Singaporebrides | Weddings 101

September 2024

8 Telling Signs That Your Girl Friend Is Not Suitable To Be A Bridesmaid

By Audrie Soh

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As much as you love your girl friends dearly, not every one of them are suited or ready to be your bridesmaid.

Choosing your bridesmaids is one of the most important decisions you’ll make during your wedding planning, and the last thing you want to do is to mess it up. Your bridesmaids are going to be your support system in every imaginable way throughout your wedding journey, so it is imperative that you pick the right girls for the job.

Like most brides, you’ll assume that the right girl friends for the role would be your closest girlies. However, that may not be the case for you. No matter how close you both are, not every one of your best girl friends will be the right fit for the job. So, how do you identify which of them are suitable for the all important role as your bridesmaid? Well, we’ve listed out eight telling signs that your girl friend may not be suitable to be a bridesmaid to help you determine if you should invite her to be part of your bridal party.

1. She is always complaining

Be it your wedding theme or venue, or the choice of dress for your girls, she is already ready with a complaint or something negative to say about it. And if that isn’t bad enough, she never fails to bring her dissatisfaction up to you, a big no-no for bridesmaids to do. Your bridesmaids should be a circle of support for you as you navigate through this happy but stressful period of wedding planning, not putting more problems on your already full plate, so if you know your girl friend has a tendency to complain about everything under the sun, you might want to reconsider inviting her to be part of your bridal party.

2. She is being too pushy

Your bridesmaids are there to support you through your wedding planning and that occasionally involves offering constructive and helpful criticism and advice on matters you can’t really decide on or are unsure about. But, if she starts offering unsolicited – and unhelpful – thoughts on every wedding detail you share, or begin pushing or forcing her own preferences instead of considering yours, then she is not fulfilling her duty as your bridesmaid.

As your bridesmaid, she can, and should, offer their opinions when you’ve asked for them, but ultimately she should respect your final decision and support your vision for your wedding. The last thing you’d want is to feel the need to placate her by giving in to what they want in order to keep the peace, and regret doing so after your wedding, so think twice about asking someone like this to be your bridesmaid.

3. She is adding drama to the planning process

Like most brides, your bridal party may consist of girl friends from different stages of your life, and it is only normal to expect one or two personalities to clash as they get together for your wedding. You don’t need them to bond and become best friends like they’ve done with you, but you do expect them to band together over their shared mission to support you instead of focusing on their personal conflicts or a power struggle within the group. And if one of your bridesmaids start creating drama within the group, you might want to step in and address her behaviour early to keep peace within your bridal party. Otherwise, you might be faced with the decision of asking her to step down as your bridesmaid or reconsider asking her to be one in the first place.

4. She is never available

While you can’t (and shouldn’t) expect your bridesmaids to be at your beck and call, you do need them to be available at times for discussions or to help you with a task. If one of your bridesmaids is constantly absent or unable to commit to a gathering that was planned weeks or months in advance, or is forever silent and not participating in the group chat with the rest of the bridesmaids or with you, chances are, setting time aside for you and your wedding is not her priority. Perhaps, her busy period just happens to coincide with the peak of your wedding planning.

Regardless of the reason, if you can’t count on her being available and present for you during your wedding planning, how are you going to count on her on the actual wedding day?

5. She is not reliable

On the same line of topic as the previous point, one of your bridesmaids’ core responsibilities is to be there for you when you need her, whether it be constructive feedback on the colour of your table flowers, help with a wedding errand, or simply a listening ear so you can vent your frustrations. But if she is never available or responsive in person or online, then how can you rely on her to be there for you? Sure, it is unreasonable to expect your bridesmaids to answer your every text or call immediately, but a reply when they are able to respond is surely within reason.

When you are no longer able to rely on your bridesmaid to help you out when you need it or be on time for dress fittings, you get more stressed out over her behaviour and the lack of help, which defeats the purpose of having her there in the first place. So, even if she is one of your best girl friends to hang out with, if she tends to exhibit such behaviour, you might want to think carefully before including her in your bridal party.

6. She tends to disregard what you want

While one of your bridesmaids’ core responsibilities is to be a voice of reason and advice amidst the numerous wedding decisions you are going to make, they should never ignore your preferences or force their opinions or ideas on you. For instance, if you’ve made it known that you prefer not to have a wild night out for your hen’s night, your bridesmaids should respect your preference and plan a party that you would like instead of forcing their idea of a fun hen’s night on you. When a bridesmaid decides to go ahead with what she thinks would be a more fun night out for your hen’s night, it is a blatant sign of disrespect, especially when you’ve already made your preference clear.

If one of your bridesmaids has yet to be a bride herself, she might unknowingly try to turn your wedding into hers by pushing for what she likes as sound advice to you or constantly dissing your choices through negative comments like “I’d never wear a dress like that” or “Having a garden wedding is so passé”. While she is entitled to her opinions and preferences, she should remember that your wedding is about you and what you want and like, so she should respect your choices and decisions no matter how much it opposes hers.

7. She is not taking the initiative

Being a passive participant in a bridal party is not an option for any of your bridesmaids. All of them have to pull their weight and chip in when you need them to, especially when it comes to making a booking or planning your hen’s night. Your bridesmaids are allowed to ask for details to help them proceed with their tasks, but they shouldn’t be asking you to do the groundwork for them, or asking for approval over minor details.

They should be able to carry out tasks independently with minimal help or instruction from you, and should take the initiative to ask if you need help with anything else from time to time. Planning a wedding is stressful enough, and you definitely don’t need your bridesmaids to stress you out even more by asking for help or direction with every task or decision.

8. She is making the wedding all about her

Perhaps one of the biggest telling signs that your girl friend is not suited to be a bridesmaid is her tendency to make everything about her. As your bridesmaid, your girl friends are expected to put your needs, wants and preferences first while theirs take a back seat as they support you through this period of your life. But when that one girl friend of yours starts making her needs and wants take priority over yours, it is clear that she may not be the best fit for your bridal party.

Instead of focusing on your needs and wishes for the wedding, she selfishly competes for attention, turning the spotlight on herself. This self-centered behavior will only bring unnecessary drama and tension during a time that’s meant to support you and celebrate one of the most important milestones in your life—exactly what you don’t need or want for your special day.

Credits: Feature image from Pei Xuan and Phing Zhou’s Romantic Modern Wedding at Entire French Dining by Manoj Photography

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