10 yrs marriage

[priscelia]

Hi All, I have been with my husband for 10 yrs, I love him but also fear him as he is a very fierce guy a little bit of mistake I make it will be like a grave mistake and I get scolded very badly.

2 yrs ago all of sudden he keep having to rush to work always around the same time in the evening which I never suspect anything as I trusted him. But 1 yr laterhe confessed to me that he has another woman and even have sex with her. I was devasted at that moment but he told me he will want to leave the woman and wanted me to work with him so I decided to forgive him.Now he no more contact that woman. However I also did something not right, I owe credits cards the interest a lot and I keep it from him for 1 yr and he found out, he was very very unhappy and till now which is already 4 months, he still unable to forgive me for lying to him for not telling him about the interest i owe the bank. But I had already resolve the issue but he still can’t let go. I feel very miserable y he had an affair I can forgive but he can’t trust or forgive me on this. I didn’t cheat him money but he cheated my love for him. Now seems like every thing is my fault for this broken marriage. I feel very heartache I really don’t know what to do. I didn’t want to say that affair is far worst and I can forgive y can’t he forgive me .
Can anyone tell me what I can do to save him his marriage and make him come back. I still love him very very much. But I do not know whether he still love me. I really need some advice.

Thank you.

 

[Chocogal]

My dear, you love him too much that you have forgotten to love yourself first.. you have been struggling and battling with your fears and anxiety..Yes committing adultery is far more difficult to forgive that you owning credit cards really..Morever you have resolved the issues. He is trying to magnify the problem now that his affair issues is like a thing of the past n He's trying to push all the blame to you. Which is super v unfair. He Wins Liao..hes not a real Man!

You Ned to have a good talk w him. Working the marriage involves two willing parties..Not just one keep giving and the other keep receiving n taking advantage.. try to reconcile with each other. It's abt two imperfect parties Trying to live together w each other n accepting the imperfection..When he's committing adultery he has NVR remember there's someone waiting for him at hme.As Much as u still love him vvv much despite all the hurt, I hope he is also as upset as u are Now..n will be able to work things out together well..

 

[priscelia]

My dear, you love him too much that you have forgotten to love yourself first.. you have been struggling and battling with your fears and anxiety..Yes committing adultery is far more difficult to forgive that you owning credit cards really..Morever you have resolved the issues. He is trying to magnify the problem now that his affair issues is like a thing of the past n He's trying to push all the blame to you. Which is super v unfair. He Wins Liao..hes not a real Man!

You Ned to have a good talk w him. Working the marriage involves two willing parties..Not just one keep giving and the other keep receiving n taking advantage.. try to reconcile with each other. It's abt two imperfect parties Trying to live together w each other n accepting the imperfection..When he's committing adultery he has NVR remember there's someone waiting for him at hme.As Much as u still love him vvv much despite all the hurt, I hope he is also as upset as u are Now..n will be able to work things out together well..

Thank you Chocogal. YOu had described my feeling, yes fear and anxiety is the words to describe what i am feeling now. I will try to find a good chance to sit down and talk with him, hopes it works. Thank you !

 

[Chocogal]

Thank you Chocogal. YOu had described my feeling, yes fear and anxiety is the words to describe what i am feeling now. I will try to find a good chance to sit down and talk with him, hopes it works. Thank you !

We are all wounded here and there n this forum. It's part of life. I hope Time willl heal the hurt slowly.. no Ned to rush.. or let anxiety and fear rule u. Now that you identify the problem, address to the problem n Not let it swept under the carpet. Yes you love this man as he's ur husband, but at the same time don't lose yourself trying to salvage the marriage.

 

[lilylin]

I found it similar to my ex's character. He made mistakes, I forgave. But I made mistakes, he found it very hard and kept blame me.
What I saw from your situation is he just wants to find a reason to blame you. Do find you guys a chance to communicate with each other. if he opens, there is hope to keep this love. If he's not, nothing to be upset. Hope you find the best things for your soul

 

[beaverjuice]

Or as vanillaicecream aka VIC used to say - "don't make a man your priority if you are not his priority" ...