Questions on Divorce & Children Custody

distraught10

New Member
Hi I need some advice here. My husband and I have been married for almost 9 years. Due to many issues he is now requesting us to part separate ways. We started having problems 6 years ago and they never really got resolved and were always being swept under the carpet. So, now it has come to a point where he said he won't be able to continue any further and now wants out.

the truth is, I could see this coming and it's only a matter of time one of us would break and now over a small argument, he decided we should settle this once and for all.

I told him I am not willing to split for the sake of our two children 5.5 years old (boy) and 1.5 years old (girl). even if that means I am trapped in a unhappy marriage. my children are my live. he is determined and wants us to take a child each and part amiably. he wants the boy and said I can have the girl. if i don't agree with the arrangement of the children, he'd spend all his will, money, to fight for custody to get the boy (or at least a child). I have some questions and would like to hear some of your advices.

I am working and is earning more than my husband. our flat is under both our names and his car is under only his name. my parents have been the primary care giver for my boy for 2 years since his birth, and my girl recently since my new maid started and needed a lot of coaching and supervision.

1) If i disagree to divorce and he said he will proceed with a lawyer anyway, what does this mean? Can he still proceed to divorce me anyway?
2) What are my chances with my children, if really divorce is the path to go, I would want to have custody for both children, what are my chances?
3) What should I do to increase the chances of me having custody for both my children?
4) is there anyone with similar experience which I could consult? or any good lawyer to recommend?
5) can i request for alimony from husband even though i earn more?

that's all for now. I am really confused and sad. the thought of it really makes my heart weep. thanks in advance for all your inputs.
 


simpleman

Active Member
Your chances of having custody of both children are good.. In fact the court will favour joint custody.

Is there any reason why he insisted on each taking a child? The best is to discuss with him amicably and let him have the advice of lawyers.

When it comes to children custody the question is not what the parents want.. but what is best for the children. It would make sense for both of you to cast aside your wants and desires and discuss about what is best for the children. The law would favour joint custody.

Moreover, if you split amicably it is very possible to be great parents to your children after divorce.

And lastly I repeat again, instead of asking how to increase your chances of having custody, think about what is the best for the children in the circumstances.

As for alimony, you could ask for it but up to the judge. I would think asking for maintenance for the children would make more sense since you are already earning more than him.
 

infojunkie

Active Member
"he is determined and wants us to take a child each and part amiably. he wants the boy and said I can have the girl. if i don't agree with the arrangement of the children, he'd spend all his will, money, to fight for custody to get the boy (or at least a child)."

dun think he will go to such extreme measures, but think of the worst case scenario just in case. pls take note of the following:

Taking your child out of Singapore

If anyone threatens to take your child out of Singapore without your consent, you may apply to Court and obtain an order to prevent him from doing so. If he disobeys the Court order, he may be guilty of contempt and may be fined or imprisoned (if he can be found).

Source: The Law Society of Singapore
 

simpleman

Active Member
Personally I wouldnt agree or want to split the children. I think that is what the court will prefer as well - not to split the children - unless there are special circumstances.

If given a choice, I would rather give up custody than to split the children among parents.

Parents who want their children at all costs are generally "worse" parents - cos they only think about themselves, what they want and not for the benefit of the children.
 

distraught10

New Member
Thanks all for your advices.

What does joint custody mean? the kids to live with either parent and that parent will have care and control over the kids? while the other parent has visitation right?

also forgot to mention, I am a Sg PR and would there be any impact to the court's decision? I intend to continue staying here.
 

distraught10

New Member
sorry, one more question. Do I need to get my own lawyer or can we share a lawyer? What's the implication by sharing?

Anyone of you have any good lawyers to recommend?
 

infojunkie

Active Member
i suggest u get ur own lawyer since u and ur soon-to-be-ex dun see eye to eye with each other on the issue.
 

simpleman

Active Member
If you are not going to contest then no need to engage a lawyer. Not going to contest means you both have generally agreed on the terms of divorce. If both are not agreeable, you have to engage a lawyer and I don't think you can use the same lawyer in this instance as there will be conflict of interest.
 

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