A secret to shared !!!pls help!!!

mayimayi

New Member
not ready to marry also married le..
since the topic is "pls help", blurgal i think u should start considering all the advices n opinions from the forumers here and take action to solve ur current problem / misery...

hiding stuffs frm ur hubby and bf, ä½ ä¸è§‰å¾—辛苦å—?
 


5stars

New Member
You can't turn a "Wrong" into "Right".

You can defend yourself till the "cow comes home", but in your heart you should know what are the "right" & "wrong" things.

As someone suggested, first you must admit it, second tell your partner that this marriage is not working healthily.
 

itag

New Member
One thing that you really lack : Honesty
Honesty to yourself
Honesty to your hubby
Honesty to your bf

These 2 guys will suffer because lack of honesty from your part.

Every morning , when you drink your first sip of coffee (or any other beverage), does not the first sip taste so good ? After drinking for several mouthful , you find it taste "less good", yet that very first sip taste great. This is the other crux of your problem. The coffee did not change , your expectation change. When the honeymoon period with your bf have gone, can you guarantee that he will not be like your hb which you describe how nice your hb was to you before that?

Even if he is not, put yourself into the shoes of these 2 persons. Will you like it , if your hb / bf see other ladies while you are at home? Will you enjoy this relationship ? Do you think it will cause more hurt or do you think this act is acceptable ? Will you forgive this person ?

You know the answer well, except there is a problem - you "whine" at the problem and refuse to acknowledge that the problem is YOU . The problem will stay on with you as long as you persist with this attitude- sticking your head into the sand and refuse to see the problem within yourself.

I bet with my next cup of latte that the ostriches still stick their heads into the sand tmr.
 

blurrgal82

New Member
Ya l never say l din't admit of had l done was wrong..or else l will not feel so guilty now rit?? infact every day l live in fear misrey and guilt everyday..so u alll still wan the part 2 or not??? u all want to listen then l sumit if not i dun conyinue liao...quite painful memory..and l decide to tell my bf the truth liao cause dun wan to hurt him any further..like wat you all say better to tell him now rather he hurt even more in the future.if you love a person u shouldn't hurt him.but in the 1st place l had alredy done wrong..and l will tell my hb oso at most either he murder me or punch me up ha ha...!!l realy wan to solve the problem asap..dun wan to carry on like this anymore..mus start a brand new life in yr 2008 mah...agreed??
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
blurrblurr,,,
It is pointless to to just feel guilty. You need to follow-up with actions.

As for your husband, if he is violent, get the authorities involved. There is no reason why you needed to be abused by him physically at all.
 

crazy_guy

New Member
hmm..i m netural as to u wanna tell ur hb or not...but i sure wan u to tell ur bf....

settle one person at a time....
 

rofthelper

Member
blurrblurr (blurrgal82), please continue with Part 2, and with paragraph please..... old man read leow head spinning leow.
 

cheongyw

New Member
<font color="0000ff">Hi blurrblurr,</font>

In the first place, u shouldn't have lied to your bf. A man truly loves a gal in regardless of her background.

I will recommend u to divorce your hubby and be truthful to your bf
happy.gif
. Moreover, I will NEVER BED with a man if I know I am hiding some truths from him knowing that there will be a big bad consequence when he finds out the truth!!!

As a Chinese saying goes, paper cannot wrap fire. The truth will reveals in a matter of time.

I shouldn't use the word 'slut' or 'bitch' on your as nowadays youngsters' thinking are getting more modern. Maybe u are just plain naive. U don't plan for the future and u do not understand how the reality of the world works
sad.gif
. This is very sad to say. U think that with a salary of about S$2K plus is very big, is it? Wait until u have a baby and a real house that calls your own and not rental leh gal.

As a mother myself, I will be extremely sad if I see my own child or daughter behaving this way. Twenty over years of bringing up a child is not easy.

A mother's simple advise : <font color="0000ff">Please Wake Up Your Idea!!</font> U can say I am conservative but that is life. The truth of life
happy.gif
.
 

kellie_l

New Member
blurrblurr,

If your hubby punches you, then you can go make police report &amp; straight away file for divorce liao.

As for confessing to your bf, perhaps you may want to refrain from saying this sentence that you've repeatedly been using here "I don't want things to be like this one...". Rather, admit it's entirely your fault for not telling the truth from the start. Imagine, if your hubby also tells you "I don't want things to be like this one... I don't want to be jobless one...", will you be convinced, especially if you are angry &amp; feel cheated?
 

5stars

New Member
blurblur,

May i ask what is your plan now? I am referring to your plan for disclosing these news to your HB n BF. Any have you mentally prepared what will happen after you tell them, especially your HB?

Disclosing the news is simple, what anticipating the effects and limiting the damages will be more crucial.

I foresee you have not thought of this, at all
sad.gif
 

betrue

New Member
i dunno what about others, but for me you can save the part 2 for yourself.

And you have no right to say you live in fear, misery and guilt cz you brought it upon yourself, so enjoy it.

And i agreed what pisces gal had commented.

let's action speak louders than words.

just one word, go straight and admit to both guys NOW instead of just know how to talk here.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
blurrblurr,

don't bother with Alvin's comments. He is in the forum to condemn sg women. Don't think another else here is calling you all those. Rather, focus on your issues at hand.

I agree with 5stars, please do think thoroughly of the consequences of your actions. You are an adult, by not thinking, that being foolish.

Reading part 0 and 1 revealed the same message. I suspect part 2 will reveal the same consistent msg.
 

blurrgal82

New Member
Ha ha Rofthelper how old r u?? u say u are old man ha ha.. ok let me start wif the part 2 liao u all tks to uncle Rofthelper..ha ha!! oh where were we stop at let me see...oh the 1st time we qurrel...ya that day we had a very big arugment in the 1st time of our r/s..we never had arugment b4 ver loving in the 1st few mths .. oli until we stay together and he resigned from hus job den it started... That day as usual while l was doing housework he woke up in the late afternoon ..being concerning l ask him how was he job searching got any news..but l dunno y he got so frustrated with me and accussed me and l looking down on him!!!l got a shocked with his accused and oso very angry oso..l tell him l never ..l'm just concerning oli..den he say taht he oso got try looking but he say they dun have transport to drive home or the pay is too low he is not intrested..l say fine..but l oso got tell him the situlation we are in now..realy l am quiie of cash liao..dunno how long l can support all this expenes..when he hear this again he fare-up again!! he say l'm his wife now l should try to be understanding with him and support him ...(am l not understanding enough?? am l not supporting ??? l think if it is other woman they already break up with him liao..) l tell him since day 1 l was with him l already know he is not rich and l still willing to be with him l never look dowm on him at all ,l oso earn more than him but l oso dun mind , l wan to be with him because l like him l dun care wether he got$$ or not..there are many rich guys oso woo me at my working place but l rejected them caus l find them not worth for my love..and l rather chose him..( he oso know these ppl who oso wanted to woo me that time).. after he scold me very loudly l lost controll and cried very loudly infront of him this is the 1st time he saw me cry..l dun have the strenth to scold him back but l just sit on the floor and cried very pitifully for almost and hr..keep pinching my hand ( l oso dunno y i keep pinching ha ha)until veri veri red and sore!! when he saw this he grab my hand tightly and shoutly asking me to stop..he is veri strong l couldn't move at all and he is hurting my hand even more..the more l struggle the tighter he hold..l lost control and shout back loudly ask him to get away from me he just keep quiet and stare veri fircely at me..l was so frighten l shout and cried very loudly..but den suddenly he hug me tightly and oplogised to me and say is all his fault and ask me forgive him..so that wast th 1st time l forgive him and he promised me he will quickly find a job and wun't let me suffer so much..and we were happy again..not long after he manage to find a job with transport to drive home but had to work in the morning like
3am..when starting he go to work everyday but after a few days he started to mc cause wouldn't wake up..although l wake him up when l reach home after work ..he wake up liao and fall aslp again( l oso slp liao so l woudn't wake him up again)these happen many time..( and he is still under probation)but the manager veri good always gave him chance,but he take it for granted loh...every time he cursed and swear the job..like had to wake up so early or pay so little blah blah blah..( but he chose the job himself wan mah blame who??)less than 2mths he quite his job and idle at home again ha ha!!!( to be continued part 3)
 

choccandy

New Member
blurrblurr,
no point crying over spill milk. now what u gotta do is to clear/solve these mess u've created.

have a heart to heart talk w/ ur hb, see if ur marriage can b salvage or not (i believe u still have abit of feelings for ur hb), if no more cure to ur marriage, go for separation or divorce.

tell ur bf u r a married woman, if he truly loves u, he will not mind ur past, he will wait for u. if he minds, just let him go. what's urs will meant to be urs.
 

annesepnew

New Member
blurrblurr,

from what i have read from your posting, i realised that you are actually lonely and mentally tired, not that you dun love your hubby or you love the other man. When you are lost, lonely and tired, this guy came by and shower you with new sparkle of feelings which you though is love. If you just divorce him and marry to this guy immediately, you will definitely regret for life. Your bf can meet you in that way, definitely he will meet other gals eventually.. Many times, we mistaken gratitude for love and thought this is wat we want. Actual fact, no. Even if you really get a divorce, pls do not rush into a relationship. A simple divorce can easily cost up to $4k. No simple feat. Your hubby is feeling lousy when he is jobless and may even run up a debt. He is feeling terrible to face you, his wife where you have to shoulder the whole expenses.

As a wife, you should make effort to listen to his heartfelt feelings before you even condemn him. No man can just change himself overnight. Guy being a guy, seldom willing to reveal their inner self cos he know he is a man with responsibility, to protect his woman and shoulder the burden of the word - FAMILY.

Just becos that guy appeared during your down time does not give him the right to invade and destroy your life. You are being unfair to your hubby for betraying his trust on you and unfair to the other guy where he thought you are an "angel" - unmarried lady.

Perhaps you can ask yourself, if you break away from your hubby and "W" just for 1 week or so. Ponder real hard, apart from $$ issue, whom do you really cannot live without. Dun jump into a relationship and wreck your own life. Life is only precious when you know the price of it. marriage isnt just yourself... it linked 2 hearts, two families.

The way you describe part 1, 2 and to be continued part 3 show no remorse of your guilt at all. You sounded as if this is very fun and exciting. Put yourself in your hubby or "W" shoe, the woman whom you deeply in love in now or perhaps before, is having physical contact with another "stranger". How will you feel? or if now your hubby is having a relationship with another woman, will you be able to accept it.

Marriage is not just a boy-gal relationship. It is a life-bond event. If everyone take marriage so lightly, then why would we take vow? might as well just married online and divorce online if we are unhappy with each other or so call "love-no-more"?

You are already 25, a quarter of a century. why are you behaving like a young teen looking for excitement and challenge. You are indirectly harming yourself, your family.

I admit Love is boundless, no right or wrong answer but i believe you should try your ultimate effort to make your dying marriage works 1st till the last straw, if no matter what you tried seem to work and improve, then do let go. Well if till the end, your marriage stilll cant work, dun give in threats by your hubby anymore, part amicably. If he really love you, he would not bear to hurt you this way. Guy who say will commit sucide becos of love, mean he is mentally weak. You need a man to love you, protect you and give you a peace of mind. This should apply to your Mr "W".

Pls pardon my lengthy posting. Dun wan you to walk the wrong path again. Know what you want and work toward it. Relationship is not a game of chance.

Last but not least, I pray the best for you. Do think thru carefully.
 

blurrgal82

New Member
l cofussed to my bf just nw liao through the phone...he just listen quietly and asked me wether can meet him tonight ..l kind of afraid to meet him..he haven't give me any comments at all how huh??l kind of lost now...blur blur dunno how...and l think l will tell my hb l want to divorce with him tonight,even if my bf wun accept me again l dun mind l just wn a new life that all..lt think l realy learn my lesson ....please pray for me..
 

commoner

New Member
useless..just talking and continue be an NATO force all u want.

talk until the dragon, phoneix come out outcome still the same

if i m the bf, i will glady accept her as she has become a 'free' tool to use. who cares if she is married or not?
simple?
 

kjustina81

New Member
Blur blur u really suit yr nick ... I have no comments of the hole u have dug yourself into .. but I find it very weird that some pple will post such comments about themselves, i.e stuff like "(l am quite pretty de)", "l had very beautiful eyes", "there are many rich guys oso woo me at my working place"

I feel like I'm watching some horrible Taiwanese drama with English subtitles done by a 3-yr-old.

Then u place yr "haha's" after yr miserable story .. somehow this make me feel lesser inclined to believe your drama story...
 

tua

New Member
Somehow, I wonder... are we the play toy for Blur blur? it seems that she is telling us a long story and she is actually very keen for someone to ask for part 3. To me, Blur blur knows actually what she is doing and what she need to do. All of you who reply is nothing but play toy for her.
 

bonnie

Member
If we are play toys that we are 'blur blur' lor.
Actually I'm looking forward to the upcoming part3.. too boring -_-"

Good luck blur blur, hope that your husband will change for the better or will divorce with you peacefully or your bf will forgive u and accept u. =)
 

rofthelper

Member
blurrblurr (blurrgal82), No lah, I below 40 years of age, hehehe.... Please continue on Part 3.

Me waiting, you know.
 

rofthelper

Member
Hi Little Sister blurrblurr, as I mentioned earlier on, try not to handle two tricky matters at the same time.

Since you have already confessed upfront about your marital status to your boyfriend, I believe more things may happen later on.

And the most complex and difficult to handle will be the problem between your hubby and yourself. I think you really need to discuss with your close ones, to prevent some physical confrontation on you. Please take care.

=================================================
and l think l will tell my hb l want to divorce with him tonight,even if my bf wun accept me again l dun mind l just wn a new life that all..lt think l realy learn my lesson ....please pray for me..
 

commoner

New Member
Remember the Marriage vows: To love your hubby in riches and poverty, sickness and health and forsaking all others keeping yourself unto him.
 

tempfile

New Member
hi bonnie, i've been reading this thread. but, can't help but to post here. Your reply is so funny... ha ha ha ... so.. the 'wan-bao' news is good news or bad news eh?
 

blurrgal82

New Member
hi everybody to keep u all waiting for the 'wan bao' news.. (Bonnie say so) l meet my bf and had already confussed to him my marriage statues..that night we had a long chat...he told me actually he find me act quit strangely and tought mayb i had another bf,but he never expect that actually l am married liao..he listen to my sory that happen of wat happen to me and my hb in between l broke down a few time he hug me tightly and consoled me..l say dun no how to face him anymore and l dun have the rit to ask for his forgiveiness and ask him wether he want to breakup with me.. he hug me tightly in his arm and tell me he dun want to end with me he want be with me ..he say he will not even hate me cause he realy can feel that our love is so strong and real for each other...he knew l doesn't mean it in the 1st place..( actually l got try hint him that l am married l think he got catch the hint bah)he say if l am going to divorce with my hb he is willing to wait for me,and promised me that he wun be like my hb..l was veri touch by him and our love is even stronger than ever...blessed me .... and yester day l alredy told my hb that l will divorce with him and tell him he should know wat the reason..he just scold @%$#Z@!! through the phone and l jus hang him up...l never went hm that day l went back to my mum place..
 

bonnie

Member
This is the beginning. I think ur HB will start doing his kungfu stunts 'flying kick' u, 万佛æœä¸­ you or use å”三è—'s chant and scold u in 三字ç»ã€‚Blurblur, u need 金钟罩 + é“ä¸è¡«.
Anyway, good luck.

Alvin tan, I believe that Blur will not commit an affair if her HB didn't do that to her.
Btw I doubt many people will remember the marriage vow these day n it's shame, it's just a verbal contract.
 

chaihot5

New Member
Blur blur

I really hope things work out well, but be prepared from the wrath of your husband, gonna take some time... I experienced that before, i know...

Cheers
 

commoner

New Member
bonnie,

do you think that blur had found true love?
if she can lied to her current bf now, what makes you think she will not lie in the future?
 

cheongyw

New Member
<font color="0000ff">bonnie,</font>

If no news from Blurblur anymore then we have to wait for 'wan bao' news.

I cannot help laughing with your above statement leh
kao_laugh.gif
!!!!


<font color="ff0000">blurrblurr,</font>

U have already dug a big hole for yourself and jumped in. U still got the cheek to tell the whole world about all the small details huh??!!?? I really salute u as u are really treating the whole thing like a big joke leh
crazy.gif
!!??!! If I were u, I would have buried myself in the hole
sad.gif
.
 

blurrgal82

New Member
l Had told my beast hb that l will divorce with him that day...he just give me 1 mouthful of @#%!*#@#% ...l dun dare to go home afraid he will be very abusive ,so no choice had to stay at my mum place temperatly..but my hb know l was at there he come to my mum place and want to bring me home forcefully!!l cry and beg my mum to save me but wat can she do..l pull the grill and refused to let go and shout for help..is 12 mid nit that time alot of neighbour pop out and see the show. Mayb he find it very emberassing,and he go away..that night my mum ask me wat happen( she still dunno anything but thought l just had some smll argument with my hb)l tell my mum everything wat had happen including my bf ..My mum is very understanding she told me do wat l thing is right and is good for me..

The nxt day l went back to work.when go home time my hb wait for me outside and say he want to tot to me seriously and ask me wether l can go home with him..l find him very polite today and l agreed cause l oso find a chance to tot to him properly.when we reach home l saw a lot of beer cans lying on the floor so l do some cleaning up..he sit there very quietly then he went to take some beer from the fridge he oso open 1 can for me..so after l throw the rubbish we sat down very calmly..He asked me do l realy want to divorce with him..l nodded my head. He say he know he is not a good hb..but he realy luv me alot..and ask wether l can give him another chance or not..l just sit there and drink the beer quietly..after a long sliently he suddenly broke down and hold my hands..l look aat him and find him very pathatic,l pat his head and ask him to stop crying..maybe due to the beer l drink l find myself very tipsy den l jus blackout.



around th morning l wake up l saw myself naked on bed and beside me is my hb ..l was so digusted by him l gave him a very tight slapped on the face..and asked him y he doing this to me..he say wat wrong make love with him lam his wife..ljust tell him loudly l dun love him anymore l love another guy ...he just went dumb...den he asked me who is him and when we started..l told him everything he listen with a very black face..



when l finish ..he say never mind as long l leave my bf he can forget everything and forgive me..and we can start everything new afresh..( l think he still dunnno wat l wan)



TO BE CONTINUED
 

alcifertoh

New Member
Just read through the post today but pardon me I have to say this. Although you had mentioned that your 25 but I can't help feeling that everything is handled like a teenage love relationship. The way everything goes is like sighz.

What I wish to say is, since you had gotten yourself into such a mess, you have to clear it first. And since you had come clean with all parties and decided to leave your husband, do what you have to do.

But I have to emphasis that, blurrblurr (blurrgal82), you really have to sort yourself out first. I think as of now you are still looking at all the sweet side of relationship and have not come to terms with the shit that follows. The sense of happiness that you feel with this new guy is comparable to what you had with your huhsband, during your initial courtship phrase and before him losing his job.

You have to think.... really think and know that relationship and marriage, everything comes in a package. With good times come bad times. Are you are pulling out when things ain't going well in future? (Though I admit the fact that your husband is Bu Zhen Qi)

Seriously I feel you have to take a step back after you clear up this current mess and do not jump into anything first. You already wished to divorced your husband in the begining and the new guy just came along to confirm your decision. But I still see him like a Rebound though. I would say that by knowing each other for a few months means you really understand the person that well.

In a relationship is one thing. Marriage is another. As like living together. My wife and I were in a relationship for 3 years, not 3 months and mind you we meet every single day and we stayed over each other place all these while. Till now we are married, we are also working on understanding and accomodating each other through daily phrases. It takes alot of hardwork to maintain and have a blissful marriage. Not the I shy you shy we blushed and my heartbeats racing cos you are so cute.

I never believe in chemistry or love at first sight. Come on lah. Love at first sight is Lust lah.

In conclusion after the mess is cleared, Really do sort yourself out first. Cool down, reflect and think what you expect and such. Communicate with the new guy. He will wait for you to sort out if he's really here for you and he will share a common goal with you to work things out. If not, it's better that it never works out till everything gets too far and well, vicious cycle.

I really can't help but to think that at the rate you are going and your present state of expectation for your future with the new guy, it's very likely that it will end up in another Vicious Cycle.

All the best.
 

commoner

New Member
i think she can be a good script writer
Best Story planner award goes to: *drum*
*drum* *drum*
---------Blurrgal82------------------

Heh folks, wake up all your ideas
 


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