Pregnant & needs advice...

E

enxuan

New Member
Currently, i am 2 monrhs pregnant and wish to keep the baby.

However, i intended to further my degree and have already make plans for it.

My bf is a married man, whom i know after they are seperated for more than half a year. Their seperation got nothing to do wirh me as wife have been sleepin around with many men right after their marriage. Due to very tight finance, they have not file for divorce.

My bf is barely earning 1.5k a month after deducting CPF. And, he is supporting their only child who lives with him. To make things worse, he has many bank loans and barely left a hundred or two each month for himself after everything.

Now he is also oweing too many phone bills as these lines were sign up to sell the phone to temporary have some cash.

I already have 4 abortions before and each time i feel very emotional abt it. I cried myself to sleep every night... Sometimes talking to "them" as though they are by my side always. My bf is scared when i do this and i try not to do it infront of him.

I even buy some baby things when i go shoppin or pass by and children stuff thinking n writing their in a corner...

I had no choice to abort them then as i was very young. If the 1st one is here on Earth, she would have been 5yrs. Older than my bf's child.

Now, after having unprotected sex, as frequent as every other day, for already close to 10 mths, i'm finally pregnant.

I am very worried these abortions have cause me to be so infertile and only be preganant now, therefore its one of my reason for not wanting to go for another abortion. i really do love kids.

But, seeing my bf persistant not keeping the baby and always quarrel with me whenever i bring up the subject of keeping the baby, i'm prepared to go for abortion due to my surrender to all this "headache"...

I feel very heartbroken whenever he wants to give the 2 choice... 1) keep the baby & breakup. 2) if want to be together, abort the baby.

However, he give me his promise of keeping the next one no matter what. But, i already have 4 abortions and this is the 5th one... Who can guarentee i can have another baby again???

i use to love and care for his daughter much... Have a lot of patience for her... However, due to my bf not wanting to keep this baby has cause me to hate his daughter alot...

I know this is unreasonable and keep telling myself she is innocent. However, its bcos of her existant , my baby does not have a chance to live... Cos of financial and his status... he said if he is single, he dun mind getting married and keep the baby...

i tell him, if we abort this baby, i will never want his girl to be in my life till my/our next baby is here and if i feel "justified".

Simply, it's ironic for me to abort my baby in place to take care of his child. Why should i care for someone child / "Person who is the Cause of my child's death" when i can / should care for own rather.... This is so much anger and unfairness i feel...

I am battling with my own emotions and thoughts... i am also thinking of giving birth overseas and bla bla.... thinking of possible ways and means to keep the baby... But, financially burdened too... plus single mom cant have baby bonus as a "temp help".

i even thought of lying to my bf that i've aborted the baby and wait for a while more and tell him i'm pregnant again... so we can keep this baby... n he promise to get divorce next month....

Compare to him, i have much more to sacrifice as i come from a family who cares alot abt reputatuion as my dad is a businessman... i will have to forgo my degree too...

i dun understand why he so persistant not wanting this baby...
 


Junkie, i understand wad u mean... However, i must say i really feel its hard to let go... i am really attached to him and i also dun wan people to sat i keep changing bf...

in a r/s , i tried my very best to hold on to it... i treat it serious...
 
Since u had four abortions in the past + frequent sex, why not you take precaution? The pills are not expensive.

Your bf say he will keep the "next one", are both of you not planning not to use precaution in the future as well??
 
Susanna, i cant take pills... i tried but, i will fever, vomit and stomach very pain... we cant use condoms too... he will be soft and i will be "dead fish". No feeling...
 
Enxuan, u wan to consider IUD? My frd had several abortions since teenager and when she finally married the guy that she like, she's having serious bleeding throughout the pregnancy but luckily she managed to keep the bb.
After birth, she go for IUD immediately to avoid another trauma.
IUD will not affect the "feel" during sexual intercourse. A few friends and I had go for IUD as well since we do not want another child and unwanted pregnancy is definitely a no no even though we are married. It is a responsibility.

As a woman, we should also take good care of our body as one abortion = 3 pregnancy. It is very harmful to health.

You might be young but then if we comes to our mum's age, there might be alot of "side effects".
 
if u ever opt for an abortion, i'll pledge here to sponsor u 1yr's supply of oral contraceptives of your choice.

since condoms isn't your thing...

u have a very lucky bfren... who has a pretty dumb gfren...
 
"Junkie, i understand wad u mean... "

no. u dun understand what i meant.

if u understood, u would see how laughable it was for u to defend ur so-called 'love'
happy.gif


pls wake up... u're wasting ur life away!
 
If love is blind, it's time for you to wake up from the nightmare.

Without love, u might feel lonely or at times envy other lovely-dovey couples but you wont die. Sorry to say that, being in a r/s like now, there's high chance to die faster.

You will definitely achieve more and do better in life without this guy being a extra baggage burdening you.

All parents have high hopes for their children to choose the right path in life and not to waste their youth.

Do seriously take time to consider and plan well for your future. There's no turning back of time if you choose the wrong path and also the wrong guy to be with.
 
understand your dilemma. actually you also know that it is of your own doing (remember forummers advised you against pregnancy last time).

i think if you want to abort again, you need to check with your dr about how seriously it may affect your fertility.

you have a long way ahead of you. no need to sacrifice your fertility bcos of this one guy. if the dr advices against it, you should keep the child.

bcos if you become infertile as a result of abortion, end up one day, when he wants to have second child, you will not able to produce one for him. and he may leave you for another woman anyway.

if you keep the child, he/she will always remain as a bond between you and your bf. provided that you are responsible enough to care for the baby as a single mum. he may grow to accept him/her in future.

this is just my two cents' worth. always think long term. your problem is you only see the short term.
 
Ya great... 1.5k a month, gonna be divorced and pay support, and have 1 kid then maybe another... I seriously think some of u live purely by emotions and will die badly by it...

Few years more and u realize it isn't love... But u're so far up your own lies that u will prefer to go into denial than to admit u made a mistake.

And how many brands and type of oral contraceptive have u tried?
 
"if you keep the child, he/she will always remain as a bond between you and your bf"

pls dun feed her romantic notion so she will keep the child.

i dun think she's fit enuff to be a mother...

with this type of mindset, it might not be a bad thing for her if she's gonna become infertile due to one more abortion.
 
Yes, i agree with many of u , i am responsible for my own deeds and i seriously asking for advice here... I cant simply now turn back the hands of time...

I have everything i need and want.. Except love and a family to call my own... Despite many guys in my life, i have been so deeply wounded... i have nothing in life to look forward to... i dun have a job to keep me busy, a job to look forward to and wake up for it... I am just wasting my time away... i jus wan a love that can blooms into a marriage , a marriage with a family to call mu own...

Junkie, if i am not fit to be a mother is not for you to say. Sorry if i am offensive, but u think of wad u said.

If i am not fit, there's much more people who are worse... Those who kill n rape their own kids??

Btw, everyone will be a first time mother, who knows if they are fit or not? Think of a smarter way to talk n advice others n not just cause me more saddness n pain.. i appreciate.
 
My family definately can support me and my baby, they are willingly to let me keep as well, since previous pregnancy, they give me no pressure, and respect me choice.

In fact, my bf's parents also wants the baby and already accept me as they "DIL". As they knew i am preggy, they advice me how to take good care of baby and accompany me to doctor's visits...

Its the pain i see that is my bf decision....
 
problem is u NEVER LEARN from ur mistakes!

if u wanna be a better person, u won't make the same mistake twice...

but u get urself pregnant FOUR more times!

cos he will be soft and u will be "dead fish" and No feeling... so NO CONDOMS!
 
En xuan,

U have a record of making bad decisions... If u still believe int trusting your feelings then nobody can stop u, but u should not expect others to agree whenever u make bad decisions...
 
Though u said in Jan that ur bf will get divorce in apr if not you'll end the r/s. Who's going to support the child? Have u done any STD tests? I think you should. It is for the future of ur child if you are gg to keep.
 
Is it life has been such a breeze that you have nothing to look forward to?Fresh out from school, the onl y thing in my mind is to earn $$ and not to burden my family.
Only when i have a stable job and income then i started to look for the so called love and it doesn't even stand the main priority of my life.
My family and friends are! They are the ones who fulfilled my life and not solely on love.

There are things that you have to work hard for and not to expect them to knock on ur door steps. Do also cherish those who truly care for you instead of only beind blinded by love.
Even if you wanted to start a family, the very basis is to find a guy who's willing to do that with you and not being forced down the throat.
A family is to be built on a strong foundation of trust, love, responsibility and respect
You have stated that you are wounded many times but then have you ever wondered the prb lies in you? Do you have the tendency to be attracted to "bad boys" or just simply jump into a r/s with any interested guys and ended up wounded?

To be fit enough to be a mother, are you prepared to take on the sole responsibility to be a single mother inclusive of sacrificing your
future happiness instead of pushing to your parents or whoever else? Are u strong enough to say NO and call it off if your future partner dislike and being abusive to your child? Are u able to protect ur bb till the end of your life?
Having a bb is not as simple as buying them clothes and bringing them out for shopping. It is a life long responsibilty to love them and to protect them as long as we live. Are u able to when u couldn't take care of yourself?F
Frankly speaking, you doesn't even sound right-minded when u say your bf's daughter is the cause of the abortion and you "hate" her for it. Who created the bb and whose fault was it? Did she ask u for the bb? She's already suffering for her irresponsibility parents.
Do you want another bb to suffer like her?

You want to be a mother? learn to take on responsibility for your own actions and not to push to whoever.

If you can be strong and responsible, go ahead even if you do not have the support of your bf. In fact, i think you will be even better off without him.
Even if he say yes, u think he has the extra cash to support you financially? The reason of him to say NO is he really cant AFFORD to feed another mouth and he also doesn't want another responsibility. He has been getting into more and more troubles.
Baby bonus is NOTHING when it comes to bringing up a child. It is not even enough to cover the confinement and not to mention about the bb expenses.
 
enxuan, i have no practical advice for you as your problem is complex beyond my experience.

however, i am very curious about you.

from the way you write, you seem to relatively educated and capable of coherent reasoning.

however, the way you act defies all logic.

(1) first of all, you seem to be forward-thinking and seeking improvement in your life, by planning to further your tertiary education.

at the same time, you are going around with a married man who has no positive value-add to your life.

(2) you are full of regret over the previous abortions.

yet, you refuse to take any form of contraception because you want max sxual pleasure, LEADING To your repeated pregnancies.


i have the following analysis:

(1) you are a person who wants to have your cake and eat it. you want something but you wish that you do not have to face its consequences. this is ILLOGICAL behaviour stemming from ILLOGICAL thinking.

(2) you are remorseful, but your remorse does not lead to repentence. you feel guilty over the past abortions, but still you refuse to correct your subsequent actions. hence, your emotions are just useless expressions of your conscience. your actions CONTRADICT your emotions.

i am NO counsellor or psychiatrist, far from it. but you seem to me to suffer from Double Personality. one side of you wants to be studious and feels deeply for the abortions. the other side of you goes for the wrong men and engages in unprotected sex.

i strongly suggest that you go to a qualified, certified doctor of mental health who can diagnose you and give you the proper medical care for your behavioural dysfunction.

(i am not saying this to mock you, i am saying this in utmost earnestness and sincerity)

in the meantime, pls look after yourself and not catch an STD from all the unprotected sex you are indulging in day in day out.
 
I simply feel you are not ready to be a mum, it consist of lots of responsibility, you have too much things on your mind, too concern abt your bf's thinkings.. better think twice. Your bf promised that he will keep the next bb, will he keep his promise? Too many side effects with abortions,also, financially , can you support this baby?
 
since you say your family can support the child, then keep it. if this was your first accident pregnancy, i will say go for abortion. but you already killed four lives. you should let this one live and not sin anymore.

all i ask is that you ensure that your family can care for the baby and has the means to support the baby. since both sets of parents are happy with the new addition to the family, i believe they will do their best to help you.

and for yourself, please learn finally how to be a responsible adult. let this be a turning point for you. don't blame your bf's other daughter. she was around before you came along. if you want to talk about hate, she's the one who ought to hate you from taking away so much of her father's time. you have no right to hate her.

maybe after you have your own child, you will see things better from your bf's point of view. he is a father and he knows how expensive it is to have a child in singapore. that's why he didn't want to have another with his low salary. now you still can't understand because you never tried to raise a child before.
 
no sensible man will ever want to hv babies with her, let alone marrying her... cos she's no 'wife material'.

anyway, the current bfren is not the only one hving impregnated her unwittingly, and i hv every reason to believe that he won't be the last one.

can't U see? all they want from U is to hv some fun...

well, en xuan is just an impressionable kid, who thinks she's doing the 'in' thing cos that makes her look 'cool'.

a rich kid living an empty life.

a life without purpose...

i wonder if she ever connected emotionally to anyone in her life? it could be the yearning to do so, coupled with the lack of maturity, that is leading her to all these senseless deeds...

an earlier thread started by her: http://www.singaporebrides.com/forumboard/messages/5/1331328.html?1263895872#POST4091518
 
oo,

I read the earlier thread. Its so damn messed up.

Leopard never changes its spots.

And I found her on facebook, thats interesting.
 
En xuan,

Do read:
"However, i intended to further my degree and have already make plans for it."
I think you should go for ur degree since the plans were made. Alhtough with a baby, you might be more harder for u to concentrate but it's ur future not his. He can ask you to abort now, but he can always make up an excuse to break up with you later on.

"Their seperation got nothing to do wirh me as wife have been sleepin around with many men right after their marriage. Due to very tight finance, they have not file for divorce."
"My bf is barely earning 1.5k a month after deducting CPF. And, he is supporting their only child who lives with him. To make things worse, he has many bank loans and barely left a hundred or two each month for himself after everything."
Since he have financail prob, how would he able to give you a future and a need to feed another two mouth(you and ur baby )?

"I already have 4 abortions before and each time i feel very emotional abt it. I cried myself to sleep every night... Sometimes talking to "them" as though they are by my side always."
As a nurse, I do went thru alot of patients who need an abortions for unwanted babies and some that is for unhealthy babies.And after every abortion done, the mothers comfirm break down. There are even monthers that cried and break down before the procedures starts. Physically, there might also be a chance that you might not be able to pregnant again with your future husband(i hope you will get one.). and thru 4 times of abortions, i think you had been thru all the pains and emotions during the very first one coz usually, first time is the sadness time and yet u able to make thru 4 times and i went WOW! If you go thru this would be the 5th time, I not sure whether is you are immuned to the feeling or wad... I dun understand...

"Now, after having unprotected sex, as frequent as every other day, for already close to 10 mths, i'm finally pregnant."
Is this part of ur plan for a future with this man?

But, seeing my bf persistant not keeping the baby and always quarrel with me whenever i bring up the subject of keeping the baby, i'm prepared to go for abortion due to my surrender to all this "headache"...
SEE, Coz to surrender to all those headaches, you decided to risk yourself going thru another time accompanied with risk factors.


"However, he give me his promise of keeping the next one no matter what. But, i already have 4 abortions and this is the 5th one... Who can guarentee i can have another baby again???"
His promise? Even if it's the next baby came, i think and presume he will tell you the same thing again and if even worst, he will cut contact with you...

"I use to love and care for his daughter much... Have a lot of patience for her... However, due to my bf not wanting to keep this baby has cause me to hate his daughter alot..."
Wad for to continue at the first place when you memtions not to mingle with married guy from your previous topic.Even have feelings, sometimes, if there is a need to let go, sure need to let go instead to let things becoming more and more worst like now...

"I know this is unreasonable and keep telling myself she is innocent. However, its bcos of her existant , my baby does not have a chance to live... "
"Simply, it's ironic for me to abort my baby in place to take care of his child. Why should i care for someone child / "Person who is the Cause of my child's death" when i can / should care for own rather.... This is so much anger and unfairness i feel..."
With this mindset, i probably think someday, the newspaper will print"Stepmother abused/killed her stepchildren."

thinking of possible ways and means to keep the baby... But, financially burdened too... plus single mom cant have baby bonus as a "temp help".
Until now, you wantd to be a single mom without his help. if u want to be, you can but struggle with your baby.If not, send for adoption. Sometime, it's unbearable to let your baby go to other after 9 mths, but you cant be selfish to let her starve coz of ur burdened and fromt he post, you montion your families can help.. Maybe you will discuss with ur families about it.

"Compare to him, i have much more to sacrifice as i come from a family who cares alot abt reputatuion as my dad is a businessman... i will have to forgo my degree too..."
i dun see the point to sacrifice for him when he onli care for his daughter and not your future and dun even care to go for protection even it goes dead fish and soft... Usually, a man who attracted to a woman even on condom, he can stand hard... It might be a signal that you are not as attracted to you... And his age is not about 50 plus, so i think he's not that weak.

i dun understand why he so persistant not wanting this baby...
Coz he dun want to have another burden since he had so many things to settle...
His financial, his ex wife(divorce havent approved ), his daughter's needs, his house to pay,you and your pregnant.I think he is tied down by alot of stressors and sometime, guy need a space to breathe be it married or not ...

*PS: note that this above is for considerations, not an answer to ur questions. i will n ot bear anythings that might happen next.
 
actually, u r in this whole mess n it is just your own fault.
first u blame the kid for your bf to "patch" things up with his wife, then now u blame the kid for the "death" of your unborn child.
u blame everyone, even the young innocent child but yourself?
u r the one who slpt arnd n got yourself into abortions n this MESS, why blame the child who didnt do anything to u? what position r u in to blame her? crazy.

and u find all sorts of excuses not to use contraceptives, u r just not responsible to yourself, how do u expect your bf to be responsible to u?

honestly, u think your bf will keep the next child once u abort this 5th baby of yours? subconsciously u alr know he is making use of u, but yet u wanna live in self denial, thinking he still loves (does he even?) u n wanna be with u bla bla..
pls pls pls wake up alr...
the poor babies, if u hv learnt from your 1st mistake, u wouldnt hv made 3 more, n the 4th one now.
havent u learnt anything yet?

**shakes head**
 
En Xuan,

Keep the baby. We have no rights to take away his / her life.

Since your parents are supportive and willing to support the child, there is really no reason not to keep it.
 
junkie is already being very nice to you, why bother to post here again after all our previous advice to you fell on deaf ears? You obviously didn't learn and am still being led by the nose by your wonderful boyfriend.

Go ahead and do what you want since you are still living in a complete self-denial state. No one can help you unless you make the first step yourself.
 
how about keep the baby and send it away for adoption? the baby can bless a good, upright couple who can provide it with a conducive enviroment to grow.

enxuan, you are not ready to be a mother now. you have some personality problems that you have to resolve before you are fit to take on this role. if unresolved, these problems will lead you to get into trouble, and who knows if these troubles could be life-threatening?, again and again.
 
Not only should you further your studies, you need to 1st develop some common sense. You are making very serious decisions with big consequence and excusing them with very very stupid reasons. You need to do a reality check about whatever ideas that you have. The reasons you have given for unprotected is plain stupid. It just reflect abt your inability to think and make decisions rationally.
 
btw, i just read the part on the baby bonus, just to let u know, BABY BONUS, cant help u much.
its not a one lump sum payment, n iirc, it is only 4K n its spread out to a few seperate payout thru out the yrs. so each time u prob get 1K or few hundreds.
it wont be of any TEMP help at all, trust me.
 
En Xuan,

Others have already told you the truth and I shan't add on. What I want to say is that unless you sort out your life first and stop sleeping around, confusing lust with love, even if you were to bring up your child, you are going to be a very bad role model for your children. Growing up in this kind of family environment, your children may grow up and take after you and the sins of the parents will be passed on to the next generation. My spouse is a school counsellor, he has seen too many cases of deviant youths and usually, the family is the root cause of all the problems.

And you are also putting your life at risk. Not only STDS but cervical cancer as well. Cervical cancer is caused by the human virus. The more promiscuous you are, the higher the chances of contracting it, especially if you are sexually active at a young age, as the cervical cells are still not matured yet.

By getting yourself into a sexual relationship one after another, you have everything to lose but nothing to gain. Whether you abort or keep the child, for your own good, you should stop your promiscuous lifestyle right away and stop sleeping with men who are jerks. Your behaviour seems to show you have a self-esteem issue; seeking for love in all the wrong places.

Please see a counsellor and get your life sorted out. I wish you all the best.
 
not sure why you need his permission or input in what's essentially your decision to make. my 2 cents? keep the child (optional, give him up for adoption) and leave him.
 
i totally agree w susanna's post. well said. my sentiments to a T. i honestly cannot fathom how any1 can have 4 abortions n say they love chldn a lot n v sad after each abortion. if really sad, then once is enough.

if u cant take the pill, there's the patch or IUD or injection. best of all, there's abstinence. sigh.... wats the pt of being academically inclined but morally n responsibly declined?
 
if he didnt want this baby now, he wont want it in any near future, by the time he is ready for a baby with you, your might not be able to conceive that easily.
if you are able, keep this baby and leave him. u can love this baby whole heartedly.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

P
Edward Foong - Fantastic Experience!
Replies
0
Views
582
pinkbeanjy
P
C
Hotels that have big VIP table
Replies
1
Views
623
dookiboi
D
T
Confession of a married woman
Replies
0
Views
4K
Troublegal20246
T
R
Need help please
Replies
0
Views
226
Rin08
R
F
Selling my bridal gown!
Replies
0
Views
69
Fugumugu
F

Back
Top