Can I forgo the tea ceremony???

[sweetbreeze]

I really hope to do a wedding banquet but not the tea ceremony. Reason being, I totally CANNOT get along with my bf's family. I've been staying at his place for 4 yrs,his siblings treat me like invisible. His dad scolds me for minor things and slams his room door shut whenever I come home. I feel like no one here respects me as a human being so why should I respect them? Therefore I cannot imagine serving them tea or even smiling at them. I realise that everyone here in this forum seem to be doing the tea ceremony at least.

I'm wondering if its ok to just skip the whole tea ceremony and have our banquet because I don't want to "fake" through the whole ceremony and I don't see any meaning in it.

Appreciate any advise and want to know if anyone has done it before?

 

[tosamtan]

Hi sweetbreeze

Sorry to hear about your situation.

My personal view is that since you have decided to marry your bf, you are also marrying into his family.

I do not think it's advisable to do away with the tea ceremony even though I know it is very difficult for you to serve tea to his family. But it is also wrong to show your disrespect especially to his parents because you will be open to much more criticisms in the future. You need to do your part and it won't be nice if they comment that your parents did not bring you up well.

I suggest you take small steps to mend the fences instead. Your hubby will be badly sandwiched between you and his family (especially his parents) if the relationship continues to sour. It may hurt your marriage in the long run.

Perhaps you can ask your hubby what is it about you that are bothering his parents/siblings and try to make some adjustments so that everything will be in harmony. I believe things will turn for the better for you if you take the first step.

Good luck!

 

[sweetbreeze]

Actually my HTB is fine with not doing the tea ceremony, and my mum is ok too. The problem is not with me, but with his family. They are like 5 strangers living under the same roof. His sister is weird and abit mental, the father is uneducated and very rude. He treats my HTB's siblings like 1st class citizens cos they give him money and we don't. Even my HTB doesn't have any respect for him, because he didn't play his role as a father in the first place. Alot of gambling debts and loanshark problems in the past, even his father's siblings disown him. So also not much relatives from his side.

I think I may just go ahead to throw a simple wedding banquet. Plus his family is not going to fork out a single cent for this wedding, so I feel it should be done the way we want it. If not might as well not have it.

 

[kohbros]

tea ceremony is not a must

as long as your hubby n you are fine go ahead and do what you feel hep with

 

[jellycheese8]

Will you shift out when u get married? Since the relationship is bad try to avoid staying together! Hmm I also dun like my htb brother's wife and I can't imagine I got to serve tea to her! I feel disgusted to do that but I dun think my htb allow me to forgo tea ceremony. My relationship with my htb turn nasty at times becos of the brothers wife. But after some time you will feel stupid to let someone affect ur mood n everything!

Cheer up when ur family member and htb agree to do without the tea ceremony! No matter how it's ur htb father. Just try to avoid n ignore when u see him next time n also the silblings! Less contact less conflict!! Hee. I'm doing this right now to the brother wife. I dun care how my htb the other siblings look at me. Hack care! Most impt is ur htb love u!

For ur info the brother wife so mean! She purposely planned to have baby so that she will get the attention of the family! And guess what my ad is October this year n hear she just pregnant this month! Trying to divert ppl attention to her instead! Haiz

 

[ariesta]

....hi jim, from ur statement, ur sil doesnt sound bad at all. u can't plan for pregnancy. to be preggy is a blessing...

 

[jellycheese8]

Hi ariesta! Yes understand it's a blessing to have pregnant n baby. It's complicated issue overall! I dum wish to disclose anything here. Hee

 

[kohbros]

Jim..understand how you feel. some ppl likes to steal the limelight constantly, likes to be in the midst of all attention

well dun lower yourself to fall into their trap! MOst impt is you n hubby understand every situation and supporting each other. Marriage belongs to both of you only. the more you heck care, ignore, the more they cant do anything to u n soon, they will jus get sick n tired of ill treating ppl.
the more you responds to their plot, they more happy they will be n continue to give u no peace.
Rem: Joy is found with someone who has a less scheming heart.
just pity and feel for them, i bet she must be leading hard to have force her to be scheming and wicked to others.
be grateful of what u had...ur hubby!

 

[sweetbreeze]

Thanks ppl

If i don't do tea ceremony, I should be very free in the afternoon lor

 

[angelababy4]

I am intending to skip the tea ceremony too... now it is the modern times la... can just skip and go straight to the wedding ROM and wedding dinner...

 

[angelababy4]

Hi sweetbreeze, we can have our own tea party if we are so free in the afternoon hehe