Perspective

[Darren8812]

Dear All

If you have 2 lady friends
If you thinking to have further development.
Which personality do you think is more suitable for marriage.


Lady A
She a more down to earth lady and having straightforward attitude. Hanging out with her makes me very relaxed. She is a very good listener and more easy going person. Our topic are more like our daily topic and some how talking to her make me quite open up. She can be very patient listening my daily life and my complaints.


Lady B
She is more witty and she shared many traits and personality similar to me. We shared many common thinking and value and we can discuss very in depth topic. Our topic sometime are very interesting and unique. Talking to her is very fun and very unexpected. But the biggest issue is I've to initiate topic and she is very passive and I felt personal bonding is very limited. She don't seems to be interested in my daily life. Just felt she doesn't has the interest to know who I'm.



I just wanted to know based on the above personality and characters. Based on your experience with your spouse which one would you select and why make you do this decision?
I will strongly emphasis I've no Intention to discriminate or insult any ladies. I just wish to understand individual perspective and there no right and wrong feedback.

 

[white_open_water]

Hi Darren8812,

Based on my experience with my spouse, what you have described are not giving me any more clue than tossing a coin. I felt you had done a "pros and cons" list of both ladies, and to a point of fine balance.

My opinion is that you don't have to choose or made a decision now. If you can't decide, then maybe you need to spend more effort or time, not just evacuating the options but also learn more about yourself, what you truly want.

If I were to pick or feedback on lady A or B, it will be for myself. I don't know you a bit, though I am guessing from your words that you are probably a gentleman.

Oh by the way, am new here. Found several discussions very interesting and helpful, so I joined to mingle and throwing my 2 cents.

I'll end by asking you bro, would you prefer simple porridge meal or savoury spicy laksa?

 

[newproject]

I agree the problem is we don't know enough. About you as well. How old you are, your experiences with girls , you expectations of a life time partner etc.

Personally I think assuming both are equally interested in you, Lady A is probably an "easier" match because she's easy going and seems more balanced.

That's said I'm not you maybe you the type will find that boring and prefer girls that you connect deeply with even if it's at the cost of some drama.

I'm guessing you are quite young if so can try Lady B. Lady A is a safer bet though.

 

[mermaiden]

From what I've read, Lady A sounds more positively framed than Lady B for now.

My 2 cents - continue to enjoy the friendship for both respectfully, and respectively.

Time will tell if the other party is the right partner for life.

It goes beyond compatibility - you gotta be able to count on that person for all matters; and vice versa - be willing to be accountable to and responsible for the other person.

Best wishes for your search for the right partner.

 

[Tingzcrown]

Time will really tell you

 

[life_is]

The reason you ask is you are not sure. That means you cannot choose either until you heart and mind are set.

Sometimes the easiest way is to see the parents of both ladies. The way the parents behave towards each other will say a lot about your marriage life later on. That will take time to understand as they won't show you the negative side so soon. Rule of thumb is not to get one with princess mentality and parents who have character issues. Unless you want to prepare for divorce later on. Hard part is you may have to explore staying together before marriage to find out if the living habits and expectations can match. Also, see if the lady is willing to support you financially. The more giving ones are probably more likely to stay with you during hard times while the selfish ones will only be there when times are good. Character matters more than the traits you mentioned.

 

[buddhabar]

Lady A will revolve around your life whereas lady B will expect you to revolve around hers. Anyone can be with lady A but It would be very tiring with the later if it's not in your personality.
So are you a provider or a taker?

 

[pikachuuu]

I guess I will throw in another point, what makes a guy think that he is the final decision maker even if he decides to pursue either A or B

 

[newproject]

I guess I will throw in another point, what makes a guy think that he is the final decision maker even if he decides to pursue either A or B

Well he's the decision maker in the sense that he decides who to go after.

Though it's totally possible lady A might declare or at least hint her interest first.

 

[Darren8812]

Dear All

Thank you for all your suggestion
Apologize that I didn't stated clearly on my situation
Basically I can differentiate both of them personality.
I know it all sum up to my feeling.
But I always think finding someone that has the same thoughs and thinking is like finding a soul mate.
But as years goes by I find that the word soul mate is abit overated I mean feeling and excitement does fade. Couple will still need to lead a stable life.

Lady A
I think she can make me really relaxed and open up I think it can give me stable feeling. But in term on my interest and thinking I think we have limited bonding.

while lady B give me the feeling that I found a soul mate but in normal interaction I think she just seems uninterested perhaps she really not interested in me. But given someone that share so much common thinking and in depth conservation. I just find it hard to understand at time.

So to sum up you prefer your spouse to be someone that can make you relax and is oridnary or someone who share your thoughts and interest. But attitude is one of the factor that making me clueless.

 

[Darren8812]

Hi Darren8812,

Based on my experience with my spouse, what you have described are not giving me any more clue than tossing a coin. I felt you had done a "pros and cons" list of both ladies, and to a point of fine balance.

My opinion is that you don't have to choose or made a decision now. If you can't decide, then maybe you need to spend more effort or time, not just evacuating the options but also learn more about yourself, what you truly want.

If I were to pick or feedback on lady A or B, it will be for myself. I don't know you a bit, though I am guessing from your words that you are probably a gentleman.

Oh by the way, am new here. Found several discussions very interesting and helpful, so I joined to mingle and throwing my 2 cents.

I'll end by asking you bro, would you prefer simple porridge meal or savoury spicy laksa?

Hahaha thanks for the reply
I like porridage and also laska
I'm kind of confuse.

Like u say Maybe I need to know what I want

 

[life_is]

Dear All

Thank you for all your suggestion
Apologize that I didn't stated clearly on my situation
Basically I can differentiate both of them personality.
I know it all sum up to my feeling.
But I always think finding someone that has the same thoughs and thinking is like finding a soul mate.
But as years goes by I find that the word soul mate is abit overated I mean feeling and excitement does fade. Couple will still need to lead a stable life.

Lady A
I think she can make me really relaxed and open up I think it can give me stable feeling. But in term on my interest and thinking I think we have limited bonding.

while lady B give me the feeling that I found a soul mate but in normal interaction I think she just seems uninterested perhaps she really not interested in me. But given someone that share so much common thinking and in depth conservation. I just find it hard to understand at time.

So to sum up you prefer your spouse to be someone that can make you relax and is oridnary or someone who share your thoughts and interest. But attitude is one of the factor that making me clueless.

To make things simple, pretend to be poor for a few outings to see who would be more giving. Women who have the princess mentality won't do anything for men, and that is a critical factor in choosing a wife, as you will need someone to go through hard times with. Don't forget to check the parents too.

Feelings aren't everything as it takes work to maintain a marriage. The chemistry is simply a bonus. Take your time to know then better as men don't have to rush. If they can't wait then just let go.

 

[jkwedding308]

Your very first post and your post on 9th Jan have shown some conflicting views within your own mind. In your first post, you did not appear to have much qualm with Lady A and while you seem excited at the prospect of Lady B, you recognized that "the biggest issue" is that you have to initiate the topic and you felt that personal bonding was limited. In your post on 9th Jan, you brought up the issue with Lady A about limited bonding in terms of interests while Lady B appears as a potential soulmate yet one who may not appear interested in your own "normal interaction" life. Marriage is a lifetime commitment - would you prefer to bond over purely interests alone or over daily interactions alone if you could only pick one? Do remember that interests can evolve over time (especially when other new commitments arise e.g. career, children) and some interests that are not there to begin with can also potentially be cultivated over time. There is no straightforward right or wrong answer here and it always boils down to your own personal choice. Correct me if I'm wrong - you're considering which of these 2 ladies to ask out for dating with the eventual view of marriage in mind if all goes well, right? Sometimes your own gut will lead you to an answer (albeit not necessarily always the wisest choice)... I'm going to throw in another perspective that no one else has pointed out yet - If you're having such a dilemma on deciding who to ask out, have you considered that maybe neither Lady A nor Lady B is the answer? Maybe what you're looking for is Lady C who can offer you the stability of daily interactions (Lady A) plus the excitement of someone who shares your interests (Lady B)... It is likely that you've yet to encounter Lady C or else you wouldn't have posted your initial question for us to discuss but you do need to bear in mind that if you end up choosing Lady A, you will constantly seek for the excitement of shared interests that you feel in Lady B's presence... Likewise, vice versa, if you go for Lady B, you will also yearn for Lady A's daily stability... You can either choose one of them or maybe just wait till someone else comes along - one that will not have to make you feel torn about who to choose as when she comes along, she is the clear answer by far... Otherwise, spend some time to really get to know Ladies A and B better (how long have you known each of them respectively?) and perhaps your mind will eventually gear itself into preferring one over the other...