Singaporebrides | Relationships

March 2013

Taming Your Bridezilla

Things can get a little overboard when it comes to brides and their weddings. Fu Jinming shows you how to manage your bride and her nuptial obsessions – while preserving your own sanity.

There she is, stepping out of the fitting room, looking resplendent in the white gown that will grace the biggest day of both your lives. She does a little twirl for you. You smile lovingly. She smiles back. Then she catches herself in the full-length mirror, and her face collapses.

You’ve seen that frown before. It’s subtle, but you know what follows it. And before you could say: “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” – which for your sake, she’d better be – she turns to the gown designer and asks her why the hemline isn’t at the height they’ve agreed on at the last fitting. Why are there sequins when none were asked for? The lace? All wrong too.

“Didn’t you take notes the last time?” your bride-to-be asks, eyebrow raised and sarcasm stirred. “I can’t believe we’re still getting it wrong at this stage. We’re barely two months to the wed…”

As you shuffle your feet and contemplate entering the fray, the atmosphere turns into artic frost. You try to diffuse the situation by complimenting the gown’s amazing fit. But like the police arriving in a Jackie Chan flick, it’s all too little, too late.

Behold the Bridezilla. A woman you love with all your heart, and yet, the same one who’ll strike fear and agony in everyone who’s ever had the misfortune to dabble in her wedding plans.

Because for a wedding made for the heavens, she will settle for nothing less.

The banquet hall must have a life-sized ice sculpture of her Shih Tzu. The cake must be specially tiered and colour-coded. The bridesmaids’ dresses must have the same shade of lemony mint (you don’t even know what colour that is). And her gown must be the exact same one she’s been dreaming about since she was eight, down to the very last thread.

bridezillaFeature image by Norbert Pete licensed under CC BY-NC 2.0

Oh, and you’d have to go on a diet with her.

Make no mistake my gentle grooms, it’s a side of your beloved you’ve never seen before. That sweet, accommodating angel you’ve been dating transgresses into a wicked white witch the moment you pop the question, and she sets the date along with your fate.

And for good reason.

Women are meticulous by nature. Most work best at a frenetic pace, and are natural-born organisers. They see far into the stars, knowing how they’d want something done even before they know what that something was.

They are also emotionally driven. If life’s a roller-coaster ride, then its ups and downs are amplified two-folds in a woman’s mind. Your every mis-step, three-folds.

It also doesn’t help that wedding planning is a time-consuming, mind-boggling, hair-tearing affair. Her impatient nature dictates that she starts the ball rolling first. And her multi-tasking tendencies will guarantee that she obsess over all the tiniest details – ALL at once.

So where does that leave us cave folk? We can either lose ourselves in her private highway to Hell, or we can take some control and keep her from losing herself – and our sanity.

After all, nobody wants to help a mean-spirited, unreasonable bride. And by unfortunate association, her clueless groom.

But by heavens, you’d need all the help you can get. So here are six things you can start with to rein your Bridezilla in.

bridezilla 4Joy and Ben’s Steampunk Wedding on Nikoi Island by Daniel Beh Photography

1. Be There with Her, For Her

Show her that she’s not alone. Be there when she needs you to be. Whether it’s for a gown fitting, a meeting with the hotel wedding coordinator, a session to choose the flowers and tablecloths to match, or one to sample the wedding cake you’ll probably never have time during the banquet to eat, plan your schedule around hers.

You need to show her that you care about this wedding as much as she does. And nothing says “this is the most important part of our lives” than being physically with her as she makes the toughest decisions of her big day.

2. Make Yourself Useful

Let’s face it: Women make better party planners. They can organise your wedding down to the last napkin. But that doesn’t mean you can’t help to carry some of the load.

Offer to take over some tasks, no matter how menial. It may be confirming the shoot dates with the wedding photographer, emailing the hotel coordinator to set the time and date of your next meeting, or simply writing the invites. She’ll appreciate the help and the effort. And hey, it’s your wedding too.

3. Take Her Mind Someplace Else

Wedding planning is stressful. And stress can turn even the cutest little lamb into a teething monster. To stay her inner ogre, take her mind off the wedding with little surprises.

Take her out after a fitting for an unplanned treat at a romantic restaurant. Or flowers to finish off a pre-wedding photography session. Or better yet, whisk her off unannounced on a short holiday right after the food tasting at your banquet venue. Use your imagination.

bridezilla 2Yen and Shihui’s Glittery Vintage Wedding at Raffles Hotel Singapore by Axioo Photography

4. Lighten the Moment

Who says wedding planning has to be a serious and dour affair? Turn your chores into something fun and enjoyable. One that’ll take the dreariness out of the errand, and make her laugh.

Do a little dance for her in your suit when it’s your turn to do the fitting. Ask to try out the smoke machine at your wedding rehearsal to ‘Smoke on the Water’. Or start singing in the middle of your photo shoot. Silliness cures everything. Just ask Dr. Seuss.

5. Take a Deep Breath

One angry cook is enough to spoil the broth. Don’t add to the fire by letting your temper fly, either at the situation or your bride-to-be.

Whenever you feel your fiancée’s being unreasonable, calm down. Let her finish her piece of the argument, either with you or with a staff member, then step in to politely ask for both of you to be excused for a few minutes.

Then softly ask your bride what the problem is, and how you can help. If you feel she is still emotionally aggressive, offer to speak to the staff member involved on her behalf. Your job here is to diffuse the situation as peaceably as possible, not to make matters worse by raising the heat.

6. Appease her Bridesmaids

More often than not, it’s her bridesmaids who get the brunt of the Bridezilla abuse. To assuage them, ask them all out for a nice meal. Chances are, they’d want to lament about how your bride has been demanding, and downright unreasonable at times.

Don’t get defensive. First, lend them your ears. Then explain why your bride is behaving the way she is. Apologise to them for the trauma she may have caused. And promise them that you’ll try your darnedest to calm your lady, so she doesn’t turn into a big gown-stomping, bridesmaid-chomping monster.

Getting on their good sides will ease their unhappiness a little, and motivate them to go on helping your bride. It assures them that at least one half of the couple still has his head on.

And who knows, they might even be kinder to you come the customary ‘gatecrashing’ on your big day.

Credits: Feature image from Darren and Sophia’s Breathtaking Prewedding Photoshoot in Morocco by AndroidsinBoots.

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Taming Your Bridezilla