A fairytale?

[babystorm]

Hi all, how did you meet your current SO, be it spouse or in a relationship? Someone I know said it is a 'fairytale' for her. Is there really such a thing? Or perhaps 'fairytales' are not only from books and pop idol dramas? However, it is 'one in a million' and most of us are not fortunate enough to have it.

I just feel that it takes alot alot more for people to stick together. Passion will fizzle, communication will break down, appearances will change, character will evolve, etc. So basically change is a constant.

 

[denise80]

Maybe it's a little bit of 'fairytale'? As in fated?

3 years before I got together with my bf (now hubby), he courted me before but that time, he was a very flirtatious guy and not very serious. You know, the type who says he can bring you out and take pics for you to practise his whatever photography skills? (ya right) Anyway we didn't feel anything for each other. Three years later, we met again and this time, after a failed relationship, he learnt his lesson and me too happen to be single. We both learnt our lessons. For him, he dared not fool around anymore cos he's been betrayed by a girl who fooled ard behind his back. For me, I always thought of going for high flyers and finally decided that they're not suitable for me. So we got together! And now we're happily married of cos

End of summary.

 

[bedokboy]

that's nice to hear Denise.

Anyway fairytale or not is really up to you to decide Miyako-san .

Denise's story can be considered a fairytale too, seeing as they met each other before they became serious.

You can call it fairytale, drama serial, sitcom, whichever way you want.

 

[blackcat]

My SO and I got to know each other through my old workplace (a non-profit org). I was a staff and he was a volunteer.

 

[livelaughlove]

my situation almost the same as blackcat!

We both met when we were volunteering with a youth non-profit org. Then we reconnected with each other again thru another environmental NGO and got together after we went for a YEP to help another NGO.

haha...

 

[thommy]

For me, we met thru the same car forum and the rest was history.

 

[judyeng]

met my husband through work. at that time, shamely to say, i was TOW. i came to this forum, spoke out, as usual got my fair share of criticisms. i got cold feet, signed up for a new account.. hehe

 

[miloice]

Pool and mahjong session, went for a supper together and asked for her contact. No fairytale.

 

[the_giving_tree]

We both met in church. We have different personality but similar value system. From the start, I know I would only marry someone who 'fears God' and by that, I mean someone who has a strong moral compass and who knows how to treat others with respect and decency. And yes, I also make sure the man I marry is a non-smoker, does not gamble and does not drink. We've been married 18 years now and our marriage is still going strong.

 

[bedokboy]

so nice to hear everyones' success stories.

i have hope.

 

[babystorm]

Milo, no sparks flew meh?

Mine like not much.

 

[denise80]

hehe I'm sure there must be some sparks and chemistry right? Maybe that can be classified as 'fairytale' too lol...

 

[miloice]

emotions, sparks, for sure. But, not the korean serial romance we see on TV. No drama in this aspect of my life.

 

[babystorm]

Denise, sometimes only leh. Different rs has different sparks.

Milo, maybe I watched too much Taiwanese pop dramas! More sparks does not equate more love right?

 

[miloice]

hi Miyako,

I would say the relationship will evolve. It doesn't mean less sparks. But the love we have for our spouse will transform from pure intense excitment and trill we get from someone new and refreshing to a really warmth and comfortable relationship. To someone we trust and rely on. From someone we look forward to be with to someone we don't want to live without.

So, sparks means different things at different stage of the relationship I guess.

 

[babystorm]

Yup makes sense, Milo.

I was just thinking if a rs can be a 'fairytale' because my perception is that 'fairytales' are perfect. Both parties get what they expect, no quarrels, no conflicts.. Everything is peaceful. Possible meh? Or perhaps the person has a different perception.

Probably it boils down to both parties' understanding and acceptance of each other. Both must be hand in hand, no matter what the future holds.

 

[miloice]

hi Miyako, for sure, one can be contented and blissful with their relationship and marriage. It doesn't take a perfect match for it though. Nothing is perfect.

We just need to know if the priorities and long term goals are aligned. If one cannot even see eye to eye over basic morals and values, then its going to be quite an uphill tasks. Most common struggles are views over family, parents, children, money, sex, monogramy, communication and conflict management styles. Lots of struggles to be expected. Compatibility is clearly an important aspect one must realize. Emotions can happen with just another. Regardless whether they are even compatible with us or not. So many struggle clinging onto just emotions. Emotions cannot remove differences. It only give us the motivation to cherish the relationship and try to work things out together.

 

[renerene]

Hi Miyako, I met my hubby when we joined the same group for a short overseas trip.

When talking about "sparks", my ideas are feelings of "electrified", "heart throbbing hard" and "time stands still". Frankly, I didn't really felt that kind of "sparks" when we met, during courtship and even now. Like Milo said, it' more of "warmth and comfortable", "look forward to be with to someone"... we are really grateful to have each other in life and enjoy time together.

So far, we have no quarrels (yet?). As for conflicts, it depends on how you see it. There are times we hold different opinions to certain things/issues, there are times we get irritated by the other party but there's no anger, hurtful remarks or raising of voices... "everything is peaceful" as of to date. Nonetheless, a relationship with quarrels and conflicts is neither "imperfect" nor "less perfect". Resolving quarrels and conflicts amicably can actually help to improve understanding and enhance the relationship.

I went to check up the term "fairytale" and I quote from wiki:
"Fairy tales typically feature such folkloric characters as fairies, goblins, elves, trolls, giants or gnomes, and usually magic or enchantments. Often the story will involve a far-fetched sequence of events."

Hmmm... I wonder, what's so nice about fairytales. I seriously don't want my relationship to be a "far-fetched sequence of events"