Should I tell my daughter now? (Finale)

Thanks for all comments and advice on my earlier posts on "suspecting wife having an affair". Recent report by PI including pics ... confirmed she is having an affair with my best friend (childhood buddy and known womaniser)!!! He is a married fellow with 2 kids and his wife is a friend of my wife !

My daughter is getting married in July 2018. Should I wait until after my daughter's wedding to divorce her (wife)? I am afraid if we divorce now would be a big damper on daughter's wedding .... and her future in-laws may see her in a negative light.

The reason I want to end this asap becos I don't want to suffer more pain and maybe may not be able to take it. For eg. yesterday my wife said she had to go outstation with colleague to check facilities for her company's outing. Later that evening I called my best friend to invite for dinner as wife is outstation. He replied "I am in Penang having a meeting." Meeting my ass ... probably screwing each other's brains out. I told him "Drive carefully. Road is slippery. All the best." They (wife and her lover) still thinks I don't know.
 


Dan B

New Member
Its really up to you whatever you want to do and how you want to handle this. I am not in your shoes so I don't know whats the best or how your daughter will react or be affected. However, if it were me I'd do it now without telling my daughter. I'll do it ASAP and tell her after the wedding but if she finds out, I'll work it out from there.
Why? Seeing how your wife holds a high flying corporate job and likes to club thinking you are oblivious to what is going on, she appears to be smart, scheming and remarkably brazen. I wouldn't confront her at home, but rather spring the divorce on her with a lawyer and all. She is probably prepared for confrontation and with time she will get a lawyer and prepare a good case of her own. Women's Charter will obviously take the female side, ceteris paribus. Which means if you wanna get alimony, she'll be able to shake you off unless you can prove disability causes you to be incapable of providing for yourself. And make sure to check that the adultery evidence is 100% solid and undisputable. Go through all the legal bits with an attorney and make sure there are no loose ends. Do note that with evidence of adultery, you will legally be able to make her foot the bill for the PI fees and legal costs.
As for your daughter, she wont blame you for divorcing if you show her the reason and how it broke your heart...your spouse of many decades decided to break the marriage vows and be unfaithful. If anything, she'll be upset with her mother. From experience, women are very good at making her husband out to be the bad guy to kids and court in a divorce no matter the reason. I suggest you show all the evidence to your children should she try to pull a cheap shot at you.
Not sure if you're the vengeful type, but I'd definitely send the evidence to your friend's wife and let her know the truth. Or worse, send it to her employers and colleagues or post it on social media. Unless you just want a clean break here. All the best, hope things work out with the rest of your family that still loves you.
 
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miloice

Well-Known Member
Thanks for all comments and advice on my earlier posts on "suspecting wife having an affair". Recent report by PI including pics ... confirmed she is having an affair with my best friend (childhood buddy and known womaniser)!!! He is a married fellow with 2 kids and his wife is a friend of my wife !

My daughter is getting married in July 2018. Should I wait until after my daughter's wedding to divorce her (wife)? I am afraid if we divorce now would be a big damper on daughter's wedding .... and her future in-laws may see her in a negative light.

The reason I want to end this asap becos I don't want to suffer more pain and maybe may not be able to take it. For eg. yesterday my wife said she had to go outstation with colleague to check facilities for her company's outing. Later that evening I called my best friend to invite for dinner as wife is outstation. He replied "I am in Penang having a meeting." Meeting my ass ... probably screwing each other's brains out. I told him "Drive carefully. Road is slippery. All the best." They (wife and her lover) still thinks I don't know.

Hi, you do not need your marital status for you to close your heart and move on. You should start your recovery and planning your new life right now. It doesn't mean you need to be legally divorce asap. All your considerations for your family is valid. Your wife has no intention to leave the marriage because the affair is between 2 married adulterous individuals. Sad to have this kind of buddy.... this is the lowest, sleeping with best friend's wife. 人渣.
 

insecure_me

New Member
Thanks for all comments and advice on my earlier posts on "suspecting wife having an affair". Recent report by PI including pics ... confirmed she is having an affair with my best friend (childhood buddy and known womaniser)!!! He is a married fellow with 2 kids and his wife is a friend of my wife !

My daughter is getting married in July 2018. Should I wait until after my daughter's wedding to divorce her (wife)? I am afraid if we divorce now would be a big damper on daughter's wedding .... and her future in-laws may see her in a negative light.

The reason I want to end this asap becos I don't want to suffer more pain and maybe may not be able to take it. For eg. yesterday my wife said she had to go outstation with colleague to check facilities for her company's outing. Later that evening I called my best friend to invite for dinner as wife is outstation. He replied "I am in Penang having a meeting." Meeting my ass ... probably screwing each other's brains out. I told him "Drive carefully. Road is slippery. All the best." They (wife and her lover) still thinks I don't know.
Hi sorry to hear about your predicament. I’m also in similar situation. Hub has moved out claiming to cool off but is now checking into 2 nights staycation having a good time with her. What I don’t get is she is also married. My dilemma is CNY. I really don’t want to wait after that then file. Still go to his relatives place and fake a smile. Anyone can advise me how to handle this?
 

Dan B

New Member
Hi sorry to hear about your predicament. I’m also in similar situation. Hub has moved out claiming to cool off but is now checking into 2 nights staycation having a good time with her. What I don’t get is she is also married. My dilemma is CNY. I really don’t want to wait after that then file. Still go to his relatives place and fake a smile. Anyone can advise me how to handle this?
File it well before CNY (like now). I hope you're not superstitious or anything but it sounds like you don't wanna wait and sounds like he has one foot out the door already.
 
Its really up to you whatever you want to do and how you want to handle this. I am not in your shoes so I don't know whats the best or how your daughter will react or be affected. However, if it were me I'd do it now without telling my daughter. I'll do it ASAP and tell her after the wedding but if she finds out, I'll work it out from there.
Why? Seeing how your wife holds a high flying corporate job and likes to club thinking you are oblivious to what is going on, she appears to be smart, scheming and remarkably brazen. I wouldn't confront her at home, but rather spring the divorce on her with a lawyer and all. She is probably prepared for confrontation and with time she will get a lawyer and prepare a good case of her own. Women's Charter will obviously take the female side, ceteris paribus. Which means if you wanna get alimony, she'll be able to shake you off unless you can prove disability causes you to be incapable of providing for yourself. And make sure to check that the adultery evidence is 100% solid and undisputable. Go through all the legal bits with an attorney and make sure there are no loose ends. Do note that with evidence of adultery, you will legally be able to make her foot the bill for the PI fees and legal costs.
As for your daughter, she wont blame you for divorcing if you show her the reason and how it broke your heart...your spouse of many decades decided to break the marriage vows and be unfaithful. If anything, she'll be upset with her mother. From experience, women are very good at making her husband out to be the bad guy to kids and court in a divorce no matter the reason. I suggest you show all the evidence to your children should she try to pull a cheap shot at you.
Not sure if you're the vengeful type, but I'd definitely send the evidence to your friend's wife and let her know the truth. Or worse, send it to her employers and colleagues or post it on social media. Unless you just want a clean break here. All the best, hope things work out with the rest of your family that still loves you.
 
I am worried daughter's wedding will be marred. She'd planned hard and very excited (500 guests) and hotel booked. I am holding out for her .... initially very painful and now I can bear it.

I plan to throw divorce papers and PI report/pics at wife 1 week after daughter's wedding. I also plan to show report & pics to some of our good friends and her family before I divorce her. As she will be telling them I have lost my mind and she is letting me have my ways. I don't plan to say anything to rascal's family. He had a few previous affairs and wife was badly hurt.

It's tough as for past 10 days since I got PI report, I still acted I am not very well and forgetful. But this evening she asked me to check out bathroom which she cleaned as helper didn't clean it well. I walked slowly into bathroom to check it out and complimented her that she'd done a great job. As I walked slowly out from bathroom, she came to doorway with her skin care stuff and pulled me out of bathroom saying "Get out. I need to do my skin care." I flare out (not loudly) "Of course I coming out. I am not as mobile as your friend, who I know you will be seeing Wed-Fri .... and tell him what an axxxxle I was from preventing you to get a clear skin." I saw her complexion changed to fear then she complained "I don't know which hubby will not appreciate his wife taking care of herself for him." My blood pressure mounted again but I controlled it well. I turned around and told her "So sorry for my outburst. Good night."
 

Dan B

New Member
I am worried daughter's wedding will be marred. She'd planned hard and very excited (500 guests) and hotel booked. I am holding out for her .... initially very painful and now I can bear it.

I plan to throw divorce papers and PI report/pics at wife 1 week after daughter's wedding. I also plan to show report & pics to some of our good friends and her family before I divorce her. As she will be telling them I have lost my mind and she is letting me have my ways. I don't plan to say anything to rascal's family. He had a few previous affairs and wife was badly hurt.

It's tough as for past 10 days since I got PI report, I still acted I am not very well and forgetful. But this evening she asked me to check out bathroom which she cleaned as helper didn't clean it well. I walked slowly into bathroom to check it out and complimented her that she'd done a great job. As I walked slowly out from bathroom, she came to doorway with her skin care stuff and pulled me out of bathroom saying "Get out. I need to do my skin care." I flare out (not loudly) "Of course I coming out. I am not as mobile as your friend, who I know you will be seeing Wed-Fri .... and tell him what an axxxxle I was from preventing you to get a clear skin." I saw her complexion changed to fear then she complained "I don't know which hubby will not appreciate his wife taking care of herself for him." My blood pressure mounted again but I controlled it well. I turned around and told her "So sorry for my outburst. Good night."
No point quarreling or making passive aggressive remarks towards her. She doesn't see you as a husband anymore and probably wants a divorce as much as you do. I'd focus on contacting a lawyer and working out a case and then planning the next stage of life: happy and financially free retirement. For now, just put up with her crap till after your daughter's wedding if you wanna spare her sad news. Don't stress yourself out. Wish you all the best.
 

foolishguy

New Member
Thanks for all comments and advice on my earlier posts on "suspecting wife having an affair". Recent report by PI including pics ... confirmed she is having an affair with my best friend (childhood buddy and known womaniser)!!! He is a married fellow with 2 kids and his wife is a friend of my wife !

My daughter is getting married in July 2018. Should I wait until after my daughter's wedding to divorce her (wife)? I am afraid if we divorce now would be a big damper on daughter's wedding .... and her future in-laws may see her in a negative light.

The reason I want to end this asap becos I don't want to suffer more pain and maybe may not be able to take it. For eg. yesterday my wife said she had to go outstation with colleague to check facilities for her company's outing. Later that evening I called my best friend to invite for dinner as wife is outstation. He replied "I am in Penang having a meeting." Meeting my ass ... probably screwing each other's brains out. I told him "Drive carefully. Road is slippery. All the best." They (wife and her lover) still thinks I don't know.

With a friend like this..who needs enemies? Best to hold on after your daughter's wedding before you move forward with the divorce...as men, our advantage is to be stoic and indifferent. Know that your heart is hurting, but hope you can hold out for your daughter as women tend to be super fussy about weddings and will definately be scarred for life. But do take note that once infidelity is discovered and not filed within 6 months I believe the PI evidence does not hold water for filing divorce. (Not 100% sure..based on memory of reading somewhere)

Move off and never look back..once a lady's heart changes..nothing can bring her back. Take care.
 

xinj

Member
To be honest, I think when you are filing for divorce after your daughter's wedding, you should also inform that friend's wife of her husband's behaviour. You did mention the wife has been hurt before, but this time it is also no exception. She deserves to know, and perhaps maybe she may also consider divorcing her sloppy cheating husband too. She also deserves a free life, and take her kids away from her bad husband. They do not deserve a bad and irresponsible father too.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
No point quarreling or making passive aggressive remarks towards her. She doesn't see you as a husband anymore and probably wants a divorce as much as you do. I'd focus on contacting a lawyer and working out a case and then planning the next stage of life: happy and financially free retirement. For now, just put up with her crap till after your daughter's wedding if you wanna spare her sad news. Don't stress yourself out. Wish you all the best.

Not sure if she wants a divorce. She knows her lover isn't leaving his marriage. If he has intentions to, he would have left in his other affairs. She probably is waiting for Adrian to kick the bucket and she could help herself with the inheritance.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
To be honest, I think when you are filing for divorce after your daughter's wedding, you should also inform that friend's wife of her husband's behaviour. You did mention the wife has been hurt before, but this time it is also no exception. She deserves to know, and perhaps maybe she may also consider divorcing her sloppy cheating husband too. She also deserves a free life, and take her kids away from her bad husband. They do not deserve a bad and irresponsible father too.

If he would to share with some of his friends, the word could still spread. The thing is, no matter what intention he has, it will naturally be taken that he is trying to get back at his friend. So, if she knows from others, so be it. I don't think it is wise for him to be the one telling.
 

Rester

New Member
Not sure if she wants a divorce. She knows her lover isn't leaving his marriage. If he has intentions to, he would have left in his other affairs. She probably is waiting for Adrian to kick the bucket and she could help herself with the inheritance.

True....kinda scary too. Sudden thought of what if. Seeing adrian did flare up and gave a little away already (if you know what i mean). My imagination can be abit too much sometimes but not knowing the couple in real life one can only assume the worst.

If want to throw out the details after your daughter wedding best to really hold back totally as hard as it can be. As a guy myself i really do think you have managed to hold back alot which is not easy.

Seeing there is at least 6 months to go to your daughter wedding. It would be now or after. Doing it too close to her wedding will derail stuff but doing it now i think gives time for everyone to cool down. Your daughter can react both ways, either getting angry for making things hard before her wedding or realize that this is a separate issue all together and allow you to assure her that her plans for her wedding would not be affected by this.

Or do it without allowing your daughter to know? Do it in the presence of a third party as you mentioned earlier but request for the this to be kept between all 3 parties only till the date of your daughter wedding? in the meantime you can move out to a rental flat (pretty sure i recall your daughter and sons are overseas so no one will find anything suspicious?)

As i recall reading your health is still not at 100% so if staying with your wife is only gonna make your blood pressure rise, think there is nothing wrong in being a little selfish. Your kids are already 30+ even if they should find out about it they should be understanding enough!
 

clem

Member
Your daughter should be mature enough to understand. And I don't think it's possible for you to keep for another 6 months - you are a human with emotion after all, knowing what's going on every week between the two shameless persons.

This will be heartbreaking for your daughter, whether you decide to tell her now or after wedding, it's part of life she need to experience too. All you can do is to assure her with your love and blessings.

You have my best wishes and blessings too.
 

Dan B

New Member
With a friend like this..who needs enemies? Best to hold on after your daughter's wedding before you move forward with the divorce...as men, our advantage is to be stoic and indifferent. Know that your heart is hurting, but hope you can hold out for your daughter as women tend to be super fussy about weddings and will definately be scarred for life. But do take note that once infidelity is discovered and not filed within 6 months I believe the PI evidence does not hold water for filing divorce. (Not 100% sure..based on memory of reading somewhere)

Move off and never look back..once a lady's heart changes..nothing can bring her back. Take care.
Yes, thats true. Adultery is no longer valid reason for divorce if you found out and did not take action in 6 months. Singapore courts will just assume you were fine with it...
 
Thanks for all the advice.

The 6 months period is a great advice, I never knew that will invalidate my intention to divorce her. I will have another report and clearer pics of their activities 3 months before daughter's wedding.

This will be a good time to plan my move. I cannot stay in house that I'd bought under her name if I plan to divorce. Also, I cannot let her know I have details of the affair. She may suffocate me in bed .... I will be too weak to fight back. Pain is more bearable now as I plan my future move.

She has no intention to divorce me and neither the bugger. She kept assuring me ... "I'll work 3 more years then we will live our retirement in easy swing." She still thinks I am listening to her bullshit. She planning to bring this affair along then. She planning to grab as much of my money with her as possible. I will blow out report to her family and send report to a few close friends.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Thanks for all the advice.

The 6 months period is a great advice, I never knew that will invalidate my intention to divorce her. I will have another report and clearer pics of their activities 3 months before daughter's wedding.

This will be a good time to plan my move. I cannot stay in house that I'd bought under her name if I plan to divorce. Also, I cannot let her know I have details of the affair. She may suffocate me in bed .... I will be too weak to fight back. Pain is more bearable now as I plan my future move.

She has no intention to divorce me and neither the bugger. She kept assuring me ... "I'll work 3 more years then we will live our retirement in easy swing." She still thinks I am listening to her bullshit. She planning to bring this affair along then. She planning to grab as much of my money with her as possible. I will blow out report to her family and send report to a few close friends.
its all abt the $$$$$ for the adulterous pair
 

Rester

New Member
Thanks for all the advice.

The 6 months period is a great advice, I never knew that will invalidate my intention to divorce her. I will have another report and clearer pics of their activities 3 months before daughter's wedding.

This will be a good time to plan my move. I cannot stay in house that I'd bought under her name if I plan to divorce. Also, I cannot let her know I have details of the affair. She may suffocate me in bed .... I will be too weak to fight back. Pain is more bearable now as I plan my future move.

She has no intention to divorce me and neither the bugger. She kept assuring me ... "I'll work 3 more years then we will live our retirement in easy swing." She still thinks I am listening to her bullshit. She planning to bring this affair along then. She planning to grab as much of my money with her as possible. I will blow out report to her family and send report to a few close friends.

Take care bro and keep us updated so we know you are still safe.
 

itsmehere

New Member
u are very strong Adrian! I always thought men be the cheating one as women have to take care of children. well, I am one of the victim, hub had affair twice! but for sake of children and my religion, I decided to stay put after confronting. the evident u gathered only valid for 6m, I verified with my lawyer before. anything more than that be not as convincing. I dunno how much u can gather in the future, so dunno is it good for u to hold. maybe u can seek a lawyer's advice? a friend of mine does divorce cases, can help if u need. just in case ur wife knew/suspect u are aware and decided to tone down their activities, then it be really tough for u to gather evident.

a gf of mine divorce the hub (mutual agreement), she couldn't receive much money from him because her hub kept his assets under buddies name. so when divorce came in, she can't claim much from him. maybe u can learn to do this, so our wife also won't snatch up ur money.

my heart goes out to u as I know how agony u must be feeling, having to pretend and yet this anger within u is gg to explode. u must be very strong too, to hold it there for your daughter.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
u are very strong Adrian! I always thought men be the cheating one as women have to take care of children. well, I am one of the victim, hub had affair twice! but for sake of children and my religion, I decided to stay put after confronting. the evident u gathered only valid for 6m, I verified with my lawyer before. anything more than that be not as convincing. I dunno how much u can gather in the future, so dunno is it good for u to hold. maybe u can seek a lawyer's advice? a friend of mine does divorce cases, can help if u need. just in case ur wife knew/suspect u are aware and decided to tone down their activities, then it be really tough for u to gather evident.

a gf of mine divorce the hub (mutual agreement), she couldn't receive much money from him because her hub kept his assets under buddies name. so when divorce came in, she can't claim much from him. maybe u can learn to do this, so our wife also won't snatch up ur money.

my heart goes out to u as I know how agony u must be feeling, having to pretend and yet this anger within u is gg to explode. u must be very strong too, to hold it there for your daughter.
Men are the cheating one? Unless they cheat with other men. For every cheating husband, he cheats with a woman. Some are also married.
 

itsmehere

New Member
Men are the cheating one? Unless they cheat with other men. For every cheating husband, he cheats with a woman. Some are also married.
I meant men cheat with other women, behind the wife la. well, apparently happening to gfs around me. although I know women can do the same.
 

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