The (Ex) Wife

[kizmoiarse]

I need help in my relationship issue and our is a long story to begin with but I will try to cut it down with a summary yet understandable.

When i first got to know my boyfriend, he never hid that he is currently on separation with his wife and he has two boys. He shared with me that his wife committed adultery and the reason for not getting a straight divorce all because he has a minimum years of 5 years to fulfil for their flat and he wanted a place for the boys to stay. He holds the sole custody of the boys.

The two little ones accepted me and we have fun. Recently the boys started to ask my bf where am i whenever their dad went to their mum's house to pick them up and one fine day the mum made an excuse to come down to take a look at me. During this period of time, my boyfriend has change a bit and thus my friends were saying maybe the wife will like to know who can change him and curious. The first time she saw me with the boys, the boys excited called me and said jie jie this is my mummy and because i was engross in some serious matter and thus i did not really acknowledge and the wife told the son see your jie jie got no face to face mummy.

The second time was when my boyfriend wanted to avoid me facing the insult from her and thus asked me to stay on the other side but the boy asked him where was I and the mummy said there so big sized you cannot see and my boyfriend asked her to stop doing that. then she said something awful like i dare to come together with him to fetch the boys but don't dare to face her and my boyfriend called me over.

The third time just happened recently when i was sitting at the void deck waiting for him to fetch the boys and suddenly i saw the wife and her dad came down and they stood very close to me and started looking at me and saying to themselves how come a girl like her... a volunteer will be a 3rd party and go break up people's family. I was pretty affected. It was in a public place and I am not the 3rd party. She chose the guy and decided to separate even I met my boyfriend! I dont understand why she kept saying I am the 3rd party.

Can anyone advise me why and what should I do? Is it that despite she is with the other guy now but she wants my boyfriend back? Or she jealous that I am actually on good terms with her man and her boys? Or what may be the other reasons? How should I handle this?

I just kept quiet all this while when she said such awful thing to me but that's only because i dont want to quarrel with her in front of the boys and also i dont want to stir up trouble - unnecessary.

Will appreciate all your replies.

 

[Georgian]

Hmmm not judging but a little confuse, has your BF file for writ for divorce on the ground of adultery? or he is merely living apart from his legal spouse since he uncover her adulterous behavior?
Important to clarify that. If is is the latter, then you are the third party.
Don't worry about she wants your BF back? In any relationship, takes two to tango. If your BF refuse, nothing will happen. As for you, just explain to him the situation is making you uncomfortable and it is best he meet the boys without you for the time being until he sorted things out.

 

[leemei04140414]

Have u ever wonder how much truth there is in each? From your bf and his (ex) wife. Maybe you will then know why she brand u as a third party. You might not be the third party right when they broke up but the truth might not be as what u think. That's why the ex wife is mad with you,unless she admits that its the truth in front of you that she committed an adultery.

 

[kizmoiarse]

Georgian, Thank you for reading and replying. he has not filed for divorce but just signed DOS as in order to fulfil the minimum 5 years for BTO flat and he heard that with divorce the HDB will take back the flat then where will the kids and he be staying something like that. His lawyer mentioned to him that he can date during this period of time but cannot get marry that's all as he is legally still married to her. At the same time, his wife also still with that guy. My bf has the sole custody and so the boys will be with him on weekdays and Sunday. Their mother has access to them on Friday evening and Saturday. I love the boys but you are right perhaps I should say I will meet him at a place after he fetched the boys from their granny's place.


leemei4140414, Thank you for taking time to reply my post. I have saw their DOS and chanced upon the photos taken between her and that guy which my bf asked PI to investigate because he suspected something back then. I was thinking is it because she wanted both boats and thus with me in the picture now, she would not have my boyfriend anymore.

 

[leemei04140414]

Great to hear that. In that case, she is just being a bitch. Its a tough thing but I think just pick up the kids with your bf as per normal and ignore her. She might be just plain jealous that the kids are happy & her ex hubby is happy with u too but dont fall into the trap by snapping at her. The best thing to do in my opinion is to continue to smile at her despite all. You know what? When one fails to irritate you despite all she has done and u appear not to be disturb or irritated by her, that drives her really crazy bcos she cant do any thing =LL. And maybe she will learn to be a nicer person.

 

[kizmoiarse]

I totally agree with you! The more we tried to irritate someone and the person has no response the more we will be pissed off! And at the same time this showed our good upbringing. And perhaps will really made her look at herself why was she behaving in such an immature way...

on the other hand it really disturbed for the past few days but today getting better. Thank you

 

[miloice]

she is blaming you because she regrets and want it back in the marriage. However, with your presence, she knows its probably impossible. In relationships, hard to say whose fault and who start it first. This is not some kid fight where you complain to teacher she beat it first. If you see it that way, then you realize why she is taking it out on you. It is not a justification for her mean behavior. Just suggesting to what may be going through her mind.

 

[kizmoiarse]

that is the question i really wanted to ask her very much. but then the past one week it seems like she and that guy still together much and going on well but ya who knows it may be for an appearance. Thank you for your advice...

But i have a worry... if she really wants the family back, will my boyfriend takes her back especially since he always wanted a complete family for his children.

 

[miloice]

what is the point of asking her. Remember that pride and defensive behavior will probably make it a bad conflict and achieve nothing at all. When you choose to be in a relationship with a man still undergoing separation, these are the repercussions that come with it.