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10 of the Worst Reasons to Get Married
These 10 worst reasons to get married should sound warning bells instead of wedding bells.
Getting married is a huge decision, and you should be sure you’re making it for the right reasons: You’re deeply in love, you mutually respect each other, you’re committed to and work hard at your relationship, you want the same things out of life, you understand and know each other well.
Unfortunately, many couples rush into marriage for all the wrong reasons. If you’re planning a wedding because of one of these terrible reasons, don’t.
1. You’ve been dating for a long time and it’s the next logical step.
You’ve been dating your secondary school sweetheart for almost a decade, and after moving in together, you feel that you should move on to the next step. Just because you’ve been together a long time, it doesn’t mean that you should be together forever. Longevity doesn’t guarantee a successful marriage. Make sure you’re not sliding into marriage just because you think, “It’s about time.”
2. He or she is a “good catch”.
Your boyfriend is what they call “husband material”, and your family and friends all love him. He ticks most of your boxes when it comes to what you’re looking for in a partner, but you just don’t feel attracted to him romantically, nor do you feel convinced that he’s right for you. Everyone tells you it would be crazy to pass such a great guy up, but if you don’t truly love him, it would be crazier to marry him.
3. You hit your magic number.
It’s only natural of us to have a plan for our lives. But while you might plan to meet Mr. Right by a certain age so you can have three children by the time you’re 35, life often doesn’t go according to plan. Don’t rush into marriage just because you’ve reached your magic number and you thought you would be married by now. The right person is worth waiting for. After all, you’ll be spending the rest of your lives together.
4. You think marriage will solve your relationship problems.
Unfortunately, the truth is that marriage will likely magnify those problems. Couples might try to make a big show of commitment because of trust issues after an affair, or think that fights and communication problems will magically disappear in marriage, but they’re wrong. You can’t fix a broken relationship by getting married. Fix your relationship, then see if you’re ready for marriage.
5. You didn’t want to hurt him or her by saying no.
If you can’t give someone a resounding “YES!” when he’s on bended knee, then you shouldn’t say yes at all. Don’t agree to marriage just because you’re afraid of letting down your partner or even his family. You’ll hurt him more when your marriage doesn’t satisfy you and you’re both unhappy.
6. You want someone to take care of you.
While all parents want their children to enter a financially stable marriage, that doesn’t mean you should marry someone for their money, their success, or their security. Marriages with one partner significantly wealthier or more experienced in life could be a result of the other partner’s desire for someone to provide emotional support, a home, and financial stability, and generally take care of life responsibilities.
7.You’re afraid of being alone.
Some people want a lifelong partner because they’re lonely or feel empty inside. You need to be at peace with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. You can’t expect someone to fulfil all of your emotional needs or to “save” you. Contrary to Jerry Maguire’s famous line, no one can complete you.
8. You think your partner will change after marriage.
Marriage isn’t a cure all, and it will not get rid of all of the bad habits and issues that you dislike about your partner. If you’re expecting marriage to turn an abusive partner into a gentleman, or an uncaring one into a good wife, you’re going to be disappointed. Don’t think of marriage as a project where you can mould and change your partner to your liking, but seriously consider whether you two are compatible before committing to a lifelong partnership.
9. You want to be independent of your family.
You might come from a dysfunctional family, and you see marriage as your way out. You can’t wait to start a family of your own, and you swear it will be nothing like the one you came from. While it’s great to want to break the cycle of family dysfunction, it shouldn’t be the sole reason you get married. It wouldn’t be fair to your partner or your future children if you rush into marriage with someone just to escape your own family or to get out of their control.
10. You’re worried you can’t do better.
The person you’re dating right now might be the best candidate you’ve dated so far, and you’re worried it’s not going to get any better than this. But if you don’t truly love your partner, have mutual respect for each other, or share common life goals, don’t settle. Entering marriage with the idea that there just might be someone out there better for you is a recipe for a broken commitment.
Take a good hard look at your relationship and ask yourself, do any of these worst reasons for getting married apply to you? As marriage counsellor Marie Hartwell-Walker says in her article “5 Reasons Not to Marry the One You Love”, a successful marriage “requires a union of two complete and whole adults who love each other deeply, unselfishly, and respectfully and who share a commitment to keep their wedding vows. Only then can a bond be created that withstands life’s challenges and deepens over time.” A successful marriage can be one of the most fulfilling and happy relationships in your life, if you’re entering it for the right reasons.
Credits: Feature image from Emily and Jun He’s Wild and Breathtaking Pre-Wedding Adventure in Faroe Islands by Synchronal Photography