Being stalked

meubel,

if u are not comfortable, i think what joiedvire and olpsn's suggestions are probably the next best steps possible. Either that or choose to live in fear of him finding you. Even if you move, change job, etc, u will always be afraid of him 'catching up'...not a very good way to live life, isn't it?
 


Meubel, your ex-colleague seem to be suffering from a Personality Disorder - Borderline PD (frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment; unstable/ intense interpersonal relationships; impulsivity towards sex; poor self-image).

You mentioned that he's 34? The impairment should wane with age as he grow to become more stable. Dialectical Behavior Therapy and Transference-Focused Psychotherapy are recommended for people with such PD but of course, you're not in the position to advise him or bring him to see the professionals. He must also recognise that he needs help.

So my suggestion to you is that you should change your cell phone number & home phone to an unlisted number and be on the alert whenever you're out. Give your husband a description of how he look like. If at any point, you sense that things are getting out of hand and you or loved ones could possibly be harmed, please go immediately to the police. Technically speaking, people suffering from borderline PD are prone to self-injurious behavior so less likely to harm others BUT he could be anti-social at the same time. Best to be on your guard.

Scope, I believe that you meant psychopath and not "psychologist cum stalker".
 
Hi Autumn Time,

I am waiting for your voice on this one.

Nay, this chap is yet a psychopath. But he could, if all of you try harder. LOL~

I am not going to reply Meubel for now.

Reading the suggestions... I am laughing out loud, aka LOL~ LOL~

I'd explain what I see later... if I feel like to.

Autumn Time, right now, there is nothing really wrong with this guy. He's more like Milo, Thomas and the rest, childish as Denise80 put it. What? You expect to (eg) label Milo a psychopath and send him for therapy???

LOL~ Milo said he too was bullied by what in younger days and bla bla bla, but I don't just label him as psychopathic. He's just... immature in my honest view. You saw those bunch mocking among themselves like psychopathical talking to themselves, laughing away after their talk-to-themselves...

Just childish, not psychopathic... yet. LOL~

Meubel, if you have any queries, just direct them to Hweebs and Autumn Time. I'd like to see how they reply. LOL~

Meubel, you can change your number... but since you are not moving away... would you want to open your doors and suddenly see his face? LOL~

LOL~ Ok, that's the LAST time I'd bother about this case... for now. Entertaining.
 
You might like to change your house/tel no. and if the caller can still manage to track your no and harass you, it's time to lodge a police report rather to make wild guesses here.
 
Meubel,
u wrote : "Probably because so many forummers have been against him, he has pitched his tone to be how it currently is, under the pretense of having fun. (i.e. using LOL's all the time) "

Actually, LOL is his trademark. He has been using it ever the very 1st post he made in here. Your suggestion is factually incorrect. You could perform a search in the forum for his initial post to confirm this fact. Its the other way round, its precisely the way he is behaving since the beginning that is triggering the negative response. And obviously he enjoys it. As I have shared, I have faced plenty of childish people that ridicule for the fun of it. He is just one that doesn't grow out of it. Pretty sad really.

How he is behaving has much more to do with his personality probably contributed by his upbringing. It has nothing to do with the negativity he is receiving in this forum. So, why do you even bother to clarify and correct him on his groundless attacks about you? It doesn't matter if it makes sense or not. He just cannot be contradicted. He will lie, slander and bullshit his way through. It aren't difficult to filter his rubbish points. When he talk sense, u can appreciate and listen. When he doesn't, no point to talk back to him at all. It will trig him to bring up more ridiculous accusations about it. With only the intention to be little you in his egoistic fashion once again.
 
LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL...is it really so nice to keep typing it?

I find it freaking irritating after a while.

Milo, if we are childish, then what is he? Pot calling the kettle black.
 
Thomas, I just advise others that are trying to fight his lies and nonsense talk. Its pointless. I'm not interested in his lies at all. When it doesn't make sense, don't bother.

Actually, he is just an online vuvuzela.
 
olpsn & joiedvire :
Initially I ignored the calls but when they came pouring in, I got agitated and picked up the phone but said nothing. He hung up. After that incident, when he called, he let the phone ring too abrupt, I couldn't reach for my phone on time. I too, want to indeed verify if it was him (hoping he'd say something) and tell him firmly but nicely to stop calling. I checked with the phone company, they would only start an investigation if I answer the prank call at least 5 times. So far I answered twice and twice there was no talking.

Do I really want to find out what he wants? I'm creeped out I don't want contact. I admit it's making me paranoid. When I ignored his e-mails, he started calling with his caller ID and left me voicemails. He had a sobbing voice when talking, he said he wanted to know what I was up to. I still did not contact him after that, then, the anonymous calls started pouring in.

My husband's also on alert. I have given him his full name, address, phone number, type of car, I even found his picture on Google, my husband saved the photo on his computer, to recognise him. On second thought, I might have given the ex-colleague our address when I resigned! (how else can I have his address?)

Autumn Time:
When I met him when he was 25, he seemed really odd. When he stared at me back then, he had this peircing look about him, you kind of see his thoughts spinning and spinning when he stared. Once he accompanied me to the busstop and I made small talk him with. Tell tale signs were there, he had very low self esteem. I found him too weird to want to know him better. Fast forward 9 years later. He's still weird.

Milo:
When you stalked the girl, when was that? I don't know JC. How did the girl react?
 
hi Meubel, JC = junior college. I was 17 then.

Throughout, I was schooling in all boys sch all the while. In a way, a slow starter while other boys are dating since 13 or 14. I experienced my 1st real crush only at 17. She was really soft spoken and gentle gal. I was immediately attracted to her feminine gestures. Of cos the gal totally freaked out. That made me feel even lousier about myself. What I heard from friends was that she was kind of touched with some things that I did for her. But, I couldn't even speak to her properly. My tongue went completely tied and I dared not even look her in eyes directly.

Back some yrs ago while I was shopping with my wife, she kind of bump into us. My wife was commenting why this woman seemed to be so afraid of me. By the time, I turned, I saw her walking away but I recognize her back. Afterall, I mostly followed her from behind being that 'body-gaurd' escorting her home.
 
Autumn time:
Bingo! I think you got it! Just read up on what Borderline Personality Disorder is (hmmph, what a scientific article with all the psychology- terminologies!) . He has all more than 5 out of the 9 symptoms. In that case, because I ignored his pleas, I have just been devaluated from idealization. The article on Wikipedia doesn´t say anything about hurting his devaluated objects, so I reckon I´d be fine. To be fair, he just made prank calls, nothing more at this stage.

There are a few more things I haven't pointed out about him out loud.
1) He always sees himself as the victim. He is very careful not no cross anyone above his position, very afraid of getting fired (but he´s not that discrete to lower level positions). He always warned me about what people could use against you.
2) He is always saying, when people need you, they'd be nice to you, otherwise you're nothing to them. When he makes personal phone calls, he sneaks away to other rooms for privacy.
3) He always asked me to e-mail him on my part time days so he won´t feel too lonely.
4) People who don´t know (never officially introduced) him are always labeling him as `the weird fella`. Stigmatization.
5) When he tells me about his sexual escapades, he is in 7th heaven. When he talks about life in general, he´s drowning in it.
6) He fantasizes about some girls in the office, saying kinky things like the girl plays tennis, she probably wears those skimpy tennis skirts, when the wind blows, her skirt flies up. And he laughs like a mad man. (not funny to me)
 
meubel,

u started this thread because u are quite frustrated by the situation, doesn't know what to do, and I think, probably kind of freaked out by the stalking behaviour.

So behind all this, is fear. Fear is affecting your life to a point that u are disturbed by it, and want solutions to it. You do not want to be scared anymore. But if you were to hide, to move, etc., it will likely increase your sensitivity to this issue. If you move and he manages to track you, you will be even more fearful than u are now. And it will get worse.

So, what will you like to do about it?
 
Hweebs:
I started this thread to dive into his head passively, hoping professionals could give me clarification, why he is the way he is. I know now. I always thought it was just manic depression but it seems like there is more to it.

Scope´s post is kinda creepy, almost made me think the ex colleague would hurt me. But looking back, I was never afraid of him when we worked together despite knowing all or most of his stuff. (although the part about looking at the mirror and identifying himself with horror-psycho film freaked me out a little) In real life, he always had the victim role, always feeling helpless. He was stigmatized everywhere he went but he never hurt anybody, on the contrary, people labeled him `weird`. After reading up on Borderline PD, I conclude he won´t be abusive to me, at least I think he won´t take it that far. Changing my number (or bear with the nuisance calls) will just do the trick. And I agree with Milo to let him deal with it himself, the ex colleague never wanted to listen to my suggestions in the past to see a psychologist or to make friends beyond me. Apparently, there have been others in the office to suggest the things you and I have suggested way before. He never listened. Out of the point, he was also tactless with people, offending many whom he came across. Despite feeling more at ease now, we are still wary and have taken precautions like I stated earlier.(listing his address + photo)

I didn´t want contact when he wanted to pick up where we left it simply because I have my own issues to deal with and I don´t see myself as his lifeline. Sounds egoistic to some people, I realize that. The Asian way is communal, the Caucasian is more individualistic. I also think if I were to approach him, I´ll never get rid of this attachment.

I sense you are a bit frustrated with my `passive attitude` but I sincerely thank you for your effort especially the one where you explained about emotional detachment.
 
hmmm...not say frustrated, but perhaps didn't really understand what u were looking for. If you are really trying to put a tag/label in order to find peace with yourself (ohh, so he is a xxxx in the DSM IV), then okay lor, u got what u wanted. He's got one of the personality disorders: either the borderline, the sociopath, schizoid/schizotypal or histronic personality disorder.

I don't think he is a borderline lar...doesn't fit DSM IV criteria, which I list below:

Borderline Personality Disorder
A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:


Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.

Apattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation

Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self

Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating).

Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior.

Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

Chronic feelings of emptiness.

Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).

Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

The real borderline will be totally affectionate with you one day, violent and abusive the next, and then will always be threatening suicide...so i dun think this guy is lar..though there are aspects of it present in your description. If he had been, your description of him would have been "I felt I was in hell"

You can go and check on the DSM requirements and etc online,say at psychnet, http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm_iv/_misc/complete_tables.htm to satisfy your understanding of what he is(was)

happy reading!
 
Hweebs,

Obviously she's agitated, not really having fear. I told Autumn Time, he's more like currently in a childish situation like Milo and gang here. Didn't you read the hint? LOL~

They are together and known each other for quite some time. Didn't I said, "Meubel seems to know too much confirmed knowledge of her loverboy..."

That's the most worrying part, Meubel doesn't exactly understand the psychological development. LOL~

You must understand why I am giving you the leisure on this case. Gosh, Meubel just read about psychopaths on wiki... LOL~
(Laughing till stomach pain)

Wiki's going to make everyone professional psychologist... LOL~

Hweebs, you really slept in class. LOL~

It doesn't occur to Meubel that the loverboy's condition has begun to change... and there is risk.

She can change her number, but if he knows the address and her social security number, and he picks up psychology and has reached such a proficiency as Meubel sort of mentioned... He can still track her new number down.

Always a victim... is like cup being filled almost to the brim... Like a woman always being abused... always the victim, and cry and cry and cry and... one day took a pair of scissors, p0ke p0ke... LOL~

I am so naughty... ...

Hweebs, you must already know something about Meubel... figure her and her husband out at the same time... know their weaknesses and what could be hidden.
 
Scope likes being a tease, a irritating one that is! You're wrong about us being long time acquaintances/colleagues. Our time together as colleagues spans XX months,(not long). Our time as acquaintances 9 years ago spans 2 weeks. You keep waiting for others to take a stance while you hang around as some kind of psycho analyst while using wrong terminologies in psychology like Autumn Time pointed out. After behavior patterns of the ex colleague is established by others and validated by me, you claim you saw it all along without being the first one tell?

Very conveniently, you ask Hweebs to figure me and my husband out while you hide your amateuristic "hypothesis" ? My husband has no role in this but you obviously can't see it. Whether or not Hweebs is on the right track, you lash out with your condescending pitch and use LOL's? Not amusing! Your demeanor is downright stupid.
 
scope,

the things u are 'entrusting' me to do...not my cup of tea. U want, u do yourself lar. BTW, which eye of yours saw that I was sleeping in class? What do you know of my curriculum anyway?

hint what hint, your messy business u handle yourself, why throw to me?
 
meubel,

some of scope's concerns are valid, e.g. that your stalker's condition might have escalated since the last time you know him.

there may be some issues of your previous choice to engage him to an extent of being his confidante, but the important part is, is it the issue you want to, or choose to deal with? (if it is an issue to you at all)

perhaps I'll take this chance to clarify my role here in the forum. Here in this forum, I will help people who need to address some issues by pointing out certain areas in which they have overlooked, help to analyse the situation, or to give suggestions and impart certain techniques for dealing with the situation they face. I cannot, and will not do counselling and psychotherapy here. Why? Reasons being

1) lack of direct and immediate communication - this causes a certain lapse in information transfer. Important information and implied meanings are lost because it takes too long. Not to forget that the intensity is missing, and we may forget what we have been talking about

2) frame and safety - this is a forum, meaning, anyone can comment, talk, give opinions and make views anytime. This is not a safe place to for me to open up cans of worms, not to mention that when painful and delicate things are brought up there is the risk of someone making harsh and unhelpful comments that make the person become worse. Thus in this forum I will usually just skim the surface of some very deep matters, if not respect the wishes and help needed from the threadstarter.

3) ethics - as mentioned earlier...my vocation as a counsellor/psychotherapist is to give help. My opening of the deep wounds here has high risks on hurting instead of helping, and is thus deemed as unethical.

4) potency - the lack of direct and face to face interaction decreases my potency by at least 90%, including things i cannot do for safety reasons.

So for deep issues, please do not expect that they will be dealt in depth by me, or can be dealt with in depth by anyone in this forum. If you need such help, please do it in private, with your psychiatrist/psychologist/psychotherapist/counsellor. 'coz here if your wound bleeds, no one will be able to stop it. All we can do here is watch you bleed dry
 
Hi,

Just passing by and read the thread.

Do refrain from falling into the trap of taking out the DSM IV criteria, and going down the list thinking yes he has this, or no he doesn't. Simply because borderline personality disorder has a variety of clinical presentation. This man may have some personality issues (and who doesn't), not neccessarily a disorder.

Besides, is it really important to label this man? While doing so may give you some explanation to account for his behaviour, perhaps time will be better spent handling the stalking behaviour.
 
Hweebs:
I wouldn't know if the stalker's (demeaning word) condition has worsen. I certainly hope not, not to the extent of coming to see me and hurt me! I wasn't his confidante so easily. I put in effort to know him also because I needed his help working wise. In retrospect, I should have kept it business like. It was not easy for him to open up to me. That was unprecedented in the department (and probably throughout his life?). I was flattered he opened up to me. I too felt vulnerable for him as a person telling me the things he did. On the other hand, my secrets, I kept to myself. Our department was small and has notorious reputation, all crazy people. I was working in a all male environment. The people working there are all older, so I engaged in the stalker, it's not an issue. He never saw me as a threat unlike how he views the rest.

What do you deem he suffers from?
 
Hweebs,

Meubel is fun. LOL~

She doesn't understand why I said his husband is a jerk, why she didn't handle him well, why I said they know a long long time, and she's simply tagging that stalker with some medical condition she grabbed from wiki and people here. LOL~

This is a nice case for you to pick up some experience. In short, your 'client' here is the pretty simple-minded type. The way she's moving could, let me borrow Edward Cullen's lines "makes it the most exciting game ever..." for the stalker.

There is nothing a mess, but I am hoping for it to become a mess... LOL~

Meubel,

I said your husband involved is obviously because if he targets you, his primary target would be your husband. You will both handle this together. If you cock up, your husband cocks up.

If you were right, he has started his most exciting game... and did you ever ask yourself, why has he the timid victim even started being so... pro-active... after that some time? LOL~ If he even went to suppress his caller ID, that's a nice effort he's showing you.

And if you die, that's your business...

...
...
...
"And if you die, that's your business..." from me does sound like I am a jerk, don't I? LOL~

Of course, that was a tease. Everything I said has a reason. You just don't get it.

As for the behavior part, you should read what I said. Something I'd like to add on is, your established understanding of him may not be so... reliable. I find that this 'stalker' may have exaggerated some... facts you have for us. LOL~

I hope this is a real case... LOL~

If this is a real case, you have assumed too much and worry too little. ^.^

My 'beloved' Hweebs,

Before that stalker decides to become a predator, tell her the one biggest glaring solution... and finish the game.

Shadow Girl,

Yes. Who doesn't? LOL~

I for one just love a good laugh...

Something simple will become something extremely dangerous precisely because of... ... ... LOL~

This stalker may have some childhood trauma he never did share. Usually, it'd be inclined to develop a split personality... another self of which he isn't quite aware of. If he is religious, he'd likely become a monster. LOL~

To varied people, God has many versions.

From the start, I don't see much issue in that stalker as a psychopath. Nothing really weird. I think Meubel misleads herself and most of the smart-alecs here.

If there is an disorder, then Meubel would probably be suffering from some sort of disorder. LOL~

No offence.

I reckon Meubel is hiding something interesting about herself... ...
 
Sorry Meubel, didn't have the chance to check back since I last posted until now.

It is becoming quite the cliche to question the use of labels. I agree that for the layperson, the careless use of labels could do more harm than good. And yes, there are implications too (not just for the one labelled). However, labels are necessary & helpful for the professionals as they work towards an effective treatment plan for the person. It is akin to medical doctors working on treating the various diseases out there. If two doctors working together share the same understanding that the patient is suffering from, say pneumonia, it is much easier and more effective for them to treat it. They don't have to ask the patient to explain what's happening to him each time they see him.

I didn't tell Meubel for sure that her friend has Borderline PD. I said it SEEM like it based on her description of him. Even so, I warned that he could be anti-social too. Often, people don't fall neatly into the labels much as it would have been more convenient for the practitioners. Human behaviour is the most complex thing to deal with. By pointing Meubel to the PD, I hope to provide her with some information which may be useful to her. I'm totally open to the suggestion that he may not have Borderline PD afterall because I haven't seen him personally. There is also such a thing as concurrent disorders. Even among people with the same disorders, the degree in which they display the symptoms varies too. Think continuum.

Perhaps I could share a story here. There was a child whose parents thought was beyond hope and help. Teachers found the child too difficult to handle and advised the parents to bring him elsewhere. The boy had no friends in school. They think he's a weirdo. It did not bother him the least because he was never interested in making friends. He prefers to stay in his own world. Soon, he became an outcast. People around him simply gave up on him. The parents thought that perhaps constant beating/ discipline will knock some sense into him. The boy would only find solace in his drawings... until a Psychologist came along one fine day and recognized immediately that this child was special... he has autism. No fault of his. No one around him understood his challenges. The right intervention and therapies begin to make a difference in his life. The parents for the first time, accepted and loved the child the way he was.

This was before mainstream schools hired allied educators to work with children with special needs. Labels alone are useless but if accompanied by knowledge and compassion, hearts can be enlarged and suddenly we become more accepting towards the people around us. Of course, there are also times when we need to be cautious and leave the intervention to the professionals.

Meubel, you're not his family, therefore I don't encourage you to approach/ contact him to point him to professional help. He may misread your intentions. Hence, I suggested what I did in my first post. There are people who do no more than prank or nuisance calls but I really don't know as I haven't seen him, can't assess. Like I said, best to be on your guard. If necessary, call the police. Who knows? It may work. He might just back off. Depending on the motivation behind his stalking.
 
Scope:
You so conveniently exclaim I am hiding something interesting about myself after I wrote, "On the other hand, my secrets, I kept to myself. Our department is small and has notorious reputation, all crazy people." Pardon me Scope, if that's your level of analyzing things, what is to become of your so-called subjects whom you provide therapy to? In spite of all that mumbo jumbo talk, you still haven't verified why you said, " I said they know a long long time."

Out of courtesy, I am going to tell you this, in the very first e-mail contact 2 months ago, when the ex colleague became pro-active as you so put it, he said he didn't feel well enough the past year to have social contact with me until then. Yes, my timid ex colleague has suppressed his caller ID because he is ashamed of himself being desperate to seek contact. I've come to realize it's not so much of bugging me and being spiteful but his desire to process his out of this world urges, although it drives me nuts. He is not ashamed of talking about sex but he has extreme difficulties talking about his emotion. That, I have seen in him numerous times. Hence, that suppressed caller ID. I don't deny my understanding of the ex colleague may not be reliable, I am after all no psychologist, which is why I came here in the first place. No, I do not think he is a psychopath (not someone who has BPD). Like Autumn Time said, labeling the sick indeed provides the layman an idea of the matter. I too, am open to more hypothesis, that's why I asked Hweebs for her thought. O yeah, earlier I've come across a BPD symptom you wrote about: "This stalker may have some childhood trauma he never did share. Usually, it'd be inclined to develop a split personality"

In your earlier post, you were adamant about my husband handing the matter wrongly when he uttered his morally offensive joke about the ex colleague to me, now you insist on if I cock up, my husband cocks up too? Twisting words to cover you ass, seemingly is your trademark. You like manipulating, going against and pro Hweebs whenever you fancy. No need to lump religion into this topic, the ex-colleague is atheist, your psychology-background teaches you to assume? Naughty Scope, you take gratification in belittling people, how does it feel for a foreign woman to see through you and not want to glorify you?

If I were simple minded and by the way I am moving, why should it be the "most exciting game ever"? An exciting game isn't a zero sum game in which simple minded people are always loosing the exact amount to the winning "complicated minded people". Boring game, yawn! Contradicting yourself again, Silly Scope.



Autumn Time:
He has no family here. His mother lives far, far away. I am on guard.
 
meubel,

Apparently, there have been others in the office to suggest the things you and I have suggested way before. He never listened. Out of the point, he was also tactless with people, offending many whom he came across.

Getting the patient to seek treatment is always the most difficult. Deep down, they know something is not right about them. But as they continue to dwell in their thoughts, they would often convince themselves that they are really victims and that the world is somehow cruel to them. Once they trust you, they will reveal in you all their ridiculous thoughts and ideas. Sad part is, only the person themselves can really seek help. Caring for a patient is way much tougher than most think. Its not as simple as throwing the patient in the institute or leaving it to the doctor. Most patients are well enough not to be hospitalized. That's where it is complicated. They will be discharged and the friend or family member that brought them in would be perceived to have betrayed them. The trust is broken and it will make it even more difficult to help them. The human brain cannot be fixed by the so-called professionals. Our understanding of the brain is still so limited and medication comes with such side effects that its harmful to be taken long term. It completely degrade the patient's quality of life.

What he needs most is his family. People that cares for him to slowly allow him to change his perception and finally realize and volunteerally seek help. This is the best treatment, not the medication. Those are only useful to suppress whatsoever hallucinations or thoughts during an episode. It is the acceptance, love of a family and loved ones that spend time relating with him that will eventually help him.

It is true that a patient is normally not as horrific and many would perceive. The line between insanity and norm is a grey and varying one. Many normal folks do have moments of insanity while a mentally unstable person is likely to behave normally at times too. There is no need to fear him unless he is having dangerous hallucinations that could trig violence.
 
meubel,

my views and hypotheses hah? Ehh, i must tell u i really do not care much for the dsm and labels in my treatment and sessions. But like what autumn said, it is probably the easiest and most convenient way to explain his behaviour. my real hypothesis is more humanistic, that this guy has attachment problems, which is now causing problems in his current interaction with people. His behaviour aggravates the problem, as more people are turned off or are scared by his behaviour. Nevertheless, the negative attention is better than no attention, so he was conditioned to maintain and even escalate his behaviour in order to be noticed. His real needs are to belong, to be noticed, and to be loved. He may be in the worst quadrant or scenario of I-U- (I'm not ok, you're not ok). People with I-U- lives on the fringe of life and death, and they usually become worse (to psychopaths, sociopaths, etc) because they are rejected by the society and they lose hope in life. Nobody they try to reach out to wants to connect with them or accept them.
 
Meubel, seriously you should just ignore Scope. Don't take it personally, he belittles everyone. You're not the first and definitely won't be the last.

Scope, by the way, I didn't say that the ex-colleague is a psychopath but I suspect that was probably what you were trying to articulate. I don't know what else to make of "psychologist cum stalker". That guy has got mental issues and he's been to a psychologist before but that does not make him any more of a psychologist as would going to see a doctor turn you into Dr Scope!
 
Autumn, why u also reply him? LOL
He is lying and distorting facts as usual.

Here's some popcorn for you. Enjoy the show.
 
You're right Milo! haha... Silly me
happy.gif


No, he's not lying. You can't blame him if this is indeed what he sees in HIS own mind.
 
Meubel,

You ain't as smart as Nylek. LOL~

You have to think very carefully of what I said, Meubel.

He's ashamed of himself seeking contact... LOL~

You are really simple-minded. Is that why hence you are going to change your number? LOL~

You were the one who has been interested to find a psychological explanation to his behavior and totally jumped into 'hypotesis' people had for you.

There is something interesting in you, you see? Why I want to see Hweebs dealing with you is because I don't really see much problem with that stalker, if there is something urgent, I won't let those rookies in. LOL~

You have your secrets, but there's something you are hidding... that makes me feel so interested in you. I don't care what those people here think... LOL~

Your story so far has alot of strange holes yet to be filled up. It's like a planned story to me. See?

You have gone into too much details about this stalker, which you labelled a stalker, and you have assumed so much that you misled everyone (but me) that this guy has a probable psychopathic condition which you even wanted to send him to a psychologist/psychiatrist/whatever... which is not yet necessary.

Milo said, he also 'stalked' and such, he said he straightened his mind, BUT it's all about personality issue... That stalker still had you, who knew so much about him. So he can still open up, according to you.

In this field, the reason why I told Hweebs to figure you out is because it's not important of what story you have... but about you. Something is very wrong about you. LOL~ If you cannot even understand what I am saying, that means your ability to handle him would be lacking.

Meubel, if you are here seriously looking for an answer, as I have sounded you out right from the beginning, different cultures have very big psychological impacts/influences... and you need to tell us where you are from. You won't.

You are asking also a psychologist to know what's in his thinking... then you start throwing in scenarios. I am not belittling Hweebs, or even Autumn Time. They are just rookies, they don't even understand what I am driving at, what I was doing, and why I am focusing on your several aspects.

Your little stories here are really unreliable. Some don't even make sense to me. You know why? You know why I said so?

You told me also that you are 'approachable', and your work environment in his case is a male-dominated. And you were hence closer to him, because of what... age.

Think carefully... Something is wrong with you. Especially when I purposely called your husband a jerk, which is justifiable. What was your initial reaction? LOL~

You have to understand how psychology works. I know Hweebs can't handle this. Everyone is focusing on that stalker... while I am slowly dragging you out... for the truth. That stalker is not dangerous, for now... more than what you will do to him.

Meubel... in order for a psychologist to aid you, you must first be willing to be aided. You are hiding so much, misleading everyone... if I were to be a rookie or smart alec as them... No game.

I was basically laughing when Autumn Time and Hweebs are sharing their contributions of what Borderline bla bla bla.

You want that guy to be sent to a psychologist... but I think you may be one who needs to see one. You are hiding too much, holding too much to yourself... You don't trust people, of even whom you need aid from. I am not even sure if you really love your husband.

Fight me if you want to, Meubel. You ain't ready to handle this stalker you claimed, nor yourself. Which is why I said, something is wrong with you.

Counsellors' job is to make you happy... My main interest... is only the truth. And now, you said you are moving. LOL~

See? Why has my focus being YOU and not really that stalker. You are the main problem of this problem. The real victim could be that stalker... which you are emotionally victimising.

Now you know why I am a pro...

You are not prepared to open up and confront yourself, nobody can help you, Meubel.
 
As for the rest,

LOL~ Enjoy your popcorns indeed. The best is yet to come.

Meubel is such fun... LOL~

Sheeps giggle among themselves, hoping to be the shepherds... only to find that they are too horny for the job. LOL~

Surprised, so many giggled, but none sees the real problem in this case. LOL~

Everyone sleeping in class.
 
Milo:
You couldn't have said it any better, "Once they trust you, they will reveal in you all their ridiculous thoughts and ideas. Sad part is, only the person themselves can really seek help.....People that cares for him to slowly allow him to change his perception and finally realize and volunteerally seek help. This is the best treatment, not the medication. Those are only useful to suppress whatsoever hallucinations or thoughts during an episode. It is the acceptance, love of a family and loved ones that spend time relating with him that will eventually help him.......It is true that a patient is normally not as horrific and many would perceive.....Many normal folks do have moments of insanity while a mentally unstable person is likely to behave normally at times too." Exactly what I thought but you articulated it well.

I was accepting to his ludicrous ways, I sympathized with the ex colleague until the brink of feeling like I was abandoning him when I left. I vowed to keep contact but he deliberately ignored me shortly after, it must have hurt too much for him not to acknowledge me after that episode. As much as a cliche it sounds like, I slowly detached myself to want to emotionally support him after some time elapsed. Now that he has been feeling better, he started wanting contact again. But it is emotionally draining for me to listen to to him whine endlessly about lack of sleep, listen to his sexual escapades, to endure his stares and yet be offensive and tactless to me when speaking; falling back to his state of comatose or trance when I give him my full attention. He said even his mother is cannot handle him. If his own mother cannot handle him, who can? I was only a colleague whom he trusted and had a bond with for a brief while.

Autumn Time:
Knowledge of his condition helps me understand why he is the way he is. Even if I do nothing about it, it gives me satisfaction to know.

Good one Autumn, 1-0 for Autumn. "Scope, by the way, I didn't say that the ex-colleague is a psychopath but I suspect that was probably what you were trying to articulate. I don't know what else to make of "psychologist cum stalker". That guy has got mental issues and he's been to a psychologist before but that does not make him any more of a psychologist as would going to see a doctor turn you into Dr Scope!"

Hweebs:
I haven't unveiled his reaction when he was accused by another colleague, colleague-Bully, for doing a bad job. The allegation of colleague-Bully almost drove him up the wall but the ex colleague contained himself, not responding like a robot. He hated the bad attention he was given, every time he tried to walk away.

In another plight; he told me when he was a child, boys would hide and wait in the loo to beat him up. He practices body building in adulthood, not to whack people but to defend himself. He's actually not aggressive, he always avoid confrontation. I couldn't even tell him off properly not to come on to me, before I finished my sentence, he walked sheepishly away.
 
meubel, in a way, its a struggle. We need to balance between caring for the person and maintaining your own priorities. Its easier for you when its only a friend or colleague. If its a family member, parent or child, then its a lifetime struggle. Picture the pain and dilemma. At times, they would hope that the patient could go completely insane and it would be easy to manage by keeping him under constant supervision in the institute. But at the same time, we couldn't bear to. We hope for the best environment for them possible. And we know abandoning them will only worsen their condition.

Many families abandon their mentally unstable family member. Its so easy to condemn, but in truth, that decision probably is a really difficult and cruel one that continues to haunt them for the rest of their lives. There is not best solution. In all case, its a trade off and sacrifice that one has to put in.
 
Meubel,

How much of your profiling of him is really reliable for assessment?

There is obviously something wrong in your perception towards him right from the beginning, which was why I was roused. LOL~

So what he went to a psychologist, doesn't mean he's got a psychological issue. You at least claimed to have obtained so much info from him... LOL~ He sort of 'opened' up to you. So I won't consider he is weird, but he hasn't met the right peers~ MAYBE. But that's not the point. But something between YOU and HIM is amiss. ^.^

I said already, I already have some ideas about your situation. If you read how I saw Seawaves6's case, you'd know... while almost everyone condemned her husband, doesn't mean I'd be misled. Called that inhuman, mean... and cold.

If you are not ready to open up... it's up to you. LOL~

But you did help fish some entertainment for me. LOL~

You ain't a psychologist as you claimed... but your profile of him is like you were so close to him... beyond imagination.

Are you... hiding something from your husband, Meubel? LOL~

Tell me, how much does it cost for you to go Pattya? Care to enlighten me? How much does he need to spend for his urge?

I am so bad. But I am Scope Guy.

I only want the truth. ^.^

Meubel, that's not it. Something is seriously wrong with you. But you have done a good job is leading these jokers round and round and round. LOL~

Be kind, and relax. Seek help... for yourself, Meubel.
 
its obvious someone here needs to see psychologist. Talking to himself. No one is even needing his 'professional advise'.

How sad.
 
Are you still engaging in me? I thought you got me all figured out. I never claimed to be a psychologist, you did.

You tell me, Scope, what it is I'm hiding from my husband. Tell me what's amiss between the ex colleague and me. Tell me what's wrong with me. Enlighten me, fire away! Be the first to claim your discoveries.
Why are you even ranting about Seawaves6? Do I need to go read it so I'd have a higher regard of you? You need validation?

I don't know how much it costs to go to Pattaya, never been there.
 
Milo,

Can you for once... grow up, and make sense as well? Hmm?

This sample is very interesting, she's like putting everything into her and nothing comes out... it could have developed into something psychopathical. There are tell-tale signs from her here.

And you, if you don't understand, just be a nice boy... take your popcorn and just watch the show. So old, and still so childish...

I don't care what kind of history you have, if you still need to grow... go ahead, but don't interfere in something you don't understand. That's it.

I am just trying to be good to you. Be a good boy alright?
 
Meubel,

Look, I never said you claimed to be. I said you are NOT a psychologist as you claimed... See?

Something is wrong with you. You simple-mindedly perceive things of two ends in the very pessimistic direction.

Of course you don't understand how much it is for a guy like him to fly to Pattya to release pressures again and again...

If you continue to be so defensive... LOL~

Go ahead.

Do you know how close... a woman and a man would need to be, to be talking about what and how and why he needs to fvck in where and which women and such... ... How much is it to travel to Pattya from Singapore? LOL~

Till you want to get things right... tell me.
 
Scope:
Tell me precisely what you deem is wrong with me, "Dr Scope". Don't keep ranting something is amiss and leave out your o-so-famous quotes and examples? (the breast squeezing of african tribal women is a nice one!) Claim the ascertainment as yours! Don't let others have the privilege to be the first.

No need to keep insinuating, shoot me point blank. O, that part about the costs of going to Pattaya, nice try!
 
meubel,

actually i feel you have some issues that you might want to deal with...though they are not the same as what scope has insinuated.
 
Anyone who knows who goes by the pseudonym Plan_b? Am trying to locate his/her posts but can't find any. I'm new here, don't know which buttons to click yet.
 
hmmm...what to say ah? It's not any tom, dick or harry that will connect with oddballs, or want to even try and connect with oddballs. Of course there is the element of empathy, that u feel he is too pitiful to be ostracized and deemed weird by people. But there is also this element of power and pride, that u are able to open up this person that no one has succeeded in opening up before. So even though this person is the one who has problems, u also have some unmet needs that attracted u to help him. And along the way he became too much for you to handle: too disturbing, too frightening, too annoying, so you let go. You feel it is too much for you, and you disengage. Now the harsh stuff: when you were connected with him, i dunno if you did care for him as a person, or just see him as a trophy of sorts. While you were quite horrified by what he shared, u feel in a warped sort of way that he trusted u enough to share. Now that he is disturbing your life, and even after we shared about his self harming or possible homicible tendencies, u do not wish to be part of it. I don't know, but abandonment is something we don't usually do to friends (or people who bare their souls to us), no matter how much they annoy or irritate us. (Betrayal is another thing though). Unless to say that u have never seen him as a friend, you have never cared for him, never seen him as a person. You may just see him as an object.

I find this rather worrying.
 
Well... Someone just eat his own words about ignoring me or is he too confused?
The lies continues..
 


Hweeds, though I understand where u r coming from, I dun quite equate that to betrayal. He needs to handle his own issues. This is life, we need to prioritize. No one can ever please the world. The expectation he has for her is not an obligation. You could question her intentions but I doubt it's pruely her personal ego. If so, she would have pulled away long back without any struggle.
 
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