Christian Brides
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lydia... haha... i know what u mean about couples being embarassed. but rest assured, the trainer is also a bit embarassed about talking about this. I had to organize a pre marital talk once, and i was telling my supervisor "U want me to talk about WHAT????" hee... obviously is about the S** topic lah... heng she take over ah.. haha.
in my opinion, when they talk about sex in premarital counselling, they dont really talk about the secular world would talk about it. for mine, it was talking about how it was meant for husband and wife and about children, and even about contraceptive (although they didnt strongly advocate for it) and talking about how babies are created.. the more indepth ones they recommend books.
lyn, so u guys looking for alternative churches huh? which area u looking at? I think in the archives,a few other sisters have asked about this b4 and some of us threw out some church names..
the following are available for rent: (anyone else feel free to add on or correct me)
AMK Methodist
TPY Methodist
True Way Pres
TTC
in my opinion, when they talk about sex in premarital counselling, they dont really talk about the secular world would talk about it. for mine, it was talking about how it was meant for husband and wife and about children, and even about contraceptive (although they didnt strongly advocate for it) and talking about how babies are created.. the more indepth ones they recommend books.
lyn, so u guys looking for alternative churches huh? which area u looking at? I think in the archives,a few other sisters have asked about this b4 and some of us threw out some church names..
the following are available for rent: (anyone else feel free to add on or correct me)
AMK Methodist
TPY Methodist
True Way Pres
TTC
ewwgetoffme
New Member
thanks all for the insightful comments XD
lyn: wow that's coming this year. how nice. mine is 22 nov, initially i thought you were getting married 2 days after me but i double-taked and saw that it's this year. heh. good for you! as for your problem, you could probably follow twinkle's suggestion? (since most of my church friends' spouses from another church switch to our church, i don't think i can give you better suggestions
)
lyn: wow that's coming this year. how nice. mine is 22 nov, initially i thought you were getting married 2 days after me but i double-taked and saw that it's this year. heh. good for you! as for your problem, you could probably follow twinkle's suggestion? (since most of my church friends' spouses from another church switch to our church, i don't think i can give you better suggestions
)ewwgetoffme
New Member
hey lyn! just realised that part of my message was truncated and the part from 'as for your problem' was meant for Fei... XD sorry for the confusion!
we've decided on 22 nov 08. still long way to go, hehe. he calls most of the shots though XD
we've decided on 22 nov 08. still long way to go, hehe. he calls most of the shots though XD
ewwgetoffme
New Member
ribbons: ya, i also think so.
starting to save already. my bf is the saving type so thank God lah. i'm the kind who can do accounts and financial projection but cannot keep to it one. XD think the longer prep time is also a good time to read up and pray together, grow together and most imptly encourage each other.
hi any christian brides who have gone through guo da li? my FH and me are the first couple to be married in the family. so duno abt the customs. we would like to keep to chinese traditions but don wan any idolism stuff. so any advice on the procedures and items for guo da li and tea ceremony? btw hes cantonese and i'm hainanese. thanks!! =)
I only know the dragon & pheonix candles dont want others i am not sure, dont know what traditional items about hainanese.
For me i will have:
To my side
2 bottle of liquor
oranges (can be 8 or more depends on ur mum)
cakes (how many u need to give relatives)
can pork leg (2 can to each box of cake)
gold items (depends on ur dialect gp, like 4 dian jing for teochew, but now some other dialect gp also practice)
pin jing (see how much ur mum is asking, if she never ask then depends on how much the guy side want to give)
Things to return to the guy side will be:
2 bottle orange juice (in exchange of liquor
oranges (depends on how many u ask for just return some as yi si only)
cakes (if they give more then what u ask for u can return those if not u keep everything)
Pants (this one depends on what the guy side ask, cantonese will ask for pants or an ang pao to represent)
pin jing (after ur mum take what she wants, those extra will return)
This is what i know most ppl practice, u can always go to those sell wedding items shops and ask...they will advice u what to have for what dialect gp. Some ppl just give ang pao to represent everything.
Ladies did i miss out anything? hehehe
For me i will have:
To my side
2 bottle of liquor
oranges (can be 8 or more depends on ur mum)
cakes (how many u need to give relatives)
can pork leg (2 can to each box of cake)
gold items (depends on ur dialect gp, like 4 dian jing for teochew, but now some other dialect gp also practice)
pin jing (see how much ur mum is asking, if she never ask then depends on how much the guy side want to give)
Things to return to the guy side will be:
2 bottle orange juice (in exchange of liquor
oranges (depends on how many u ask for just return some as yi si only)
cakes (if they give more then what u ask for u can return those if not u keep everything)
Pants (this one depends on what the guy side ask, cantonese will ask for pants or an ang pao to represent)
pin jing (after ur mum take what she wants, those extra will return)
This is what i know most ppl practice, u can always go to those sell wedding items shops and ask...they will advice u what to have for what dialect gp. Some ppl just give ang pao to represent everything.
Ladies did i miss out anything? hehehe
hi,
just wan to do an informal poll..
i just had a talk with my FH abt finances..
i just wan to check am i the norm or the minority..
i know my FH does not come from a rich family and he is working part time only (as he is studying for his post-grad now)..
im not really demanding him to pay for everything for the wedding, but somehow im "wishing" he will pay for everything.
i wish i can use my own money to do up myself for the wedding rather than to help him cover for the wedding.
i know he actually feels very stressed abt it.. but he is putting on a brave front..
so wat shld i do?
am i right to expect him to pay for everything since he is marrying me mah..
right now, we have a joint saving for our wedding expenses and he actually puts in twice as much as i do..
but guess i wish i dont even have to put in any money in the account so tat i can use it to "beautify" myself..
hmm..
sorry for the long post..
guess just troubled..
thks for reading..
just wan to do an informal poll..
i just had a talk with my FH abt finances..
i just wan to check am i the norm or the minority..
i know my FH does not come from a rich family and he is working part time only (as he is studying for his post-grad now)..
im not really demanding him to pay for everything for the wedding, but somehow im "wishing" he will pay for everything.
i wish i can use my own money to do up myself for the wedding rather than to help him cover for the wedding.
i know he actually feels very stressed abt it.. but he is putting on a brave front..
so wat shld i do?
am i right to expect him to pay for everything since he is marrying me mah..
right now, we have a joint saving for our wedding expenses and he actually puts in twice as much as i do..
but guess i wish i dont even have to put in any money in the account so tat i can use it to "beautify" myself..
hmm..
sorry for the long post..
guess just troubled..
thks for reading..
ewwgetoffme
New Member
hey fei!
i agree with Hui on her questions. perhaps you and your bf should have a finance talk.
i used to pester my boyfriend to buy me stuff but one day he told me (quite nicely) that he can't afford to always buy me stuff, so he limits his food choices in school to the cheapest food so that the money he saves on food can go to me. then we had a long talk about how we like to spend our money, and i decided that i had to submit to how he does it, because it sounded really wrong to insist that he get stuff for me and he eats the lousy yong tau foo. plus if i am going to be his wife i have to listen to him, and besides he dotes on me a lot. i bet your fiance dotes on you too, otherwise you guys wouldn't even be getting married right
my situation was something like yours - i honestly thought my bf was working (or rather he's being paid to study, sort of, cos he's in IE) so he could afford more things than i could. he doesn't come from a rich family too.
but ever since we had that talk i've decided - i can only do the best i can to cover some expenses, because i won't be working for as long and wouldn't be earning as much. a wedding isn't about being beautiful, it's about finally being husband and wife. and it doesn't make you less beautiful if you can't afford other things other brides have. spend according to how God wants you to spend, i.e not more than you can afford.
i think you and your guy should pray about it too. sorry if i sound too preachy, i just want you to know i get where you're coming from.
i agree with Hui on her questions. perhaps you and your bf should have a finance talk.
i used to pester my boyfriend to buy me stuff but one day he told me (quite nicely) that he can't afford to always buy me stuff, so he limits his food choices in school to the cheapest food so that the money he saves on food can go to me. then we had a long talk about how we like to spend our money, and i decided that i had to submit to how he does it, because it sounded really wrong to insist that he get stuff for me and he eats the lousy yong tau foo. plus if i am going to be his wife i have to listen to him, and besides he dotes on me a lot. i bet your fiance dotes on you too, otherwise you guys wouldn't even be getting married right
my situation was something like yours - i honestly thought my bf was working (or rather he's being paid to study, sort of, cos he's in IE) so he could afford more things than i could. he doesn't come from a rich family too.
but ever since we had that talk i've decided - i can only do the best i can to cover some expenses, because i won't be working for as long and wouldn't be earning as much. a wedding isn't about being beautiful, it's about finally being husband and wife. and it doesn't make you less beautiful if you can't afford other things other brides have. spend according to how God wants you to spend, i.e not more than you can afford.
i think you and your guy should pray about it too. sorry if i sound too preachy, i just want you to know i get where you're coming from.
hehehe women tends to have the kind of thinking that men should do this n that...but we never put ourselves in their shoes about how they feel when we do that and we never thought about how they think they want us to do also.
If they expect things from us we will say they are unreasonable but when we do this to them we wont think this is unreasonable.
Most women wants to be a princess on their wedding day, although some have it very simple even though they earn a lot and can afford it. Eventually, u have to ask urself, can u afford it. Why do it out of ur means n have a strain relationship or load urself with debts after the wedding.
Wedding is not the only time u spend money. There are still many more things to come which requires a lot of money also. If everytime u want the best then forever u will be in heavy debts.
If they expect things from us we will say they are unreasonable but when we do this to them we wont think this is unreasonable.
Most women wants to be a princess on their wedding day, although some have it very simple even though they earn a lot and can afford it. Eventually, u have to ask urself, can u afford it. Why do it out of ur means n have a strain relationship or load urself with debts after the wedding.
Wedding is not the only time u spend money. There are still many more things to come which requires a lot of money also. If everytime u want the best then forever u will be in heavy debts.
Hi Erica
I had my ROM and customary apart, with a years gap in-between.
My church's practice requires us to exchange the rings again. So we only sent the rings for polishing and then just wait for the AD.
It's highly dependent on your church's practice. So, it's better if you consult your pastor.
I had my ROM and customary apart, with a years gap in-between.
My church's practice requires us to exchange the rings again. So we only sent the rings for polishing and then just wait for the AD.
Fei, before I start, let me just say that I dislike mincing my words, so I will come across as a little harsh.
I think you are being rather selfish here. I can empathise with your FH because I'm a postgrad student myself, also working part-time and trust me, it's not as if we don't have very hefty bills to pay ourselves. It's also pretty damned tough to be studying and working at the same time, and yet your FH is still contributing more than yourself to the wedding. To most parents, that's already considered as the guy paying for the wedding. We could go on and on about how love shouldn't be calculating; yes, it shouldn't be. But neither does it seek one's own benefit only.
Yeah, he's marrying you. So you're not marrying him, is it?
My FH doesn't come from a rich family, in fact, they're considerably less well-off than mine. Thus, I don't expect him to pay for everything, though he already pays for the large expenses. I pay the S&CC and PUB charges, as well as my own facials and miscellaneous items for the wedding, using my allowance and the fees I get from tuition.
I think you are being rather selfish here. I can empathise with your FH because I'm a postgrad student myself, also working part-time and trust me, it's not as if we don't have very hefty bills to pay ourselves. It's also pretty damned tough to be studying and working at the same time, and yet your FH is still contributing more than yourself to the wedding. To most parents, that's already considered as the guy paying for the wedding. We could go on and on about how love shouldn't be calculating; yes, it shouldn't be. But neither does it seek one's own benefit only.
Yeah, he's marrying you. So you're not marrying him, is it?
My FH doesn't come from a rich family, in fact, they're considerably less well-off than mine. Thus, I don't expect him to pay for everything, though he already pays for the large expenses. I pay the S&CC and PUB charges, as well as my own facials and miscellaneous items for the wedding, using my allowance and the fees I get from tuition.
Fei
Let me share with you as a person who has been there and done that, ok?
Initially I also expected my husband to pay for everything. From the gown to the church and banquet venue, and I would only be there for the 'fun'. Besides, I have already done my 'homework' by providing him to all the research details I did for the wedding.
But God convicted me, and made me realise that if marriage is about 2 persons and their families, should not I be contributing to it financially as well?
My husband and I are definitely not well-off, in fact, after we bought our flat, we were in major debt. Having only 1 person to cough up $30k for a wedding is definitely an issue.
In short, it is your wedding, as much as you want to look good, I am sure your HTB would want to look good too, right? I am sure he would not oppose if you request that of him, because he loves you and would want you to be happy.
In my case, I thought hard. 'God gives grace to the humble.' And I finally contributed however much I could. God rewarded me in many areas that I did not expected.
Think about this: if God and your HTB are the 2 most important persons in your life after your wedding day, it will be rewarding to sacrifice for their sakes, isn't it? besides, wedding is only but a day, but your marriage is for your entire lifetime. Would it be worth it to look good before others for just one day, or to look good before your husband for the entire lifetime?
"He who finds a wife, finds a good thing.' Are you the 'good' that your husband has found? And will you choose to be that?
Let me share with you as a person who has been there and done that, ok?
Initially I also expected my husband to pay for everything. From the gown to the church and banquet venue, and I would only be there for the 'fun'. Besides, I have already done my 'homework' by providing him to all the research details I did for the wedding.
But God convicted me, and made me realise that if marriage is about 2 persons and their families, should not I be contributing to it financially as well?
My husband and I are definitely not well-off, in fact, after we bought our flat, we were in major debt. Having only 1 person to cough up $30k for a wedding is definitely an issue.
In short, it is your wedding, as much as you want to look good, I am sure your HTB would want to look good too, right? I am sure he would not oppose if you request that of him, because he loves you and would want you to be happy.
In my case, I thought hard. 'God gives grace to the humble.' And I finally contributed however much I could. God rewarded me in many areas that I did not expected.
Think about this: if God and your HTB are the 2 most important persons in your life after your wedding day, it will be rewarding to sacrifice for their sakes, isn't it? besides, wedding is only but a day, but your marriage is for your entire lifetime. Would it be worth it to look good before others for just one day, or to look good before your husband for the entire lifetime?
"He who finds a wife, finds a good thing.' Are you the 'good' that your husband has found? And will you choose to be that?
Fei: As what the others said, hope you don't take it too personally though. I am sure you have your reasons why you are hoping for these from your FH. I am sure we all hope money is not a problem when we want to get married. Sadly, it is a common struggle we all have. I want to ask u to consider the following:
i know my FH does not come from a rich family and he is working part time only
As attest by many here, many of us do not have FHs who are from rich families. So you are not alone.
im not really demanding him to pay for everything for the wedding, but somehow im "wishing" he will pay for everything.
You don't demand ah, but you wish - there's already an expectation here. When your expectation is not fulfilled, you get frustrated. Like my earlier question, check in on your expectation. If it is not of God, please release it and confess it to God.
i know he actually feels very stressed abt it.. but he is putting on a brave front..
"The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."" Genesis 2:18
Be that helpmate for your FH, Fei. What do you do as a wife-to-be so as to help him with his stress?
so wat shld i do?
am i right to expect him to pay for everything since he is marrying me mah..
I think you know what to do already. Whether you are right in expecting him to pay for everything? Culturally, maybe you are right (though I'll think this is more appropriate for 50 years ago). Biblically, maybe you need to consider your intentions a little more carefully.
but guess i wish i dont even have to put in any money in the account so tat i can use it to "beautify" myself..
"1Peter 3:3-6: "Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price."
I want to leave you with this last verse, I am sorry if this sounds very harsh, but I pray that God will move your heart to hear His heartbeat about this matter, and if He convicts you that this is wrong, I claim this on all Sisters-in-Christ's behalf, that
"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9).
Take care Fei.
i know my FH does not come from a rich family and he is working part time only
As attest by many here, many of us do not have FHs who are from rich families. So you are not alone.
im not really demanding him to pay for everything for the wedding, but somehow im "wishing" he will pay for everything.
You don't demand ah, but you wish - there's already an expectation here. When your expectation is not fulfilled, you get frustrated. Like my earlier question, check in on your expectation. If it is not of God, please release it and confess it to God.
i know he actually feels very stressed abt it.. but he is putting on a brave front..
"The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."" Genesis 2:18
Be that helpmate for your FH, Fei. What do you do as a wife-to-be so as to help him with his stress?
so wat shld i do?
am i right to expect him to pay for everything since he is marrying me mah..
I think you know what to do already. Whether you are right in expecting him to pay for everything? Culturally, maybe you are right (though I'll think this is more appropriate for 50 years ago). Biblically, maybe you need to consider your intentions a little more carefully.
but guess i wish i dont even have to put in any money in the account so tat i can use it to "beautify" myself..
"1Peter 3:3-6: "Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price."
I want to leave you with this last verse, I am sorry if this sounds very harsh, but I pray that God will move your heart to hear His heartbeat about this matter, and if He convicts you that this is wrong, I claim this on all Sisters-in-Christ's behalf, that
"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9).
Take care Fei.
<font color="aa00aa">Hello Fei,
Good that you're doing a poll, cos you'll realise that the guy very seldom pays for everything these days.
My FH and I share all the expenses, from the bridal studio gown etc to photo taking, to flat purchase, to renovation and home furniture and electrical appliances.
He pays more percentage-wise cos he earns more.
The only thing that we have split is he pays for PUB and conservancy charges, I pay for groceries and stuff from NTUC (e.g. detergent, shower foam). this is how our parents did it, so we were happy to follow their model.
Of course I pay for my own facials and clothes.
I know another christian bride shared before that she paid for all the wedding expenses and he paid for all the house expenses. If you sum that up and divide, maybe it'll work as if they shared expenses for all, just each paid a different percentage.
Unless you are still studying and don't have any income, you should really be sharing in the financial burden via your savings. The only circumstance I can think of where it's justifiable for the groom to pay all expenses is if he is very rich and the bride has zero savings.
Even if his parents are rich and he is not, the couple should learn to stand on their own two feet. I know of couples who have chosen not to take a cent from their parents for even the wedding dinner and make up for the cost with the ang pows and their savings. Other couples have chosen to go with simple but still beautiful weddings because they have chosen not to start their married lives with necessary debt. The key is to live within one's means.
Hope this helps you!</font>
Good that you're doing a poll, cos you'll realise that the guy very seldom pays for everything these days.
My FH and I share all the expenses, from the bridal studio gown etc to photo taking, to flat purchase, to renovation and home furniture and electrical appliances.
He pays more percentage-wise cos he earns more.
The only thing that we have split is he pays for PUB and conservancy charges, I pay for groceries and stuff from NTUC (e.g. detergent, shower foam). this is how our parents did it, so we were happy to follow their model.
Of course I pay for my own facials and clothes.
I know another christian bride shared before that she paid for all the wedding expenses and he paid for all the house expenses. If you sum that up and divide, maybe it'll work as if they shared expenses for all, just each paid a different percentage.
Unless you are still studying and don't have any income, you should really be sharing in the financial burden via your savings. The only circumstance I can think of where it's justifiable for the groom to pay all expenses is if he is very rich and the bride has zero savings.
Even if his parents are rich and he is not, the couple should learn to stand on their own two feet. I know of couples who have chosen not to take a cent from their parents for even the wedding dinner and make up for the cost with the ang pows and their savings. Other couples have chosen to go with simple but still beautiful weddings because they have chosen not to start their married lives with necessary debt. The key is to live within one's means.
Hope this helps you!</font>
Hi Fei,
I understand how you feel.
My parents being very traditional kept on drilling into me that guys should pay for everything. I was initially affected by it when my fiance suggested that we split the finances. I felt terrible because I'm stuck in between my parents' expectations and reality check between my fiance and I. He cannot possible afford to pay everything plus the fact that he's younger than me so less no. of working years thus savings.
So we had a good discussion about finances not only about the wedding itself...but life after that...what kind of place we want to live in...what kind of car we want to drive etc etc. This is probably part of the marriage counselling if you do attend one.
From our discussion, I also realize that for guys...deep inside their hearts, there's always a fear of not being able to provide financially for his family. So, why put extra pressure on him right now? And really marriage is for better or for worse...once you begin talking about marraige, you are talking about a commitment and even though you have not said the vows, it should already be like this.
I think you have to ask yourself, are you serious about wanting to be married to this man?
I understand how you feel.
My parents being very traditional kept on drilling into me that guys should pay for everything. I was initially affected by it when my fiance suggested that we split the finances. I felt terrible because I'm stuck in between my parents' expectations and reality check between my fiance and I. He cannot possible afford to pay everything plus the fact that he's younger than me so less no. of working years thus savings.
So we had a good discussion about finances not only about the wedding itself...but life after that...what kind of place we want to live in...what kind of car we want to drive etc etc. This is probably part of the marriage counselling if you do attend one.
From our discussion, I also realize that for guys...deep inside their hearts, there's always a fear of not being able to provide financially for his family. So, why put extra pressure on him right now? And really marriage is for better or for worse...once you begin talking about marraige, you are talking about a commitment and even though you have not said the vows, it should already be like this.
I think you have to ask yourself, are you serious about wanting to be married to this man?
Thanks SummerIce and Ivy.
I am quite troubled cos I would like to exchange rings twice but my pastor who will be doing the ROM thing with me said I don't have to.
ok, my situation is this...
I am having ROM (signing the legal paper) and the ceremony on the same day but with 2 different pastors at 2 different venues. My pastor from australia is coming to conduct the ceremony but since he's not a Singaporean, he can't let us sign the papers. So we decided to get our singapore pastor to do the legal bit earlier in the hotel room with us before we proceed to walk down the aisle together.
Thus the dilemma with exchanging rings twice.
What would you do in my shoes?
plus, because my singapore pastor can't speak English and my fiance can't understnad anything else...therefore the 2 pastors involved.
Any advice?? Thanks.
I am quite troubled cos I would like to exchange rings twice but my pastor who will be doing the ROM thing with me said I don't have to.
ok, my situation is this...
I am having ROM (signing the legal paper) and the ceremony on the same day but with 2 different pastors at 2 different venues. My pastor from australia is coming to conduct the ceremony but since he's not a Singaporean, he can't let us sign the papers. So we decided to get our singapore pastor to do the legal bit earlier in the hotel room with us before we proceed to walk down the aisle together.
Thus the dilemma with exchanging rings twice.
What would you do in my shoes?
plus, because my singapore pastor can't speak English and my fiance can't understnad anything else...therefore the 2 pastors involved.
Any advice?? Thanks.
Erica,
Can you combine? for me, an option was to have one pastor (can be your aust pastor) conducting the whole ceremony except the signing part. when it comes to the signing part, the other pastor goes on stage and signs with the witnesses. Can be done. The signing can be done after the exchange of rings, so you will only have one exchange of rings.
Voila!
Can you combine? for me, an option was to have one pastor (can be your aust pastor) conducting the whole ceremony except the signing part. when it comes to the signing part, the other pastor goes on stage and signs with the witnesses. Can be done. The signing can be done after the exchange of rings, so you will only have one exchange of rings.
Voila!
Erica ya i agree with twinkle...maybe u can have 2 pastor at the same time...then u will do 1 ring exchange only.
for my case i will have 1 to translate the english to chinese for parents n relatives, so at least they understand what is going on.
Fei
I am also like twinkle, split the cost of wedding, house, reno, all the household items with my hb. Although my hb didnt ask me to pay for it...but i feel that since i am marrying him n i have a share in everything so i should share the bills with him.
what twinkle said is true.
my hb always wanted to give me the best, he wants me to be happy with the wedding. So he didnt stop me from choosing my wedding gown, but i am also aware that i should not pick anything thats beyond my/our means.
Ask yourself if u are the man will u want to marry a wife that only know how to spend your money n keep her own money for herself. He will think that this kind of women only can be for better not for worst.
for my case i will have 1 to translate the english to chinese for parents n relatives, so at least they understand what is going on.
Fei
I am also like twinkle, split the cost of wedding, house, reno, all the household items with my hb. Although my hb didnt ask me to pay for it...but i feel that since i am marrying him n i have a share in everything so i should share the bills with him.
what twinkle said is true.
my hb always wanted to give me the best, he wants me to be happy with the wedding. So he didnt stop me from choosing my wedding gown, but i am also aware that i should not pick anything thats beyond my/our means.
Ask yourself if u are the man will u want to marry a wife that only know how to spend your money n keep her own money for herself. He will think that this kind of women only can be for better not for worst.
Thanks Twinkle!! You sure this can be done??
I have thought of it but not sure if the rule requires the pastor doing the legal part must do everything else.
Also something sensitive...the pastor doing the legal bit is my uncle...as it is already, I have hurt his feelings by not asking to do the entire thing....
anyway, can you give me more details how you carry out the thing? you mean the signing bit, the other pastor just goes up the stage...he need to say anything??
I have thought of it but not sure if the rule requires the pastor doing the legal part must do everything else.
Also something sensitive...the pastor doing the legal bit is my uncle...as it is already, I have hurt his feelings by not asking to do the entire thing....
anyway, can you give me more details how you carry out the thing? you mean the signing bit, the other pastor just goes up the stage...he need to say anything??
<font color="0077aa">hello sisters, have been gone for a while.. trying to adapt to being a MRS.. kekeke.. its tough but its really fun.. and i fall in love with my hubby all over again..
Erica, I had two pastors do to my holy matrimony too.. one to officiate and one to solemnise.. after some communication with them, we only sign the ROM paper just before the holy matrimony with no exchange of vows nor exchange of rings... the exchanges took place before God during the holy matrimony with the presence of solemnising pastor of course...perhaps you can talk to your singapore pastor abt this.. am sure he will be open to your preference.. =)
Fei, all of us have some degree of selfishness in us (no offences intended to anyone).. you are no different from any of us.. its just where we place our priorities..
for one, there are times during the wedding prep where i also wish that my fiance then pays for the entire wedding so that i can splurge on myself.. kekeke.. spa, facials, manicure, pedicure, etc.. they have been labelled as "bridal essentials" in today's world i guess.. and they make our want-lists grow.. while being able to enjoy these perks is great, but going without them doesnt make you any lesser a bride.. you are still the star of the day.. the glory of God will just fill you on the special day.. =)
hee, twinkle was talking about me.. i paid for the entire wedding myself and it was a large sum.. prob equivalent to my annual income... in the process, i gave up much of my wants.. but as i looked back, i have no regrets because i had my dream wedding... so it was a right thing for me to do.. hee, i am now a better person coz i have learnt to curb on my spending! no more a shopaholic.. kekeke, guess all things turn out good for those who love Him!
i guess you just need to prioritise your expectation or wants.. the wedding is abt 2 persons coming together before God.. so, it does not make sense for you to look great on the wedding while your husband is dying under financial stress right???
anyway to add on, when you became a good steward of money, God will bless you too..
during the preparation, i was frequently blessed with gifts that i wanted but yet could not afford then.. your Daddy God knows you and His blessings are never ending... my entire wedding expenses were fully covered and we have surpluses!
actually more importantly, through this, my relationship with my fiance then strengthens... he knows that i am trying my best to pay for the wedding (as agreed) and he appreciates it!
my hubby will be in charge of the upcoming expenses for our matrimonial home (coming end of this year).. like me, he also had to make personal sacrifices.. but he is not complaining.. not because he is the man and so he must pick up the tab.. but rather, it is a personal sacrifice for this new family nucleus!
hope my sharing helps you too.. =)</font>
Erica, I had two pastors do to my holy matrimony too.. one to officiate and one to solemnise.. after some communication with them, we only sign the ROM paper just before the holy matrimony with no exchange of vows nor exchange of rings... the exchanges took place before God during the holy matrimony with the presence of solemnising pastor of course...perhaps you can talk to your singapore pastor abt this.. am sure he will be open to your preference.. =)
Fei, all of us have some degree of selfishness in us (no offences intended to anyone).. you are no different from any of us.. its just where we place our priorities..
for one, there are times during the wedding prep where i also wish that my fiance then pays for the entire wedding so that i can splurge on myself.. kekeke.. spa, facials, manicure, pedicure, etc.. they have been labelled as "bridal essentials" in today's world i guess.. and they make our want-lists grow.. while being able to enjoy these perks is great, but going without them doesnt make you any lesser a bride.. you are still the star of the day.. the glory of God will just fill you on the special day.. =)
hee, twinkle was talking about me.. i paid for the entire wedding myself and it was a large sum.. prob equivalent to my annual income... in the process, i gave up much of my wants.. but as i looked back, i have no regrets because i had my dream wedding... so it was a right thing for me to do.. hee, i am now a better person coz i have learnt to curb on my spending! no more a shopaholic.. kekeke, guess all things turn out good for those who love Him!
i guess you just need to prioritise your expectation or wants.. the wedding is abt 2 persons coming together before God.. so, it does not make sense for you to look great on the wedding while your husband is dying under financial stress right???
anyway to add on, when you became a good steward of money, God will bless you too..
during the preparation, i was frequently blessed with gifts that i wanted but yet could not afford then.. your Daddy God knows you and His blessings are never ending... my entire wedding expenses were fully covered and we have surpluses!
actually more importantly, through this, my relationship with my fiance then strengthens... he knows that i am trying my best to pay for the wedding (as agreed) and he appreciates it!
my hubby will be in charge of the upcoming expenses for our matrimonial home (coming end of this year).. like me, he also had to make personal sacrifices.. but he is not complaining.. not because he is the man and so he must pick up the tab.. but rather, it is a personal sacrifice for this new family nucleus!
hope my sharing helps you too.. =)</font>
Hi:
Just want to encourage you gals here. The forum material is great here. Everyone bears her heart and there are also advises. This is really great E-fellowship. After a while of going through the forums here and there, I think this one is the most wholesome to me. Let's continue to pray for one another. To God be the glory.
Just want to encourage you gals here. The forum material is great here. Everyone bears her heart and there are also advises. This is really great E-fellowship. After a while of going through the forums here and there, I think this one is the most wholesome to me. Let's continue to pray for one another. To God be the glory.
mehmeh_lim
New Member
hi lydia, lyn, fei & blue silver,
*welcome* to this thread
hi fei,
Coz my HB & I grad at the same time, and I started 'working' first coz of my bond, whereas he took awhile to land himself a job, i started contributing to a joint savings account we had
So u can take it tt I had put in a little more than he did, and when he finally did get a job, his pay was less than mine, and I insisted tt he need not save the amt I was doing so.. God has really been very faithful! Though my HB started slow & low, he's doing quite well now
As wives or wives-to-be, we are made to be helpers to our husbands & FHs.. In areas where he isn't able, we shd assist and render support.. I'm sure even if u do pay partially for the wedding, u wld still have enough to beautify yourself!! No doubt having the top-notch bridal designer to do up the gowns, the best MUA, branded PGs & various vendors wld make our weddings perfect the way we envisioned, having sthgs less than those would not make the wedding less than perfect
God makes everything good for those who love Him
i agree with lilic, the wedding is a culmination of 2 ppl coming together & enjoying the biggest day of their lives. Already often than not, the bride remains as the star of the day, while the groom is usually not given the same star treatment. So i do feel that while as much as u are to pamper urself, ur FH shd also receive no less than u.. For tt matter, when selecting the pix for our pre-wedding PS, I made sure that the focus was on couple pix, and there was a balance no. of indv pix. It shdn't be focused on the bride, otherwise it wld seem like a bride's makeover album rather than a wedding album..
It takes alot of humility for ur FH to acknowledge tt it's financially diff for him to foot for the whole wedding.. And if he really wants to give u the wedding as a wedding gift, do encourage him to do so with God's peace!!
hi erica,
In my church, there are only 2 pastors who can do the role of JOP.. But in all, there are 4 pastors. So we've had 1 pastor (who is close to the couple) who would conduct most of the ceremony, exhortation, blessing.. but the pastor who is the JOP wld conduct the signing of the cert. So this way, 1 venue is used & rings only exchanged once
Hope this helps!
*welcome* to this thread
hi fei,
Coz my HB & I grad at the same time, and I started 'working' first coz of my bond, whereas he took awhile to land himself a job, i started contributing to a joint savings account we had
As wives or wives-to-be, we are made to be helpers to our husbands & FHs.. In areas where he isn't able, we shd assist and render support.. I'm sure even if u do pay partially for the wedding, u wld still have enough to beautify yourself!! No doubt having the top-notch bridal designer to do up the gowns, the best MUA, branded PGs & various vendors wld make our weddings perfect the way we envisioned, having sthgs less than those would not make the wedding less than perfect
i agree with lilic, the wedding is a culmination of 2 ppl coming together & enjoying the biggest day of their lives. Already often than not, the bride remains as the star of the day, while the groom is usually not given the same star treatment. So i do feel that while as much as u are to pamper urself, ur FH shd also receive no less than u.. For tt matter, when selecting the pix for our pre-wedding PS, I made sure that the focus was on couple pix, and there was a balance no. of indv pix. It shdn't be focused on the bride, otherwise it wld seem like a bride's makeover album rather than a wedding album..
It takes alot of humility for ur FH to acknowledge tt it's financially diff for him to foot for the whole wedding.. And if he really wants to give u the wedding as a wedding gift, do encourage him to do so with God's peace!!
hi erica,
In my church, there are only 2 pastors who can do the role of JOP.. But in all, there are 4 pastors. So we've had 1 pastor (who is close to the couple) who would conduct most of the ceremony, exhortation, blessing.. but the pastor who is the JOP wld conduct the signing of the cert. So this way, 1 venue is used & rings only exchanged once
hi ladies,
thanks so much for ur sharings, thoughts and feelings..
i really appreciate it..
at least gives me a different perspective to life.
anywya told my hb when he gets his phd, then he will make it up to me..
hehe..
also realised that.. yah marriage is abt adapting to each other..
it's so "human" to just think of me, me and me only.
anyway thks so much once again..
God bless
thanks so much for ur sharings, thoughts and feelings..
i really appreciate it..
at least gives me a different perspective to life.
anywya told my hb when he gets his phd, then he will make it up to me..
hehe..
also realised that.. yah marriage is abt adapting to each other..
it's so "human" to just think of me, me and me only.
anyway thks so much once again..
God bless
Hello Sisters,
I am back!
Lydia, great recommendation on the book. I will order that book soon.
Fei, Pray that God will provide wisdom in choosing the church that both of you have peace in.
God has been good. Since the last time i shared about my woes on the differences in expectation, God has really move us in this situation. God is still blessing us in our finances. and I have been learning to work things with him rather than always applying all my expectations on the subject matters. God has really grown and still growing me.
we have already settle some aspects of the wedding:
Nick: jarbebe
AD: 05 May 2007
Church: Trinity Christian Centre @ Paya Leba
Church Deco: My Friends
Caterer: Still looking
Banquet: In Kuching and Ipoh
BS: Venus JB
Lovenest:Redhill
Now we need to plan on how to shuttle our parents for east and west malaysia.
I am back!
Lydia, great recommendation on the book. I will order that book soon.
Fei, Pray that God will provide wisdom in choosing the church that both of you have peace in.
God has been good. Since the last time i shared about my woes on the differences in expectation, God has really move us in this situation. God is still blessing us in our finances. and I have been learning to work things with him rather than always applying all my expectations on the subject matters. God has really grown and still growing me.
we have already settle some aspects of the wedding:
Nick: jarbebe
AD: 05 May 2007
Church: Trinity Christian Centre @ Paya Leba
Church Deco: My Friends
Caterer: Still looking
Banquet: In Kuching and Ipoh
BS: Venus JB
Lovenest:Redhill
Now we need to plan on how to shuttle our parents for east and west malaysia.
Hi Erica
Not sure how much the ROM signing pastor says on stage -- we are actually doing it the other way around. The pastor that did our marriage counselling is going to deliver the homily. The elder that is 'qualified' to sign the ROM cert is going to conduct the whole ceremony.
Guess if it's your uncle then need to be more sensitive... maybe let him pray in Chinese for both of you for one part of the ceremony, perhaps after the signing?
Fei,
Most welcome!
We're all pilgrims on the journey of the narrow road.
Not sure how much the ROM signing pastor says on stage -- we are actually doing it the other way around. The pastor that did our marriage counselling is going to deliver the homily. The elder that is 'qualified' to sign the ROM cert is going to conduct the whole ceremony.
Guess if it's your uncle then need to be more sensitive... maybe let him pray in Chinese for both of you for one part of the ceremony, perhaps after the signing?
Fei,
Most welcome!
We're all pilgrims on the journey of the narrow road.
mehmeh_lim
New Member
Hi Fei,
Glad we've been of help! Do pray tt God will guide u & ur FH in the path of wedding preps, to see new perspectives of each other & cherish each other for their strengths! God bless
hi Micar,
Praise God! Continue to surrender the wedding preps to the Lord
Glad we've been of help! Do pray tt God will guide u & ur FH in the path of wedding preps, to see new perspectives of each other & cherish each other for their strengths! God bless
hi Micar,
Praise God! Continue to surrender the wedding preps to the Lord
just my thoughts.. not trying to open a can of worms or whatever (I was just slow in posting my rply), but here are my thoughts on the poll: Who wouldnt wish that someone else can pay for everything? I honestly say here, i wish someone will pay for all my things too.. but realistically, its not fair right? i am sure my hubby would wish to pay for everything/ someone to pay for his everything too..
marriage is about a 'partnership' and both parties have equal roles to play. not a 'u must do this, u must do that" kinda mentality.
fei, nothing wrong with having that thought, but its goes further beyond a thought, time to do something about it.. glad that u posted the question.. hope seeing some of our replies helped!
marriage is about a 'partnership' and both parties have equal roles to play. not a 'u must do this, u must do that" kinda mentality.
fei, nothing wrong with having that thought, but its goes further beyond a thought, time to do something about it.. glad that u posted the question.. hope seeing some of our replies helped!
mehmeh_lim
New Member
hihi ribbons..
heheh.. gotta go church
heehee.. Urself?
we're prob having post-vday thingy..
heheh.. gotta go church
we're prob having post-vday thingy..
lovely_samsoon
New Member
hihi ribbons,
u are veri sensible leh. i tried to think like tt befoer. but cannot... so we compromise to do simple things. i will be lying if i say i dun like to receive flowers :#|
u are veri sensible leh. i tried to think like tt befoer. but cannot... so we compromise to do simple things. i will be lying if i say i dun like to receive flowers :#|
Ribbons i agree with u, thats what my hb say also. He always say why only celebrate VD 1 day in a yr...it can be VD everyday. The only time we had a VD meal is the first yr we are together. Now we dont really celebrate it. So far i never get any flowers from him since the first VD until now. hehehe
I dont mind not getting flowers. It too ex, i feel that it not worth it.
I dont mind not getting flowers. It too ex, i feel that it not worth it.
samsoon.. not i very sensible, i just dont like queues and crowds.. haha! and i do floral decor and buy flowers from wholesale so i know flowers are way over priced, esp on V day...
summer, my hubby is fine not celebrating V day but he not as lor mantic as ur hubby to say that V day can be everyday.. haha.
i also celebrated V Day with him once only, on our first v day. I already told him no flowers (although it was very hard to a flower loving person like me to say that.. sob sob) but he still went to buy, but lots of shops were all out of flowers and so the bouqet had like 3 white roses, wilting kind... and it costs quite a lot. so i also sim tia for my hubby so i give him special persmission not to buy on V day.. haha.
summer, my hubby is fine not celebrating V day but he not as lor mantic as ur hubby to say that V day can be everyday.. haha.
i also celebrated V Day with him once only, on our first v day. I already told him no flowers (although it was very hard to a flower loving person like me to say that.. sob sob) but he still went to buy, but lots of shops were all out of flowers and so the bouqet had like 3 white roses, wilting kind... and it costs quite a lot. so i also sim tia for my hubby so i give him special persmission not to buy on V day.. haha.