Anyone have success stories after an infidelity?

[cschris73]

Yes ar. He said that to me when we later discussed about the reasons of his infidelity.

Recently I read up a lot on the reasons of a cheating husband. I am now convinced that it happens even in good marriages. The problem didn't lies in our marriage, it's purely on the mindset of the cheater

 

[Ting2.1]

Hi, just wondering, will you still marry him in the first place if you know he will betray you one day?

Mindset of the cheater boils a lot down to a person's character. Though it's hard to tell when we are in a relationship, I've grew to detest cheating and sadly, that is the only thing and of course, serious enough to break my otherwise good marriage.

 

[cschris73]

To be honest, if i can choose again i will not get marry. There are many stresses in a marriage ie. kids, financial, in laws and etc.... I will always lose out to his mistress. He is so stress free with her, enjoying life together without the stress in a marriage. With a wife, he has to bear with my nags, discussion on problems in the family and etc.

 

[SingleGal]

To be honest, if i can choose again i will not get marry. There are many stresses in a marriage ie. kids, financial, in laws and etc.... I will always lose out to his mistress. He is so stress free with her, enjoying life together without the stress in a marriage. With a wife, he has to bear with my nags, discussion on problems in the family and etc.

I hope you will not give up on love. A marriage is supposed to be like this - two people overcoming all the stressful challenges together. No one said marriage is a fairytale. To me, only immatured people will have affairs. Hope you meet a better man in future.

 

[SGoutcast]

Indeed..to forgive and move on is easier said than done.. Especially when the mode of recovery for husband n wife is different. My husband wants to just close this chapter, as he called it and moved on.. He said he had made the decision n will not change his mind, not only for our daughter n son but for me as well. While he takes it so lightly after 'enjoying' that affair, i had to just close the chapter.. Heartpain, injustice and anger.. Tell me why i chose to stay in the beginning.. He seems to have completely forgotten of his betrayal, thinks everything wilk just be the same again.. Not on my side.. Is that a man's ego? Upset..

Was there. And after reading the above replies to this comment, I begin to think that all husbands are the same in some ways, not all. E.g. my ex continued with a couple more after Then I realised it wasn't worth my try to forgive or to mend the mistake he made. After the day he confessed that he had a couple more after the one I discovered, I walked away, never looking back. I shouldn't even had stayed.

Upon saying that tho', I have dated a couple of times since I left my ex. I realised that there are good men out there, men who are different from my ex. Maybe they were bad and they had changed for a better, idk. But it does look positive. Any success story so far... unfortunately not. Reasons could be that time is not right, I am just not ready or he is not ready. Stay positive. But the first and foremost task in hand is to heal yourself. Learn to love yourself again. Don't wait for a man to come save you from yourself. You have to save yourself! Be confident again, only then you will be beautiful and sexy again!

All the best.

 

[GreatScotch]

Was there. And after reading the above replies to this comment, I begin to think that all husbands are the same in some ways, not all. E.g. my ex continued with a couple more after Then I realised it wasn't worth my try to forgive or to mend the mistake he made. After the day he confessed that he had a couple more after the one I discovered, I walked away, never looking back. I shouldn't even had stayed.

Upon saying that tho', I have dated a couple of times since I left my ex. I realised that there are good men out there, men who are different from my ex. Maybe they were bad and they had changed for a better, idk. But it does look positive. Any success story so far... unfortunately not. Reasons could be that time is not right, I am just not ready or he is not ready. Stay positive. But the first and foremost task in hand is to heal yourself. Learn to love yourself again. Don't wait for a man to come save you from yourself. You have to save yourself! Be confident again, only then you will be beautiful and sexy again!

All the best.

I believe in fidelity to one woman. But my ex wife took advantage of that as a form of weakness and indulged in numerous affairs. I forgave her once and she continued. The worst part was listening to her justifying the affairs. Fidelity is an attitude towards life and taking responsibility for yourself. If you do not know how to take responsibility for your own-self, then don't expect commitment to a relationship. I gave up on my ex-wife and moved on knowing full well she will have her 3rd 4th etc. with the most creative excuses for her unfaithfulness. And I was right.

Move on, it is not worth it.

 

[GreatScotch]

To be honest, if i can choose again i will not get marry. There are many stresses in a marriage ie. kids, financial, in laws and etc.... I will always lose out to his mistress. He is so stress free with her, enjoying life together without the stress in a marriage. With a wife, he has to bear with my nags, discussion on problems in the family and etc.

I will marry again if I divorce which I did, but to the right woman. She is worth my troubles.
She does her best to make me feel like a husband, respects me and submits herself to me. So I gave her the protection, endured any hardships I might have to go through in order to make sure she is taken care of. We get all sorts of disparaging remarks while being together but she is focused on the family. The stress you mentioned are nothing as long as the two have the right attitude to marriage.

 

[brokenbride]

I would say the first step to survival of an infidelity is to get educated about infidelity as much as possible.

Unfortunately there are a lot of myths surrounding what why men or women would cheat. The hard truth is that it’s the dynamics of the marriage will lead to an affairs. A stereotype of good men or women will still fall prey to such when opportunity rises. In fact, by the time cheating is so prevalent in our society but it’s so “unheard” of coz society tends to keep it under wraps due to shame. 90% of our divorce rates are due to infidelity by both men n woman...n the divorce rate is raising!

Getting past and recover from an infidelity takes years and will only be successful both sides decide and is determined to work on it.

If left unprocessed the marriage will die ...n relapses will occur and either one of you or both will cheat.

If your spouse refused n stone walled about processing the affair ...this will not help in restoring Trust in the marriage .

Do read up and get yourself educated in such matters...there are many books and articles around.

It’s best if your spouse shows commitment in helping you to recover ...the road to recovery will be faster and marriage willl be more affair proof.

 

[eatzz7]

dated for half a decade and got married 10 months ago. found out he cheated 6 months into our marriage and the affair was his colleague. initially he ask for forgiveness and said that he was only looking for a listening ear bcos we quarrel a lot during our marriage preparation stage and he needed someone to confine in. i choose to forgive.
1 month after he asked for forgiveness he started treating me coldly and we basically stop communicating from then on. everyday he just come back home to sleep and next morning go out to work (he is working free lance so basically don’t even need to go office).

1 month after i forgive him, we also moved in to our BTO but i found out he still in contact with that affair and when i confront him, he said he wants to divorce instead. i tried changing myself to keep him but he is giving me mixed signal, some days he will treat me extremely nice, but most of the time he don’t even talk to me.

the last time we spoke, he still insist he don’t want to drag anymore and wants to end it. no one is able to change his mind now, not even his family. also, recently he admitted that he has emotionally and physically cheated on me. it’s another blow for me.

i know i should leave him, because it’s toxic for me. i became so depress that i quit my job and just lock myself at home for the past few months, doing nothing but cry. i didn’t inform my family worrying that my parents won’t be able to take the blow.

as much as i wish to leave, i don’t want to leave now and let her enjoy the fruits of my labour.

 

[miloice]

dated for half a decade and got married 10 months ago. found out he cheated 6 months into our marriage and the affair was his colleague. initially he ask for forgiveness and said that he was only looking for a listening ear bcos we quarrel a lot during our marriage preparation stage and he needed someone to confine in. i choose to forgive.
1 month after he asked for forgiveness he started treating me coldly and we basically stop communicating from then on. everyday he just come back home to sleep and next morning go out to work (he is working free lance so basically don’t even need to go office).

1 month after i forgive him, we also moved in to our BTO but i found out he still in contact with that affair and when i confront him, he said he wants to divorce instead. i tried changing myself to keep him but he is giving me mixed signal, some days he will treat me extremely nice, but most of the time he don’t even talk to me.

the last time we spoke, he still insist he don’t want to drag anymore and wants to end it. no one is able to change his mind now, not even his family. also, recently he admitted that he has emotionally and physically cheated on me. it’s another blow for me.

i know i should leave him, because it’s toxic for me. i became so depress that i quit my job and just lock myself at home for the past few months, doing nothing but cry. i didn’t inform my family worrying that my parents won’t be able to take the blow.

as much as i wish to leave, i don’t want to leave now and let her enjoy the fruits of my labour.

Fruits? There is no fruits.... you are hanging to a failed investment. Close the episode and learn from it. What don't kill us always make us stronger. Its painful, this walk, no one can do for you. Hang in there, there is always light at the end of the tunnel... You are contradicting yourself even in the msg you wrote. Love yourself and believe in yourself again.

 

[buddhabar]

TS, it's always an option but having went throught my own divorce , my opinion is to love yourselves a little bit more. What can be worst? Nobody loves you or you dont even love yourselves?

 

[Roxie88]

Hi, it's a normal reaction not to let those homewreckers have it easy- the " fruits" you are talking about.. Perhaps, in the initial stage of anger and resentment, you may still want to hang on to the marriage because you don't want your husband and that woman to get together so easily. I went through that stage too; almost took my kids and left him, when someone told me right in my face that I shouldn't. ESP after putting in so much time and effort, invested my emotions and life into the marriage, HOW can i "give up" so easily.. Thankful for that random person in my life.

Somethings I've griwn to realise, guys are vulnerable at this stage and they might just take whatever easy way out of situations like this. What is love when sex gets in their head. Ops, not referring to all guys of course.

All is not gone, and you should decide the timeline at your own terms. When you are ready and more settled and if he still continue the affair, divorce at your terms. Set yourself free.

I'm just wondering if there are experts here who can advice if it's possible to sue our spouse for adultery? Haha.. Sorry, I almost wanted to do that, sue my wayward spouse and that bitch, send lawyer letters to their offices, burn all bridges between us and divorce him. Looking back, that sounds junvenile and i can't imagine how things will be now if i've done that.

 

[joodz8888]

i feel that once a cheater, always a cheater. 9 years ago when i was still very active here, i posted in this forum about how i was the other woman. my husband cheated on his then girlfriend of 9 years to be with me, and i also posted that i think there is true love blah blah and sometimes when true love comes along, they have no choice but to cheat. i got married to that idiot a year later and my kids are now 7 and 2 (a boy and a girl). last year on my bday eve, my husband came to me and said he feels the marriage has broken down beyond repair and he wants to leave. after trying to make him stay, we decided to divorce. straight after we signed the papers, he confessed he was actually cheating on me with his colleague who has 2 kids (15 years old than him, in her mid forties). and i knew the woman. therefore, me as the other woman, also got my retribution and there was no happily ever after. of cos i feel bitter that he could do a 180 degree change in heart and was cheating when i was pregnant with my #2. but this reinforce my thinking that once a cheater, always a cheater. even if the cheating came almost a decade later. today one year on from our divorce, i am glad i left him.

 

[4sgbrides]

Sounds exactly like mine. Just that I found out 12 days before the marriage and called it off.

Makes me feel like walking away now.

i feel that once a cheater, always a cheater. 9 years ago when i was still very active here, i posted in this forum about how i was the other woman. my husband cheated on his then girlfriend of 9 years to be with me, and i also posted that i think there is true love blah blah and sometimes when true love comes along, they have no choice but to cheat. i got married to that idiot a year later and my kids are now 7 and 2 (a boy and a girl). last year on my bday eve, my husband came to me and said he feels the marriage has broken down beyond repair and he wants to leave. after trying to make him stay, we decided to divorce. straight after we signed the papers, he confessed he was actually cheating on me with his colleague who has 2 kids (15 years old than him, in her mid forties). and i knew the woman. therefore, me as the other woman, also got my retribution and there was no happily ever after. of cos i feel bitter that he could do a 180 degree change in heart and was cheating when i was pregnant with my #2. but this reinforce my thinking that once a cheater, always a cheater. even if the cheating came almost a decade later. today one year on from our divorce, i am glad i left him.

 

[misspighead]

forgiven once and it really take years to put it behind me... and the suspicious mind is always there... and now 2nd time.... off he go...

 

[Ong Wei Ting]

Hi all,

I hope to set up a discussion for couples who have survived an infidelity to share their stories. A lot of us here needed that encouragement and tips to fight on! Looking forward to some positive stories! Thank You.

I think this is a great idea - marriage is not easy, and there are ups and downs. We often forget the downs. We promised to stay by each other through good times and bad, and infidelity is one of the bad. Stay strong, wives, and be kind to your other halves who have let you down. They are going through something terrible as well, as much as we cannot see it. Loving another person especially when he is so difficult to love, is what makes marriages special, and that's what makes you better than what you think.

From someone who has seen couples successfully recovered from infidelity

 

[newproject]

you are married to him right ? or not yet?

Sounds exactly like mine. Just that I found out 12 days before the marriage and called it off.

Makes me feel like walking away now.