Pregnant 1 year before wedding?

Hihi, if its me, I would prefer to have everything done first - ROM & wedding banquet. If a baby comes before the dinner, I would probably move forward my dinner or tranfer my package to someone else. For me, i would feel something amiss if I skip the usual sequence. Just personal preference...
 


hi ladies,

i'm really in a dilemma... i'm in a totally lost state... i'm not prepared to be a mum yet... I do agree with SM's words...in fact 5th weeks pregnant there isn't any foetus build up yet... it's all tissue has been growing...

i don't wish to regret for bringing an innocent to the world and resent the child when both parents are not ready.. ends up with more regrets.

having a child is not a childplay... it's a lifetime commitment... i really wish i could abandon the wedding banquet... but i can't due to family reason...
 
Geez...Wendy...
Can you pull your head OUT of the sand for ONE MINUTE?

We repeatedly asked you "Do you want the baby?!"
You said your hubby is supportive; then you kept quiet when we asked you if you share his thoughts...

And then following up that, you post again commenting "...i don't wish to regret for bringing an innocent to the world and resent the child when both parents are not ready.. ends up with more regrets.... "

So do you or your hubby wants to keep the baby or NOT? Do you even know what you want?

You know what I think?
First. You DON'T WANT the baby and you're not ready to be a good parent...
To you, the photoshoot is more important.
The wedding dinner is more important.
Your parents' POV is more important.
Family reasons? I didn't know you need your parents consent before you can have a child...
These are all just excuses that you are using to justify your mindset.

If you don't want to have the baby; just abort it!
You have already made the decision yourself...You don't need to ask us for advice.

There are already plenty of advice on how you can rearrange the photoshoot and the wedding dinner...but you chose to ignore them...
If to you; the photoshoot; wedding dinner and family reasons are more important...then just abort the baby...

The way I see it...What you need is affirmation...so that you can pacify yourself with the fact that..."It's not me who made the decision; it's the forum people"...

That way, you'll sleep better at night. Rite?

PS: After the abortion; support Durex for goodness sake...
 
having a child is not childplay ..using words and feelings to twist the whole thing round huh ?

then y not do protection in the first place ? cos sex is childplay not so easy to kana .. you trust your husband withdrawal speed will win sperm swimming speed ?

im totally upset by the fact that you think have a child is not childsplay .. true .. your sentence makes some sense . but to me . abortion is childsplay to you then ....

i nv abort before .. but i can garantee and confirm and super duper assure you that .. after your abortion you will sleep well for this year .. but i cannot promise you for the next 40 years in your life . are you going to sleep well with this decision ...
 
qwerty...think we both better take a back seat...

She needs women to come in and support her decision...

I don't need she wants to hear what we have to say...
 
wendy, as u know there's 2 options...

1. keep the baby. it may screw up your wedding plans abit, but comparing both - obviously Most will expect u to choose keeping a baby over the plans. of cos, there's also the fear of inconveniences that having a baby now might bring u since u're unprepared.

2. abort cos u're not ready and unprepared. and becos of the wedding thingie. this option is the easiest NOW cos life just goes on as normal with minimal diruptions. HOWEVER i feel what u Need to know is tat this event will haunt u later on in life... not now, but later... it's gonna be a shadow u have to live with. i guess it depends on how strongly u know u dun want the baby...

so decide between the two.

do be sure, and make your decision with hubby. dun make this forum the judge of whether or not u should keep the baby... dun make it an online poll and push it to the public. it is your decision and u're gonna have to live with it... forummers can only share their views and opinions... some will be very strong.

i'm a father and i can tell u from my POV that our children will give us a whole new type of love that is as much joy as the love we've know between men n women... take care.
 
ok lah..den let me share wif wendy....

wendy, this was wat i did...doesnt mean tat im asking u to do the same thing as mi.....

i got preggie when i was still schling....i didnt noe how to tell my parents..i imagine tat they might break my legs or my hub's legs..haha or chase mi outta the house...i was in a even bigger dilemma....whether to keep the baby or not..as i was schling...my hub was in NS...we kept it to ourselves for a couple of days before i made the decision whether to abort or to keep the baby..it was really tough for me...i couldnt bear to kill an innocent life n on the other hand..im afraid tat i couldnt provide for my baby..

luckily i had a supportive hub...he WANTS to be responsible for it...he insist to bring me home to my parents n break the news to them himself....he made promises infront of my parents & assured them tat we can get by...he lied that he had some savings so tat they can feel more fang xin...

i put on my wedding gown for the photoshoot when i was 3 or 4mths preggie....i held my wedding dinner when i was 5mths preggie....throughout the 10mths....i went to sch as per normal & i did not give a damn abt how ppl looked at me...i was only 20yrs old then...but look at me..i didnt take it as a childsplay...i bear the responsibility & im glad i did..i couldnt imagine how i m gona live the rest of my life if i had aborted my baby then...

was I prepared to be a mum then? of coz not...but i made my choice..i had to 'grow up' overnite & get ready to become a mother at 20...was i bothered by wat ppl said? No i wasnt...every1 speculate tat i will most likely head towards the road of divorce in no time...but i proved them wrong...

Til now, i've never looked back & regret wat i did...& im a mother of 2 now..

seriously ur prob doesnt seem to b bigger than mine...at least u have alrady ROMed..both of u r adults & already working......i tink the prob with u could be...u dont know how to face people...u r bothered by wat ppl says......

wat could be the problems tat couldnt be solved? u mentioned family probs...but have u tried talking to yr parents yet? how do u noe wat they will say or how they will react when u haven even tried?

of coz..im not asking u to keep the baby so tat u wun regret killing it in future....IF...u realli hate tis baby...IF..u realli tink u CANT provide for yr child at all...IFs...there are so many IFs loR..

tink abt it carefully....speak to yr hub again...tok to yr parents....i oso cant give any advice coz its ur life..ur baby.......gd luck....
 
Wendy.
so u dun want to keep the baby(IT IS A LIFE already at 5 weeks) just becos of your family, wedding banquent and photoshoot, isst... okey, then my best solution is U REMAIN CHILDLESS for the rest of your life lah. and dun bother to keep your innocent baby. u r not fit to be a mum lah.

wat a stupid question u asked in the first place.
 
No point to blame her for not using protection as she is already pregnant.

Whether she aborts the baby or keep the baby.. up to her to decide.

And after that, for goodness sake if she is not planning for (another) baby, USE PROTECTION AT ALL TIMES. Having a baby is not for fun.

If she is my daughter or relative or friend and if she is not ready for the baby, I would advise to be aborted ASAP rather than delay. This is just my personal view.

It is easy and maybe politically correct to advise other people to keep the baby - you can scare them with all the gory pictures and trauma.. or you can scare them by taking a moral high ground that killing is BAD .. but it is really her decision to make.
 
Salute to Janie Wawa
happy.gif


I don't think i will ever have that courage if i were to be pregnant at 20.... It really takes alot of courage to break the news to yr parents...
 
Sm then wat? does she think hv unprotected sex is for fun isst? If not, then i rather she n her hubby dun make love firstly before they complete their actual day. Cannot they wait for their wedding night before hv sex, is it. wedding banquet is in 09. still a year to go.. cannot wait meh.
Now it is totally up to her n her hubby to decide whether to keep or abort. somemore, they r legally married.. so what else they want? Unless she thinks it is a shame to be pregnant while already married. then nothing to say lor.
 
silent bird,

Of course if can refrain from sex is the best. But have to be realistic..

If must have sex, at least use protection lah.
 
silent bird,

Asking someone to remain CHILDLESS for life is a bit too extreme - even if she decides to abort this baby.

I mean, who don't make a mistake? Just because of one mistake one has to be condemn for life?

Unless she repeatedly gets pregnant and repeatedly aborts the baby.. else we shouldn't be too fast to jump and condemn.

Let's not go into the technicality of the piece of tissue or a life at 5 weeks. This is well debated and there is really no point to start an argument here.

In SG it is legal to abort (up to a certain 24 weeks I think) - so it is not productive here to debate about whether it is a life at 5 weeks.
 
wendy, U can't possibly agree to all... but that is not important to agree with us.

It is important for you to make a decision that you will not regret in the future..

You have already made a mistake and hopefully you can learn from it and not commit another mistake in terms getting "unwanted" pregnancy.
 
wendy, no point asking the forummers then. Sm's right. It is YOUR decision on keeping your baby or not. I wish u all the good luck.

To hv children is the best joy in everyone's lives, be it planned or accident.
 
wendy, u dont have to say anything neither do u have to agree wif everyone coz we r not teaching u wat to do...

its realli up to u...u live yr own life....others dont live your life 4 u...juz start planning & decide wat u have to do..
 
janie,

din know u got a baby..

Babies are of course the most wonderful things that we can bring to this world. It can literally change our lives.

But that is only when you recognize it as such. For people who resent babies, it is better not to bring them to this world to suffer.
 
Hi, Wendy,

Child is given by god. Some couples have been married for years and have been trying for baby in vain. The situation now is not that you are still in your teens or your hubby is not able to provide for you or your baby. The fact is you 2 are already married under the law. Just that the marriage is not "officially made known to your relatives and friends yet".
A baby is a gift. It is just an innocent life growing in your stomach. His destiny lies in your own hands. If you decided that to look pretty and face is even more important than that small life then it is a pity that the baby's life has to end here even before he could start breathing or open his eyes to look at his mummy or daddy. At 1 month plus pregnant, it's not just the tissue being formed, if you have gone for checkup, then doctor will be able to let you hear the baby's heartbeat.
And please think if you will be able to sleep well if you were to abort your baby. In a few years time, will you regret this decision of yours?
You could have given birth first and have your customary dinner later on. Is there anything more important than a newly formed life??? It does not belong to other people, but the precious of yours and your hubby.
Think about it.
 
green, i duno man...i've always got tis freaking prob in me...veli attitude...n ti ki.... i juz wan to b me...i duno how to please ppl..duno how to por...tats y some ppl hate me..hahaha but who cares man..i didnt ask them to like me in the 1st place...

of coz..b4 i made my decision, i've already expected wats gona come my way...so i can take it...pretty well...

dun u tink its miserable if i have to live my life to please ppl? tis is my life...
 
sm, i got 2 kids
happy.gif
of coz i noe wat u r trying to say...which is y i emphasized tat im not asking her to do wat i did....& im not giving any advice..im purely sharing wif her wat i did..tats all...ultimately..tats her life...
 
i usually dont post in this section
but in this case i just wanna add on another option
erm... dunno whether will become more complicated or not thou

wendy, even if u dont wanna hv ur baby,
u can hv e baby, give it up for adoption to another who would want n cn care for e baby
 
ahh...tats quite a gd option..have fun farking liao...den pass the responsibilities to others to raise yr kid for you...gd idea....den repeat the same mistake again & give the kid up for adoption again...
 
berrynaiad,

adoption should be considered if there is no choice. I am wondering if any of you have any experience in talking to adopted kids.

some are perfectly fine.. but i know a couple of them growing up with resentment..

some wish that they were never born..
 
yeah, used to work with some adopted children
lk u say got both sides of stories
not saying its e perfect solution, but at least another one la

mistake liao...
jus dun repeat
 
If you have already decided what you want, then stick by your decision. People can only give you advice.

Are you aborting because you wanna look pretty? Or because you don't think you're ready to have a child?

If you keep the child out of guilt, don't blame your child for life or resent him/her. You were the one who brought the child into this world. Love your kids wholeheartedly, you made the choice to make him/her once you chose not to put that condom on.

Keep the baby because it's half of you and half of your hubby. You're already ROMed and it's not that bad. I have friends who gloriously showed off their pregnant bellies at their wedding dinners - after all ROM is legally married! You can even keep your PG until after wedding dinner if you want, until you slim down. Or take your PG now before you start to show, because you will have that beautiful pregnancy glow.

There are so many options. Don't just take the easy way out. Responsibility for your own actions pls? You are an adult woman (I hope!) and you shld live up to the responsibilities expected of you.
 
And don't just keep the child because other people say that it's hard for them to conceive. Their inability to have kids doesn't mean you need to have 20 children to make up for their loss - you have to find a solution for your problem and they will find a solution for theirs. Keep your child because he or she is yours, and your husband's.

Not that I'm trying to be unsympathetic with those who cannot conceive - believe me, I truly understand that pain. But it shld not be a motivating factor to keep a baby that you have created. Just that you should consider yourself damned lucky to be able to have babies so easily while others fail and try and fail again.
 
I agree with what jadeite said!

Furthermore, if u abort this 1.. u might never have kids again in future when u want or when u think u r ready to be a mother!!! I believe abortion is also not always 100% safe!
 
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