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van,

for wedding photos there are a variety.

you will need to pose for some.. this is a bit more formal with your parents, in laws, family, etc etc.

Yes the rest is just capturing the joy of the moment. All good phtographer will be able to do that.

Actually it is good if you have friends/relatives that can shoot as backup - ie extra and free one.
 


haha simpleman, i'm not really into diamonds leh... to me it's really just carbon in its freaking expensive form. guess i haven't learnt how to appreciate them yet. I prefer pearls to diamonds.

but the info will come in very handy if and when we have to get rings.
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hahaha....Van, let me tell you wat my fren's PG did. He too...'captured' moments when pple are not aware...pple not posing.....in the end, wat we saw are...

1) bride adjusting her bustier
2) me looking at the wall clock

etc etc.....

it will be good to communicate to your PG wat you want. Look at his previous works.

As for my fren's PG...he cannot make it lah. He was jailed for molesting a bride while taking her photoshoot.
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as i said you are paying for the price for the photographer .. not the number of photos really. so if you trust him to give you a good price then have faith in him.

Ok. what if we tell you that it is over-price and expensive? does it make sense to you?
 
RaRa, nowadays you can get diamond simulates for a fraction of the price and somemore they are flawless unlike natural diamonds. Also the designs are v nice too. Ya it's a waste to spend so much on a rock... it's ok to get for ur engagement but for normal wear, not worth buying so many... no resale value at all. As good as buying costume accessories.
 
Van
since he is ur frd ah. dun think he will ketok u rite? so just let him know of ur requirements can liao lor. like wat SM said here, the moments of when the pixs are snapped are really the ONE! kekeke... now looking back at my wedding dvd i can still laft & cry man.. whahaha..

SM,
actually hor, me loves white gold lah... coz yellow gold like very auntie lor.. but lately I seriously took a fancy to Poh Heng white+yellow gold creation by their Italian range .. very classy & nice man! kekeke, siao liao... me getting auntie liao.. hahaha

Salsa,
jailed for molesting a bride?? OMG!
 
lunch time for me is 1pm..haiz..oh ya anyone wans a $100 gift voucher from GH for nett-priced Celestial jewellery only expire on 31 dec 07. And i will throw in a 15% off Mexx expired on 15 May 07.
 
g~gal, oh issit? that's good! hopefully the person buying will do some proper market research instead of succumbing to sales talk lah.

er... i kinda gave my bf a cap on the cost of the proposal ring :p
cos given our limited finances, i'd choose a cosier living room, a more functional wardrobe or a better-equipped kitchen to a diamond ring anytime!
 
skylar, in 30 and 40 years.. when all the grandmother and mother are not around.. when white gold is everywhere.. maybe that time yellow gold will be the in-thing again.

Look at it this way. Gold in its purest form has been the metal of choice for thousands of years. It will still be the most popular. White gold is actually gold in disguise - that is all.

The real white gold is platinum but that is expensive because its supply is even less than that of gold.
 
salsa,

either the brides must be damn sexy (opps this is not the political correct thing to say) or the photographer damn hum sup.

Or is he even a professional photographer in the first place. Could be a molester in disguise for all we know.
 
ggal, manufactured "faked" diamonds can never replace real diamonds. it is the allure of being diamonds - never mind its imperfections.
 
simpleman....sexy or not...really dunno. Only read it frm the newsy. He is a freelance...probably you are right. No wonder the photos are so jialat!
 
salsa, freelance can expect. professional photographer probably see many more pretty and sexier gals in their lifetimes.. only freelance will be like that...
 
from the newsy report.

they were doing the indoor photoshoot. The PG said wanted to take some individual fotos of the bride...so he got everyone out of the studio.

Then he told the bride that he needed to do some makeup touchup for her....and actually kissed her on the lips. Even pulled down her gown (nipples revealed) and did the 'touch-up'
 
Hi Peeps, I'm really frustrated. Will explode if I don't share my unhappiness here.

My husband started giving my MIL $500 after graduation. After my husband's sister got pregnant, my MIL asked my husband to give her more - $1k. My husband gave cos he didn't want to kick up a fuss with his mom. We don't know what my MIL did with the money but we noticed my MIL buying more tonics for her daughter. But we didn't question, cos it's her own money right? Allowance once given, don't question.

Then my husband did his budgeting and reaslised he can't indefinately give $1k allowance cos he is repaying his study loan of $800/month.

Further, my husband already feels a bit inferior cos I earn $2k more than him. So he cut down his allowance to mom to $800.

Since then, my MIL has been demanding that he increase the allowance AND to give her the money ON THE DOT every month. This has gone on for half a year. This has frustrated my husband.

Just to share, my MIL paid every single cent of her elder son's wedding dinner held last year. Per table was $688 before tax and they had 46 tables. For my wedding dinner, my MIL is not even giving us any form of financial help. However, to be fair, she has agreed to buy the GDL stuff and jewelry for me (BUT my parents will be buying up to $100k worth of things for me and my husband too!). My MIL paid in full for 5 years of overseas studying for her elder son and instead, told my husband to take up a study loan (now left $55k to repay).

My MIL's elder son gives her only $300/month for allowance. My MIL's daughter gives her only $300/month for allowance. This is despite she asks my MIL to look after her child on weekdays (full day) and only picks up her child back to her own house on weekends.

I feel this is blatent favourtism!

What frustrated me the most was when I heard my MIL say very loudly to people, relatives and outsiders, that her son and DIL are in the process of saving up $ to buy a house, so we have chosen in the meantime to stay with them. When my husband heard this, he sternly told his mom not to tell untruths.

We decided to stay with her on weekdays and my parnets on weekends cos our parents have indicated that they will miss us after marriage and since there is a spare room at home, might as well not rush to buy property at the moment (continue to look but don't buy unless the right one comes along) and stay with them for the time being. We agreed with this proposal, esp since my MIL always nag at us to return home to eat dinner on weekdays - by the way, her cooking is fantastic!

Just to provide background, my FIL is still alive and he is still working. My FIL pays for all the household expenses. There is very little financial expenditure on my MIL's part. To my knowledge, the GDL gifts will at most only cost $2k. My MIL offered to give me SDJ but I told her I'm not teochew so I don't require. My MIL said she will still give me despite me saying a simple piece of bracelet or necklace also can (cos I dun have ear holes). She refuse to listen.

How I wish my MIL can spend less on me, and take less allowance from my poor husband. My husband is caught in between his inferority complex, that his mom is "sucking $" from him (in his own words), and that he can't behave as what a husband should be (his ideal sitaution is for me not to work at all and instead, dabble in side lines which I enjoy), but I told him I'm prepared to work for at least the next couple of years and I'm very happy working hard to earn more money for us.. but my husband can't seem to swollow that.

Can someone please tell me that I'm overreacting and being petty?!!! If the prob lies with me, what can I do to change my mindset? Actually I dont want to change anyone's personality cos really, apart from my MIL's demands on my husband, she is a very nice lady. I feel very sorry for my husband though - he stinges on his expenditure (he eats very simply) so that he can contribute more to our joint account but his attempts are in vain because I earn much more than him and my parents only take $200/month from me in allowance and I didn't take any study loan. I will scold my husband, will tell him not to eat unhealthy food only cos it is cheap, cos health is more precious than savings. but he won't listen. Last night, he told me he wants to work part - time, so that he will have both a full time job and a part time job. I told him not to do that. Feel very heart pain.

My husband said he wants his mom to die early and even asked me how to disown her. I told him cannot think that way and he finally listened.
 
Actually, it's because my husband stinges on himself and doesn't not eat nutritious food most of the time, I learnt cooking with chinese herbs from my grandma (my mom can't cook) and I've been cooking both lunches and dinners on almost every weekend - weekends are spent at my parents' place - unless my parents bring us out for a meal then I don't cook. I also make it a point to cook even when I'm sick cos I feel very sad that my husband eats very simple food most of the time. And... whenever I cook at my parnets' home, my mom will give me a $50 note to cover my marketing expenses.... I'm always very very touched by this.
 
Although my MIL says she will cook on weekdays, she only cooks when my husband's sister comes over for meals after her work. If my MIL doesn't cook, my FIL will buy food from outside back home. But I can accept that. I just tell myself it is not favourtism but rather, it's easier cooking for more people reather than fewer people.

But my husband sees it as favourtism.

My husband is the sort who won't complain much. For him to complain so much about his own mother to his wife, means he's been pushed to his limits. He even asked me to start having my own private savings and he told me he wants to write a will because he doesn't want his parents to have any of our $ or assets if he happens to pass away before him. He said he may even die within a year because he is so suffocated by his mom. I felt very sad hearing that but managed to assure him I will never have private savings cos marriage is a joint union and I told him not to write a will....
 
cactus,

Wow, you made us work on friday leh. jokes aside.

I guess your hb has committed a mistake - din do his sums correctly and agreed to give 1k/month. OK this is already over so can't help it.

I guess from the perspective of your hb (and yourself) you all may feel frustrated and unfair. But then again, this is just a mindset. If you start to think that it is unfair. MIL asked for 1k - however unreasonable that is - but your hb has agreed. So unless something drasitically happen like he loses his job or what, I feel we need to honour that. Just don't think about how MIL is using the money - it is her perogative.

Giving is a joy and it must be seen as that. If you think that giving is a responsibility and something to do so reluctantly then that is the source of the problem.

Since you and HB are staying in in-laws - paying $1k a month is actually not excessive. Just take it as rental cum allowance. It is not that much right? Think about the potential savings that you people have but not renting a place or buying a house.

I believe you just need to bear with it for a year or two. Things will change. HB salary will increase. As for you HB inferiority complex, can't help much. He as to help himself. It is really not a big deal for wife to earn more and contribute more.

Lastly, wishing his mom to die early is not the right thing to do. Anyway, they won't live forever. When a day comes when you don't have to give allowance, then you will miss them. Just look at the positive side. 1K is really too little to cause so much unhappiness. If a problem can be solved by money - in this case, 1K, it is not really a problem.

One of the things as children we should be is to do our best - ie give what we want to give happily. We shouldnt compare what the MIL or mom is doing for her other sons or DIL. Really, we must see the joy of giving and not make comparison. When I have time I will share with you my relationship with my mom as well.. or about my wife's relationship with her mother .. another day perhaps.
 
cactus,

But the part about writing a will and having private savings is a right thing to do. Perhaps, you both have joint savings account that won't be touched. You put your savings there and ask your hb to be joint account holder - just in case you leave this world first - he will have access to the funds easily.

Trust me favoritism is always there. But it is not forever. Old people will see and change - it may take a long time though. But I guess we need not be concern with favoritism. We are adults, remember?
 
actually shouldnt your hb be proud that he took a study loan instead of money from parents?

I will be proud. In fact, I also support myself through university. Not a single cent from my parent. But I don't hold it against them. It is my education. I have to work for my future.
 
hi simpleman,

thanks for taking time to respond to my posts.

I feel better already, just reading and thinking through what you have said.

Yes, I'll definately miss my MIL when she is gone and if that's what she wants today, then that's what my husband needs to give her.

One point I felt was quite unfair is to suggest that $1k can cover rental and expenses.... cos there is the option of staying permenantly with my parnets. My husband is very happy with that. The only reason why he said to live with his parents on weekdays is cos his mom kept bugging us to go home for meals (in the end, she won't cook cos her daughter didn't come home), and my husband feels we can save $ by eating at home.

I feel the issue I can't accept is my husband's attitude towards the whole thing. I feel very sorry that he even thought of working part time over and above his full time job. Really. His hours are already very long... 11 hours a day. I work about 14 hours on an average... up to 20 hours on very bad days. Given my long hours, my husband feels very sorry for me, and he has wnated me to resign for over 1 year already. But when we think rationally, we can't do that. Cos I earn more than him and it will help us with our finances.

Then I lose my cool whenever my MIL says things to suggest we depend on her cos we have no money to buy a house. Obviously "no money" in her eyes... cos she takes alot of allowance from my husband and she doesn't help out with our wedding dinner (not to say it's our parents' responsibility to do so, but it's unfair cos hse just helped my husband's elder brother last year and I was told she made a profit cos people gave at least $80/AP/pax.)....

But I will try to come to terms wih that.. and hopefully I can remain mentally strong so that I can counsel my husband too. I beleive strongly in warm and tight relationships. Parent and child is a sacred relationship which should be preserved.
 
simpleman, I'm looking forward to your sharing because I too, am facing the dilemma of whether to reduce my allowance towards the family or not.

for me, it's cos i'm not really earning a super high salary. it's really very tight on my pocket.

but what you wrote made sense, that she asked for that amount - however unreasonable that is - but I agreed. So unless something drasitically happen, I need to honour that. Just don't think about how she is using the money - it is her perogative.
 
Hi simpleman,

Yes. I will bear in mind that favourtism is not there. Actually, my MIL is very good to me. Really. It's just that I feel it's at my husband's expense sometimes... my heart really pain. I dont blame my MIL cos I see her as an uneducated lady, surrounded by gossipers, the "auntie" type, if you get what I mean. It's not her fault for behaving the way she did. I just don't feel comfortable my husband stinging on himself.

As for writing a will, I really don't want to do that. Cos I don't want my parents in law to feel that their son excludes them from his life. I suggested to my husband to will them, say 20% of his assets, but my husband refused. He wants to cut them off completely.
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As for private savings, my husband and I only have 1 personal account each (for salary to be paid into it) and a joint account. What my husband wanted me to do is to have "private savings" which even he doesn't know.. I rejected that idea totally and told him as we are married, we are responisible for each other. and there must be total transparency. I told him as much as he relied on me, I also rely similarly on him. And private savings is not the way to go.
 
cactus, it's gonna be tough on you to have to remain objective and support your hb thru his down period, but i believe you will pull through.

perhaps you can try another arrangement of staying more days at your parents' place? I think in ur hb's current state, just seeing less of his mum will help ease some stress. For one, he will hear less of her nagging/boasting to relatives etc.
 
Yes, simpleman, I'm very proud that my husband put himself through uni. But it's the unfairness again that angered me.

My husband's brother spent 5 years overseas and didn't return with a degree cos he kept failing his exams and didn't attend classes. His parents paid over $100k in school fees alone.... pure cash. Then when he returned to get married, they paid totally for the wedding.. dinner, GDL, bride's jewelry...etc.
 
cactus, Just open a joint account. Tell him it is a joint account. No need to say a private savings account.

As for will, my view is different. If your hb passes away suddenly, it will have more complication . Ask him to draw up a will. However, if you got the bulk of the money, upon your hb death, you can give any amount you want to his parents. It is your perogative then.

Am I right to say that you both are staying in in-laws. So 1K is not excessive right?
 
cactus, eldest son always have privilege in traditional family. No point in getting upset over this. However, you two have a responsibility to ensure that you don't practise favoritism when you are having children.
 
Rara,

From reading through some threads on this forum, I'm aware that DIL-MIL probs can exist. And I'm trying to be careful to avoid these probs. So I remain respectful and polite to my MIL. Once in a whilfe, I buy her things which she likes to eat and I cook her herbal soups or liang cha. It makes her very happy. And I don't think she has anything against me personally.

Just that I need to balance my attitude towards my MIL with my husband's resentment in realtion to certain things his mom does/demands, cos I don't want my husbnad to feel I'm marrying his mother instead of him and that my loyalty has shifted.

I don't think I want to stay more days with my parents. cos my husband has not suggested this and I don't want to be seen as the party to create a rift between mother and child. I'm actually happy staying with my ILs. I have no prob with that cos my husband doesn't not mind "correcting" his mom in front of others causing his mom to lose face if his mom says wrongful things about us.


Actually my husband told me that if his mom starts kicking up a fuss about allowance again, as in really a very petty argument about allownace, my husband will cut down to $600 and immediately move out with me. We will either rent or stay with my parents permentnatly until we find our own home. My husband aksed me to support his decision and not to be shocked when that happens. I promised him I'll be standing on the same line with him when the time comes...
 
Hi simpleman,

"Am I right to say that you both are staying in in-laws. So 1K is not excessive right?"

yes and no. We are staying with my ILs for 4 nights in a week. Staying with my parents for 3 nights in a week. This was upon our parents' request. Our preferred option was to rent, whilst we find our own nest. But MIL said she will cook every day for us and told us outside food not healthy. as my parents work, they can't cook for us. And my husband said to make use of his parents as much as possible, so if we can get freemeals at his home, then we should stay there on weekdays cos my SIL returns home on weekdays for free meals too. But this turned out to be disaptment, cos my MIL doesn't cook if SIL doesn't come. SIL doesn't come once a week and sometimes up to 1 month when she's overseas (for leisure or work). She travels about 10 times in a year. Mostly 2 weeks at a time.
 
hi simpleman,

Thanks for pointing out that eldest son always has privilege. I will bear that mind. It makes me feel better already!

As for the joint account thingy, I still feel a bit uneasy. Cos my husband needs to be present to open a joint account with me. He will question why the need to do so. What he wants is for me to have si fang qian....

Actually if a joint account is good in your eyes, we already have it. as in, his parents are not account holders of our joint account.
 
hi simpleman, I don't want to have the power to give his parents $ upon his death. I want him to make the decision before his death. Cos I dun want his parents to take money enternally from me, or I don't want his parents to have the chance to bad mouth my husband to say not a single cent was given to them, and then to bad mouth me to say I only give them $x now. They can say the wrong amount. Or they can give the facts out of context. Too much risk. I rather my husband give them some amount before his death.. that's why I said to him not to write a will so I get 50%, his parents share 50%. But he said he didn't want to give them a single cent... although my ideal is maybe 20%?
 
cactus, tell you something. My wife's eldest brother is also the favorite son. His parents spend few 100k to send him overseas. And he got involved in traffic accident in canada - have to pay compensation. And when he came back to SG, they help him settle credit card debts incurred overseas.

My wife is always very bitter about this because 2nd brother has to forgo further education in Japan (all sponsored by company) cos it means when he is studying he cannot contribute to family. 2nd brother ended up being Financial adviser to support family. Of course my wife was very bitter cos she gave tuition all the way to support her university education - cos her mother told her that daughter no need study too much, if want to study, pay for yourself. Actually when my wife was in 2nd year univ, I knew her and I actually sponspored her expenses (basket she cleanly forgotten how I treated her then).

And you know the ending? Eldest son died of heart attack in 2005 (he still early 40s). Got quite a bit of insurance that everything was willed to his wife - wife made a millionaire overnight and bought landed (ok she still got 3 kids to feed so it is not all rosy)

But now all the bitterness in my wife is gone. Today, she is single-handedly supporting her parents (ok 2nd brother did chip in but his income is not regular) and paid for all their medical expenses.

So, why do we bother about favoritism? Now her parents will know who is true and good to them.
We can't change or control it. We just need to do our part.
 
Sigh.. suddenly have an idea. Never have kids until we have full medical insurance & have planned for retirement. if not, kids suffer!

It was only 2 years ago, that we managed to get my ILs signed up with insurance companies for medical coverage! We just nagged and nagged at them to do it! Now that this is done, it appears that they are relying on us for their retirement. How can we as young adults ourselves start our own families and live our own lives this way.... maybe exagerrating alot here, but you get the drift.

I won't practice favourtism in future and I will take care of myself and my husband before we contemplate having kids. Don't want them to suffer. Just want them to be happy.
 
cactus, actually if you cut allowance to $600 and move out you will be spending much more than $400.

Rental alone how much. the utilities.. do your sums lah. If you do your sums it may make you feel better. $1k is really a steal. I don't mind 1K - even without daily meals. Just treat daily meal as bonus. It is just a mindset change. why be unhappy over a small sum.

I say a small sum cos if you move out you will need to spend more than that.
 
Thanks for sharing Simpleman. I will need to counsel my husband. And as I do so, to watch out that he doesn't be bullied by his mom. He's very poor thing. From young, been bullied. He told me last night his mom was not a good mom. Everything he wanted, he had to fight for it. I felt very sad.
 
Simpleman,

"cactus, actually if you cut allowance to $600 and move out you will be spending much more than $400."

My husband is happy staying with my parents permenantly actually. He told me last night that he feels closer to my family than his own. That's the truth. But I told my husband not to speak too soon cos in early marriage. I was also the one who encouraged my husband not to stay permenentaly with my parents cos I'm the gal. Don't want pple to say bad things about him. That's why I partly regret now, but I won't admit my regret. I'll just continue the present living arrangements and hopefully things improve.
 


Simpleman,
"cactus, if ideal is 20% then write a will. 50% is a lot but once you have kids i believe parents will get nothing? 50% to kids?"

Husband doesn'st want to will a single cent to his parents. Not even 20%. It's nothing at all. That's why we are at a roadblock.

Cos I told him either don't write, or write 20% to his parents.

In the end, he said we must quickly have kids, so 50% to me, 50% to our kids.

I just kept quiet cos I don't want kids for wrong reason.
 
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