No Guo Da Li

[sukiekitty]

I have a question for the BTB and the HTB here...anyone didn't have GDL?

My wedding just got moved forward and my HTB and myself are not keen on GDL at all. Even my parents don't want. They insist that they don't know what to do with the GDL things after. The only person who seems keen on it is my future MIL, who's more traditional.

Anyone encounter this prob?

 

[lovemylife]

Haiz same situation as you! My mum also doesn't know what to do for GDL. Same goes for my fiance side even though they are more traditional. And we don't see the purpose of GDL. Hence, we are not really doing GDL.

We decided that my fiance will just bring over some abalone, bird nest, dried goods and oranges one day to my house, along with an angpow haha.

 

[sukiekitty]

Oh the GDL items aren't fixed? That's a good idea...

My HTB is extremely upset. His relationship with his mother isn't good so I'm playing the middle person. He has quarreled with her many times over this thing and many other traditional things. I don't want to see them quarrel and yet my parents are quite sure they don't want GDL.

 

[lovemylife]

Oh I think the GDL items are fixed... depends on the dialect of the guy's side if I'm not wrong. You can Google for the GDL items. That's what I did... however when we saw the list, I'm like hmmm.... cause the list is really long and a lot of the items are not very practical (although they have a symbolic meaning traditionally). And we do not know what to do with the GDL items after that too. After discussing with both sides, we decided my HTB would just bring over some food to show his sincerity and respect. In my case, it's abit more straightforward because both sides of the families are not that particular.

Personally, I feel that for your case, it might be a "face" issue for your mother in law.

Perhaps you can discuss this with your mil? Replace the traditional GDL items with more practical food items?

 

[alyooop]

I'm not sure about this but I think the items vary depending on the dialect? People these days don't stick to the "fixed" list of items anyway. We didn't do it, per se, but we gave a few cake vouchers, his mum gave an angbao that my mum returned in full, she also bought a gold necklace and bracelet for me.

If your MIL just wants the tradition of giving the items, maybe have a discussion about changing them to have just the essential and practical items?

 

[sukiekitty]

Got it. I'll try... Thanks for the advice!!

 

[traciee]

I didnt do GDL because I know nuts about tradition and I really didnt see the point in doing one. Find it kinda waste of money with all the stuffs...

my HTB is okay with it too cause he has the same mentality as me.. his parents are letting us decide too but because they still wanna follow tradition, they got me 4 dian jin... thats all.

 

[sukiekitty]

lucky you traciee! I wish my and his parents can agree as well... things will be more smooth.

 

[xhenrietta]

Haiz same situation as you! My mum also doesn't know what to do for GDL. Same goes for my fiance side even though they are more traditional. And we don't see the purpose of GDL. Hence, we are not really doing GDL.

We decided that my fiance will just bring over some abalone, bird nest, dried goods and oranges one day to my house, along with an angpow haha.

Wow. I like your idea. I am not a traditional person so this may work well for me too. I am not keen in buying items which won't be in use, would rather spend on things my parents would eat and drink

 

[nudieposh]

my mom mention not to have the GDL too, and just as an symbolization, she just mention to get my IL to get me a 4 dian jing.
however, my worry is that.. there is still a year to my AD, just afraid that my mom will suddenly require this and that from us..

has this happen to fellow brides before??