Mother-in-law hates me!!

[sAly]

I'm sure this is a very common topic and that many people also have this problem, but I'm really almost at my wits end.

My MIL hated me from the beginning, when me and hubby first started dating.
For the many years during our courtship, I remained as a friend in her eyes.

Even when we were doing our ROM, my MIL was very against it and was trying to finds ways and means to have us postpone, or better yet, cancel it.

Fast forward to now, we are finally ready to do our AD lunch, however, the trouble starts up again.
During these few years, I was referred to as the girlfriend as was treated amicably enough, but now, it's like WWIII.
When we insist on doing the AD, she is trying to camouflage it so that it will not look like a wedding, no gowns etc...

I even found out that weeks before our ROM, she has already started a backup plan for when (to her, it's when, not if) I divorce her son.
I don't know why she will actually think that I'm marrying him because of that little bit of money!!

I'm just really upset that she would try to ruin my wedding.
I have cried more times this week than I have for the past year and I feel there is really no way to get along with her.

My priority right now is to quickly get my AD on track.
Hubby has suggested to ignore her and do what we want, but I don't want to disrespect her, after all, she is still going to be my MIL.

Can somebody please advice what I should do?

 

[Hanjin]

Why do you think she dislikes you so much? Did something happened in the past? Is your perception of her clouded by some past events that were not resolved?

 

[life_is]

Maybe she has seen many cases of divorce with wives taking advantage of the legal system. Trust me, the system is awfully flawed and open to abuse. Happening in my life and lawyer can't do anything about it.

 

[sAly]

@Hanjin, my 1st thot is that i'm not christian (i'm a freethinker), that might have started it..
i don't mind going to church but my hubby didn't fancy going too..
then coupled with the fact that i'm the sort of person who will, if you are nice to me i'll be nice to you..
so after she being so nasty to me, i just treated her cordially and our relationship just did not improve..
and maybe, well, the fact that her precious son chose me, who is according to her, not good enough for him and can't take care of him properly..

me and hubby decided not to have a dining table in our home cause of our personal habits, when she asked and i told her that, wow, you should have seen her face, it was like i was the devil's incarnate..

 

[uglydude]

This is what happens when you stay with ur in laws....best find a hubby that do not requires u to stay with his parents.....

 

[PatChan]

@Hanjin, my 1st thot is that i'm not christian (i'm a freethinker), that might have started it..
i don't mind going to church but my hubby didn't fancy going too..
then coupled with the fact that i'm the sort of person who will, if you are nice to me i'll be nice to you..
so after she being so nasty to me, i just treated her cordially and our relationship just did not improve..
and maybe, well, the fact that her precious son chose me, who is according to her, not good enough for him and can't take care of him properly..

me and hubby decided not to have a dining table in our home cause of our personal habits, when she asked and i told her that, wow, you should have seen her face, it was like i was the devil's incarnate..

Now i see what you meant by having a similar issues.. hahahahaha
Well, slight different is that initial stage she was very nice to me! It all started after we started planning for our own family... And things just gets worse from time to time.. Haizz.... Well, perhaps you/your hubby can have a talk with her to find out what's exactly bothering her? Though I did not talk to her directly on this, but I made my hubby do the job, by sending him home and I stay out till late until he resolve the issues at home. It works most of the time, when some disagreement happen and i sent him home without me returning. And usually I would either go out with my parents or with my friends till late (ard 11+ 12midnight)? After I get back things get slightly better for that few days (at least better than nothing) hahahaha.

She always have her own school of thoughts which usually made me feel ridiculous.. She can be telling me not to compare my sis's wedding procedure to mine and expect mine to be as simple as cheap as possible, and comparing her daughter's wedding (who got married just before mine) and mine. She even have comments like my GDL is so troublesome.... When except for paying(the groom side stuff) the rest are all done by me!

Well, the lucky thing is that my big day is over! What's next is how to handle my MIL for the next 10 months (perhaps? till my new home ready).

If possible have a talk with her and get things through smooth.

Good luck in your prep as well as your relationship with your MIL.

 

[sAly]

talk arh.. dunno how to leh, when we talk, we always end up upset.. now we only talk when we have something to discuss (or when she has something she wants to disagree with)..
we have not had a proper talk in years (if ever), i don't think it is in our relationship to "talk" liao..

hubby have talked to her without me (she will secretly ask hubby away to "try to talk some sense into him" but they always end up shouting instead)..
yea.. i'm just waiting for my home to be ready liao, so i can faster move out and not see her black face..

 

[klaz]

But things don't end just there.. I understand how u feel and it's worse if ur husband have siblings like the parents in law