Salary higher than partner
- Thread starter marilyn28
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old_fashion
New Member
Should not feel sad... it's very common that gals are earning more these days...
Unless the gal keep on saying that you are "useless", "good for nothing" etc.. It's ego problem...
Unless the gal keep on saying that you are "useless", "good for nothing" etc.. It's ego problem...
alcifertoh
New Member
But why would a gal say that you are useless or good for nothing if you are earning less than her? Doesn't quite link to ego in this sense.
Thanks ... I was just wondering only..
Coz my cousin always said this/that girl are too good for him. Must find someone with lower salary.
To me, i think it should be alright, its not like last time anymore. In Singapore husband and wife go out working and at home husband also helps wife do housework.
Coz my cousin always said this/that girl are too good for him. Must find someone with lower salary.
To me, i think it should be alright, its not like last time anymore. In Singapore husband and wife go out working and at home husband also helps wife do housework.
If either party feels Bothered by the income disparity, then alot of education has to go to both parties in terms of Understanding Incomes...
Despite so much New facts on income & new industries... i find many sporeans Very uneducated in terms of reading salary, prospects & niche...
so honestly, your question is too generic to be applied as an umbrella. Expectations very and Understanding vary... some salaries are gradual, some rise sharply after a certain stage, some are exponential...
as an observation, i see pple generally changing jobs for 20% increments... these are the gradual ones... there's also niche groups who can double their salary with each move, maybe upto abt 25k before it's 20% increments.
as a guide, if i was a Lady, i would never go out with guys who feel Sad if their salary is lesser than mine...
Despite so much New facts on income & new industries... i find many sporeans Very uneducated in terms of reading salary, prospects & niche...
so honestly, your question is too generic to be applied as an umbrella. Expectations very and Understanding vary... some salaries are gradual, some rise sharply after a certain stage, some are exponential...
as an observation, i see pple generally changing jobs for 20% increments... these are the gradual ones... there's also niche groups who can double their salary with each move, maybe upto abt 25k before it's 20% increments.
as a guide, if i was a Lady, i would never go out with guys who feel Sad if their salary is lesser than mine...
your cousin is an Idiot with low self esteem. he needs to date pple of 'lower pay' cos he sees that as a measurement of a person's self worth... and instead of increasing his self-worth in his own eyes thru increasing his financial worth... he hunts for lower-paid girls as partners.
i have a poor view of pple who need to hang around weaker pple to feel good about themselves...
i have a poor view of pple who need to hang around weaker pple to feel good about themselves...
jan4january
New Member
earning more doesnt mean the woman is superior than hubby, hubby shdnt feel sad at all. i know some man r more than happy to tell d world their wives r earning more, they feel proud instead of sad
green_tranquility
New Member
Haha I ever posted that question to my bf. He replied that he would be more than happy if the gal earn more than him! It would mean a better standard of life for them.
princesshappy
New Member
agree that more salary does not equate to superiority in a relationship. so does it mean that when the guy is earning 4 times more than the girl in the relationship, she shld have low self-esteem and a low view of herself and treat the guy like god?
i feel that as a couple, whether which party earns more, it is good to the couple as a whole, and not just as individuals.
and if your cousin sought to look for partners who earn lower than him, then it would be a vicious cycle where his standard of living will never improve and his own worth will never improve. cos he is forever better than the one lower than him...
i feel that as a couple, whether which party earns more, it is good to the couple as a whole, and not just as individuals.
and if your cousin sought to look for partners who earn lower than him, then it would be a vicious cycle where his standard of living will never improve and his own worth will never improve. cos he is forever better than the one lower than him...
sunflower75
New Member
My opinion is that its better for the guy to have a higher salary compared to his wife. A man's ego is very strong and in the long term, if the wife continue to earn more money, he will feel inferior and later the marriage will start to have problems (of cos depend on individual).
I used to know a friend who face such problem and the marriage was horrible. Her husband became inferior after getting a lower-income job when he was retrenched. After speaking to some counsellors, they managed to find out that he feel bad that the wife earn so much more than him and his wife is paying for the household expenses. A story to share but it may not apply to anyone, so whoever read this, just keep an open mind.
I used to know a friend who face such problem and the marriage was horrible. Her husband became inferior after getting a lower-income job when he was retrenched. After speaking to some counsellors, they managed to find out that he feel bad that the wife earn so much more than him and his wife is paying for the household expenses. A story to share but it may not apply to anyone, so whoever read this, just keep an open mind.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
The problem lies NOT in the pay size but the man himself who takes issue with it.
excited_excited
New Member
Actually i agreed with SUNFLOWER, i would like my partner to earn more than me.
Partly, I like my man to held his head high. Partly i don't need to be watching my words in order not to hurt his feeling. If any disagreement, they won't say "you earn more, so voice louder is it"
Partly, I like my man to held his head high. Partly i don't need to be watching my words in order not to hurt his feeling. If any disagreement, they won't say "you earn more, so voice louder is it"
Not necessary that a guy will feel inferior if the partner is earning more.
It depends on a couple of factors.
It is sometimes the woman's thinking as well. Like here there are women who prefer their other half to earn more? It has an unintended effect on their other half.
It depends on a couple of factors.
It is sometimes the woman's thinking as well. Like here there are women who prefer their other half to earn more? It has an unintended effect on their other half.
excited_excited
New Member
Hi SM, not true.
I'm still schooling when my hubby is working. I can feel that he is very depressed when he is earning little. N you can hear from the little hint here and there that he is worried. Maybe i'm over-sensitive, but i rather him to be happy and confident.
I'm still schooling when my hubby is working. I can feel that he is very depressed when he is earning little. N you can hear from the little hint here and there that he is worried. Maybe i'm over-sensitive, but i rather him to be happy and confident.
excited,
He is depressed when he is earning little.. you are still schooling.. nothing to do with you earning more right?
So it is his own personal problem of earning little. Of course for a him, making money is important because he is making little.. and later on, if you happen to make more than him.. it will make it worse.
But the problem was there in the first place.
He is depressed when he is earning little.. you are still schooling.. nothing to do with you earning more right?
So it is his own personal problem of earning little. Of course for a him, making money is important because he is making little.. and later on, if you happen to make more than him.. it will make it worse.
But the problem was there in the first place.
green_tranquility
New Member
I agree with Simpleman. If the man minds his gal earning more than him, then he should get motivated to excel in this career and earn more $$$ instead of brooding over it and do nothing.
excited_excited
New Member
That's y, it is not the unintention effect of woman's thinking on the other half. Sometimes, it could be the family brought up.
So as a partner and you know it's the soft spot of the man, you will respect it.
So as a partner and you know it's the soft spot of the man, you will respect it.
excited_excited
New Member
Green, i don't agreed on it. It may not be as easy as working hard only.
If the gal is a doc and the guy is a nurse. Regardless how hard you work, you can never match.
If the gal is a doc and the guy is a nurse. Regardless how hard you work, you can never match.
green_tranquility
New Member
Excited,
Haha u got me wrong. I'm saying IF THE GUY MINDS. If the guy doesn't mind, then it's fine to carry on with the condition.
Like what Siao said, if the guy or gal minds about disparity of salaries, then they should take that into consideration before starting on the r/s.
Haha u got me wrong. I'm saying IF THE GUY MINDS. If the guy doesn't mind, then it's fine to carry on with the condition.
Like what Siao said, if the guy or gal minds about disparity of salaries, then they should take that into consideration before starting on the r/s.
excited_excited
New Member
that why, it's related. Higher salary, position?
excited_excited
New Member
And crazy guy, Love is very difficult to understand.
What if the gal is a student on attachment, the guy is already working. The problem wouldn't surface until the gal is working. So will you break off when the problem surface.
Or in the first place, you wouldn't even date the gal?
What if the gal is a student on attachment, the guy is already working. The problem wouldn't surface until the gal is working. So will you break off when the problem surface.
Or in the first place, you wouldn't even date the gal?
i think u still dun get the pic...if u r very concerned about the other partner earning power, then its better for both parties to called it off..
let use the doc n nurse case..the lady despite being just an attachment, she will eventually be a doc..the guy will forever be a nurse..so if the gal mind the gap, she should be able to forsee the future..so she should just not even start a r/s w the guy nurse..
love should not be tat complicated....same qualification, same position, same salary etc doesnt mean u will have a happy r/s...
let use the doc n nurse case..the lady despite being just an attachment, she will eventually be a doc..the guy will forever be a nurse..so if the gal mind the gap, she should be able to forsee the future..so she should just not even start a r/s w the guy nurse..
love should not be tat complicated....same qualification, same position, same salary etc doesnt mean u will have a happy r/s...
Excited,
If you are dating a guy and it is the family-brought-up that the guy has the mentality that he must earn more than the wife.. then you should already know when dating.. this is important.
And then if you still want accept him.. your thinking is important too.. whether you can accept him for what he is..
If you are dating a guy and it is the family-brought-up that the guy has the mentality that he must earn more than the wife.. then you should already know when dating.. this is important.
And then if you still want accept him.. your thinking is important too.. whether you can accept him for what he is..
wah what nonsense here man...
A guy earning little and feeling shitty abt it is irrespective of whether her has a partner or not. He is earning little. the only effect of a partner is - he feel shittier.
a lady earning more than a guy is OK and i have absolutely no problems with it... normally it's 1. Guys who have problem with it becos they garner their Confidence from their paycheck, 2. Guys who Dun Like to lose to girls (gender-based thingie), 3. Gals who keep thinking guys have a problem with it.
in the Doc/Nurse scenario... i'd be happy being the nurse. some guys Cannot, they MUST earn more... so isn't it obvious he has to bloody quit his job to do something tat puts him on par with docs?
end of the day this whole entire thing is abt bruised egoes and inflated pride... predominantly NEEDED by those who derive their self-worth from their paycheck and position.
Ever Wonder why it is the ladies who Always ask such questions??? and u're telling me the guy has the problem... this thread tells u that it originates from?
guys who feel inferior with a lower pay should not even be married. they should just go shoot themselves for being depressed instead of being motivated.
A guy earning little and feeling shitty abt it is irrespective of whether her has a partner or not. He is earning little. the only effect of a partner is - he feel shittier.
a lady earning more than a guy is OK and i have absolutely no problems with it... normally it's 1. Guys who have problem with it becos they garner their Confidence from their paycheck, 2. Guys who Dun Like to lose to girls (gender-based thingie), 3. Gals who keep thinking guys have a problem with it.
in the Doc/Nurse scenario... i'd be happy being the nurse. some guys Cannot, they MUST earn more... so isn't it obvious he has to bloody quit his job to do something tat puts him on par with docs?
end of the day this whole entire thing is abt bruised egoes and inflated pride... predominantly NEEDED by those who derive their self-worth from their paycheck and position.
Ever Wonder why it is the ladies who Always ask such questions??? and u're telling me the guy has the problem... this thread tells u that it originates from?
guys who feel inferior with a lower pay should not even be married. they should just go shoot themselves for being depressed instead of being motivated.
but some guys are getting too egoistic, earning less than their partners.. my ex used to nag and nag at me when i was earning more than him and nagging at me for spending my own money buying branded stuff...but the prob is i am using my own money, i don see why he need to nag.
passerby30
New Member
I think some of the views are too simplistic.
I think you have to specify how much more is the wife earning and are they comfortable in sharing income?
IF the husband does not like taking money from the wife (which some guys feel that way, I do at least) and the wife earns much more, I think there is a problem. Just because the lifestyle the wife leads will be drastically different from the husband, ie she can afford things for herself that the husband cannot afford or have to save and scrimp for months to be able to.
like that how to live together for long? Of course, if the husband can chi ruan fan easily, then no problem lor. both of u can lead a similar lifestyle, no friction. just the occasional problem of noisy relatives, etc. minor issues
I think you have to specify how much more is the wife earning and are they comfortable in sharing income?
IF the husband does not like taking money from the wife (which some guys feel that way, I do at least) and the wife earns much more, I think there is a problem. Just because the lifestyle the wife leads will be drastically different from the husband, ie she can afford things for herself that the husband cannot afford or have to save and scrimp for months to be able to.
like that how to live together for long? Of course, if the husband can chi ruan fan easily, then no problem lor. both of u can lead a similar lifestyle, no friction. just the occasional problem of noisy relatives, etc. minor issues
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Alan, the relationship between two people is very dynamic. Nothing is constant. There is no guarantee too. If you can't exercise some flexibility here and there, it is very hard to be married and feel happy.
the_giving_tree
New Member
The guy may earn more than the girl today but circumstances change, don't they? 2-5 years down the road, the reverse may happen. Then how, divorce huh?
Before we were married, I only had an A-level certificate and my hubby was an honours degree graduate. 16 years later, I completed my Masters but my hubby, due to work commitment, has not gone for any further studies since his graduation.
Circumstances change with time. Salary, qualifications, all these are variables that can change with time. Why base a marriage on these superficial variables?
Before we were married, I only had an A-level certificate and my hubby was an honours degree graduate. 16 years later, I completed my Masters but my hubby, due to work commitment, has not gone for any further studies since his graduation.
Circumstances change with time. Salary, qualifications, all these are variables that can change with time. Why base a marriage on these superficial variables?
that's so right..
think it all boils down to one's sense of self-worth, aligned-pride and vision towards the future.
while there are still pple and organizations like sdu who judge pple's earnng ability and finances thru their academic qualifications, the world has since evolved to one where character and personality plays a greater role. Strive is a very important factor and if u marry person with this quality, chances are - they will progress regardless of environment.
well, it might be good that some pple can't see beyond. they might not deserve what they think they do...
think it all boils down to one's sense of self-worth, aligned-pride and vision towards the future.
while there are still pple and organizations like sdu who judge pple's earnng ability and finances thru their academic qualifications, the world has since evolved to one where character and personality plays a greater role. Strive is a very important factor and if u marry person with this quality, chances are - they will progress regardless of environment.
well, it might be good that some pple can't see beyond. they might not deserve what they think they do...
My feel:
why focus so much on such superficial criteria like salary? so what if he is earning less than she? How much more is more?
As long as it's nt too low, why bother so much?
Why not focus more on whether he love and care for u. How high he place u in his priority list etc...
Actually there's a saying "when guy has (too much) $$, he will have stray tots and create trouble"
why focus so much on such superficial criteria like salary? so what if he is earning less than she? How much more is more?
As long as it's nt too low, why bother so much?
Why not focus more on whether he love and care for u. How high he place u in his priority list etc...
Actually there's a saying "when guy has (too much) $$, he will have stray tots and create trouble"
I definitely don't mind my partner earning less than me but he minds. I know because incidentally I earn more and he used to drop hints like how he should be a house-husband. He just has a very traditional mindset which is abit hard to change.
But I think most guys in this 21st century should be different and fairly open their partners earning more / less / whatever?
I agree with Milo though. The main issue at stake is the individual's views on how the salary should be spent. For example, my partner always wanted to buy a condo. I'm perfectly happy in a HDB flat in a great location. So we tried to reach some sort of a middle ground.
But I think most guys in this 21st century should be different and fairly open their partners earning more / less / whatever?
I agree with Milo though. The main issue at stake is the individual's views on how the salary should be spent. For example, my partner always wanted to buy a condo. I'm perfectly happy in a HDB flat in a great location. So we tried to reach some sort of a middle ground.
if my partner earns more than me, i shld be happy for her, cos it shows she is capable mah...and she chose me, i m chosen by a capable woman, so i shld be good as well.. feels goods ah.. haha
If she just because she earns more looks down on me then i wun hesitate to kick her away.
To me the most impt thing is tat even when u have some acheivement, u shld keep ur humility u never know when u will be down again
If she just because she earns more looks down on me then i wun hesitate to kick her away.
To me the most impt thing is tat even when u have some acheivement, u shld keep ur humility u never know when u will be down again
miloice
Well-Known Member
Alan wrote : "Of course, if the husband can chi ruan fan easily, then no problem lor"... this suggestion can be misleading.
Point is, there are plenty of men out there that doesn't see his self worth by benchmarking how much he makes in comparison with his woman or anyone else. I'm not pretending... Everyone has pride. And I do prefer to be more successful. But preference and minding is on a different level altogether. When we place our egos and pride above logic, marriage and everything, that becomes overbearing.... A clear reflection of what a person priorities and values. Everything is about him and how capable he is. And his wife must not out-perform him. Man... this is really crap. Behind this big inflated balloon of ego is a man with poor self-esteem. He needs to hide behind all these to feel important and great.
Point is, there are plenty of men out there that doesn't see his self worth by benchmarking how much he makes in comparison with his woman or anyone else. I'm not pretending... Everyone has pride. And I do prefer to be more successful. But preference and minding is on a different level altogether. When we place our egos and pride above logic, marriage and everything, that becomes overbearing.... A clear reflection of what a person priorities and values. Everything is about him and how capable he is. And his wife must not out-perform him. Man... this is really crap. Behind this big inflated balloon of ego is a man with poor self-esteem. He needs to hide behind all these to feel important and great.
passerby30
New Member
??
what is so misleading? I just basically said the same thing as you. If the husband can "chi ruan fan", ie spend the wife's money, then I feel it is ok. Basically, if the husband is the kind who dun really care about earning powress, money, etc, can be happy living life with his wife and spending his wife's money, then it is ok.
Seriously, the case I am saying is when the wife earns much more than the husband. There is only two ways out. One the wife live the more humble lifestyle of the husband and dun spend her money (unlikely), two the husband live the more extravagent lifestyle of the wife and spend the wife's money.
What I am saying is, the marriage will not last if they lead different lifestyles, one rich and one poor.
Seriously, if u read my post, I never said that the wife must not out perform the man. I just stated the conditions which I think it is POSSIBLE for the marriage to last when the wife earns MUCH MORE than the husband.
what is so misleading? I just basically said the same thing as you. If the husband can "chi ruan fan", ie spend the wife's money, then I feel it is ok. Basically, if the husband is the kind who dun really care about earning powress, money, etc, can be happy living life with his wife and spending his wife's money, then it is ok.
Seriously, the case I am saying is when the wife earns much more than the husband. There is only two ways out. One the wife live the more humble lifestyle of the husband and dun spend her money (unlikely), two the husband live the more extravagent lifestyle of the wife and spend the wife's money.
What I am saying is, the marriage will not last if they lead different lifestyles, one rich and one poor.
Seriously, if u read my post, I never said that the wife must not out perform the man. I just stated the conditions which I think it is POSSIBLE for the marriage to last when the wife earns MUCH MORE than the husband.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
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