Singaporebrides | Weddings 101
February 2022
11 Rude Wedding Questions and How to Keep Your Responses Classy
Received some insensitive or downright rude remarks and questions about your wedding? Here’s exactly how to answer.
Lunar New Year is a joyous time of spending time with family and feasting amidst the festivities, but one thing never fails to mar the celebrations. Those annoying, rude, personal questions! From whether you’re dating, to when you’re getting married, and now that you’ve announced your engagement, to all kinds of unwanted questions about your wedding.
Among congratulatory wishes from your loved ones, you might have also received a remark or question that was rude or annoying. While most people mean well, some comments are simply so impolite that you might be left speechless or unsure how to respond. To help you come out of tricky conversations with class, we’ve listed the most common rude wedding questions or comments, and how exactly to respond to them.
Damini and Guru’s Intimate Garden Wedding at Wheeler’s Estate by Chris Chang Photography
1. “Are you sure you’re ready to get married?”
Someone who’s asking if you’re ready to get married could be asking from their own fears of commitment. They can’t see themselves getting married so they can’t understand how you could be. Or they could believe in a “traditional” dating period of a certain number of years, so are confused that you already know you want to commit to your partner.
How to respond: Be confident with your answer and leave no room for debate about your commitment, which is between you and your partner. Say, “We love each other deeply and we’re ready to commit to each other for life.”
2. “Why are you getting married at this venue?”
Venue choices can often come under a lot of heat. It’s one of the first things people want to know about your wedding, and family and friends both often have many opinions about the venue style or the food. They may even compare your choices to other weddings they’ve attended. You could hear comments like, “I’ve been to so many weddings here already.” “Why are you getting married outdoors in this tropical weather?” “The food there isn’t good.” It can be infuriating when you’ve obviously put a lot of thought into choosing your wedding venue!
HHow to respond: You can share what you love about the wedding venue, or how you need the capacity to accommodate your guests, or even that it fits your budget. If you’re not comfortable sharing too many details, simply say, “We’ve visited a number of wedding venues and we love this one. It’s best for our celebration.”
3. “Why are you getting married in the midst of the pandemic?”
The people asking you about your wedding plans during COVID-19 might be genuine and well-meaning, but if you’ve already overcome rescheduling and postponements, it can be frustrating to have someone question your hard work.
How to respond: You can explain that the most important thing to you is to commit to each other and start married life together. You can say that with COVID-19 being endemic now, you don’t want to postpone your wedding indefinitely, and choose to have an intimate wedding with just close friends and family.
Audrey and Fadzillah’s Intimate Cliffside Wedding at Sofitel Singapore Sentosa Resort & Spa by Kent Wong Photography
4. “Why are you waiting so long to hold your wedding?”
Once people hear the good news of your engagement, they may be very excited to know if you’ve set a wedding date. They may exclaim if you haven’t fixed on one yet, or if you’ve set it further in the future. Most people who comment about how far away your date is are simply too excited and can’t wait to attend your wedding, but questions like these can feel pressurising and annoying.
How to respond: Tell them you want to give yourselves time to plan for your big day, that you’re waiting to get married after your house is ready or you or your partner graduate. If you don’t have a date set yet, you could explain that you want to wait out the restrictions and have a bigger celebration, or that you’re simply not in a hurry and want to enjoy your engagement for longer.
5. “How many people are you going to invite?”
This question usually means, “Am I invited?” With guest count restrictions, most people know that your guest list will be very exclusive, and they want to know if they’ll make the cut. Most people understand that you can’t invite everyone you’d like to, however, so you can respond with grace.
How to respond: Say that restrictions currently allow for a certain number of guests, and that you want your wedding to be safe for everyone involved. As such, you’ll only be inviting close friends and family, but would love to celebrate with that person some other way, or at a later date.
6. “How much does your wedding cost?”
Besides genuine questions from someone who’s also planning their wedding, only very close friends should get to ask how much your wedding costs. However, nosy family members or other people might ask about your wedding finances. It’s never polite to ask about money, so you might feel flabbergasted at their cheek, or feel too awkward to come up with a diplomatic answer.
How to respond: Unless you’re comfortable with sharing about your wedding finances, the best way to put an end to such unwanted questions is often with a ridiculous answer. Use humour, such as by saying, “One million dollars!” or “Seven years of courtship.” They should get the hint.
Giselle and Sean’s Classic Wedding at W Singapore-Sentosa Cove by Chris Ling Photography
7. “Do you really like your ring?”
People can have very personal opinions about your engagement ring, whether it’s something they themselves would have chosen, whether it’s too small or too big, whether it’s too classic or too modern, whether the stone is a diamond or a coloured gemstone. They could be jealous that they haven’t received a proposal yet, or simply tactless about voicing their own personal tastes.
How to respond: Tell them confidently that you love the ring that your fiancé thoughtfully chose it for you.
8. “Why didn’t you do this?”
People might think they’re being helpful by telling you what they did for their own weddings, or what they would do in your situation, but they might not realise how insensitive their suggestions can be.
How to respond: It’s best not to get drawn into a debate of whose way is better, so keep your response brief. Thank them for sharing and say you’ll be moving ahead with your plans together with your partner.
9. “Why are you getting married on a weekday/Sunday evening/at lunch?”
Guests might insensitively express their annoyance at the inconvenience of attending a weekday or Sunday evening wedding, or question why you’re hosting a lunch instead of a traditional Saturday dinner banquet.
How to respond: Clearly, you have your reasons for choosing your wedding date and time. You may choose to explain them, or simply say that you appreciate their time.
Jennifer and Peter’s Intimate Wedding in the Presidential Suite at InterContinental Singapore by Depth of Tales
10. “Am I invited?”
When you announce your engagement, excited family, friends, and co-workers may start asking if they’ll be invited to your wedding. While you’re happy that they want to celebrate with you, such questions can be very awkward if the person isn’t on your guest list.
How to respond: Rather than postpone the inevitable awkwardness with an excuse about how you haven’t finalised the guest list yet, tell them if they aren’t invited. Say, “With all the restrictions, we’re keeping our celebration intimate so the guest list will be mostly close family.”
11. “That’s a great idea! I’ll do it too!”
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but when you’ve put a lot of work into making your wedding unique and personal, it’s annoying when a friend tries to steal your idea. Be flattered, then steer your friend in a new direction.
How to respond: Give them a hint by saying something like, “I’m glad you think so! I worked really hard on personalising our wedding and making it unique to us.” Then, suggest they personalise theirs as well, and try to brainstorm some ideas that would suit their story and their style.
Unwanted wedding opinions can be infuriating, especially when you’re already under a lot of stress from planning the wedding. When you’re prepared and know exactly how to respond, you’ll be better able to fend off those rude questions.
Credits: Feature image from Kamelia and Jeremiah’s Cosy Cafe Solemnisation at Belo by Bobby Kiran Photography
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