Red flags to watch out for

[newproject]

Hi

I always thought "the affairs of the heart" was a odd forum, as it is hosted on a wedding based site (which draws happy couples and the last thing they would want to do is read this forum and add to wedding jitters) yet ends up attracting people (male and female) who suffered in relationships and marriage.

But let's benefit from this

For those of you who eventually realised the partner you were with was totally wrong for you, if you looked bad to when you were dating, what in retrospect were red flags or issues you should have seen and not have ignored?

eg. the guy always had a hot temper, the girl was rude and dismissive to parents or people she felt were less well off than her etc

 

[Staypositive]

The thought that your partner would change after marriage.leopard never change its spots.lol.

You are already unhappy abt certain issues but continue the relationship because you are used to being with each other.

 

[Staypositive]

Well,human beings tend to use their heart more than their head in relationships.i guess the point is to choose wisely at the start of the relationship before falling in the sea of love.

 

[Staypositive]

To add on to the thread: guys whom are stingy with their money eg want to go on Dutch every time and are calculative. Girls who need to be served all the time and are domineering.there is a limit to want to be pampered by guys.

 

[newproject]

To add on to the thread: guys whom are stingy with their money eg want to go on Dutch every time and are calculative. Girls who need to be served all the time and are domineering.there is a limit to want to be pampered by guys.

It's the disagreement on the limit to be pampered that causes the issue.

There's a interesting asymmetryof the two red flags.

Imagine two people

A) person A is "stingy with money", a more positive way to put things is careful with money so this person doesn't anyhow give treats to friends

B) person B is a domineering person and worse yet expect friends to give in to everything this person wants or else will throw a tempersaum (can't think of a way to phrase this positively).

Which of these 2 people are worse? Who would you prefer to be friends with if you are forced to be friends with one?

 

[newproject]

The thought that your partner would change after marriage.leopard never change its spots.lol.

You are already unhappy abt certain issues but continue the relationship because you are used to being with each other.

Great one. Many people fall for this. They think marriage cures everything.

 

[Staypositive]

It's the disagreement on the limit to be pampered that causes the issue.

There's a interesting asymmetryof the two red flags.

Imagine two people

A) person A is "stingy with money", a more positive way to put things is careful with money so this person doesn't anyhow give treats to friends

B) person B is a domineering person and worse yet expect friends to give in to everything this person wants or else will throw a tempersaum (can't think of a way to phrase this positively).

Which of these 2 people are worse? Who would you prefer to be friends with if you are forced to be friends with one?

Erm....I would say I would be friends with neither of them...personally I feel very strongly abt calculative guys ..I have a female Friend who go out on a date and that guy actually ask the girl to pay for her ticket and said it would be better if she paid for both?!its like wth.really embarrass guys!

There is another female classmate who think she is Super pretty and looks down on others whom she dun think is gd in the looks department.actually I dun think she is a ravishing beauty.i dun find her very pretty!based on her good looks she actually toyed with one of my classmate and dumped him..now she is blissfully married with a Son and constantly boast how great her Husband is to her,treating her like a queen ,spoiling her.some ppl just has the luck while some innocent ppl has to suffer...anyway I feel that if she pushed her luck too far she might suffer the consequences eventually.Such women deserve to be given a dose of their own medicine.

 

[Infernolord]

It's the disagreement on the limit to be pampered that causes the issue.

B) person B is a domineering person and worse yet expect friends to give in to everything this person wants or else will throw a tempersaum (can't think of a way to phrase this positively).

Which of these 2 people are worse? Who would you prefer to be friends with if you are forced to be friends with one?

haha..my ex was one of them. Well to them, they feel that "hey, you are lucky to know me, cos i know my stuff. I am teaching you to be a better person" So if you ignore them or do your own way, they will feel that you are stubborn and wont listen. Worst if things goes bad, they will say "see lah, i told you right!!" But things goes well.. they usually think you are just lucky...

Hmm.. this is a positive perspective ?

 

[newproject]

Erm....I would say I would be friends with neither of them...personally I feel very strongly abt calculative guys ..I have a female Friend who go out on a date and that guy actually ask the girl to pay for her ticket and said it would be better if she paid for both?!its like wth.really embarrass guys!

Why pay for both? Maybe cos the guy paid for food? Still.. A bit weird but ok lah.. Much better than..

There is another female classmate who think she is Super pretty and looks down on others whom she dun think is gd in the looks department.actually I dun think she is a ravishing beauty.i dun find her very pretty!based on her good looks she actually toyed with one of my classmate and dumped him..now she is blissfully married with a Son and constantly boast how great her Husband is to her,treating her like a queen ,spoiling her.some ppl just has the luck while some innocent ppl has to suffer...anyway I feel that if she pushed her luck too far she might suffer the consequences eventually.Such women deserve to be given a dose of their own medicine.

This one is really taking advantage of people.

 

[Staypositive]

Why pay for both? Maybe cos the guy paid for food? Still.. A bit weird but ok lah..

Ok?! He did not pay for dinner and still has the cheek to ask girl pay?!

 

[Staypositive]

Btw,why do you feel that if guy pays for something,the gal must pay for something else?so if the gal dun pay for something after a meal paid by a guy ,she is considered taking advantage of men??

 

[Staypositive]

Guys always lament abt gals taking advantage of men,how abt guys taking advantage of gals in terms of intimacy?why not show some chivalry if it doesn't hurt u? Of course it depends on what type of girls.if the gal is a Gd gal and ur interested and have prospects,it doesn't hurt to spent on her.Sometimes guys have to do some reflections too..being so tight down to the cents doesn't help matters.its inevitable to spent money on dates, if you are afraid to spent money ,just stay a bachelor.

 

[Staypositive]

Maybe should start a thread name" Scrooges in Relationships".call me a MCP or whatever but I feel that as a guy we should be more big hearted.

 

[newproject]

Btw,why do you feel that if guy pays for something,the gal must pay for something else?so if the gal dun pay for something after a meal paid by a guy ,she is considered taking advantage of men??

Personally I think it depends on the girl. If the girl has zero intent at all of considering the guy but just ask him out so as to enjoy free meal movies etc isn't that taking advantage?

Some girls really take guys out for a ride. I had girls who told me in my face they looking for guys who own private property and car (and went on great length about it show casing how materialistic they were) and I said I don't and will never want to (I just turned off so said that) . But fine it's just one date so I paid for dinner and all that and just left it at that.

Few months later she sent me a text hinting want to see some movie.. Er..You already made your disinterest clear why suddenly want watch movie? Am I supposed to pay?

There are decent girls of course who try to offer to pay on 2nd or 3rd dates but the entitlement of woman who think is their God given right to be treated is insane.

The above is for dating.

The next point comes to when on a r/s

I'm also scratching my head when girls will proudly boast they are equal to man in every way, working etc but expect guys to pay Everything.

Literally the whole your money is my money my money is my money business.

You can try to shame guys but the fact of matter is its a huge double standard and i dont know why girls who say or think that aren't ashamed themselves.

In my post above when I converted the red flag for guys and girls into neutral terms anyone who is not biased can see one behavior is far worse than the other.

But given this forum I really don't believe most of you will see my point because many have a huge sense of Entitlement.

 

[newproject]

Maybe should start a thread name" Scrooges in Relationships".call me a MCP or whatever but I feel that as a guy we should be more big hearted.

This remark is not very fitting for your user name.

Give you a tip I bet most woman will not call you MCP for paying Everything.

Funny thing is when a guy pays for everything very few woman even so called feminists will complain MCP even though technically it is.

But when a guy posts about how good his wife is and let's the husband lead while she is in supporting even submissive role they explode..

Weird isn't it?

 

[newproject]

Guys always lament abt gals taking advantage of men,how abt guys taking advantage of gals in terms of intimacy?why not show some chivalry if it doesn't hurt u? Of course it depends on what type of girls.if the gal is a Gd gal and ur interested and have prospects,it doesn't hurt to spent on her.Sometimes guys have to do some reflections too..being so tight down to the cents doesn't help matters.its inevitable to spent money on dates, if you are afraid to spent money ,just stay a bachelor.

Honestly you are a guy? Lol.

Guys take advantage of gals in term or intimacy?

I really wonder what you are doing on first dates lol. Naughty naughty.

Second I think it's a really weird idea that guys are taking advantage of intimacy. Hello some guys also very pure.. The girls are taking advantage of us... . While they themselves already got dozens of relationships before.

Lastly I find that you are implying that guys should pay for dates in exchange for "intimacy" repulsive. Is very demeaning to woman the way you phrase it. Like they selling intimacy for meals etc..

 

[Staypositive]

No..I Did Not mean that girls exchange intimacy for meals.which girl in the right state of mind would do that?! I only said that because you guys keep complaining that girls cheated ur money lah this and that as if you guys are so good and pure and din do anything wrong...

Is inevitable having to pay on dates.of course if you want to save money dun go to those expensive places .at the same time testing the gal real character. Guys in this forum keep saying gals are out to cheat money ,dun you think it's in a way painting a poor pic of guys?
Period.

 

[newproject]

No..I Did Not mean that girls exchange intimacy for meals.which girl in the right state of mind would do that?!

Some would. All types of people.

Besides you the one who brought up the argument guys take advantage of girls for intimacy when defending girls getting free meals. If intimacy does occur is because both side want it. Period.

I find it revolting you think it makes thing "equal" or its a defense for guys paying for meals. Really horrible the way you see girls and their roles in relationsips.

Aka girls take advantage of guys for free meals.

Guys take advantage of girls for intimacy (whatever that means)

Seriously sick view. Why can't there by intimacy cos both sides love each other?

I only said that because you guys keep complaining that girls cheated ur money lah this and that as if you guys are so good and pure and din do anything wrong...

Again I really wonder about kind of guy you are on dates to say stuff like that.

What do anything wrong? It's the first few dates some guys just talk and have dinner. That's so good and pure? I really wonder what *you*" do. Please don't project what you do on to others.

Is inevitable having to pay on dates.of course if you want to save money dun go to those expensive places .at the same time testing the gal real character. Guys in this forum keep saying gals are out to cheat money ,dun you think it's in a way painting a poor pic of guys?
Period.

Some girls are. Period.

 

[Staypositive]

Why are you so defensive? If you are so adamant abt everything being so freaking equal,I think it would be hard for you to find a gf.nobody likes a calculative guy.its not so clear cut in the sea of love.during dates it's inevitable to spent money.


Lol I think u misinterpret the meaning of " guys are good and pure".what i meant was that you guys keep highlighting the flaws of women.how abt men? Dun they do anything wrong?din they commit adultery or have date someone else when they are attached?

You want fairness in love?lol.think you go for foreign ladies from remote areas better.they have lesser opinions and will always listen to you,which isn't what you want?better still they are frugal and help u save money.Singapore gals doesn't suit you coz ur impression of them is they are out to cheat your money.stop shaming guys.its embarrassing.no wonder some gals are laughing at us.

 

[Staypositive]

Talking abt girls going for free meals,I have never encountered one before.most are rather big hearted and volunteered to pay.dun know what kind of gals you are going after,so it's not wise to paint a picture that All gals are freeloaders.it really paint guys as losers as they are all financially independent and do not need anyone to pay for their meals.I've learned that in the world of relationship there is No Fairness.Guys always have to pay a greater amount.I would feel embarrassed if the gal pays more than me.thats way too insulting to my man pride.

 

[Staypositive]

Some would. All types of people.

Besides you the one who brought up the argument guys take advantage of girls for intimacy when defending girls getting free meals. If intimacy does occur is because both side want it. Period.

I find it revolting you think it makes thing "equal" or its a defense for guys paying for meals. Really horrible the way you see girls and their roles in relationsips.

Aka girls take advantage of guys for free meals.

Guys take advantage of girls for intimacy (whatever that means)

Seriously sick view. Why can't there by intimacy cos both sides love each other?



Again I really wonder about kind of guy you are on dates to say stuff like that.

What do anything wrong? It's the first few dates some guys just talk and have dinner. That's so good and pure? I really wonder what *you*" do. Please don't project what you do on to others.



Some girls are. Period.

Erm...just now u said I was demeaning girls by talking abt them exchanging intimacy for free meals which you claimed and it's entirely ur own comprehension,aren't you doing the same thing by saying ,"some would".all types of ppl". Looks like you are the one who harbour such lewd thinking...

 

[newproject]

Lol I think u misinterpret the meaning of " guys are good and pure".what i meant was that you guys keep highlighting the flaws of women.how abt men? Dun they do anything wrong?din they commit adultery or have date someone else when they are attached?

Seriously this argument obviously shows you blindly worship woman. You telling me no woman commit adultery? No girls cheat? Lol the way you talk is like only man do that. Read some threads on this very forum.

But besides the point. The point is I don't know why you want drag in things like guys committing adultery when today woman do it as much.

Did I ever say no guys are bad guys? I only talk about how many girls want to be princesses and take advantage of guys and you drag until what guys get physical intimacy in exchange (horrifying mindset almost treating females like whores) and also guys doing adultery means it's ok?

Do you even have a clue what you are saying?

stop shaming guys.its embarrassing.no wonder some gals are laughing at us.

The only one laughing is girls who think you are a sucker.

Hope you don't end up like one of the sad guys here...

Anyway I'm done here.

 

[newproject]

Erm...just now u said I was demeaning girls by talking abt them exchanging intimacy for free meals which you claimed and it's entirely ur own comprehension,aren't you doing the same thing by saying ,"some would".all types of ppl". Looks like you are the one who harbour such lewd thinking...

OK never mind with this weak reply I know you have nothing to say.

Given that *you*, brought up physical intimacy not me, its obvious who's the one who has lewd thinking.

 

[newproject]

Talking abt girls going for free meals,I have never encountered one before.

You never encountered so don't exist. Ok.. Clearly end of discussion

Guys always have to pay a greater amount.I would feel embarrassed if the gal pays more than me.thats way too insulting to my man pride.

Bro your pride is blinding you.

Some woman are worth it, some are not.

Maybe you got lucky. But see stories in this forum to learn.

 

[Staypositive]

lol,it's there something wrong with your comprehension?did I say all men commit adultery only??wow,u actually treat gals as whores..u actually said that.that is from U..your comprehension was wrong and all you do is to defend without concrete evidence. sucker better than loser.i believe in being big hearted .is there anything wrong? and hmm..those guys who encountered problems in their relationships did not offend you..no need to say that they are sad...it's not fair to them.

Just because I brought up physical intimacy means I have funny thoughts?!lol What I meant was some guys took advantage of girls physically.how come u din address this fact at all?are u biased?

 

[newproject]

lol,it's there something wrong with your comprehension?did I say all men commit adultery only??

Then what's your point?

wow,u actually treat gals as whores..u actually said that.that is from U..

Nope from you by bringing up physical intimacy as though it excuses girls taking advantage of guys on material as if that excuses anything.

sucker better than loser.i believe in being big hearted .is there anything wrong? and hmm..those guys who encountered problems in their relationships did not offend you..no need to say that they are sad...it's not fair to them.

Seriously you really delusional. These guys feel very sad it's a fact they will tell you themselves. I have exchanged pm with many of them. Some have thanked me for speaking up for them either on the forum or In private.

Just because I brought up physical intimacy means I have funny thoughts?!lol What I meant was some guys took advantage of girls physically.how come u din address this fact at all?are u biased?

Lol and there you go again about physical intimacy when I'm talking about just paying for dates.. How you can keep bringing this up and claim to be innocent is beyond me.

 

[Staypositive]

delusional?do u know the meaning of the word?haha..you are the one who kept pointing finger at me,say I demean girls lah whatsoever which is not true. And just know you label them as whores wor...did you ever reflect on yourself?
Over drinking sessions with the guy friends they also mentioned they paid for the majority of the expenses during dates.they also mentioned if they have the capability to,they are willing to pay for all.they are not dumb or whatsoever waiting for gals to drain them out.they see it as their responsibility to take care of the girls needs.to be frank,nobody like misers for bfs. Even the well-behaved ladies said so..you look like someone who have never been in a relationship before...Are you looking for someone who will foot the majority of the bills during your dates?

 

[Staypositive]

Or your future gf to go Dutch with u? Hope you dun embarrass yourself and the male species.i think if I'm a lady,I dun think I will like u.such a turnoff to be so selfish.do you ever think that when you call someone mercenary or whatsoever and you Expect the same treatment,which is girls to fork out money to pay for stuff,ur also mercenary and selfish.Come on pal,admit it,ur selfish yourself.It is also hard to maintain a relationship if everything is counted to the last cent.it is still a relationship? Or a transaction between two ppl?most local girls perceived the guys as stingy and the guys thinks the girls are mercenary and princessy...lol reflections need to be done on what can be improved from both gender.

For the guys who have suffered heartache caused by girls,there is a saying"It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all".the heartache are lessons that they can seek to reflect and improve on.its never too late.in fact it may be a blessing in disguise for them to meet better girls.fate is a funny thing.one can never know.

 

[Staypositive]

Even during drinks with guys we always volunteer to pay for the drinks consumed.dun tell me you wait for other ppl to pay and take advantage of the situation?

Before you accused ppl of taking advantage of u,did u ever reflect that ur actually doing the same to others?

 

[Staypositive]

Just now u talked abt girls take paying for them as an entitlement.how abt when your future Wife did not do housework,you will berate her because doing housework is her duty and your entitlement as a Husband...does that sounds right?no it doesn't coz ur Wife is not ur maid.

 

[buddhabar]

The thought that your partner would change after marriage.leopard never change its spots.lol.

You are already unhappy abt certain issues but continue the relationship because you are used to being with each other.

This is one of the most common mistakes people make including myself, thinking or hoping marriage is the solution

 

[Infernolord]

This is one of the most common mistakes people make including myself, thinking or hoping marriage is the solution

Sometimes is not used to being with each other. Love is accepting each flaws unconditionally..
These days, the one who show and give the most love.. are always the one being punished for that. lol..

 

[meiji5]

These days, the one who show and give the most love.. are always the one being punished for that. lol..

This is so true, so don't change yourself so that the other person will love you. If they don't love you the way you are, they still won't love you even if you change to fit their expectations.

Slowly we will find the ones who will appreciate us. Don't hold grudges based on a few bad apples. It only means that you should move onto the next orchard of apples.

 

[meiji5]

newproject and Staypositive, let's call a truce yeah. Everyone has differing opinions, let's not berate each other ok? Thanks guys!

 

[newproject]

newproject and Staypositive, let's call a truce yeah. Everyone has differing opinions, let's not berate each other ok? Thanks guys!

Sure. "Stay positive" is obviously having problems keeping to his nickname lol

 

[newproject]

Sure. "Stay positive" is obviously having problems keeping to his nickname lol

Sometimes is not used to being with each other. Love is accepting each flaws unconditionally..
These days, the one who show and give the most love.. are always the one being punished for that. lol..

Not nowadays always been the case. The one who loves more has less power.

But an extreme over balance is a problem.

 

[Staypositive]

I have always been positive.I still believe there are good ladies around instead of taking an extremist view of the opposite gender.i also feel that if there is anything wrong,one should learn to reflect on oneself first before pointing fingers at others.then again some ppl are plain stubborn and is fixated on a certain view.

 

[meiji5]

Not nowadays always been the case. The one who loves more has less power.

But an extreme over balance is a problem.

I'm not arguing with your point but I see it differently.

The person who loves more is the one with more power because they have a big heart to accept the flaws of their partner. The ones who take advantage of such people have less power because they only see themselves as the centre of their universe. They will forever repeat their ways and make their future partners conform to their expectations.

Those of us who love more will be able to move on and continue to share our love and big hearts with someone worth deserving of it. It just takes time and sometimes a lot of bad ones to get to the good one.

 

[verysadguy]

I'm not arguing with your point but I see it differently.

The person who loves more is the one with more power because they have a big heart to accept the flaws of their partner. The ones who take advantage of such people have less power because they only see themselves as the centre of their universe. They will forever repeat their ways and make their future partners conform to their expectations.

Those of us who love more will be able to move on and continue to share our love and big hearts with someone worth deserving of it. It just takes time and sometimes a lot of bad ones to get to the good one.

It is not so easy to move on even if you love more. Even after 3 years, I still ask myself if I was in the wrong that time but each and every time, I would have some tears in my eyes. I promise to love and take care of her all my life but if I was been hit by her whenever she is angry, what can I do?

 

[meiji5]

It is not so easy to move on even if you love more. Even after 3 years, I still ask myself if I was in the wrong that time but each and every time, I would have some tears in my eyes. I promise to love and take care of her all my life but if I was been hit by her whenever she is angry, what can I do?

It definitely is not easy to move on. But to hold on to the bad memories or to even hold on to the hatred will only imprint them into your heart for a longer time. I suppose everyone has their own coping mechanism. Thankfully, I know mine and was able to move on. I'll tell you more via PM if you'd like to know.

 

[life_is]

I'm not arguing with your point but I see it differently.

The person who loves more is the one with more power because they have a big heart to accept the flaws of their partner. The ones who take advantage of such people have less power because they only see themselves as the centre of their universe. They will forever repeat their ways and make their future partners conform to their expectations.

Those of us who love more will be able to move on and continue to share our love and big hearts with someone worth deserving of it. It just takes time and sometimes a lot of bad ones to get to the good one.

The ones who love more are the ones who get hurt most. Because the other party will do anything to hurt them. Don't love, just scam.

 

[newproject]

The ones who love more are the ones who get hurt most. Because the other party will do anything to hurt them. Don't love, just scam.

and people say I am negative.

But can't blame life_is , I've read his story , he really suffered.

But really isn't there a middle ground between

A) always blaming guys and taking female side thinking of females always as the weaker sex requiring protection and refusing to critique them (putting them on pedestal) or the system when it favours them

and

B) saying all woman are evil and scammers?

I know some think I'm B , but I'm not really. I have great sympathy with each and every male as well as female former here who has a sad story.

Good woman do exist (I married one after all) but there are many super entitled woman out there and people act all offended when I call them out or point out facts from evolutionary psychology which apply generally.

Yes nothing is 100% but if you want to get the best chances you go with the probable.

 

[Staypositive]

The ones who love more are the ones who get hurt most. Because the other party will do anything to hurt them. Don't love, just scam.

If you just scam,doesn't it hurt even more and makes matters worse ? Yes,u may be upset but that doesn't mean that it's ok to hurt innocent parties.

 

[newproject]

Ignore was error post

 

[meiji5]

The ones who love more are the ones who get hurt most. Because the other party will do anything to hurt them. Don't love, just scam.

Yes, of course. I do agree on this point about the ones who love more gets hurt the most. I fall into that category. But sometimes just gotta realise that it's not your fault that the other person takes advantage of it.

I definitely do not encourage scamming. You shouldn't become so hateful and hold grudges. Just learn to let it all go.

 

[newproject]

Yes, of course. I do agree on this point about the ones who love more gets hurt the most. I fall into that category. But sometimes just gotta realise that it's not your fault that the other person takes advantage of it.

I definitely do not encourage scamming. You shouldn't become so hateful and hold grudges. Just learn to let it all go.

Yeah we've all been there. I agree with you. But I do advocate learning to protect yourself and not fully trusting someone until you know them really really well.

When someone gets hurt in love they either don't learn from their mistake and do the same thing over and over not realising that's why they keep failing.

Equally bad is to swing the other way and over correct.

Balance is the key.

 

[life_is]

and people say I am negative.

But can't blame life_is , I've read his story , he really suffered.

But really isn't there a middle ground between

A) always blaming guys and taking female side thinking of females always as the weaker sex requiring protection and refusing to critique them (putting them on pedestal) or the system when it favours them

and

B) saying all woman are evil and scammers?

I know some think I'm B , but I'm not really. I have great sympathy with each and every male as well as female former here who has a sad story.

Good woman do exist (I married one after all) but there are many super entitled woman out there and people act all offended when I call them out or point out facts from evolutionary psychology which apply generally.

Yes nothing is 100% but if you want to get the best chances you go with the probable.

Unfortunately lawyers will tell you that with the laws here, forget about men having any rights. Wait for the other party to die, that's what someone told me. And lawyers also tell you that you can't control everyone when the other party is using the child as a weapon, even when it hurts the child. I saw how a judge didn't even hesitate to threaten to put a man behind bars for not paying maintenance when he actually had a family to feed and did not see his children for a while, all this while he was unemployed and just got a lowly paid job. I don't see judges putting female child abusers behind bars nor punishing them for committing perjury. Men get punished when they get married, so I will make sure I tell men about this lopsided system to protect them from scammers and people out to cheat them. The government doesn't want you to know all this, and keeps preaching these values that the system does not even support. Perhaps it is because it supports the legal system when lawyers laugh their way to the bank after people refuse to compromise in divorce. This system feeds on conflict and they don't want to make the necessary changes. Only way is to see a few at ministerial level losing votes before they will act on it. So all the male voters out there should cast wisely to make them act on it.

There are women who are good, but you never know when they will change. Heard of cases where women want to divorce their good responsible husbands because they can get everything. The system feeds such behaviour, so we are definitely headed for the American system where people don't recognise marriage anymore and draft thick prenuptial agreements to protect their interests.

 

[life_is]

Yes, of course. I do agree on this point about the ones who love more gets hurt the most. I fall into that category. But sometimes just gotta realise that it's not your fault that the other person takes advantage of it.

I definitely do not encourage scamming. You shouldn't become so hateful and hold grudges. Just learn to let it all go.

How to let go if the other party is consistently using the child to cause trouble? No one in the system wants to do their job to disarm the party causing conflict and instead gives them the full power to do so. This is why there are men who kill their ex wives and children, because the system does not identify female narcissists to disarm them from causing further pain. I have seen too many cases of men being forced into poverty by the marriage system that I will no longer believe in it nor encourage people to get married anymore. We should all just cohabit and forget about our Asian values because people get punished for doing so. It will become the norm in no time when enough people know about men's rights as husbands and fathers.

 

[meiji5]

How to let go if the other party is consistently using the child to cause trouble? No one in the system wants to do their job to disarm the party causing conflict and instead gives them the full power to do so. This is why there are men who kill their ex wives and children, because the system does not identify female narcissists to disarm them from causing further pain. I have seen too many cases of men being forced into poverty by the marriage system that I will no longer believe in it nor encourage people to get married anymore. We should all just cohabit and forget about our Asian values because people get punished for doing so. It will become the norm in no time when enough people know about men's rights as husbands and fathers.

For such incidences, I don't have the capacity to make comments as it is not something I have come across personally or amongst any of my friends.

Marriage is for each couple to decide if they wish to proceed to be entwined for the rest of their lives. Even if friends seek advice from us, we are in no position to say "No, don't get married..." Or "Say yes and marry him/her". How they make their marriage work is between the couple. Takes a lot of hard work and understanding to follow the same path together.

As for the system, I shall not comment not because I am a woman and I condone the current unfair practice against men. It's just that I'm not knowledgeable enough on this policy to make certain comments and to back up my claims.

 

[Staypositive]

Unfortunately lawyers will tell you that with the laws here, forget about men having any rights. Wait for the other party to die, that's what someone told me. And lawyers also tell you that you can't control everyone when the other party is using the child as a weapon, even when it hurts the child. I saw how a judge didn't even hesitate to threaten to put a man behind bars for not paying maintenance when he actually had a family to feed and did not see his children for a while, all this while he was unemployed and just got a lowly paid job. I don't see judges putting female child abusers behind bars nor punishing them for committing perjury. Men get punished when they get married, so I will make sure I tell men about this lopsided system to protect them from scammers and people out to cheat them. The government doesn't want you to know all this, and keeps preaching these values that the system does not even support. Perhaps it is because it supports the legal system when lawyers laugh their way to the bank after people refuse to compromise in divorce. This system feeds on conflict and they don't want to make the necessary changes. Only way is to see a few at ministerial level losing votes before they will act on it. So all the male voters out there should cast wisely to make them act on it.

There are women who are good, but you never know when they will change. Heard of cases where women want to divorce their good responsible husbands because they can get everything. The system feeds such behaviour, so we are definitely headed for the American system where people don't recognise marriage anymore and draft thick prenuptial agreements to protect their interests.

Hi life_is

Pertaining to what u said,
"I don't see judges putting female child abusers behind bars nor punishing them for committing perjury. " Are you sure you get the facts right? The law still prevails irregardless of gender whenever any offence is committed.

Understand that ur bitter abt what is happening to u but wouldn't it be wiser if you seek help from someone ,perhaps a counsellor who might be able to help u.if you think it's useless,at least u speak to someone who is able to give u a clearer perspective of things and lessen the pain ur carrying.Its not gd for u to carry so much emotional burden.it weighs u down.