Wicked friends

best friend of almost 50 yrs.

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even after the violence they are still best friends?

pls allow me to just suggest something, and not take any offense i can see that you are narrating a heartfelt story ... i have heard similar stories before of physically abusive husbands, whose wives still grieve at their deaths. i have a theory about such cases.

in such cases, does the wife's sadness arise mainly from the fact that all the suffering she endured in the past is now written off and she cannot recover anything from the person who did her wrong? as in, now that the husband is gone forever, he can no longer make any restitution, so what he owed her he will take to the grave and that she will have to be bothered by a bad debt to the end of her days?

is the wife filled more with regret about the general situation, than with the passing of the man himself?

just a wild speculation, with due respect to your feelings towards your parents.
 


hi may, think u misread. She was depressed ever since the death of her best friend since Primary sch. And I was worried that his death is a double hit for her mentally.

My mum never let go of any resentments she had for him. To her, he was the source of her problems. Hence the dilemma she was in when he died. Suddenly, the ultimate evil in her life, the person of her blame is suddenly making her mourn.

And when my dad left my wife, he wanted to teach her a lesson. To make her grow up. Her had a lot of resentments for her too. My bro and me were the bridge that slowly opened my dad's eyes. Its tougher for my mum though.

If you ask me, who's the abuser, my mum tormented my dad for the longest time. Both were abusing each other, boxing each other. But, both actually loved each other for my parents' case. Even the mistress he got, she reminded him of my mum when they met yrs back. My dad wasn't a heartless man. He is a man that found love but never knew how to love her.
 
hi May, talking about Ling Zhiling. Yes, its really very very appealing to men. At least to me! That's where I think local gals 'lose out' to the FTs. They understand how shallow men needs and appeal can literally be
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I just skip Mr LOL's posts cos not constructive and no entertainment value too. He speaks to be heard and that's trying too hard.
 
May, about the theory, I'm sure there are those that its applicable to. But not my parent's case. I can confidently say no man understand my mum better than me. Surely not my dad either.

I have gone through a lot with her. Experienced 1st hand her 'hair dryer treatment'. Made me so mad as to walk out of the car in the middle of the road. Screamed and cursed at her in the shopping mall. I did all kinds of drama idiotic things when I was driven up the wall with my mum's nonsense. But, our relationship has became much better through the yrs. And I'm the only son that she trusts fully in. So, I know for sure her emotions. Deep inside, she still love my dad. Both were too stubborn and stuck with their own pov to understand each other. They were really truly incompatible.

That's why when people talk to me about true love and have fantasies about it, to me, its really fantasies only. Compatibility issues are real. Love alone isn't enough. The couple needs the correct mindset, communication, understanding and many other elements to work the relationship.

How much I really hope I could grow up before my parent's marriage broke down and be that much needed bridge. My sis really hated me then for encouraging my mum. She has been trying so hard to console my dad to patch and try to make it work while I was the destructive force that helped catalyst the breakup. And I couldn't understand. But, this is my walk. What I needed to realize all these. I hope my sharing would help save others from walking that path of my parents.
 
Doll, i suggested to Mr LOL that he goes HWZ-EDMW but he say there too low-class. but apparently here also too low-class. i think maybe set up his own forum is best.

Milo, so be ultra good to your mum lah. seems like you are the only man in her life right now so you have to make up to her in the area of having no husband
 
May, that's where the dilemma is as well. I have my life to go on as well. I know her social life is slowly shrinking. She is bored. That's why she is always harassing my sister to let her care for her grandchildren. But, she is ultra careless. Hence, sis doesn't trust her to be alone with them.
 
May,

You hit the right idea... But at least we got no talks about 'chio bus' and all those craps here. Yes, still craps, but... this is like the average social craps I have to face daily especially in a cultural desert.

Which is, as long as you guys try very hard to sound serious and standard, I'd enjoy the laughing part.

In my honest view... many cases here are pure silly. Many people here 'need' to be upgraded in their mentality and attitude. Look at Hweebs, she's not that bad a woman, but in face of so many cases and such... She is still so stubborn in her views about relationship. See?

This is the fun part for most of you. 明明是错的å´ç¾¤ä½“å¼æ”¯æ’‘下去.

LOL~

I simply don't care if you insult me or what, because frankly put... I am just like watching the fishes in a tank where we are in two different worlds.

In fact, I have been searching for a higher class community online but... I think many of you here are also from crap forums such as AssGeeforums if not HWZ... which also explains all this silly issues in relationships.

Relationship is a very classic issue, love is based on ultimately TRUE moral. The most beautiful love or romance stories are about demanding that classic...

For about 2 years, I did have a higher class online environment elsewhere. *.^ But the trend changed and nosense happened beyond my control...

This part is about sociology, you know... And I am playing the Alien, naturally. LOL~ Because I have neither the intention to fit in but here merely for fun, nor do I intent to convert people to a higher class.

Ignorance is really a bliss.

So... I don't mind you calling me an attention seeker, or whatever. LOL~ This is not important. The cases are what draw my attention or interests. I have been outfront...

We are all avatars... I can't be bothered. I don't need attention from avatars. I am not here to promote my blog/s or advertise for freelance. LOL~ I don't even care if you are like so beautiful, sexy and bla bla bla.

I am more interested in how you think... including how you insult and mock and push into childish or psychopathic talk-among-yourselves boundary. LOL~

Just go on.
 
haha, he's suffering gravely from self-Delusion... the first ever person to put the official mark on a medical condition as such.

high class? yeah right.. more like, high on kerosene.

just like one of those geh kiangs who sabotage the whole platoon......

super High~~~ entertainment with Imaginary friends? tsk tsk...
 
To stop being a shrew, you needs to know what is a shrew is. To me, a shrew is someone who

- always want to win: arguments, discussions, comparisons, etc (one-downer)

- likes to control others, on how they think, behave, do

- very calculative

- uses anger and/or sarcasm very frequently; frequent over-reactions and loud displays

- mostly only take own point of view, all actions and behaviours influenced by own needs and never looking at the needs of others

What do you guys think?
 
then u know exactly what u dun want to be what.

1) to adopt an attitude that there is no need to win

2) respect other people's need to do things their way. Allow them to do things their way. Accept them for who they are

3) be more benevolent and forgiving

4) Feel but not show anger at people, do not grab any opportunity to punish whoever who had somehow hurt you

5) Consider things from other people's perspective

Like that dun need to go for course for graciousness etc...
 
to say what you need to change is easy, but to actually do it is not.

shrews are not born shrews u know...it is usually modelling or circumstances that cause people to become shrews. I.e., Either one learnt from young that to survive in this world(family) one needs to be fierce and protective of one's own turf, or that there is some painful past caused by being too naive. So if you do really want to change how you behave, you may need to revisit these early issues to change the early decisions in life, via your counsellor.
 
these suggestions are good, hweebs

but on top of this, i want charisma a la taiwanese girls. that one can only imitate and practise
 
LOL...acting cute at times helps!
I'm a like a feminist at work..or rather..'man' at work but at home, I act cute at times towards my hubby. I think it does help the communication with my hubby at least.
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Denise80,

If you are a babe, you should try dancing like Wondergirls' 'Nobody'. Then I'd fall in love with you.

That's sexy enough. And that's Korean.

But if you act cute... LOL~ It won't be that 'irridating' but I kind of think of a pretty 'ding dong' trying to make me laugh. LOL~

But if your love one does try to make you laugh, it's really heart-warming. LOLLLL~
 
may,

charisma a la taiwanese girls comes from confidence within, which develops after u are comfortable and like being your feminine self, then u dun need to imitate, you just be yourself
 
Act cute can be very much part of EQ if used correctly. But, it could demostrate a complete lack of it too. Its double edged. Frankly, I'm more disgusted by the fake voices trying to sound like a Ribena berry or some cartoon character. Its obviously fake.

But, I'm very attracted to soft spoken gentle women though. Sometimes, its can also be fake but done so naturally.

It depends what the guy is appealed to lah. For me, its the feminine than the cute bubbly. The cute babylious is more AV/porn kind of sexual attraction while the feminine kind give the admiration kind of attraction.
 
ha, i tot May was just teasing?

anyway you'll always be you, May... just watch the tone and choice of words, and you will not appear as too confrontational during communication.

it can be practised...
 
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