Need advice on divorce

[butterfly123]

i'm planning to file divorce against my husband. We have been on cold war for the past one year. I have tried all means to salvage the marriage including counselling and asking my family members to talk to him but to no avail. He simply refused to communicate with me. If he needs to pass message to me, he will rather convey to the maid than talk to me directly. He treats the maid better than he treats me. In his eyes, i'm just a useless, stupid, dumb person, not able to do anything right.

I have 2 young adorable children. Just don't understand why he is giving me this cold treatment. He is just like a mad dog barking at me when i make him angry over the slighest thing. I am always subject to his verbal abuse and i am suffering in silence for the sake of my children. If i retaliate, it will make him even more annoyed and will scare my children with his screaming. I have the feeling that he just wants his children and it doesn't matter whether he has a wife or not.

i guess i really got to stand firm with my decision to proceed with divorce, otherwise the mental & emotional torture will make me collapse soon. I'm in the midst of sourcing for a lawyer who is experienced in child custody. I really wish to have gain control & care for both my kids and don't want them to be separated. But knowing his character, he will never give up his children. So the proceedings will definitely be contested. I really do not know if i have the stamina to go through the emotionally draining process. ALso, my maid's contract is ending soon and i don't wish to hire a new one. i'm thinking of moving to my mum's place with my younger child who is more attached to me. But he will not allow me to bring my child, in fact, he ever chased me out of the house when we had a heated argument previously and ask me not to come back. I don't wish to continue to stay in the matrimonial house and face his nonsense. I'm having sleepless night over this. BTW, can i file PPO for being abused verbally? I'm really worried that he will become violent physically with his nasty temper. What else can i do? need your advice please....

 

[flowerygal]

How did you manage to bear with all these mental tortures? You have every right to fight with him but you must prove that you are the sole caregiver to your children because the court will consider the overall well-being of children. You may have to prove that he is not eligible to take full custody due to violence or infidelity.

 

[mdm]

Hi Butterfly,

U may go to family court and check out what you should do. If I never remember wrongly, you can apply PPO based on verbal abuse.

If both husband and wife kept quarrel infront of children, it will do no good to the children.

 

[cheng_tngz]

Hi Butterfly,

So sorry to hear this..

Yes it is possible to apply for PPO base on verbal abuse, and you should.

You must think of the kids always, (I know you probably do), do not let these fears hold you back. You can and you should make a stand against this unreasonable man.

 

[butterfly123]

thanks for all your advice. I keep asking myself if i should give him one last chance by trying to communicate with him. But it has reached a point that i'm simply too exhausted to carry on. He has totally shut himself down & even not on talking terms with his own parents/siblings. No one can talk to him about his family matters. He's an extreme case of MCP with high ego. I should just make the harsh decision, not on impulse and just move on with it. Else, my misery & sorrow will drag on.

I'm also worried about my mental & psychological state as i tend to get emotional easily. I even toyed with the idea of pretending to be mentally unstable or even attempt suicide so that he can sense that I'm badly affected by his attitude towards me. But now i see it pointless as I will be at a disadvantage if i fight for custody. i tell myself that i've to be strong for the children's sake. I should fight for our future happiness. It's the children that spur me on & provide me with the family warmth that i'm looking for. I can only look forward to see them after work every day. I'm using work to drown my misery for now, but it's not the solution. Actually, i'm prepared to sacrifice my career even though i've been promoted recently. I know divorce proceedings is time-consuming & emotionally draining and I'm worried that my work will be affected. So I thought i should give myself a break from work cos' i might not be able to juggle so much things. But will i put myself in a disadvantage position if i'm jobless?

I will be attending the Divorce Information Session organised by the Family Court today. Hope I can obtain more information on the proceedings and legal rights of woman.

 

[sgbabydoll]

For physical abuse, you need a medical report to substantiate your PPO application. For verbal abuse, what is needed?

 

[flowerygal]

how's things for you so far?

Glad that your children give you the strength to carry on. Don't give up on your life, you deserve the true happiness instead of suffering a pointless marriage. You & your kids are innocent, don't let him destroy you. The impact on your mentality will affect your work performance & social life eventually. We women get upset easily. There's always a limit to one's patience. You need to see a counsellor to release your frustrations. You don't want to lose your mood in doing anything right?

Sometimes, it is only when the chap sees the real paper then they realized the importance of family if they have conscience.