Cold Relation

[moistfaucet]

for those who are old enough to be call parents.

just wondering, if you are a parent, do you really need your kid call you often and check on you how are you doing ? you know spending time together things like that, have dinner together.

i never spent my time with my parents for since i was born, meet only once a year in chinese new year and talk only few times in a year just for business reason, but it seems recently, they have been trying to call me for meet up, go for vacation and things like that. I don't get used to it to meet up with them. most of the time i just avoid them, find them very like outsider. i am not sure how they feel about me.

they are around 50-60 years old i guess and i don't even remember liao.

did something call parents can treat their kid outsider ? do your kid call can ease your busy day ? maybe my passion have been numb for many years, become as cold as a iceberg.

even if i attend their funeral i am pretty sure i will feel nothing.

one of my friend told me they start to need your attention ? at this age ?

just wondering. little bit unsuall thing happend lately.

how important parent to you in our life actually ? i found that none at all.

 

[shiilng]

hi. i do understand how you feel.

they are getting your attention currently because they are aging. they need companionship from their children now.

maybe because they have not been there for you that i why you feel that way.

well, it all depends on you whether you want to fulfill your duty as their child afterall they give birth to you.

 

[xylon]

Hi Moist,

Perhaps its time to start caring for them now? Its not too late to start.

 

[kenturik]

I think it is usually common in asian context that family would spend most of their time together. Your case maybe different.
But do remember, if you miss the chance now, you may never have it back....

 

[flyingstar]

you have 2 choices. either ignore them, or you can try your best to relate to them now.

they are older, so probably feeling lonely and guilty and trying to catch up the lost time with you.

personally i think you can try to get to know them better. if going for vacations is weird, then meet up with them once a week or once every 2 weeks for coffee or meals. start slow and see where it takes you.

who knows you might find yourself enjoying your time with your parents.

 

[susanna_low]

As a mum, I can't imagine seeing my child only once a year.

 

[miloice]

moist, from what you have described so far in this forum, u have never been in line with your emotions, be it with parents or your spouse. Basically, a very practical kind of person. Things don't change overnight. Its probably your personality all these while. Its kind of pointless to go through the motion to spend time if there isn't much meaning to you. And your folks mean nothing to u either.

My personal suggestion, use the time you share with them to discover the meaning and importance to you. Else, its really pointless and a pain for you. Parents at this age can go anytime. They can look healthy and drop dead any moment still with underlying minor illnesses. If you don't work on the parent son relationship now, you probably will not have the 2nd chance to do so.

 

[moistfaucet]

i see human relation like a tree.

it is easy to dig out the plant before its small, but when it grow bigger and bear unwanted fruits it is just difficult to dig it out and change the seed the way we want it. don't you think ?

 

[miloice]

like I said, its going to be difficult to change the situation overnight. And as long as you don't see any value in it, u will not appreciate the family time.

Do you want to explore the possibility to build your relationship with your parents? It has basically no relevance to the relationships of others with their parents and what it meant to them. You need to find your own meaning. If its only a tree, then I wonder what this thread really for?

 

[bobochacha]

ya i think so..my mum and MIL especially..

MIL will call my hubby everyday..and is happy to see us coming back home..

then if i'm alone eating at the dinning table..she will just sit there also but nt eating and chatting with me..

my mum is the worst ah..her calls are to scold everyone of us..hurl abuses at us etc..i think depression or wat..at a certain pt..i really wish to forsake her..

but whenever i think that she raised us all up by herself..and tat really one day she will be gone..i tried to accompany her more..