avoiding root problems

[whitening]

Dear all. Im in a lost n I really need advice. I have a really sweet hubby a really good one but he always rejects me fpr sex. He says its bcoz he's very stressed n has no mood for it n we only got married lesser than 6 mths. The best wasduring honrymoon after that he just stopped initiating. N after getting rejected again n again n even verbally telling him its not normal, and I said I'ld find another person ( but I wont of coz but seriously if my husband is not going to fulfil my needs at all forever, I think that is the only other resort in years to come, no? ) i also said that I'll nv ask or touch him again n if he wants a baby he can forget abt having 1 with me. We get heated up. But after a while, he would be like any other times in this whole relationship, cool down after a while n start talking to me like normal n holding my hands every where we go giving me the standard morning n night kisses joking likebest friends being my super hero in every other life style details n even when I react coldly he'll just keep acting normal till im normal too n always thankful at those moments that we're still ok as the things I say can be really hurting to him again n again.
He makes me feel unwanted bcoz he rejects me. Every time when he's sleeping or justnot talking, seeing him alone makes me stressed n negative like in me I keep telling myself I cant love this person anymore to not hurt myself further n even really totally stopped all physical contacts from me to him but he's still taking everything very normally.
I really want to divorce him. Coz im not thaf kinod person whom like to hide my feelings but I feel that we hqve come to a stage where we r just avoiding the problem tgat we know we are facing.

Help...

 

[whitening]

We talked through emailing. All I wanted was to feel wanted but he couldnt bring himself to as to him I always despise him n complain abt hi yet he took it all n was still a good hubby to me but just that he has lost that desire on me. I told him that I cajt live in suvh a weird marriage anymore and that we can only continue being friends till our house reaches 5 yrs n we sel it n we"ll b free to go on our own ways.
He said my forte is escaping n now my marriage is really dead for good. All I wanted is to solve this problem but it can nv be solved bcoz our root problem is that we are both not willing or shows I say none of us know how or wat to do other than dpong things in our way we think is the best for us. For him it WAS to just continue bring a good hubby for me it was just to let my loge die for him so I wont bother him during his work or expect anhthing including sex from him anymore. I told him I cant stay in a weird marriage not being wanted he says I just always wants thing my way. Now he have went to sleep leaving me awake n so lost. What should I do now. ...

 

[xellos]

I suggest you check his phone if he is cheating on you. I do some guy friends who got married just because they have been together with the girl for too long and he marry the girl just because he dont wanna upset the parents blah blah blah

 

[HappySpade]

there could be so many reasons for not having sex:
- he is not feeling well physically? like can't perform? Erectile Dysfunction?
- too much work?
- Or he could be cheating on you... therefore no desires for you?
- lost desires could equal to lost love.... mere moral obligations
- He could have other preference towards men?

But married for less than 6 months and not into sex seemed weird!!
How long you both been dating and enjoy a healthy sexual relationship? really sad for you! Patience and communicate.
Do not avoid but communicate (share) tactfully and respectfully!

I sincerely wish you and your husband can reconcile and enjoy a healthy sexual relation. Ganbatei!!!

 

[sharingNcaring101]

Dear all. Im in a lost n I really need advice. I have a really sweet hubby a really good one but he always rejects me fpr sex. He says its bcoz he's very stressed n has no mood for it n we only got married lesser than 6 mths. The best wasduring honrymoon after that he just stopped initiating. N after getting rejected again n again n even verbally telling him its not normal, and I said I'ld find another person ( but I wont of coz but seriously if my husband is not going to fulfil my needs at all forever, I think that is the only other resort in years to come, no? ) i also said that I'll nv ask or touch him again n if he wants a baby he can forget abt having 1 with me. We get heated up. But after a while, he would be like any other times in this whole relationship, cool down after a while n start talking to me like normal n holding my hands every where we go giving me the standard morning n night kisses joking likebest friends being my super hero in every other life style details n even when I react coldly he'll just keep acting normal till im normal too n always thankful at those moments that we're still ok as the things I say can be really hurting to him again n again.
He makes me feel unwanted bcoz he rejects me. Every time when he's sleeping or justnot talking, seeing him alone makes me stressed n negative like in me I keep telling myself I cant love this person anymore to not hurt myself further n even really totally stopped all physical contacts from me to him but he's still taking everything very normally.
I really want to divorce him. Coz im not thaf kinod person whom like to hide my feelings but I feel that we hqve come to a stage where we r just avoiding the problem tgat we know we are facing.

Help...

I think woman assumes sexual affection wrongly, that sex attention proves that love is alive and active. If sex is the cement that holds marriage together then there is less divorce in Singapore and in the whole world and most of marriages will be forever. Unfortunately, sex fulfillment is a result of growth of a trust relationship which is dependent in good communication about each other, finances, values and respect. In most cases, when conflicts arise, the interest in sex generally wanes accordingly. Sex in itself, will not hold a marriage together. Sex is more like a fragrance excluding from mutual trust and respect borne out of careful understanding and applied appreciation.
I may not know your exact situation…(assume there is not 3rd party involved). 1. Generally, man’s goal is to make his woman happy. And when he returns home if you’re unhappy, he generally faces defect instead of victory. His spouse’s unhappiness signals he is a failure.
2. Try to understand his situation. Is he really stress-out in work? Commonly, man cope with stress is different from woman. Man tends to hitting the tennis ball, driving fast, silently sitting on a rock and patiently thinking up solutions. Or he will pick the newspaper or TV remote control, he is saying that he is once again in control – to rest and relax as a form of distraction from his worries.
3. You need to ASK! If you don’t ask you won’t understand and if you don’t understand two things will happen to you – you become a martyr and settled for whatever you get or you becoming more demanding and nagging for more. Nevertheless, these two things will not help.
You need to ask probing questions of what is troubling him because you care for him and want to support him. Also, you can try to express your feeling and your needs in a way that can work for both of you and the marriage.