lily tan,
I think you should examine the reasons why you want this marriage back. Does your hubby feel the same and are you both willing AND able to work towards the resolution of the issues that is currently leading you to divorce?
Or are you hanging on to hopes because you can't bear to let go of x years invested in the relationship? Or fear of failure? Or fear that your kids will grow up in a broken home?
If you are dealing with fundamentally different outlooks, values, lifestyles, mindsets or issues like irresponsibility, cheating or abuse for which you cannot compromise and be genuinely happy enough to live with for the rest of your life - then there is really no point....
I am also in a failed marriage. I know I can stay married for the face, to look good in front of others, family and friends. But what's the point if beneath it is just an empty shell? Think about it.....
Deep down, I have always believed that marriage is a commitment, not to be taken lightly.
I still hold on to this belief even now.
Never did I dream that I will go down this road. But because I believe marriage is so sacred, to remain married in name but yet lead practically separate lives is making a mockery of what the real marital relationship is supposed to be.
Marriage takes work and effort but it really shouldn't ALWAYS be THAT hard work. I.e. it shouldn't be 100% suffering and no joy.
If things come to this stage or both parties just don't care anymore, despite concerted efforts to communicate and resolve, the marriage is, in essence, already long gone. I am not talking about the legal marriage here.
When a person really comes to the end of his / her rope and has no more resources left within him / her to "give just one more try", then the answer should be clear.
Hope you know what I am getting at.