Bf wants to borrow money after being steady for 2 weeks

I paid for ex's car loan for a few months, his electricity bills (also for a few months) and his various debts to his friends.

He dumped 6k (my money) into football betting (lost it in 1 match).

He went to TS Video with me and he simply chosed 3 VCD serials and placed it at the counter and waited for me to pay. Little acts like this started me to be more wary of him.
 


FatFat,

men pay for the shopping, dinning, jewellery. If we look at the individual items, maybe not as much as a car, etc. That has to do with more on the spending habits of each gender. Guys generally spend on big but fewer items. If we add up in total. I think its pretty much balance lah.

Also, men that are willing to eat the soft rice are small minority but women that are willing to eat on the men's wallet, I don't think its the same distribution lah even if its still a miniority. ;)
 
well u should see it coming all along...

if a guy is into gambling, u better stay away from him..if he's living beyond his mean, also better run away too..its a matter of time he will start asking u for $$..if work hard n biz fail, need $$, this one diff story
 
Ermmm MiLo On e RoCkS (miloice)...

My FH doesn't pay for my shopping, dining or jewellery. I paid for his car. So it's not true.

Or perhaps I belong to the minority?

My FH isn't a gambler. He just has more financial commitments than me despite earning more than me.
 
fatfat,,,
u misread liao... I said
"I don't think its the same distribution lah even if its still a MINORITY."

There is no claim that it is the majority at all.

Also, whether u or me or siao belong to the minority listed is not relevant to the discussion right?

Anyway, I never believe that couples should start calculating and measuring how much each contribute. The budget should as much as possible be comfortably affordable and not stretched.

The discussion here however is more of individuals that intentionally tap on the resources of their 'partners' for selfish reasons. I don't think its appropriate that we make comparisons with our normal and healthy relationships.
 
ah siao
He showed all the negative sides to me only during later in the relationship...when I'm only simply still in the relationship just in hope that he'll still give my money back when his NON-EXISTANT fixed-deposit account matures. But I left him after he tried to push back the date of his fixed-deposit's "maturity date" to try to prolong time.
 
err..dunno how to advice pple here about the traits u have to catch b4 going deeper into r/s..but generally, the followings can be use as a guide..

1) is he those party type?.ie will go clubbing aft work pretty often n will open bottle to drink..tis kinda guy expenses high, usually earn n spend, no much savings..

2) gambling..like place 4D pretty often, gamble quite a lot..

3) expensive lifestyle..eat at gd places, buy branded etc..

4) own car n spend lotsa $$ on it even though earn not much...

n also v impt...know wat's his job n compare tat with his expenditure...u will know whether he's those saving type of guy or earn n spend..hope for the best tmr kinda guy
 
Hi gals out there!

I'm a victim myself now. And I am not going to let it rest. I will report a case against him with whatever evidence I have. I suspect that some of you in this forum are actually victims of the same guy. Please kindly drop me a mail at [email protected], with the guy's name, occupation and place of residence to verify. Please also include your contact number and name. We should stop all these jerks from going around and cheating ladies of their money.

Hope to hear from you soon. Cheers! Thanks!
 
Hi Actually there are many such jerks out there. You can help to let others preventing them to fall into one's victim.

Lilian, draft your own statement to the police first. If not you can spend 1 whole day there just to get your statement recorded.
 
"We should stop all these jerks from going around and cheating ladies of their money"

1) I'm all for getting those responsible pay for their crimes. But it is impossible to stop all jerks.
2) The gals are willing parties and fully aware of the risks they are in when they lend the money. So, they need to learn to wise up. It is the price to pay for being gullible.
3) I think that it is more important to improve the public awareness & education of the tactics of these conmens as a form of defencse against them.
 
crazy_guy,

from what i have read here, guess this guy has spurn just that few stories, so all our experiences are similar, hence I am writing to all the victims here.
 
Miloice

Guess love is blind and I was blinded by love. If you know this guy, you will know how smooth and confident he is.
 
if he's tyhe guy, right to do so by warning as many gals as possible..but den there will always be a victim..

but no worry, there will be retribution one
 
Hi Lilian

Do your own draft of the police report then bring down to the police station. This would make your life easy. If you just go to the police station and wait for the police to take your statement, you will take at least 15 mins to explain to the officer then another 15 mins to repeat the story again. Then another 15 mins and another 15 mins ....... then in the end, you may take about 1 - 2 hours just to lodge the report.
 
JCYS,

Are you an officer? U mean I have to repeat the story over and over again as if I myself is a criminal. Such a torture, but ok, as long as I see that justice is done.

Gals,

Any other victims? Need your support! Got to make sure this guy gets what he deserves, he simply cant go on cheating other girls! Got to show him some GIRLS' POWER!
 
samgirl, I have replied your email. Please give me a call no matter whether it is the same guy or not. If it is the same, best! Can pin him down already.

Marilyn and Shadow Girl, still waiting for your replies. Thanks!
 
Hi Lilian...sent u an email liaoz. Different guy, but same E*** name.

Sorry not convenient to call right now cos in office. Can onli chat here...or email...or msn.
 
Hi Lilian

I'm not a police but I've lodged 2 separate police reports before. I'm just suggesting that you prepare your own statement. However if you find it a hassle, OK forget about what I mentioned above, if possible can post your experience at the police station?
 
samgal, i agree, we got to beware of guys by that idiot name!

jcys, not that i dont want to prepare, it is i dont know how to prepare...haha...that is why asking ur help to explain...i am ok with preparing...good at writing long stuff...
post my experience at the police station...haha...hopefully will not be a nightmare
 
the most basic lesson to be learnt here... which i hope we drill into our heads... is to Always be self-sufficient and keep our finances Independent.

all those thoughts about "your money is my money" and joint accounts when u aren't even married... is not about trust nor faith... it's about personal accountability to self, to the Loved Ones who really need our support.

forget about "love is blind"... cos We Are Not. and some basic stuff, we have to put in place... if we get cheated, we get cheated. we are just as responsible sometimes...

if there's one lesson i've learnt in life... it's to always be responsible for our own money, and to only help others when we're able and accountable to our ownselves... Unless it's medical/life&death... borrowing money for other pple shuld be refrained.

and some matters are very logical... NO Responsible guy in heavy debt would be bothered to fall in love or woo a girl... and have a relationship, becos he would be more concerned about getting back on his feet again. If he can still be bothered to woo a girl, then he is obviously not too bothered about his debt, he is not bothered about how he is gonna sustain u as his gfren, however little u may require. a man who isn't bothered about his debt is not bothered about his long-term credibility, nor means of finding a brighter future.

it's normally the simple girls who gets hooked onto such men, cos simple girls have simple needs and can live on love and sunshine... and willing to self-sacrifice for love... that makes them the easiest preys...

biased as i may sound, i think i'm in a very good position to share my very biased views about scumbag good-for-nothing guys... and girls who simple hang on to anything and anyone with a glib tongue... Raise your expectations abit, Raise your awareness... cos when u get cheated, u are being cheated of money that could one day save your aged parents... it may be your money, but your family gave u the means to be there...
 
I cant agree more with Powder. Think gals need to start to learn to hold our breaks instead of being too quick to jump in to save their bfs.

I think the reason why many gals start lending money early in e relationship is because at the start of the rship everythin is sweet and romantic. Also we tend to hold the notion that being in love = being there for one another in times of distress. So when we hear that our bfs are in debts or distress, we wan to quickly "save" them and at the same time prove our unwaivering love for them.

Sometimes even with good intention, this rescue mission backfire and we end up feeling hurt by men. Then we start blaming the guys. Instead of blamin them, start askin urself y did U allow it to happen in the first place?

Talking about money spoils relationship. Even if you have dated the guy/gal for a long time I think we should still becareful whom we lend large sums of money to. It is always important to take precaution. Because 1 day ur bf/gf may be nice & sweet to u, promising that they will return ur $, But after a breakup with all e feelins & love gone then returnin the $ suddenly becomes so hard.

This is e fact of life, its a cruel world out there.
 
hi simpleman, i think the same idea applies. If the person has no intention whatsoever in getting back on his feet, he is just waiting to be spoon-fed. A marriage cert doesn't change a person.

Normally, they would need a wake up call to realise and learn the lesson. Maybe a divorce would wake them. Or maybe, they will never learn.
 
Let's not talk about those hardcore cases who repeatedly borrow money from wife/hb.

I mean you can lend once, twice, thrice.. that should be it - even for spouses.

But if hb/wife never ask for loan, I guess this principle shall not apply. At least for the 1st or second time. After all, if we are married, we can't even part with some money for our spouse? Everything we have to calculate to the last cent? I don't think so.
 
yah bro, I never believe married couples should even go to the level of dollars & cents.

If it need to, it is an indication of the other issues with the marriage.
 
my ex-gfren is a good example... when i met her, she was selling packs of tea, iving tutition, and basically doing anything to bring in money... the hole she tried to fill was too great as her hubby blasted it on soccer betting, women and drinking... i admired her strength and we were frens... only met her when she couldn;t hold anymore and was going thru a divorce... til today, the guy hasn;t changed... and 9yrs later today... she finally left behind tat past...

she's just one of the many girls i've met who are really nice n strong... but just met the wrong guy and think she's helping him, when in fact they are just preventing the guy to realise the folly of his ways...

no decent guy would even feel good opening his mouth money... between frens, or between couples...
 
I'm more of a traditional kind of person.

Since when a man starts to keep borrowing from his gf/spouse???

Isn't a man supposed to hold himself together, and be a responsible breadwinner?

Fancy holding hands out to get $$$ from his gf/missus?

Shame On Such MEN!!! a disgrace to men worldwide.
 
i have a friend, she dig out every cent she has to spend on bf like buying gifts for him, treat to meals etc.
and the guy still have the guts to borrow $ from her to gamble.
she is earning $1.5k per mth.

not only that, she is paying debts from her previous marriage because she borrow $ from relatives to renovate her house and $ for cash top up for her re-sale flat.

to others, we think she is stuipd, already so broke and yet still have to struggle to "support" her bf. every month, she still need to press her bf to pay her money which he own ...
she is eatting breads, and biscuits in pantry..no proper meals for her..

why is she doing all these? OUT OF LOVE.
hope she will never regret doing all these...
 
not love, it's bribing the bfren not to leave her...

when u're in love, u will encourage, u will help each other improve, u will be motivated to build a Life together, u would wanna Have a Life together...

this is just bribing...

if u sacrifice other pple's financials, would rather be accountable to your bfren Only instead of to those who are helping u... u are one heck of a blind, selfish, and silly.

this is not the story of Ah Cheng (tat popular taiwanese serial) who is trying to build his life from scratch... and the guy obviously have no sense of decency... u can forgive a guy with good character who tries to get out of poverty... but a guy who gambles and isn't bothered to be accountable to anyone? sheeesh...

dun insult Love man... Love isn't this.... this isn't Love... we just like to call it Love becos it appeals to our need to be romantic and dramatic.

if tat 70yr-old nanny with the weathered wrinkled face refuses help and is collecting cardboard boxes under the hot sun to sell for her daily meals... dun even bother trying to convince anyone about Love... cos u dun even love yourself enough to find a more deserving guy than some useless good-for-nothing.
 
part 2 of the girl i mention...
actually with the money she earn/mth, its impossible she will not have enough $.

she has a "sugar daddy" to support her..some one 16 years her senior.

all she wants is someone who can make her laugh, buy her good dinner, pamper her with gifts...

shallow?
i dunno..but i think it has something to do with her family background. her dad has been borrowing $ from her mother, so to her, borrowing money to her guy is a natural thing to "show love".
her bf will never leave her cos she is a "money tree" to him.

she comes from a family where parents very borther about her. sister is a prositute...mother divorce and re-marry. she needs love very much but come from the wrong source...

well, she is a easy prey because she has low self esteem.
 
Cynthia,

u hit the head of the nail. It has to do with low self esteem. However, falling out of love has a very strong impact on one's self esteem. To pick up the pieces, we must 1st regain the self esteem.

For those that never did recover, their self-esteem remains low even though they might deniel and conceal with arrogence. Deep inside, it is still bleeding.
 
this poor girl, has been dated her ex hubby since secondary school. her ex-hubby had a fling with another woman. she caught him red-handed.

during her down period, this guy (her current bf) appear and give her the emotion support. in the end, she develop a soft spot for him.

the ex-hubby's friend saw the girl and the bf in hotel and end up the hubby beat up the girl till she got hospitalised.

i am wondering when can she ever stand on her own feel despite circumstances or her past experiences are so unpleasant... she needs a lot of encouragement and strong determination from herself. its not easy to walk out of the past but if she were to continue to live in unrealistic environment or illusion, it will even hurt her more in future.

unfortunately, she dun seem to "wake up"...
 
her loved ones are the ones suffering... watching her go from one scumbag to another... ex-hubby beat her up she can put him in jail for assault. the men around her will continue being scumbags becos they learn nothing and are in fact encouraged to be scumbags... it becomes a norm and they will do the same to future gfrens...

i like a sob story on tv and provide empathy most times... but when the sob stories dun look like they are gonna end, i normally cut myself off cos it's frsutrating just Knowing wat's happening...
 
powder,
i am afraid there is no loved ones for my friend.

she dun have friends to confine her problems with..in her life there is only her bf. because she "lock" herself in her own world.

i treat her as friend, but i doubt she will. actually, she is my fh's colleague. not really a friend...more like acquaintances.
 
it's sad i must admit, but i've since learnt to lock myself from such pple as well... until they seek me becos they wanna get out of their hole... otherwise being empathetic/sympathetic... we will only be miserable taking on their problems when they are not interested to do anything for themselves...
sad.gif
 
i think that is the reason who all her friends "siam" her.

for me, i will be there for her if she were to open herself.
 
hi lilian,

u r very insistant of finding out if its the same guy ?

It is apparent that Marilyn and shadow gal is not responding to your messages.
 

Lilian, let it go lah...why are you so insistent on this? If they are not comfortable revealing the information, why do you wana look for them?
 
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