Hi all, I am having some serious bride woes.
I'm currently engaged to my boyfriend of 2 years, but the wedding was an impromptu decision because I just found out that I'm pregnant. Have decided to keep the baby so we will be getting married in another 2 months.
However, throughout the wedding planning, I am seriously contemplating calling it off and ending the relationship because of differences between me and him, as well as our families. As it is a very rushed wedding, I understand that there are bound to be financial constraints. But what I don't understand is the contradictory ways his family 'apply' wedding traditions and their funny financial planning. Here are some examples of what I'm talking about.
1. We don't have much money, only about 10k in savings. Yet, my future parents-in-law insisted on throwing a banquet at a hotel and inviting 300+ people. My parents are totally against spending beyond our means and have told his family they don't want a banquet, at least 5 times. They convinced my parents to go along eventually and even 'gave' my mum 8 tables. Now, in-laws and husband are complaining about wedding expenses and husband even made comments like "why your parents cannot help out with the wedding expense? it's not fair for my parents to pay for everything." really want to tell them that it's also not fair to expect my parents to pay for something they never wanted nor is it right for them to pay according to tradition.
2. FMIL wanted to buy sidianjin or the wedding as they are traditional Teochew (my dialect doesn't have this as a requirement so I initially wanted to opt out of it to save more money, but they insisted). She told the jewellery shop assistant that she "wanted a more expensive one" when showed a 2k+ set. I kept quiet throughout the whole thing as since sidianjin supposed to be from PIL to DIL, so I assumed she was paying. I let her take her pick despite me being there. End up she expects my fiance to pay, and my fiance expects me to chip in. I feel slightly aggrieved because I had not wanted or needed it in the first place, and my mum even told her it's not necessary, yet they are now expecting me to chip in for it?
3. I'm in my final year of university, so I am not currently working. All doctor expenses are paid for out of my own pocket because MIL takes about 60% of my fiance's pay every month for 'household expenses' and 'wedding expenses', and he just has enough to cover his own expenses. Again, I am not complaining because I have to fork out money, as I chose to keep the baby. But isn't there a problem when I also have to chip in for his expenses because he doesn't have enough to spend? I feel ashamed that I'm still taking an allowance from my parents every month. Yet fiance doesn't seem my perspective and tells me it is his obligation as a son to chip in for household expenses. He also wants me to ask my parents to pay for my gynae visits. Does it make sense?? My parents are not obligated to pay because they didn't choose to have the kid, and a kid should be our responsibility. Furthermore, he says his parents are paying a lot for the wedding already but to me it's like, its they want to host such a grand event despite our financial constraints, and even the wedding dinner package is also they choose one (the most expensive package). If they want to have so much say in our wedding, then they pay no wrong what? since they want to dictate everything. on the other hand, my parents didn't want a banquet so why keep asking them to chip in?
my future in-laws even went so far to say if we don't receive my mother's blessings (when my parents didn't want to talk to them initially), the wedding will just proceed without them and they will be excluded. Feel like my parents totally had no say in this but somehow people expect them to pay for it...
I really want to call the whole thing off because I feel like they don't know what's a desire and what's a necessity. Of course, every girl desires a grand wedding and beautiful gowns, but as a mum-to-be, I believe I speak for most parents when I say all parents want the best for their children. My baby's needs are now the priority and a necessity, yet they want to spend so much on a one-day event, to the point they don't mind incurring some debts for it. tried speaking to them about it yet they say I'm being calculative and unreasonable????
I'm currently engaged to my boyfriend of 2 years, but the wedding was an impromptu decision because I just found out that I'm pregnant. Have decided to keep the baby so we will be getting married in another 2 months.
However, throughout the wedding planning, I am seriously contemplating calling it off and ending the relationship because of differences between me and him, as well as our families. As it is a very rushed wedding, I understand that there are bound to be financial constraints. But what I don't understand is the contradictory ways his family 'apply' wedding traditions and their funny financial planning. Here are some examples of what I'm talking about.
1. We don't have much money, only about 10k in savings. Yet, my future parents-in-law insisted on throwing a banquet at a hotel and inviting 300+ people. My parents are totally against spending beyond our means and have told his family they don't want a banquet, at least 5 times. They convinced my parents to go along eventually and even 'gave' my mum 8 tables. Now, in-laws and husband are complaining about wedding expenses and husband even made comments like "why your parents cannot help out with the wedding expense? it's not fair for my parents to pay for everything." really want to tell them that it's also not fair to expect my parents to pay for something they never wanted nor is it right for them to pay according to tradition.
2. FMIL wanted to buy sidianjin or the wedding as they are traditional Teochew (my dialect doesn't have this as a requirement so I initially wanted to opt out of it to save more money, but they insisted). She told the jewellery shop assistant that she "wanted a more expensive one" when showed a 2k+ set. I kept quiet throughout the whole thing as since sidianjin supposed to be from PIL to DIL, so I assumed she was paying. I let her take her pick despite me being there. End up she expects my fiance to pay, and my fiance expects me to chip in. I feel slightly aggrieved because I had not wanted or needed it in the first place, and my mum even told her it's not necessary, yet they are now expecting me to chip in for it?
3. I'm in my final year of university, so I am not currently working. All doctor expenses are paid for out of my own pocket because MIL takes about 60% of my fiance's pay every month for 'household expenses' and 'wedding expenses', and he just has enough to cover his own expenses. Again, I am not complaining because I have to fork out money, as I chose to keep the baby. But isn't there a problem when I also have to chip in for his expenses because he doesn't have enough to spend? I feel ashamed that I'm still taking an allowance from my parents every month. Yet fiance doesn't seem my perspective and tells me it is his obligation as a son to chip in for household expenses. He also wants me to ask my parents to pay for my gynae visits. Does it make sense?? My parents are not obligated to pay because they didn't choose to have the kid, and a kid should be our responsibility. Furthermore, he says his parents are paying a lot for the wedding already but to me it's like, its they want to host such a grand event despite our financial constraints, and even the wedding dinner package is also they choose one (the most expensive package). If they want to have so much say in our wedding, then they pay no wrong what? since they want to dictate everything. on the other hand, my parents didn't want a banquet so why keep asking them to chip in?
my future in-laws even went so far to say if we don't receive my mother's blessings (when my parents didn't want to talk to them initially), the wedding will just proceed without them and they will be excluded. Feel like my parents totally had no say in this but somehow people expect them to pay for it...
I really want to call the whole thing off because I feel like they don't know what's a desire and what's a necessity. Of course, every girl desires a grand wedding and beautiful gowns, but as a mum-to-be, I believe I speak for most parents when I say all parents want the best for their children. My baby's needs are now the priority and a necessity, yet they want to spend so much on a one-day event, to the point they don't mind incurring some debts for it. tried speaking to them about it yet they say I'm being calculative and unreasonable????