Catholic Brides

Hi CSI fan, I have ROMed already so I just need a celebrant. Hmm, alot of things have to start sourcing and also to register for EE / MPC....

for the readers and lectors, they must b catholics rite?

btw, just curious, in terms of the march in song, is it always the usual few songs or we can use other classical one like Canon in D?
 


Hi Miaka05,

ah...I see. well, that makes some things easier. coz since u ROM-ed already, just need to find celebrant. yup, better go register for EE or MPC soon. The slots are quite full...

Not sure abt the readers for weddings. Lectors, by definition, yup, must be catholics. but not sure regarding church weddings. Which reminds me, I gotta find that out too...coz my parents want my bro to read, and he's non-catholic.

March-in songs, Canon in D is very often used actually. What are the usual few songs you've heard? (coz I almost always hear Canon in D...hehs). Can use hymns, songs by Steve Chapman or other classical pieces like Trumpet Voluntary by Clarke...
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CG!! wah...5 kids! I thot mine was a lot...hehs...met my match. Me too! 5 kids! hahaha. erm, think more or less got it...dun forget the readers/lectors though. Ushers...not sure how much ang pow u want to give, coz "technically speaking", like not much duties there leh...unless they have other things to do during the day too lah...
 
hi ladies,

here is an ang bao guide to you guys... there is no fixed amt.. its purely based on your own budget....

church
1. priest
2. care taker
3. altar boys
4. readers
5. solonist/organist/choir
6. florist
7. flower girl
8. page boy
9. bridesmaid (if she is not your own jiemei group)
10. bestman (if he is not from the brothers group)

gatecrashing
1. bargaining money (to be divided by your jie meis)
2. brothers
3. main driver
4. open car doors (both side)

tea ceremony
1. younger siblings

dinner
1. hotel coordinator
2. banquet manager
3. music coordinator
4. emcees/receptionists (if not from the same gang of wedding entourage)

others
1. your BS coordinator
2. PG
3. VG
4. MUA

impt: do prepare a few ang baos to be given out, for in case of emergencies of cos
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also, outsource all payments & ang baos to your trusted jiemei.. u will not have time for all these
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Wah Minssy,

thanks for your comprehensive list manz!
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Hmmm, hotel coordinator / banquet manager also have ah? hehs...thot it's part of the hotel bill! hahaha...but yah, giving them would also make them feel good and appreciated (even though u've paid for their service, the $$ doesn't flow straight down to them)...
 
as regards to the angbow thingie, like wat CSI Fan mentioned, is there a need to give hotel coordinator / banquet manager angbows since these are all part of their jobs? also, if give angbow like $28, it wld be too little. minimum also must give $60 or $80.

yes, lectors/readers must be catholics. the organist that i am getting told me she is also a lector. so that means she will do the lector & organist roles together for me.

i did ask my friends & my mum how much should the angbow money shld be. my mum told me the open door one must be figures >$138, 168, etc.... luckily, there is no need to have someone to open door at my FH's side. b'coz i am meeting him in church. then after that i will change to go home. so, just need to have someone to open the door for me. i will get my driver (a long-time family friend) to open the door for me. then give him 1 big angbow for (1) using his car (2) driving us around & (3) open door for us.

jiemeis angbow also not cheap. my friend gave me $150 last time when i was her jiemei..

as for priest, readers, altar boys, my friend said min $80. too little looks really ugly..
so that means, i need to prepare 2k angbow money for all these meh....
 
Wow Diamond
Gosh.. 2K alone for angpows?? Faint..
I dotn think have the $$ bandwith to expense so much for angpows.. :p I still have to pay for entertaimnet like string quartet.. heh heh

Minssy thanks for that list of persons to give angpows. I am not having a wedding banquet but only a church reception & family dinner at a nice hotel. As for the PG, MUA,hotel staff, I doubt I will be giving any as I am already paying them fees. For my 5 flower kids, I am paying for their clothes so maybe give a small angpow..

In fact another option instead of money are gifts instead.. Like the ones that Crabtree and evelyn has for bridesmaid gifts..

Thanks for your advice anyway
 
hi CG,

its very normal for wedding couples to give APs to pple who are involved in the wedding on the AD itself.. of cos PG etc are being paid for their service but a small token is of no harm. but this is very subjective and depends on individual's budget and generosity..
 
Hi Minssy,
yes I do agree and a great part of it, like other wedding expenses, is subject to budget.
I appreciate your advice.
Thanks again & God bless.
 
wah, diamond...u are like ur nick...heehee...
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u can afford to be that generous.
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That's good for you! Your gf too...I thot $28 is like not too bad liao, afterall, it's "yi4 si4 yi4 si4" only mah...as friends, they shd be more than happy to help. But of course, if you can afford it, that's good.
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btw, I just found out...not sure if different priests would have a different take on this. Lectors (for the usual Sat/Sun masses) must be Catholics. For wedding masses, readers need not be Catholics...

Yap CG, gifts can be quite nice too...at the end of the day, some say it's for luck, but I think most imptly is to show our appreciation for their efforts...
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yah, i was thinking of attending EE also, cos my hubby's work schedule really sucks, only 1 off day per week......if stretch over a few weekends, he sure have prob taking off.
 
CSI Fan, is not that i am generous. i was told that is the market rate by my friends (who had church weddings) and my mum

my catholic friend told me, if floral arrangement is done by church florist and she charges only for flowers & material cost. how can i just give a $28 angbow? simiarly, the soloist & organist said they dun charge service fees. i give them angbows as token of appreciation. so, how can i give angbow such as $28 to "yi si yi si"?

my mum also told me the guy who opens door wld get a big angbow also...

CG, money is small these days, all these adds up to a big sum eventually. so i rather budget & set aside more rather than realise that i do not have sufficient money set aside.. if i have excess after that, that wld be good.
 
CSI fan, i haven't really thought of what other songs I wanna use for my march in...... but i juz wanted to know if it's a must to use those old-fashioned music, hahahahahaha.

my wedding is next yr July 2007, and my hubby is wondering if it will be too late if we only go EE in Jan 2007 since his work schedule is really tight....... what do you ladies think?
 
even for the banquet thingie. before i even book the venue, i sit down & did a forcast of the likely angbow per head & the loss that i am will to bear. Say angbow/head average is $60, (of course some will give less than that, some will give more), and if i hv 20 tables and i cap my loss at $5000, tat would mean my 1 table cannot cost more than $850 (incl wine). that will narrow down the search of my banquet venue. Eg, places like fullerton, regeant will be out
 
miaka05 is not too late to go EE in Jan 07 next yr. during the EE session which i attended in May, quite a no of couples are having their customary in June 06. another big portion of the couples are having customary in dec 06

but of course, it is always good to attend EE early
 
hi miaka05,
yeah, it's always good to attend EE or MPC early. It gives both of you the time to "put into practice" what u've learnt / found out/ understood about each other, and also gives sufficient time to reflect on your own and each others' expectations etc...

Not being morbid here, but one way to look at it is, if you attend either course too late, sekali you both decide that "no, this is not what I want", then how? can always postpone/cancel etc, but more hassle right? Go early, there's still time to talk over the various issues that might creep up.

Wah, we take at least 1 yr in advance to prepare for a ONE DAY event. But we take less time than that to prepare for the LIFETIME event???
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diamond,

good for you lorh, you have frens who think that's the market rate...hehs. This kind of market rate is subjective one lah (vs hotel rates, where u can call hotel to check on rates). My circle of catholic frens' market rate is....GIFTS. hahaha. Ang Pow amount is $30 thereabouts. hehs...eh, diamond, maybe we can be ur helpers too leh...hahaha.
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kidding...

Aiyah, this kind of thing is up to individual lah. My church choir charges $250 and that's 10 pax (at least). so that works out to at most $25 per pax (plus they get to eat at the reception too). So, what makes an amt market rate? Church florist told me, what they do is volunteer work (like accumulating good deeds? I dunno.), so ang pow is not necessary. Your friends also have a point lorh....So it really depends on how you want to view it...
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BTW, diamond, read in another thread that you have the contact for the private jeweller...can share pls?
 
Hi CSI
I agree with yr philosophy.
I feel that as friends or other church helpers, if they want to help you, it is out of goodwill and hence shouldnt expect angpow or money . Hence any angpow or gifts is really yishi, yishi. Unless you have alot of $$ bandwith to expense with, its really up to individual.

Yes, the wedding is a day , marraige is a life time. I feel that any kind of marriage prep is crucial and extremely useful. Go for as much as you can afford. ;) I attended MPC for 6 wks and found it really enriching and useful though it meant sacrificing sunday mornings.
 
CSI Fan/CG, that is the reason why i plan to keep the wedding simple & the no of helpers as few as possible. that is why, i am not having any any page boys & flower girls.. i do not need that.

the friends are willing to help us out is b'coz we approach them. how many actually, open their mouths & offer their service? and many have to sacrifice their own personal time (such as spending with their family) to help, some may even have to take leave from work to help, take late meals that day to help the wedding couples. all these intangible stuff, how are we going to calculate in monetary terms? i defintely do not wan to appear as taking advantage of their kindness. if i say they are willing to help, then should not expect angbow, they can also say the same things to me: "want to hold a wedding then dun be so stingy over money. if want to save money, can just ROM will do" or stuff like, "what for have so many flower girls/page boys when i dun wan to spend too much on angbow money?"

just like stuff like gifts from relatives. some of my cousins tell relatives that they will prefer angbows, dun give them gifts like jewellery. guess what my relatives said behind their back? they said "if so bloke, need cash, then dun hold a wedding. guests should give wat they feel like..., where got couple open mouth & ask"

my close friends also receive gifts before from friends at their wedding... behind their back, they will complain.. say, where got people give cheapo gifts one.. her wedding, i gave her an angbow u know... see.. i defintely do not wan people to complain behind my back. wedding is a happy occasion, i hope other than the couple, the guests and everyone will enjoy themselves also..
 
ok noted.. thanks gals for your kind advice and comments on the angpow stuff. I am better informed and enlightened abt this now

Cheers, C
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CSI, your church choir already charges u $250 & u r inviting them to lunch reception. that would be good enough already. my church choir wans to charge me $500 and i find it too steep. so, i decided to get the organist & solost instead. but they told me, they do not charge a fee, only accept angbow. So, that means i hv to give each min 100 bucks loh...

as regards to the jeweller's contact, sorry, i cannot give u. i did not give those who asked for it at the forum also. reason being, i do not know you personally so i do not want to do the recommendation...for safety reasons.. b'coz he carries these jewelleries around when he visits customers at their place.. too risky for him..

hope u understand
 
hi, anyone here FH is not a catholic but u r?
i'm trying to get my FH to attend the EE or MPC, the problem is he is very relactant to go..
for EE is to stay over nite @ hostel where by males n females will be separated..which i have told him b4, he heard tis he dun wana go, say it's like NS like tat. for the MPC, since it's 6 wks course, he cannot commit to go for all the 6 wks course...

wanting him to go for tis EE or MPC is like having his life like that... infact i have spoken to him about tis course b4 and he had agreed to go, but now....

he says that important is the cert in law (i.e ROM cert), the church is just a ceremony...

then he say then book lor, if he cant go it's just too bad... i mean WAT KIND OF ATTITUDE IS TAT ??!

it's kind of difficult to get him to understand how important it is for me as a catholic to go for the EE or MPC and to get married in church....

sian, kind of make me dun feel like getting married to him liao... y cant he respect me abit about my religion...

AHAHHHHHHHHH !!!!!
 
hi diamond,
sure, can understand.
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yah...it's so dangerous him manz...oh, thot he has a shop/office space (eh, then why u post in the first place ah?
kao_confused.gif
) maybe u shd just tell the pple in that thread, wait more pple read your post and start asking u too....actually, their job also not easy siah, carry all that value on them...that's why only a certain league of pple can do that job...pple like moi, can only stay in office. hahaha.

well, diamond, guess everybody's different experiences with their frens, plus own principles/view points/philosophy in life, will lead all of us to "practise" differently lorh. At the end of the day, as long as you're happy, right? Coz it is your day. Just do what makes you happy...
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*stretch* time to take a break and do a mini map to the church. heeheehaha...
 
crescent, i am not a catholic but my FH is. I was quite apprehensive though before i attended EE. but i am glad that i hv attended & never a time where i felt that i was outcasted or being pressured to convert.

FYI, half the couple there were of inter-faith marriage (heard is a norm). maybe you shld let your hubby knows. also, the topics discussed about are very helpful & detailed.. it includes stuff, on money matters (joint or single account), who is going to take care of kids, expectations of the partner, etc..

u know... many couples wrote their first love letters during the session! also, all the quarrels and disagreements between are so common.. and they evolve round the same topics.

the priest is really open minded & accept the non-catholics with open heart. non-catholics will not be asked qns like "do u plan to convert?".

EE is just a sharing sessions where the presenting couples will share with us the ups & downs of their marriages.. though these sharings, we learn that just as rome is not build in 1 day, it takes lots of efforts to make a marriage work.. be it newly wed or couples who have been married for 30-40 yrs. the couples will also have plently of opportunities to share with their partners. to be honest, am a non-catholic, and i am impressed!
 
CSI, well.. we do not live alone. i do not want a banquet, but then my parents are upset when they heard abt this... so... if u say as long as i am happy, then i can jolly skip the banquet.. BUT i hv to ensure that those around me are happy too.. tough job!
 
hi crescent,

sorry for what is happening to you..

i understand the support from a non catholic partner needs to be there else its very tough.. i think you all need time... slowly... guess god wanna train you on your patience too?

few mths ago in this thread, a bride also faced a similar prob as well... i cant remember who but in the end, i think the fh give and take so its cool in the end.. dun think it was 'settled' overnight of cos....

from a non catholic point of view, i must warn you that there are alot of logistics to be settled for a church wedding.... just to name a few...

- make sure priest is available
- EE/MPC agreement
- pre nuptial interview
- baptism cert stuff
- floral/buffet logistics
- invitation cards
- mass booklets (the very power & ultimate headache :p)
- songs/ choir/soloist

these are only some of the stuff.. got alot alot more to settle one....

sorry if i am scaring you but i rather treat it as 'a preparation'
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minssy, alot of things to settle for church wedding? i am trying to do min preparation as possible:

1. priest has agreed to be our soleminiser. ie, he is available
2. EE attended
3. pre-nuptial interview (no need to do work wat.. just go)
4. FH's baptism cert. already called up the church where he was batpised. was told to call back when the priest fixed up with us the date for pre-nutial interview
5. floral. may get church florist. if not, just do min deco whith ribbons. Church of St Francis is pretty enough and mth of dec is purple theme for the church.
6. buffet. just hv to look for a caterer. not that difficult. will give the canteen guy of the church an angbow.. so that he will do the coordination work for me & to clear up the stuff
7. invitation cards. will print inerts and put inside the banquet wedding cards
8. songs/choir/soloist. already approached the church organist. she said will get me a soloist also. as for the songs, she said no prob. she knows how to play most songs. & she said can change the lyrics for me also if i like certain songs
9. wedding service booklet. church organist said she has the whole booklet with all the phrases, etc. she siad just go to her place 1 afternoon with a notebook & spend 2 hrs there max & the booklet will be done!
 
yeah diamond, it IS tough...but at least u can say you are able to compromise etc, and can work things out. That's quite a strong character. If such differences happen to me, I doubt I can compromise as beautifully as you...Character building manz...
 
diamond, that's wat i told him too.. i told him tat it's nuthing religous and there are alot of ppl who are not catholics... he was saying that dun blame him if he go there everyday face black black...

minssy, ya, i'm aware of those logistics... that's not on my woory list... my biggest problem now is to have my fh understand the importance of the EE or MPC is to me...

hiaz....sianz....
 
CSI, wow! am really impressed by you leh.. i hv not met u and u also dunno much of me, u can conclude that I have a strong character!! yes, u are indeed right. all my close friends know i hv a strong character... even stronger than most men... that is wise, my FH always gives in to me & let me make most decisions. though he does get mad at times on certain decisions i made and fights with me on that.. but end of the day, he still gives in.. :P
 
Hi Cresent
You sound distressed.

I have come across alot of couples and friends interfaith couples whose partners are skeptical at first and resistant as they are afraid its a way to influence them to convert etc.. Whatever it is, most of the time, they give in and attend :D

Try assuring your fiancee that it is not so.
Also there are several FAQs in the EE website that addresses such queries and situations such as yours. Perhaps you can share this website with your finacee to assure him.

Maybe he just doesnt know enough abt what EE is about and hence is hesistant. this website should provide some education .. If he is stil stubborn, maybe you can contact one of the presenting couples and ask for advice. They are lovely people.

http://www.catholic.org.sg/ceespore

Also,do uplift your prayer to God to open up your finacees heart. Whatever it is, try not to fight over this.

God bless,... C
 
Hi cresent,

my hubby is not a catholic whereas I will be baptised as a catholic end of this year. i explained to him why is there a need for us to attend EE / MPC and he understands. Perhaps you need to explain to him again why is this important to you.

for me, i told my hubby very frankly that this course will help me to b more commited in our marriage and of course my religion states that I have to go thru this course b4 i can get married in a church.

dun worry, i'm sure he will go if he loves you, perhaps he is just stubborn and do not wanna admit upfront that he will go for it.
 
hi crescent,

u go ahead and book first.. maybe you can book a weekend at least like 2 mths from now so that you still have some time to talk to him.... dun force.... just let it be natural.. assure him that its not a course that the priest will force him to be a catholic cos its not a 'wash brain' session.. its merely discussing on general topics that helps in mutual understanding...
 
CG, yes, i have sent him the webby for him to understand more about EE.

miaka05, ya, he's very stubborn.

minssy, i have already registered for the EE on Oct/Nov..

thanks everyone!! lets hope tat GOD will help me go throug tis.
 
crescent,

dun worry, we will all pray for you. God will help you through this.... give your FH some more time, try avoiding religious issues during this period of time (in case he thinks u r pressing him for conversion etc etc), perhaps it might help.
 
Yea Cresent, dont worry.
Your fiancee loves you and I am sure he will give in esp, if this is important to you.
Anyway still got time till Oct to slowly persuade him .Meantime continue to pray about it.
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girls, how am i going to print the cards (dinner & church) without giving 2 cards for the following guests:

- attending church ONLY
- attending dinner ONLY
- attending church & dinner
 
diamond,

u can print a note regarding the church info and slot it in the cards, for those attending the dinner only, no need to put the note.

for church only, i think u have to print another set of the invitation, which can be diy.

that's wat i intend to do when the time comes too.
 
Hi miaka05, I church-hop...hahaha. My parish is Holy Cross, FH's parish is St Teresa, so it's either one at times. then he's also a lector at SPP (St. Peter & Paul), so sometimes there too...but for now, I'm staying in the East till my parents finish the reno of their home in the west, so now I go OLPS or Holy Trinity. hahahaha...I can't make up my mind horh? ;)
 
crescent, am i am doing insert printing for dinner, will it be funny if i put in a note for church? the note get who to print?

fyi, for most printers, min insert is 200 pieces...
 

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