What Should I Do....?

C

call4help

New Member
Hi All,
Being a woman is really not easy. It really needs lotz of courage to be strong.

I hv some problems that really need support. I'm married for a year and since after the ROM my hubby started to show his tantrum. 1 day he can be super sweet bring me to nice restaurant for dinner, the next day he started to show his anger w/o any1 triggering him. He started using abusive words and later get physical..pinched my face. hit my arms n legs..and pinch me all over. I really dont know what to do, I cant imagine the man I love the sweet guy who giving me so many surprises, planning a memorable surprise proposal has become like this.

Always after what he did he will apologised not to do it again. But again n again thru out whole year I've to bear with the trauma. @ the begining is only once a mth n than bi-weekly n recently 2 days once. If he dosent like what I say he will shout @ me ask me to shut my mouth if not he will give me 1 tight slap. He always said I good for nothing and everytime I share with him what I wanna do he said I cant do it is a waste of time. I'm really heart broken. The physically abusive part I hv warned him, if he do it again I will call police. So he stop doing that that often.

He always say he is the king n I as a wife shld serve him like what the bible say. I ask my christian friends they said which part of bible did he read. Talking abt king, what a king suppose to do? Feed the family and fight wars? He in e other hand is staying in my parents house for almost 2 years, all utility bills was paid by my parents, he was serve by my domestic helper. He used to rent a room with his bro, now he moved in with me he is not paying for anything, no rental, no bills, no cleaner, dont even need to buy season parking cos M staying in a private apt. Suppose my mum offer him to stay over to take care of me cos they both work overseas n he started to take things for granted. He dint even contribute to the groceries I have to pay for his food. After a year I started to feel he is taking advantage of me, I told him abt the groceries he said since my parents are contributing part of it, why shld him? Omg..I cant believe it, n he wanna be King? We both have cars, my company paid for my petrol and since he moved he started using my car and when times go by..he only use my car! Except when he goes to work. I ask him why he has a car but kept using mine. He told me since my company is paying for it, y am I so particular, he said I'm calculative.. what kind of man I have married to? I told him I might not have a car anymore and will he send me to work, u know what he said to me? He said he will but only if my company compensate his petrol. I felt like tons of needles piercing thru my heart

We have come to the terms of using joint account for the groceries but when I passed $50 to the helper to buy groceries he will take $20 from her for personal use. Now we just got a house from direct HDB sale, is my dream house I wanna to have my own design and he said he has no $ from the reno, my mum has offer to loan us some for the reno, cos it exceed so I fork out the rest. I told him since now we have our own house is it good we talk abt each contribution to the house. He said whats the big deal, everything take from joint account. The thing is this joint account we both contribute same amt every mth and i earn half lesser than him. He said he has commitment to take care of his parents, and the house he bought for them in M'sia and his car instalment and credit card bills. And now still need to feed the family, he is not CEO. But now I'm asking myself dint he knows he need to bare some responsibility of being a husband? 'King' of the house before he put the ring on my finger? Why do I married to an abusive man that I still need to feed myself and him with my minimum salary. I have no more savings for myself.

He say I'm calculative. What have I done wrong?
He has a friend who always built his ego. Whenever they met. He will come back and go crazy again..and say E**** has paid for her husband credit card bills and buy him holiday tickets, what have you done for me? He said if he dying he cant think of anything I've contribute to his life. He said I'm the worse wife among all his friends. That day he planned a birthday surprises for me I'm so happy I thought finally he as changed, that's my happiest birthday. But the next day after he met his E****, he came back and say I did nothing for him. I did nothing? I dint play for his birthday that's why I worth nothing?
Always when he does alittle things for me he will ask for credits, and I must do the same back. Am I really that no good?

And our customary is end of this year 3k deposit paid. Omg I really dont know what to do. He will sure wont surrender the house to me cos he knows how much I love the house. Am I a terrible wife, Am I so useless? I wanna him to leave me alone but I cant bare to part with my dream home. Can any1 pls give me some support and advise? Thank you.
 


He's a bloody MCP, just to sum up everything.

Either you leave him or you continue to put up with all his nonsense. Your call.
 
Very strange.... was he like that for the past one year, after the ROM? or were there some signs that he could be such a person?

From a guy's point of view, he is pretty crap:

- Which king's bible did he read? Which era?
- He really takes advantage of the current situation (esp.your parents). He is a disgrace to the male species.
- He def sees $$$ as the highest priority, even car petrol and $50. F-up.
- Purpose of the joint a/c? Maybe he mistakenly sees it as household expenses.
- Don't understand why he loves the idea of having the wife to pay for cc bills. It's a disgusting thought to me.

I suggest you look carefully at this guy. And how it is that you don't know him well enuff before the ROM. Weird.....
 
Your situation is somewhat similar to mine except I have no physical abuse but 100% emotional abuse. Our joint account money ===> all goes into his stocks and shares that he keeps buying and buying. And Worst, I don't even have a house or any asset of my own. I just feel we are in the same boat.
 
Hi guys,

We have courtship for 1 year before he propose to me. He was such a sweet guy I still can remember. Putting roses on my bed, make strawberry shake, wrote me sweet notes etc..etc..Sometimes when he hold my hand a little tight he will apologise again n again of hurting me. He's so sweet he planned holidays and when M overseas he found out my hotel and courier surprises gifts to me. He used to be patient and he is a filial son. So when he proposed I really wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man that I thought will take care of me for the rest of my life. Guess I'm too naive and I know I will never be good enough for him. Now everything is 50-50. Except sometimes he will pay for meals but after that he will say he did so much for me and I did nothing for him. He thinks his friend E**** is the best. I really dont like her, She's arrogant and always blow abt how sweet she is to her husband but she never say how good her husband treated her. His E**** always invited him out and when he ask me to come along I dont really feel like it cos I know she dosent like me. He told me not to piss him off and he dosent care whether I like it or not cos he treat her as part of his family. It really hurts me. I worth nothing to him. I really wanted the house what can I do? We both paid 50-50 for the downpayment and I paid 100% for the reno. Pls help.
 
It started with the pressure over ROM. And he promised he will change. After that it got worse when he apologise, my mind recalled back that sweet man I've once know. M too weak I guess..
 
i didn't read all. But body pinching sounds a very woman thing to do. He is weird.

The thing about abusive people. Its a psychological problem. He need to seek help on it if he cannot cope with it. You do not need to be his pinching doll.

And its not about being a woman that is hard. But being his abused partner. That is completely different!
 
Is ROM and the preparations really that stressful? I don't think so.
Or, could it be that he has removed his sweet mask after the event to reveal his ugly personality?

It's crap when he attributed his change to the ROM. It's crap when he put the blame on a non-living thing. And, it's super duper crap that he thinks E is the best. Then he shld go ahead and get her to pay his cc bills, right?

Don't forget your self-pride. Do not forsake it over the freaking house. Forget about the money being spent on the reno liao. Your well-being is most impt.
 
he should be with E, since she is far superior to you .. thing is, E is probably just blowing her own horn la and he probably thinks you're easier to manipulate ..
 
You can earn your money back, you will find your dream house again... but you only have one life.

Remove all the 'physical factors' that $ can buy, do you think you can continue to be with him and seeing him as someone whom you can also share not only your happiness but also one that you can share your problems and saddness with?
 
I have stopped the reno and called up HDB abt giving up the flat. My friends told me to give him another week before making the final decision. They wanna speak to him and persuade him to go counseling and anger management. Shld I give him another chance? Part of me still love the sweet man I used to know part of me is afraid of him. We now slept in separate locked rooms in my parents house. And 1 thing I cant stand is that whenever he is angry he will bang the door is scary.
 
sounds like u're just a rich girl he's marrying becos he hangs around a group of frens who married rich girls...

'rich' is of cos subjective.

there's no love... the special things he did could just be something someone in the group passes on to him for him to court u.

sounds like a scam to me...
 
FORGET about those sweet gestures he did before the marriage, and FOCUS on the present.

I think those sweet gestures are to trick u into marriage so that he can live off your rich parents and u!

Soon, he will refuse to contribute any single cent to the joint account, citing all sorts of reasons.
 
Dun be another fool like me sweet...

Think carefully before your next step, it'll be too late when children comes along...
 
He moved out. He said he knew abt his anger but is all because I agitated him. He wanted me to be the wife he pictured..like E*****? And all I ask is for him to stop mentally n physically abusing me and act like a responsible husband. I decided to file for a separation. I cant give up my soul to be like E**** or his dream wife.
 
finally free from his control. Good for u!

"He said he knew abt his anger but is all because I agitated him"
Yes and no.

Yes, maybe yah, you did triggered more frustrations for him.
But no, that's no excuse. He cannot beat up someone and tell the judge he's innocent because the other party agitated him. He still doesn't realize his issues. Until he does, he will never change.

Fancy an adult still thinking about "She made me do it" kind of excuses. Gosh!

btw, what made him thinks E***** would even consider him??
 
He and E**** are good friends since young, far b4 he knows me. She has a good husband and can tell she is e domineering 1 and her hubby is giving in to her most of the time. I dint ask him to be like who and who. I excepted what he is. But I've never changed I'm always tat gal even b4 he proposed. Now he wanna mold me to be some1 else.
I dislike his E**** but is not fair for me to stop him from seeing her so I thought abt it. I decided to leave him. And both of us will be happy leading our own life. What if I compare him with my ex? I believe he will not feel good too. So in conclusion he dosent love me if not he wont do so much thinz to hurt me. Comparing, belittle, cursing, making use of me? I have enough.. I really have enough..
 
Congratulations! You have made the first step to getting back your dignity and freedom.

I wish you all the best and may you find a great and wonderful guy.
 
Hmm... is he carrying a torch for E**** all along? He sounds as though that lady is his 'nu sheng'....

Well, since you have made up your mind, be strong and move on. Good luck!
 
i agree with anticipate... its quite obviously he doesn't take E**** as a friend only leh.

you cannot be 2nd best in a relationship. If he doesn't want you but someone, then he will always be comparing subconsciously. Frankly, he needs to really wake up and find out what he really wants.

I still cannot get pass the body pinching part. Its so weird!
 
Hi,

Do take care. I agree with what others said - as in we only have one life and the money gone can be earned back. Be strong and be tough and you will go through it. Take care.

**
I shall share my story now. I posted not long ago about having (mentally, and physically) abusive bf. We dated for 4 years 6 months and we actually planned for ROM this October. We bought a flat too. It's all started last year due to retrenchment. And it got worst when he started to abuse me - slap me more than 10 times, shouting me in public and in front of his family members, forcing me to do some stupid sex acts and so on.

I tolerated all the above as I think he will change and it's all not permanent. It got worst when he threatened me that he is going to visit prostitutes and so on. I live in terror everyday as I received more than 50 messages a day of him threatening and scolding me vulagarities.

And, i reflected and think, I talked to his mum and family members. They too think he is too much and I did not do anything wrong. I talked to my family members. He can't accept the fact of being retrenched and wants to blame the retrenchment on me. But, I let this go on for 5months (mental and physical abuse) and I am STILL pinning hope that everything will be ok.

Finally, I wake up from all these, after analysing every single angle.
I will and shall move on. Even if he were to change, all his harm done to me is irreversible. It's far too hurting. Far too hurting.. very very hurt. And, I may not know when in the future will he be like this AGAIN (if we were to get married). I tried killing myself over this. But now, I will be strong and will move on.

I am still trying to cope with it now.

**

So, do take care. Be strong. Treasure yourself, and love yourself. You will have a happy life in the future.

Kaleen
 
Hi Kaleen,

It tears me reading yr post. I'm sorry to hear that and I hope you are recovering well. Today is the 2nd nite not having him ard. No contacts watsoever.
Many of my friends asking me to give him one more chance. Part of me willing but the other part was thinking will he change for good?
He always say I'm not mature enough and I dont commit what I say. So this time I shall be cool and do what I say which is I will file for divorce.
Why should we the 1 to get bullied? Why are we always in the wrongs? Why should we stand their nonsense? No way I'm gonna let him abuse me again.

Take care also. And I believe God is looking after us, we will find our happiness.
 
"Many of my friends asking me to give him one more chance."

Sorry to say this.... but what sort of thinking do they have, given the nature of your circumstances? Anyway, glad you've set your mind liao, and pls stick to it.
 
"Many of my friends asking me to give him one more chance."

If he shows signs of remorse and repentence, then yes. But no chance should be given if he continues to be abusive.
 
many pple are asked to study hard, get a degree, they will get good jobs and future...

see that happening alot still?

only take advice from pple whom u Know are known for having a clear mind, make good decisions and are not guilty of making poor decisions themselves...
 
I've called my lawyer, meeting her on Monday, is our 1 year ani exactly. I will break the news to him on Sunday. Hope everything settle amicably.
 
wahh.. i read ur stories.. and i sure hope that u won't give him any chance anymore. bloody gay for abusing a woman. and pinching a woman at that (what kind of guy pinch???) i hope u stick to ur decision and i hope all goes well for you.. =)
 
PLEASE DONT BE PUT DOWN BY HIM!!
dun ever feel lousy or ugly for his own mistakes!! so much so u name yourself an ugly duckling as a nick!

be confident and dun misjudge his mistake for your flaws!!!!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

P
Edward Foong - Fantastic Experience!
Replies
0
Views
569
pinkbeanjy
P
C
Cheong Yip Kwong, William - The Wedding Solemniser From Hell
Replies
0
Views
2K
Chewmida
C
T
Confession of a married woman
Replies
0
Views
4K
Troublegal20246
T
C
advice from all please, urgent
Replies
4
Views
3K
novembernoodles
N
P
WTS: 25 October 2025 wedding available ONE°15 Marina Sentosa Cove Singapore - Wedding Venue
Replies
0
Views
418
phoebetan6868
P

Back
Top