Once married = give up your dreams?

nichie

Member
Doll

If I liquidated my shares and plus saving, still ok for a shorter period like 2-3 mths but will not have any buffer. So its better to build up enough buffer for unforsee circumstances and when I return. Yes, I need to plan properly which is why I don't want to rush and take my time to save and plan. At the sametime, I also need to clock enough working experience and network to put myself in a better position. From my pov is that it will not seriously impair my job prospect even if I am away for half to 1 year.
 


kittenpie

New Member
If I liquidated my shares and plus saving, still ok for a shorter period like 2-3 mths but will not have any buffer.

----------------------------------------------

this is seriously too low.

aim to build up more than that.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Nichie, in this case you will have to put in efforts to establish yourself in your career now, so that when you do "disappear" from the scene and come back later, you will be employable immediately. Best if you could put the experience down in your resume and boost your employability.
 

nichie

Member
May

So what is your goals for the various stages? Can share? My longterm plan is to be financially independent so I have various insurane in hospitalisation, living, major illnesses, endowment, I also save and invest regularly.
 

kittenpie

New Member
outcast,

pls RUN OUT and grab a health insurance right NOW if you dont have one. you can get one as cheap as S$100 deductible from your Medisave. ask anyone about their plan, i guess everyone has it.

you dont need life insurance if you have no dependents. i guess your mum's not your dependent so life insurance would not be a priority if your resources are limited now.

you want protection before all else.

i have a financial goal to the month. each mth i plan how much to save, spend and invest.

i keep a spreadsheet where i do my yearly budgeting. i have budget buckets for each category of expenses. i try to project the unique costs in each month eg. birthdays, CNY, Xmas, etc. this enables me to derive a savings target for each month of the year.

i adhere to this report for the whole year. hardly any expenses surprise me because they are all in the plan.

i record down my exact expenses in each category. i compare my expenses against the budget. if there is a variance. i stop spending in that area.

for eg., i have busted my cosmetics budget for 2010. so no more cosmetics from now till 31 Dec.

etc.

then i know that this year i should save S$X amount and i pool it up to make investments. but in the area of investments im no expert at all. im still starting out and trying to learn in this area so i have nothing to share. my expertise is more in personal budgeting.
 

kittenpie

New Member
if you do this conscientiously, you will be surprised at how little you have.

but it is good as it opens up your eyes to manage your finances more effectively.

that is why (im getting quite personal here) i strongly discourage you to go on sabbatical. are you financially ready? and do you know how much "financially ready" is about?
 

lovingyou

New Member
"hardly any expenses surprise me because they are all in the plan. " = that is good. I have such budgets too but at times, I might not be able to save much for a particular month due to too much "socialising" or other unforeseenable circumstances...
 

kittenpie

New Member
outcast,

you mentioned "endowment".

don't buy those endowment funds from banks ... the returns may not be so good as the embedded service charge is high.

let your investments be investments and your savings be savings and your insurance be insurance. i think you could do better making your own investing decisions than those "investment-linked endowment policies" hybrid products can do for you.
 

nichie

Member
May

Ya..I alraedy have health insurance with as charged basis and also cover those co-payment whatsoever and I also make sure my mom have it. Keke...I am not as hard as you on myself but I have set aside a certain sum for saving and investment every month...if there is extra at the end of month it will go into my saving...no cosmetics till year end?
 

powder

Active Member
mrsmaotan,

"My fiance and I work in the same place and now I am facing a problem in which the company wants to promote me but if I accept, my fiance has to leave. Though I have rejected the offer because we both want to stay in the same company"

it's a huge mistake, and a rather stupid decision. u actually think u can help him keep his job when u are an employee yourself? and with the attitude u say he's showing... i even wonder at your professional judgment if i should ever promote u.

at work... u should not be considering relationship matters as factors whatsoever. it is ridiculous.
 

nickj

New Member
I think it depend upon person to person or I can say it depends upon the think of the partner. Some husbands help her wife to fulfill there dreams but there are some husbands who are not with her wife dreams and then she have to kill her dreams and have to compromise in her life.
 

kittenpie

New Member
in the first place, are you so sure you have run out of lipstick?

have you done an inventory stocktake? when i last did a stocktake i was amazed by how much cosmetics i forgot i really owned.

everything you own should be subject to a stocktake, so that you dont end up buying something you already have but dont really need.

if i really ran out of lipstick, it means that i got my forecast wrong, that i actually need S$X amount for cosmetics instead of S$X-1.

but seriously, no lipstick for 2mths is no big deal. this sort of shortage can be waited out.
 

muji

New Member
ha, these are really honest views, really thanks for giving them to me..it's difficult because we are in education and you can't have a married couple with one in management and the other not..

theortically speaking, it is really for one to go but he is not willing to go because he is happy in this environment and perhaps I am the one to think too much, if he ends up in another environment he is not happy if he leaves, then won't I have to deal with his unhappiness or rather I feel responsible for that?
 

nichie

Member
Keke..may...ok you win and I will go back to do my own stocktake of my cosmetics and clothing inventory...my mom was asking me whether I still wearing some of those clothing in my cupboard as she want to clear it and sell to karang guni...keke...
 

kittenpie

New Member
aiyo, no lah. i dont want to win anything.

just that i realise a lot of my stuff were actually lying at my drawer forgotten and rotting meanwhile i run to the cosmetics counter to buy some more of the same thing. this sort of wastage of not just our resources but also the earth's resources could be prevented
 

powder

Active Member
mrsmaotan,

these considerations are Not for u, becos u have no control... u just think u have it based on what u can do... but what u can do does not guarantee the direction in which it can end up.

it's rather naive... it shows your desperation to hold on to this fiance... it's a bad relationship if u have to sacrifice CAREER in this manner, cos it has nothing to do with commitments nor time... absolutely pointless.
 

flyingstar

New Member
mrs maotan,

it's always not a good idea to be in the same company as your spouse. conflict of interest features most prominently.

at this moment, you actually have to give up better prospects, higher pay, just because you need to keep your fiance in the same company as u.

rather than you having to give up, i would think that he ought to be more supportive as your fiance. after all a promotion means higher pay...better life in future for the both of u. he can always find another job elsewhere. it's not as if you have 2 kids in tow and your finances are in dire straits that you both have to be working at the same time.

and what type of signal you are sending to your company management? do consider that...do you think they will want to put you up for promotion again if it means that your (now)husband has to leave the company?
 

lovingyou

New Member
I don't quite believe in one being in their comfort zone forever, this could implys that he or she have forgot what challenges actually means?
 

mewmoon

Member
@Outcast: I think for your case, you can probably check out this book: 4 hour work week by Timothy Ferriss. You don't really have to wait till retirement to travel the world or fulfill your dreams. You can plan mini-retirements instead. http://www.fourhourworkweek.com/

@Maotan: as a woman, you've been accorded a great opportunity to advance in your career and yet you chose to give it up for your fiance. Perhaps to you, your fiance is more important than your advancement but have you talked it over with him? Have you considered what kind of impression your management will get when you reject the promotion? Your management offered you the promotion because they think you're capable enough to undertake the responsibilities of a higher rank, yet you've just gone ahead to prove that women don't make good candidates for advancement. I hear women complaining that it's not fair that their male colleagues get the better deal at the workplace but the truth is, these women are the ones who don't ask for better treatment nor grab the opportunity when it arises.

I'm not saying you should disregard the feelings of your fiance completely. He will support you if he's truly the man for you. If he doesn't take the responsibility for his own advancement, that's pretty much his problem right? Are you sure you want to spend the rest of your life with someone you're not really content with? Remember that he is currently happy with what he has now and he's unlikely to change.

@TS: of coz it's possible to go after your dreams even after the wedding. Being married doesn't mean you lose your own person.
 

powder

Active Member
this is like the start of the creation of the kind of women who often cite how they gave up a high flying career blah blah blah for their husband, family n what not...

oh haven't i heard that before...
 

Top