there better for him and that you're sorry to take so long to realise you 2 jst aren't meant for each other. Then just ignore him for now.
If you don't handle this properly, i fear that, he will see other r/s in future, and his future gf/wife will come into the forum crying/sobbing for advises/hlp.
I mean, while you come out of the entangle with more wisdom, i'm sure you don't want him to feel bad forever over this r/s too.
and honeslty, even if the CPF money were to be forfeited (which thankfully is not), it is still better to waste the money than to waste your life.
and lastly, there's a someone out there for you. Maybe it's not A even.
Maybe it's a C, or even a D.
He might be experiencing his share of heart ache/downs/painfaul lessons while you go through same process, until your path cross each others'.
The time still hasn't come for your wedding to happen yet. But when it does, you'll be happy that you've waited.
Caring and nice relatives will not poke their nose into others' business.
If they do, well, it goes to show how shallow they are.
Towards B, better to waste 3 years of youth, be it yours or his, rather than the whole life.
Just tell him nicely, that there's someone out there better for him and that you're sorry to take so long to realise you 2 jst aren't meant for each other. Then just ignore him for now.
If you don't handle this properly, i fear that, he will see other r/s in future, and his future gf/wife will come into the forum crying/sobbing for advises/hlp.
I mean, while you come out of the entangle with more wisdom, i'm sure you don't want him to feel bad forever over this r/s too.
and honeslty, even if the CPF money were to be forfeited (which thankfully is not), it is still better to waste the money than to waste your life.
and lastly, there's a someone out there for you. Maybe it's not A even.
Maybe it's a C, or even a D.
He might be experiencing his share of heart ache/downs/painfaul lessons while you go through same process, until your path cross each others'.
The time still hasn't come for your wedding to happen yet. But when it does, you'll be happy that you've waited.
Hi Joanne, I was once struck between 2 guys as well... My husband once told me: a guy who truly loves a gal will never hurts or even upset the gal, if he knows that the gal cares. Eg, he wun make known to the gal that he is gonna to "destroy" himself etc etc, coz this will only upsets the one he loves. It is in a way that B is in self-denial stage, it will get tougher once he is back in SG, I am not too sure with his current mindset, what he might do, but you have to be mentally prepared and preferably ask someone to pick u up from your bus-stop etc if you are going back late. Take care.
u noe wat....i used to be in same situation with u....
mi and my ex gf break up about 6years ago....due to some misunderstanding...after tat both mi and her got into another relationship....
as we still love each other alot...we still meet up often and come to a point that we have hurt those who are innocent....
until 1 fine day, which is like 1-2years after we break off, we decided to stop contacting each other from then onwards...and be gd to our other half....what both of us is missing is the kind of past experience we had....and that can nv be recovered anymore.....
mi and my ex gf break up about 6years ago....due to some misunderstanding...after tat both mi and her got into another relationship....
as we still love each other alot...we still meet up often and come to a point that we have hurt those who are innocent....
until 1 fine day, which is like 1-2years after we break off, we decided to stop contacting each other from then onwards...and be gd to our other half....what both of us is missing is the kind of past experience we had....and that can nv be recovered anymore.....
In my heart, I do feel alot for my ex. I dun wish to regret at any pt in my life that I am not with him. Rite now, I do have contact with him but taking things slowly. My feelings for him are getting stronger and I know it's the same for him. It just feels right with him. I feel terribly sorry that I'd to hurt someone in the process. However, it's better to be selfish now than to realise later that you can never live happily with that person.
I hope you don't mind me being blunt.
Instead of jumping from one guy to another, shouldn't you take some time to be alone and find out what you want, like the others have pointed out? From what you've posted, it sounds like you've always been attached to somebody - you haven't experienced being by yourself for a reasonable stretch of time.
Only through knowing yourself properly and knowing what you yourself want, would you know what you are looking for in your partner/relationship. Otherwise, the same problems will surface in your new relationship. It is just a matter of time.
Instead of jumping from one guy to another, shouldn't you take some time to be alone and find out what you want, like the others have pointed out? From what you've posted, it sounds like you've always been attached to somebody - you haven't experienced being by yourself for a reasonable stretch of time.
Only through knowing yourself properly and knowing what you yourself want, would you know what you are looking for in your partner/relationship. Otherwise, the same problems will surface in your new relationship. It is just a matter of time.
I believe Joanne is taking things slowly? However, what AB mentioned is true, we have to be left alone at times to fully explore and understand what we really want and need. We will be able to think carefully and in this way, there is lesser chances of making repeated mistakes.
I dun wish to jump from guy to guy.. As I said, I'm taking things slowly.. B has stopped contacting me totally which is good. I'm spending time alone, though I do have some communication with A. I still dunno if B still wanna have closure when he comes back. I'm taking things easy for nw. Dunno wat to expect when he returns. WIll he hound me again? or totally leave me alone?
B is back n came to see me. I've talked things n I realise that he's very remorseful of his past actions. It's like this drastic incident opened his eyes finally. Anyway he kept begging for a 2nd chance but I dun want to take any chances. I told him to move on with life. Can see he's devastated but I dun want to go back to him out of pity though my heart breaks to know that I have caused this distress to him. I am alone nw n trying to analyse things n know what I want. It's a very difficult period. Am crying everyday thinking how i've hurt B. It's like 3 hearts here are yearning and in pain. Really dunno how long it will take to get out this.
movingonlife
New Member
The Only Thing That Can Really Heal a Broken Heart is Time.
Take Care...
Take Care...
stop thinking about them (A or B). Go signed up for courses or take up hobbies that you been wanting to do so. Go for a holiday, to a destination you always wanted to go.
It's your life, and relationship is only part of it. There are many more ways to beautify the life we have. Get to know yourself first, love thyself, before u love others
It's your life, and relationship is only part of it. There are many more ways to beautify the life we have. Get to know yourself first, love thyself, before u love others
Hi Joanne,
Just wanna say I am sincerely really happy for you.
I know you are heartbroken, but with time and the correct perspective, you'll be healed in no time.
B is clearly not right for you. Any relationships that often end up in quarrels is not healthy.
Why go through an emotional rollercoaster in the name of "love"?
So don't ever regret breaking up with him. It is the best decision you have ever made!
My hubby and I never quarrel but we have our differences and we talked them through. We are that compatible and I am sure you can find someone who can click with you in that way.
As for A, regardless of what reasons he gave you, I never really think that he is right for you.
Rule of thumb is that good guys with integrity don't go around trying to woo other girls who are already attached/engaged/married. Great guys only make their moves after the girl has recovered from her previous relationship.
(the ONLY exception is that the girl is severely abused by her current squeeze)
I like you already as you are one of the few person in the forum who actually do the right thing so keep the faith!
Whatever God you believe in (knowing that religion plays an impt role in your life), know that God has the best person in store for you once you are ready. So don't rush into anything and take the time now to heal and love yourself again.
A few tips that worked for me when I was in depression after a terrible heartbreak
1) Makeover (Shallow as it may seems, but once the compliments start pouring in, your self confidence goes up)
Caution: Don't overdo it (wearing thick make up, or wearing very revealing clothing)
Suggestion: Change your hairstyle, exercise to firm your body shape, lose weight if you are on the heavy side.
Get new clothing, accessories, pamper yourself!
2) Hang out with friends
No friends? Go and make some! Be a blessing to others
3) Traveling & Hobbies
Plan for a trip or take up new hobby. Most people find learning cooking/baking/foreign languages/craft very satisfying.
Dance/Kickboxing/Yoga/Pilate classes are said to relieve lots of stress and is fun!
4) Pray
Hope that helps!
Just wanna say I am sincerely really happy for you.
I know you are heartbroken, but with time and the correct perspective, you'll be healed in no time.
B is clearly not right for you. Any relationships that often end up in quarrels is not healthy.
Why go through an emotional rollercoaster in the name of "love"?
So don't ever regret breaking up with him. It is the best decision you have ever made!
My hubby and I never quarrel but we have our differences and we talked them through. We are that compatible and I am sure you can find someone who can click with you in that way.
As for A, regardless of what reasons he gave you, I never really think that he is right for you.
Rule of thumb is that good guys with integrity don't go around trying to woo other girls who are already attached/engaged/married. Great guys only make their moves after the girl has recovered from her previous relationship.
(the ONLY exception is that the girl is severely abused by her current squeeze)
I like you already as you are one of the few person in the forum who actually do the right thing so keep the faith!
Whatever God you believe in (knowing that religion plays an impt role in your life), know that God has the best person in store for you once you are ready. So don't rush into anything and take the time now to heal and love yourself again.
A few tips that worked for me when I was in depression after a terrible heartbreak
1) Makeover (Shallow as it may seems, but once the compliments start pouring in, your self confidence goes up)
Caution: Don't overdo it (wearing thick make up, or wearing very revealing clothing)
Suggestion: Change your hairstyle, exercise to firm your body shape, lose weight if you are on the heavy side.
Get new clothing, accessories, pamper yourself!
2) Hang out with friends
No friends? Go and make some! Be a blessing to others
3) Traveling & Hobbies
Plan for a trip or take up new hobby. Most people find learning cooking/baking/foreign languages/craft very satisfying.
Dance/Kickboxing/Yoga/Pilate classes are said to relieve lots of stress and is fun!
4) Pray
Hope that helps!
hey woo83fy, thanks for your advice. I feel so motivated after reading yr msg. Well i am trying to do the stuff you suggested. I took up yoga. I do meet my frens bt nt regularly. Am thinking of taking up a new hobby like dance and baking.. I just have to move on. I dun wanna wait for anyone anymore. It's difficult at times. It's like one step forward and two steps back. One moment I am happy n feel enriched. N the next I am down n out. Feel so temperamental.. Bt i guess tt's how it is..
Yes it is.. esp now your wound is so raw.
It may seems impossible to get over it now but with determination and purpose, the time of healing will surely come.
The time when you are able to talk about the past without a hinge of pain is the time when you know you have truly move on.
You are doing real well, keep loving yourself!!
It may seems impossible to get over it now but with determination and purpose, the time of healing will surely come.
The time when you are able to talk about the past without a hinge of pain is the time when you know you have truly move on.
You are doing real well, keep loving yourself!!