Pls help me

lost2012

New Member
Dear All,
I need some advice here.
My ex-bf borrowed a few thousands from me during the times we were together.
After our break up, he then promised to return but keep dragging until a few months.
As he is a army officer, I have no choice but to tell him if he keep dragging with lame excuses I will have to make a report to MINDEF.
He then managed to return half of the funds owed and the rest still delaying using lame excuses.
One day, he lost his cool and threatened to do something to me and my family if I keep pressing him for money. He said he will make me regret.
I made a police report after that.
Now he has not return any funds to me yet, what should I do?
If I report to MINDEF, will I be able to get back my funds ? What if he do something funny to me or my family members?
I need some advice here, appreciate a lot!
 


pink_dove

New Member
Hi,

I suggest you write off this amount.

Anything that can be solved by money is a small problem. In other words, if your problem can be solved by forgetting about this amt that he owed you, the problem is solved.

Money lost can always be earned back.

Tragedies happened because people see money as too important.

财物轻 怨何生 - We must not be attached to money and material stuff and let these things stir up the hatred in us. This will only cause us and others to suffer.
 

lost2012

New Member
how to write off when he is out to cheat?

he needed help that time and i helped but now he is threatening me and saying nasty things..
 

soisuka

New Member
Is he known to be violent or abusive or vindictive? If yes then you should write the debt off. Since you already made a report, keep a close eye.... Although u can't be on edge forever....hmmm

I don't think mindef can help u get ur debt back, can they?! I know they will punish misbehavior la, but oweing ex money is wrong but not really a misbehavior.

However, if he is not the violent, vindictive type, he maybe calling ur bluff so u won't press him for the money.

I think TS is not after the money just feel very bu fu Qi right?

How about getting a male friend to accompany u and u guys talk it out?
 

soisuka

New Member
Oh also it could be in retaliation to u threatening to report him to mindef(yes it is a threat). Can't believe he bought it...
 

susanna_low

New Member
I really detest chay Kwan ppl like him, borrow $$ but when comes to return, comes up with all sort of excuse!!

U noe his parents? Maybe u can talk to them..give them a call n let them know about this situation. Tell them this is ur hard earned $ n hopefully they can convince him to return to u..

N lastly, pls do not ever lend $$ to anybody in the future unless u r ready to give it away.. $$ spoil r/s..
 

tomasulu

Member
Does anyone know what happens when one files a police report? Will there be follow up action taken or is it left to mulch in some cabinet?
 

uglydude

Member
You are a CORK to lend him the money...live with it...else just report him to MINDEF if u still cannot part with the money....
 

rofthelper

Member
Hi Soisuka & Destin, every year-end, all MINDEF personnel have to declare abt their financial liabilities as not to avoid financial embarrassment like bankruptcy.

MINDEF can't really do anything as to recover the debt as this is a personal loan between 2 parties. But they will investigate the complaint officially and will counsel the respondent if there is any breach of conduct since he is an army officer.




==============================================
what will happen if she reports to mindef? They will really do something?!
 

soisuka

New Member
Really?? Even personal loans? Oh dear, Mindef needs to find better things to do with their time than avoiding embarrassments....(and other funny trivial things they send our soldiers to do....)
 

rofthelper

Member
Sorry Soisuka, I forget to add-on this declaration is applicable to mindef regulars, DXOs and MEs only. Not those 2-year NSFs.

They are concerned with unsecured loans that exceeds twice their salary.

Hope this helps.
 

landoflord

New Member
Unless u have IOU,otherwise reporting to police or mindef cant help you.Even if u can proof that there is a loan taken place. But there isnt any state date of return. Unless u can prove that he have intent to cheat. That will be a diff story
 

60secs

Member
Buddhism has not said any thing about how was man created, but Buddhism has answered it indirectly. Buddha has given a law known as `the law of dependent origination. according to this Law a thing will happen if the required circumstances are there, for example if water is heated it will change into vapour and if heat is taken away from vapour it will again change into water. Here heat is the required item for the circumstance. Buddhism accepts what science say about how man was created. Man was evolved from apes and still man has been evolving anatomically and functionally. Buddhism never accepts man was created by God because Buddhism rejected the existence of God and Soul.

Buddhist don't believe any thing started the world but do believe that it was started by the matter of the universe smashing together.

The Buddhist position on the creation of the Universe is that they have no position on this matter. The question cannot be answered, and if answered would not matter. As consequence time and energy wasted in pursuing the answer to this question is wasted time. The time could be better spent thinking about your own life and how you can bring it into better alignment with the Eightfold Path.
 

scopefun

New Member
Agree with Eugene.
Try to tape down his 'refusal to return' to show that he does owe you money.

But then, if you do report him to MINDEF, he ends up LL won't return anymore...

If he still has parents, go to ask money from his parents... Harassing his family often produce surprising results.

I know, because I used to chase money from strangers too. LOL~
 

landoflord

New Member
dear Scope Guy (scopefun)

I not sure abt harassing his family to get back $$$...cos that sound like ah long way of doing thing. Worse if they turn the table round and report u to police saying u harassing them.
Now the law is v strict on this harassing family member friends etc to get back $$$..so better think twice...
 

scopefun

New Member
I always harassed the family of the debtee cos the chap can run, his family can't.

Of course, you don't pour paints and burn doors lah...

Some people just expect free lunch and refuse to pay up, then how? In the real world, you don't have much options.
 

60secs

Member
Siddhartha was born in a royal Hindu Kshatriya family. He was brought up by his mother's younger sister, Maha Pajapati. By tradition, he is said to have been destined by birth to the life of a prince, and had three palaces (for seasonal occupation) built for him. Although more recent scholarship doubts this status, his father, said to be King Åšuddhodana, wishing for his son to be a great king, is said to have shielded him from religious teachings and from knowledge of human suffering.

When he reached the age of 16, his father reputedly arranged his marriage to a cousin of the same age named YaÅ›odharÄ. According to the traditional account, she gave birth to a son, named RÄhula. Siddhartha is then said to have spent 29 years as a prince in Kapilavastu. Although his father ensured that Siddhartha was provided with everything he could want or need, Buddhist scriptures say that the future Buddha felt that material wealth was not life's ultimate goal.

At the age of 29, Siddhartha left his palace to meet his subjects. Despite his father's efforts to hide from him the sick, aged and suffering, Siddhartha was said to have seen an old man. When his charioteer Channa explained to him that all people grew old, the prince went on further trips beyond the palace. On these he encountered a diseased man, a decaying corpse, and an ascetic. These depressed him, and he initially strove to overcome ageing, sickness, and death by living the life of an ascetic.

Accompanied by Channa and aboard his horse Kanthaka, Gautama quit his palace for the life of a mendicant. It's said that, "the horse's hooves were muffled by the gods" to prevent guards from knowing of his departure.

Gautama initially went to Rajagaha and began his ascetic life by begging for alms in the street. After King Bimbisara's men recognised Siddhartha and the king learned of his quest, Bimisara offered Siddhartha the throne. Siddhartha rejected the offer, but promised to visit his kingdom of Magadha first, upon attaining enlightenment.

He left Rajagaha and practised under two hermit teachers. After mastering the teachings of Alara Kalama, he was asked by Kalama to succeed him. However, Gautama felt unsatisfied by the practise, and moved on to become a student of Udaka Ramaputta. With him he achieved high levels of meditative consciousness, and was again asked to succeed his teacher. But, once more, he was not satisfied, and again moved on.

Siddhartha and a group of five companions led by Kaundinya are then said to have set out to take their austerities even further. They tried to find enlightenment through deprivation of worldly goods, including food, practising self-mortification. After nearly starving himself to death by restricting his food intake to around a leaf or nut per day, he collapsed in a river while bathing and almost drowned. Siddhartha began to reconsider his path. Then, he remembered a moment in childhood in which he had been watching his father start the season's plowing. He attained a concentrated and focused state that was blissful and refreshing, the jhÄna.
 
many Along in Singapore right ? just hire few and give along 30% cut.

or

just Borrow from along and tell them your BF will pay for it.
 

60secs

Member
Buddhism has not said any thing about how was man created, but Buddhism has answered it indirectly. Buddha has given a law known as `the law of dependent origination. according to this Law a thing will happen if the required circumstances are there, for example if water is heated it will change into vapour and if heat is taken away from vapour it will again change into water. Here heat is the required item for the circumstance. Buddhism accepts what science say about how man was created. Man was evolved from apes and still man has been evolving anatomically and functionally. Buddhism never accepts man was created by God because Buddhism rejected the existence of God and Soul.Buddhist don't believe any thing started the world but do believe that it was started by the matter of the universe smashing together.The Buddhist position on the creation of the Universe is that they have no position on this matter. The question cannot be answered, and if answered would not matter. As consequence time and energy wasted in pursuing the answer to this question is wasted time. The time could be better spent thinking about your own life and how you can bring it into better alignment with the Eightfold Path.
 

60secs

Member
A young boy asks his Dad: "What is the difference between confident and confidential?"

Dad says: "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential!"
 

60secs

Member
Christians always talk about love because they think God is love, Jesus gave 1 single command to his disciples which is to love one another. But he doesn't know that the more you love (which is a kind of pleasure), the more suffering you will receive after that. You can't escape suffering if you continue loving. The only way to escape suffering is by following the Noble Eightfold path which will lead you to Buddhahood.
 

powder

Active Member
what is more noble and more pure of heart?

helping others with an agenda to help yourself tp heaven or buddhahood....

or helping others becos u just want others to be happy...
 

60secs

Member
To help others becos u just want others to be happy is an attachment which will cause you sufferings later on. To be detached is the key which will end your sufferings and attain Parinirvana which is the state of eternal bliss.

Buddha doesn't teach his disciples to love one another because of this fact. In fact, he wants his disciples to be detached from each other as far as possible.
 

powder

Active Member
why is there suffering if it brings about a greater good and happiness?

i have no issues suffering becos i'm attached.

if u suffer so much and wanna end your suffering by embracing this part of Teachings, then it is your choice. Butit is a little self-centric to me.

seekng happiness by formofdetachment is Not True Happiness, but a form of escapism likethe man who makes himself a hermit on the little island away from civilisation and dies thinking that Is life.

i dun think u are at the right level, and make a serious misrepresentation of what certain Teachings truly represent. detachment is not abt Not Loving each other... it is abt acceptance and Not placing priorities in matters whichare ebbeyond our control.

if your idea of detachment is - To Not Love... then maybe u should start ffrom the basics again...

there's no pride in telling pple u are happy and dun suffer becos u dun take the risk to love... this is like being proud of never being in a car accident all your life - by Never driving.
 

shoppixe

New Member
Eh... Was once in this situation. I have a very fierce mum who threatened to go to his company to make a scene and that worked.
I had a few guy friends who offered to accompany me to his place to talk "reason".
Sometimes it is a matter getting someone else to knock some senses in. Because through the r/s he has learnt how to deal with you.
Jia you!
 

60secs

Member
For people who wish to know more about the afterlife in Buddhism.


Buddhism has a best heaven. Everything is just the way you want it to be. In this heaven, there is no reason to change anything. You are ultimately happy. The problem is that it's not permanent, as is everything in Buddhism. One day in the heaven realm is equal to 400 human years, and your stay is four thousand heaven years, so you will be there a really long time.

But, one day the karma that put you in this heaven will be used up. You are only in heaven as long as your Karma account has merit in it. You can only draw from your Karma account while in heaven, because there in no way to make a deposit. You can't practice generosity or compassion, and you're not striving to gain wisdom. When the karma that put you in heaven is used up... you will be reborn.

The second heaven realm, which is a lower one, is where things are almost perfect. I call this the Donald Trump heaven. It could be better, if only you owned one more building or house. You see, there is still some desire associated with this heaven realm, and so it can't ever be perfect.

The next realm is the human realm, where all of us find ourselves in this lifetime. This is the best place for us to be, because this is the only place we can become enlightened. We cannot become enlightened in heaven, things are too nice, and we have no reason to strive. We cannot become enlightened in hell, because things are so bad, all we do is suffer.

In this human rebirth, we have enough happiness and joy to keep us from taking our own lives, and we experience anxiety and fear to keep us striving. We cannot relax too long in any one mental state as a human, because all things are in a constant state of flux.

The next lower realm, is the animal realm. The animal realm is marked by wanting to have sex, wanting to have food, wanting to have sleep, and being totally confused. Those are the four characteristics found in the animal realm. So you can see, we are not likely to become enlightened as an animal.

A Zen question-- Does a dog have Buddha nature?-- comes to mind. Yes, a dog does have the potential to become enlightened, but only in the human realm.

Can animals be reborn as humans beings? Yes, if they come into contact with the Dharma, see a Buddhist temple, or smell incense burning. The contact can plant a Dharma seed which takes root when they're reborn as humans. They can achieve their full potential and become enlightened, but only as a human being. So, it's up to all of us to help our pets be reborn in the human realm.

The next realm is called the hungry ghost realm. The hungry ghost is often pictured as a giant creature, with a large stomach and a pinhole for a mouth. It can never end it's hunger no matter how much it eats, it never finds satisfaction.

In the hell realm, the worst place, you find the most suffering. Your are given little hell bodies when you enter. Then, one day you might be walking through a forest, when all the leaves on a tree turn into razor blades and fall, cutting you into a million pieces. You cry out in pain, and your hell body resurrects, so you can be killed over and over again.

The only way to get out of the hell realm is to burn through the karma that put you there. Suffering is the only act of purification in hell, and much suffering is necessary before the next rebirth.
 

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